(five)
It is impossible for a person to do any housework when she is cold and violent with her husband. It is also impossible to put the dishes and chopsticks after dinner into the dishwasher. Qiao’s personality, which seems to be able to lose his memory at any time, took effect immediately. He sat lazily on a chair and chatted with me about his work: “The company’s website has a new system, and all the medical representatives below don’t know how to use it. For a while, several colleagues in our desktop operation and maintenance were scolded by the doctor below every day."
"..." I glanced at him silently, turned around and walked towards the sofa. I have always been very experienced in ignoring him with cold violence.
As expected, the dog Yu Haiqiao yelled in the next second: "Shi Ran, you fucking did it again, did I provoke you?"
Heh, he can actually ask such a question, he is clearly provoking me all the time, okay
I went to the sofa and slowly collapsed on the sofa, ignoring his howling.
He stood up from the chair and walked towards the sofa, saying as he walked, "I want to complain to the relevant agency that you frequently use domestic violence against me."
I snorted coldly.
He walked to the sofa and patted my calf: "Keep your feet open, can you look at your current honor?"
I lifted my foot and kicked his ass, showing the way to let this man go.
Yu Haiqiao, a dramatist, stood on the edge of the sofa and looked at me with a serious look that he was about to call the police in the next second: "You not only used mental violence against me, but also beat me, Shi Ran, you wait to be punished by the law. "
I rolled my eyes at him, he pushed my feet to sit under my feet, my feet shrank for a while and put them directly on his lap, Yu Haiqiao squinted his eyes and stared at him. I watched for a while.
Seeing that I suspected that my feet were not on his lap or on some indescribable organ of his, I calmly looked at him for a moment.
Yu Haiqiao immediately pretended to be the wind and said: "Okay, how much do you want to pay me this time?"
His rich and powerful tone seemed to say, "It's getting cold, it's time for the Wang Group to go bankrupt."
I couldn't hold back the disgusted expression on my face, so I raised my leg and kicked him on the thigh. Yu Haiqiao's face turned green and then turned red. He opened his mouth and yelled, "Where the hell are you kicking Shi Ran, Do you still want to have sex in the future?!"
"..." Yu Haiqiao, this dog/force, successfully extinguished the sporadic feelings of guilt that I might have accidentally kicked on his important parts, and I almost reflexively began to retort, "Having sex with you It's better to have a massage/massage stick."
Yu Haiqiao looked at me in disbelief, as if he had suffered the biggest insult of living to be thirty.
Yes, Yu Haiqiao's damn thing includes but is not limited to, the very beginning of sex/love has made me feel that he and I can end our short marriage.
At that time, the two of us were arguing about going to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get the certificate because of a boring agreement between the two of us when we were still in the second year of middle school.
When I was fifteen or sixteen years old, I made an inexplicably hot agreement with Yu Haiqiao—"When you and I are twenty-seven years old and we're still unmarried, we'll just make do with it."
It turned out that these words were like a curse. We were indeed both twenty-seven years old and hadn't married yet.
I still remember that Yu Haiqiao stared at me thoughtfully from time to time before my twenty-seventh birthday, which made me go directly to the hospital for an ophthalmologist.
When he came back from the ophthalmology department, he asked me how I planned to spend my birthday, and I immediately told him that I hoped he could help settle the bill for the bag I had been eyeing for a long time.
But I didn’t expect that Yu Haiqiao actually bought a bag and carried it to my door on my birthday. At that time, my parents paid me a down payment for a single apartment of more than 40 square meters near the company. I have to work overtime every day. When he knocked on my door, I had already showered and put on my pajamas and was ready to go to bed. I was disturbed by him and rolled my eyes several times until he told me about the love in my dream during this time. The bag was thrown at me, which made me think for a moment that he had done something outrageous and needed me to rescue him. All the birthday presents this dog has given me for the past twenty years have been the ones that I totally don't want and immediately roll my eyes when I hold them.
For example, this person gave me a game console for my birthday last year, but I have never had the slightest interest in games since I was a child. I have never touched the game console when I bought it, but this dog will come to my house every now and then. Come to play games. On weekends, I can play games at my house until one or two in the morning. After playing, I roll up a blanket and sleep on my sofa. When I wake up, I blame my sofa for being too small.
This dog/force wants the game console to give him a gift on the pretext of giving me a birthday gift, and now the birthday gift has also been delivered, and I have also played the game. Rounding up is equal to saving money.
