(eleven)
When I was eating at Yu Haiqiao's house, his mother, no, it was my mother who kept adding vegetables to my bowl, and said: "Shi Ran is too thin, what do you usually eat, don't be picky eaters."
Yu Haiqiao and his father stared very seriously at the sports channel on the TV in the living room with their bowls and chopsticks in their hands. On the TV, two Chinese people were playing table tennis on behalf of other countries. Yu Haiqiao stared at the ears of the TV. He didn't take time to hear what his mother said, so he opened his mouth and said, "Mom, she's already a hundred and twenty and she's still thin?"
I heard that I gently put down the chopsticks and rested them on the bowl. Yu Haiqiao’s mother puts very little oil and salt in cooking. To be honest, I don’t like the food cooked by Yu Haiqiao, and she gave me a bowl. With a very exaggerated chicken leg in my hand, I never take the old man's face seriously, and I will not tell her directly that I don't want to eat this, don't eat this, don't eat this, don't give it to me, so I put down my chopsticks and looked at Yu's mother, staring at Yu's mother desperately. The other party sent out all kinds of grievances: "Recently, Yu Haiqiao always calls me fat."
Yu Haiqiao's mother slapped her son with a slap: "Why is Shi Ran so fat, she is still called fat!"
Yu Haiqiao was taken aback. He glanced at me hesitantly, and then moved his gaze to the chicken drumsticks in my bowl. I can be sure that the dog gave me a disgusted look, and then stretched out his chopsticks to grab me. The chicken legs in the bowl were put into his own bowl, and he said to his mother: "Don't give this to her, when have you ever seen her eat it?"
I smiled at Yu Haiqiao: "Well, I know you like chicken legs the most."
"..." Yu Haiqiao glanced at me, his brows furrowed, and he felt like he was about to vomit in the next second——Shi Ran, if you keep fucking pretending, I'm going to vomit.
I calmly withdrew my gaze and continued to eat. Before Yu Haiqiao's mother wanted to say Yu Haiqiao, I stopped him very gently and kindly: "Mom, let him eat. I really don't like chicken legs."
**
It was already nine o'clock in the evening when I got home, Yu Haiqiao got into the car with the chicken soup that his mother had packed, and I sat in the co-pilot, Yu Haiqiao turned his head and stared at me intently. After seven seconds of staring at each other, he took the lead in breaking the silence: "My skills are poor?"
"?" I thought he was going to tell me something very important. A man is really not good. I began to suspect that in the next year, I would see him appearing in front of me from time to time like a flash, asking me repeatedly forever. Such a question.
Yu Haiqiao started the car and drove slowly towards the exit of the parking lot: "Do you know what science has proven?"
I listened with all my ears to Yu Haiqiao's popular science.
"If a man's functions are very normal, even beyond the normal level."
"Are you talking about you?"
"Wait, I haven't finished talking yet, what's the matter?"
"..." I rolled my eyes silently.
"It's just a man. He is 30 years old. He is strong and strong. His physical indicators are very normal and beyond the normal level. He goes to the gym twice a week and goes out for a night run on weekends. The time is half an hour. Between one hour and half a year to participate in a half-marathon, such a man."
"It cannot be ruled out that one of his functions is not good enough." I said from time to time.
Yu Haiqiao ignored my interruption, and continued to speak, inviolable: "After being hit by his wife's self-confidence, he will lose the joy of life, become a walking dead, and can no longer be a man who contributes to society. "
I turned my head to look at Yu Haiqiao and was a little amused by him, but I couldn't laugh, so I kept a very serious expression and turned my head to look at the scenery outside the car window.
"Most importantly, science shows that when a man says his husband is bad, his good husband may actually be bad."
Yu Haiqiao told me a tongue twister, and I laughed wildly, maintaining a very rigorous spirit of exploration: "Which science showed it to you?"
Yu Haiqiao said: "It's like a man whose wife is actually fat, ugly, fierce and likes to pretend to be good in front of his elders, but he never tells his wife kindly."
"...Yu Gou," I said. "Science shows that man is going to lose his wife soon."
After listening to it, Yu Haiqiao laughed twice, then turned his head and bared his teeth at me, and bared a small fang and said viciously: "Shi Ran, if you say I can't do it, believe it or not, I will put it on now." Did the car stop by and do it for you?"