The older he gets, the more doggy he is. In high school, he even gave me the "Five-Year College Entrance Examination and Three-Year Simulation" gift that made me want to smash him at a glance, but I can barely use this gift for a while. Yes, every year after that, I will directly sell the junk gifts online on the second-hand market, and they belong to it. Whenever someone asks me—Can I use a knife, I will reply—Yes, how do you want to use a knife.
As a result, when I was twenty-seven years old, he gave me a serious gift. This incident was so exaggerated that I had to suspect that the ophthalmologist I had linked to him before had checked out what could not be cured in this person's eyes. Tumor, I stared at him silently and suspiciously for a long time: "You want me to borrow money?"
Yu Haiqiao came in after changing shoes at the door of my house, and said disdainfully, "How much do you make a month and how much do I make a month?"
I snorted, but I received a satisfactory birthday gift for my birthday and I don't bother to care about him for the time being.
Yu Haiqiao turned his head and stared at me with a pensive look for a moment, then suddenly asked, "How did your mother say you were on a blind date last time?"
I rolled my eyes: "That idiot made me wait for him in the coffee shop for an hour and a half."
Yu Haiqiao actually laughed out loud twice, then went to my refrigerator and took a bottle of juice from it. After unscrewing it, he asked me enthusiastically, "And then?"
I snorted coldly: "Of course I fucking left." I paused and revealed to him the little victory I had gained from this incident, "I also called my mother to complain, and said She has to introduce all kinds of rubbish to me, so she won't do it again in the future!" I happily spread my hands towards Yu Haiqiao, "So now my mother let me go for the time being."
Yu Haiqiao nodded slowly, his eyes suddenly looked at me with affection: "My mother is urging me."
"?" I was disgusted by his eyes, and felt that the new bag in my hand seemed a little hot.
Yu Haiqiao slowly walked up to me with the bottle of juice that he unscrewed, reached out and handed the juice to me, and looked at me up and down for a while: "Do you remember a promise we made when we were young?"
"I don't remember." Regardless of whether I remember or not, it is definitely not a good thing, so I immediately expressed my opinion seriously.
"I don't remember when I told you, you said that when we were twenty-seven years old, we would live together without getting married." Yu Haiqiao blinked innocently at me.
I let out an "噫" in disgust: "Don't make such an expression, it's disgusting."
Yu Haiqiao was not moved at all, he bent his eyes at me and smiled: "Shi Ran, we are brothers and sisters, you have to help me."
Look at the extent of this dog/forced dog. In order to help him marry him, a good young girl like me even fucked up my brothers and sisters: "You fucking married your brothers and sisters, Yugou!!!" I Out of anger.
Yu Haiqiao waved his hand at me very calmly: "Tactical marriage Tactical marriage, you don't want to get married anyway, and Dink doesn't want children. If you or I meet the person who wants to marry It's okay to leave, isn't it time to shut up the old man's mouth?"
"..." I looked at Yu Haiqiao, a dog/pussy, very vigilantly, "Divorce will be very troublesome in the future, and there are other issues such as post-marital property. Are you coveting my property?"
Yu Haiqiao's originally smiling face paused for a moment, and he said with a serious face: "What the hell do you have? Your parents paid the down payment for this house, and you have to repay the mortgage every month until you are thirty-six years old." " He stretched out his hand and poked it back, "I bought this refrigerator for you, I bought the bed in the room and the mattress on the bed, I bought the air conditioner, and even the ordinary toilet in the bathroom I replaced it with a smart toilet for you, what property do you have that I covet?"
I stared at Yu Haiqiao seriously and pondered for a moment, and based on the words of this dog, I came to the following conclusion very heavily: "You don't fucking love me for more than ten years, do you?"
Yu Haiqiao's reaction to me was as if he sneered sneeringly, and he put on a cold face that he didn't even bother to answer this question.
I nodded slowly: "That's good, it's disgusting to think about it."
Yu Haiqiao said: "If you marry me, it means that I am helping the poor. If I hadn't seen you growing up with me and looking like no one wanted me, I would have looked for you?"
"..."
"You don't know much about what you look like, but you also have a little idea about your personality and temper. Now, the men who are gay men like are all men who can act like a baby."
When I heard this, I was amazed: "So you can't be gay, Yugou, you hide so deep, you bitch/pussy still want to cheat me, an ignorant girl, into marriage?"
Yu Haiqiao took out the ring box from his pocket and threw it to me, turned around to pay attention to me, and hummed: "Hurry up, are you going to tie it or not?"
I stared at Yu Haiqiao's back facing me for a moment, and finally opened the ring and put it on my finger.
Then the next day, we both asked for leave to go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to apply for a permit. After the certificate was issued, the man sat in the car and told me, "I don't have any thoughts about me. Talking about feelings with me is equal to incest."
When I went home and shared this "happy event" with my parents, the two adults were overjoyed to order a banquet for the wedding. They also smiled and said that we had a good relationship since we were young, that we were a match made in heaven. After notifying all the relatives and friends who should be notified, the wedding was over, and I was very happy to spend a wedding vacation. I swiped Yu Haiqiao’s card and spent a few days in the Maldives leisurely in the sun. After I came back, I was half forced to move to Yu Hai. In Qiao’s new home, I was still a little uncomfortable with my new identity when I entered the house, and I was still a little cramped when standing at the door of the bedroom. Yu Haiqiao was very self-aware and moved all his things to the guest room. He slept on the bed in the guest room and the sofa in the living room alternately for two months, and he still made fun of me every day as usual, which made me adjust my mentality very quickly.
Then this dude drank too much one night after receiving the license, rubbed on me like a dog, and muttered that he was uncomfortable. I thought about sex/love mainly because the body could get pleasure, symbolically trying to wake up The dog failed. He still held my head and rubbed against my shoulder for a long time. The accident happened before he was sober.
I didn't care about it at first, and I was ready to complain about his "incest" with me when he woke up the next morning, but the next morning, this person opened his eyes and fell off the bed directly, with a pale face that made me laugh. I feel like I raped/raped him.
I clicked my tongue, and Yu Haiqiao looked at me in shock: "I..."
His miserable expression really doesn't seem to be fake. I don't know why the heart of the Virgin suddenly appeared in such an occasion. I always thought that this kind of heart can only wait until the dog Yu Haiqiao Things will only appear on the day they die. I calmly gave Yu Haiqiao a look: "Why, are you afraid that I will make you responsible?"
Yu Haiqiao glanced at me, and he licked his own lips. This bastard only licked his lips frequently when he was a student representative in the sixth grade of elementary school and gave a speech on the podium. I stared at him Looking at his mouth for a moment, he clearly wanted to scratch his face with a big mouth in his mind, and said, "Go nearby and buy me contraceptives."
At that time, Yu Haiqiao walked out of the bedroom with a frowning serious face, as if someone had died in the family. He was a little more timid than when he threw the ring to me when he told me that he was going to get married that day.
So it’s really not my fault that I always call Yu Haiqiao a dog every day, and always complain in my heart that he is a dog/pussy, because he is a dog/pussy, with solid evidence.
He bought the contraceptive pill that day, handed it to me with a rare serious expression on his face, and poured me a glass of warm water at a suitable temperature. When he handed it to me, he rarely asked me seriously: "Did you wear a condom last night?"
"Wear the contraceptive pill that I'm fucking eating?" When I'm in a bad mood, my mouth will stink, and I can hardly communicate.
Yu Haiqiao was silent for a moment.
I continued to speak badly: "I don't even look at whether anyone in your family needs condoms for sex. Does your family have condoms?"
"..." Yu Haiqiao pursed his lips.
I continued to be upset: "I don't know if you are sick or not, but don't infect me with some messy diseases."
Yu Haiqiao calmly began to order: "Appoint the hospital for a physical examination on weekends."
I was shocked when I heard the words: "You don't really have a fucking disease, right? If you pass it on to me, I'll be a ghost and I won't let your Yugou go."
Yu Haiqiao's lips were drawn into a straight line, and he said, "I'm not sick."
I glared at him, and after staring at him, I swallowed the contraceptive pill viciously. Yu Haiqiao slightly raised the hand hanging by his side as if trying to stop me, but he still didn't raise it in the end.
After I took the medicine and put down the water glass, I went back to the room to pack my luggage. I have just registered with him for more than three months. Going for a divorce now might make my mother mad, but fortunately, I still have a house of my own. I can move back to live. After packing up my seasonal clothes, I dragged the suitcase to the bedroom door. Yu Haiqiao was still standing next to the sofa. I have hardly seen him so distressed in my life. After a moment of silence, "I knew we shouldn't get a certificate. The divorce procedure is cumbersome and ugly. It's really ugly to have friends who have been friends for so long leaving like this."
Yu Haiqiao licked his lower lip. He probably wanted to smile when he looked at me, but his smile was so ugly that it didn't fit his personality as an actor: "I don't want to be friends anymore, is it necessary?"