"..." I showed him the two rows of teeth that are standard for stewardess etiquette, and then said to him, "Stupid/crazy."
Yu Haiqiao is probably a bitch. After being scolded by me, he stopped promoting his pseudoscience, and even hummed an ugly song happily.
**
In the middle of the car, he seemed to suddenly remember: "You have blocked me on WeChat on your mobile phone, let me out."
"No, illusion." I said nonsense.
Yu Haiqiao called out his mobile phone: "Hey Siri." After getting a response from the electronic female voice, he said, "Call Shi Ran."
"..." I am amazed by this performance art by Yu Haiqiao.
Then his phone rang.
"Sorry, the number you dialed is temporarily unavailable, please call again later." The electronic notification sounded in the car.
"The phone is broken." I didn't change my face.
"Apple recently launched a new phone." Yu Haiqiao concluded.
I'm quite satisfied with his conclusion, but I'm used to criticizing: "It's been out for several months." And I continued, "Switch recently released a fitness ring."
There was shock in Yu Haiqiao's voice: "The switch I gave you was already sold by you." Then he said, "You don't work out."
I oh-
Yu Haiqiao said, "I think you've been angry with me recently."
I think you are quite right, I questioned gently: "What's wrong?"
"Keep talking normally!" Yu Haiqiao shouted.
"That's how I speak normally." I didn't change my face, and I didn't feel the slightest fear. From today onwards, I will no longer be Shi Ran, but a blackened version of Niu Colushi Shi Ran with dark eye shadow and long eyeliner. In the days to come, I will treat Yu Hai as warmly as spring treats everything. Qiao will treat Yu Haiqiao as tenderly as a mother treats a child.
"Because I was speaking in the junior high school class group this afternoon?" Yu Haiqiao questioned seriously.
Me: "Hmm." I answered the question in a friendly manner.
"It's not my fault, is it? This afternoon, an alumnus I couldn't make contact with suddenly contacted me and said they heard that I had died. I was dumbfounded when I heard that." Yu Haiqiao's tone was sincere.
Me: "Hmm."
Yu Haiqiao glanced at me while driving: "Is your nose blocked?"
I said: "No."
"..." Yu Haiqiao stared forward with an indescribable expression on his face.
"..." he said after a few seconds of silence, "I heard the news came from the junior high school class group, so I guessed what was going on."
Me: "Hmm."
Yu Haiqiao roared, "Speak normally!!"
I gave him a sneaky look, but said, "Okay."
"..." Yu Haiqiao tightly clenched his hands holding the steering wheel. It took him a while to calm down his inner emotions, and he continued to speak, and even said with a smile: "Oh, I was just kidding with you." Wife, let's make up quickly and stop making trouble."
I said, "We didn't fight."
Yu Haiqiao let out a long sigh from his chest, and apologized heavily: "I was wrong."
"You're right," I said.
"I was wrong," he said.
"You're right," I continued, and I'll see how long this goes.
"..." Yu Haiqiao was silent for a moment, and began to change his strategy, occupying the commanding heights of morality, "You were the first to say what Shi Ran said, and I was the victim in this incident, and I still have to spare time to explain it to others This matter is because you joked too much, I did it to cooperate with you and make you happy, you have no reason to blame me."
Heh, high-achieving students are different. They speak in a serious and reasonable manner, although it seems that the facts are indeed what he said, but am I, Niu Colu Shiran, a reasonable person? Is it a dog like Yu Haiqiao? /Are you a reasonable person, I am not, I said: "I don't blame you, I never blamed you."
Yu Haiqiao broke down. He said, "I will place an order for your mobile phone when I get home, I will also buy a switch, and I will also place an order for fitness rings immediately, okay?"
I said, "Okay, thank you husband."
Yu Haiqiao sighed: "I've convinced Shi Ran, you have linked Alipay with my family account, you can buy things by yourself if you want to buy something, why torture me, didn't you still use it a few days ago?"
What Yu Haiqiao said was really funny.
The relationship between primary and secondary is completely confused, am I mainly for things, no, I am just purely to annoy him.
The way to keep a marriage alive is to keep the interaction alive between husband and wife. I have gained a great insight in my marriage relationship. I am very welcome to invite me to be the host of Midnight Marriage Radio.
Guaranteed to dismantle a pair is a pair.