Of course it wasn’t necessary, I don’t care about sleeping with him, as long as I’m comfortable, but his nervousness can even be said to be fearful, which makes me feel like I’ve done something unreasonable to him , In this way, I don’t want to bear the guilt he imposed on me that I don’t want at all. I didn’t answer his words, just dragged the suitcase to the door, and reminded him: “If you can, I can ask my aunt to help me pack the things I left at home, and then you pack them up and send them back to my home."
"Shi Ran." Yu Haiqiao called me from behind.
I hummed softly, and Yu Haiqiao asked me repeatedly behind me: "We have known each other for so many years, is it really necessary to stop being friends?"
"It doesn't matter whether the divorce procedure is done or not. Anyway, I don't really want to get married now. If you want to do it, you can do it according to the time."
"Shi Ran." Yu Haiqiao spoke again.
"..."
"I don't think it's really necessary." He repeated this sentence calmly.
The tone of this dog/force made me couldn't help but turn around and stare at him, and told him word by word: "I think it's necessary."
He was stunned when he saw me turn around and talk to him. I dragged the suitcase and went out immediately while he was stupefied. After the dog/force is smashed to death, after the smashing, I will silently smoke an afterthought next to his corpse to make up for the pleasure I didn’t get at all with him before/during sex/love and after sex/love, this dog /The skills are so poor that I suspect that all the island love action movies he watches are coded.
When I was 27 years old, I quarreled with Yu Haiqiao without gunpowder, and successfully broke the record of the longest cold war between me and him. Yu Haiqiao didn't contact me for three days after the accident. , The longest quarrel I have had with him since we were young was in the fifth grade of elementary school. He told me to go out and play marbles, but I just wanted to play dolls with my friends at home. He thought I had a new friend and stopped playing with him. I think who wants to lie on the concrete floor and play marbles, crazy, and then we ignored each other until the next afternoon in class, when he found several kittens on the side of the road the next day after school, he immediately found me and took me to see the kittens Cat, we just reconciled like this.
And for the rest of my so-called quarrels, in the next second, this person will act as if this incident never happened at all. If I really ignore him, he will apologize to me with a look of displeasure and disdain, and then give me all I can Compensation that satisfies me.
But this guy didn't contact me for three days, and on the third day he didn't contact me, I blocked his WeChat account and deleted his mobile phone number.
On the fourth night, my door was slammed by this person. He stood at the door and accused me: "Why did you block me?"
I was about to roll my eyes to the sky, and wanted to close the door and let this person smash to death on the door of my house.
He leaned on the door frame and looked at me seriously and seriously: "Shi Ran."
I look at him.
He blinked, and suddenly said shamelessly: "You are with me, you have to be responsible for me."
Me: "?" I was like a question mark when I heard the words.
This dog Yu Haiqiao purposely made a pitiful look at me: "I'm a virgin, you have to be responsible for me."
I couldn't bear it any longer, so I slapped him on the chest: "Yu Haiqiao fuck off!!!"
Yu Haiqiao coughed several times exaggeratedly after being beaten by me. He held his chest: "I have an internal injury, you have to be responsible for me."
I was so angry that I felt the hair on my head go straight up to the sky: "Get out!"
Yu Haiqiao put his index finger in front of his mouth, and after a "shh", he reminded me in a low voice: "It's night, be careful of disturbing the people." He said as he went straight into my house and closed the door.
"I took three days off and thought about it at home for a long time. I think—" he began to talk to me with a serious face, "I think we have known each other for more than 20 years, and it's no big deal if we just do it Right, and you and I are not sick, it’s normal for the body to need relief, right, we have such a good relationship to help each other solve/physical problems are quite normal, as long as it doesn’t cause life-threatening problems, Right?"
"Shi Ran, think about who you want to do with or not. I don't have a problem with me, right? You see, my thinking is correct. We are all adults, in our twenties, and there is no such thing as losing our virginity. The thing is to sever the relationship of friends for many years, right?"
…
Yu Haiqiao, a dog/pussy, said a lot of things at that time to prove that we have no problem making love, it's normal.
I don’t know if he is persuading himself or me. Anyway, the more I listen to it, the more I feel that he can do psychological construction with me. Why did he need to ask for leave and stay at home for three days when I slept with him? Repairing my wounded heart, my mother has been working like a dog on the subway for the past three days, in order to check in and not be late to get the full attendance award, and another time because the stupid/forced elevator was full of people just now Leaving, I was wearing high heels and quickly climbed the stairs to the company gate to successfully get the card. Did I ask for leave, did I give myself psychological counseling, did I have it? I don't, Yu Haiqiao is so wronged, should I find him a psychological counselor and ask him to give him a paid psychological consultation.
I immediately interrupted him angrily: "Yu Haiqiao, shut up and get out."
He was silent for a moment: "You really don't think so?"
"..." I glared at him.
He raised his hands and made a gesture of surrender, very obedient gesture: "I swear I will never touch you again, I will sleep in a hotel after drinking and I will not go home, if this happens again, I will be hit by a car when I go out. Can the beneficiary of the insurance write your name in full?"
The corners of his mouth curled up slightly: "Shi Ran, there's no need to do this, okay?"
I stared at him for a long while, but still couldn't hold back: "Yu Haiqiao, you let me down so much."
Yu Haiqiao paused and apologized: "I'm sorry, I will definitely not go home next time I drink."
I stare at him.
He has been slightly bent to look at me with his eyes drooping down. He avoided my sight and whispered in a low voice: "It will never be like this again, don't cry."
I didn't really want to cry at first, but when I heard the words, I couldn't help but turned around and walked to the sofa and threw myself into my own sofa and collapsed. I couldn't help but still complained crazily: "Do you know how tired I am from work? My leader asked me to recruit people with such a low salary, but also gave me a weekly recruitment task target, and if I failed to complete it, my performance award would be deducted. Huh, when I took the subway to work, someone’s things were caught and the subway was slow. After two minutes, I missed the elevator and finally climbed the stairs to the office, huh, huh, why do you ask for leave and stay at home? Are you as miserable as I am? You don’t need to squeeze the subway or wear high heels to go to work. You don’t need to climb the stairs, you still ask for leave to think at home, I didn’t ask for leave, why do you ask for leave because you are a virgin? I still..." I couldn't help hiccupping when I said this.
The biggest problem with Yu Haiqiao is that I don’t know why he can’t see me crying, but whenever I cry, he immediately becomes at a loss, and the whole person’s breath at that time is “I don’t know you guys at all.” What is there for a girl to cry, how can she cry so much, will she cry until she runs out of water", and there is a little bit of "Shi Ran is crying and she is going to be a demon again" hidden in this helplessness collapse.
His voice came from beside my sofa: "Why don't I drive my car for you?"
"Your car is ugly, and I can't drive." I replied to him in the midst of my busy schedule.
"I'll drive you to work later?"
"You... the place where I work is a city away from me, what are you giving me?" I felt even more uncomfortable.
"Then what should I do?" Yu Haiqiao seemed to be infected by my anxiety, and his voice was also a little anxious, "Oh, don't cry, or you won't be able to go to work." He also whispered, "The tigress is crying It’s not pear blossoms with rain at all, it’s creepy.”
I lay on the sofa and whimpered, and I felt that I had cried out all the stress of the recent period, and then the nerve called reason suddenly shrank, and I began to reflect on how miserable I was crying. After thinking about it for a long time, I felt that I couldn't cry in vain, and asked in a low voice, "I'm the beneficiary of your inheritance and insurance?"
Yu Haiqiao answered every question: "The first beneficiary is the spouse." After a while, he seemed to suddenly feel that something was wrong, "You don't want to strangle me to sleep at night for some insurance, or you want to be with me at night. Put poison in the food to kill me?"
"..." I whimpered twice immediately.
Yu Haiqiao carefully explained the science to me: "Now the law is perfect, and the police don't just eat for nothing."
I woo hoo.
Yu Haiqiao said: "I can give you the salary card. I have a little savings after working for a few years."
I don't want Yu Haiqiao's worthless money at all, I just cried in front of him so I don't want to make him happy, if this skill doesn't work, I have another skill: "You are really a virgin, woo woo."
"..." Yu Haiqiao didn't speak.
I burst out laughing amidst his weird silence, and immediately felt refreshed, then sat up from the sofa, rubbed my eyes, and patted Yu Haiqiao's shoulder heavily: "Yu Gou, learn from me!" The sea has no boundaries."
Yu Haiqiao stared at me with heavy eyes for a long while, then suddenly his eyes were slightly bent, and he smiled innocently, and said, "Okay."
After that, the frequency of my sex life with Yu Haiqiao was quite stable, but occasionally when I was having sex, I would think of this dog/forced to wake up in the morning after sleeping with me for the first time. Kick him off the bed.
This bitch doesn't deserve to have sex at all, he only deserves to watch mosaic island love action movies***.