"I regret it, take back the joy you gave me."
Zhikong looked at the sycamore tree, stretched out his hand to catch a sycamore seed, and handed it to her, "Do you want to hear me tell a story?"
Xin He shook his head, "I'm in pain and I don't have the energy to listen to your story."
"When joy enters the heart, it has taken root. The monk cannot pluck out the joy of the benefactor, unless he digs out the heart."
"Then just gouge out my heart."
"If a person has no heart, he will die."
"Oh, I won't cut out my heart anymore." She said dullly, "I haven't fulfilled my filial piety to my parents. If I die, who will die for them? I will wait for the day I leave the house to reunite with them."
"After listening to the little monk's story, the donor may feel better. Although it cannot be eradicated, it can temporarily relieve the pain. Do you want to listen?"
"Well, just tell me."
He cleaned her hands and made tea for her, and then spoke softly.
A long time ago, there was a Bodhi tree in the carving.
There is a child who always likes to study under a tree. She leans against the tree and recites poetry in a low voice. When she is tired, she will sleep under the tree. She liked the Bodhi tree very much, and the Bodhi tree also liked her very much. Whenever she reads, the big tree will wave its branches to the sound of the wind, responding to her voice.
Later, when the child grew up, she began to yearn for the outside world.
After a long time, she returned to the bodhi tree again.
Dashu asked her, "Do you want to play with me like before?"
The child said, "I have grown up and want to play in the outside world. I don't want to play with you anymore."
Xin He rubbed her temples and asked, "What happened then?"
Zhikong said, "Why do you think the child came to the Bodhi tree?"
"Isn't it because you miss the big tree?"
Zhikong shook his head.
"So, what are the kids doing here?"
"He said to the tree, I want to go somewhere far away."
"So, this is farewell?"
"No." Zhikong said, "The child wants help from the bodhi tree."
The child said, "I want some money to go on the road and see flowers and mountains in a far away place. Can you help me?"
The Bodhi tree told him, "I don't have a lot of money, but I have leaves. I heard from others that there will be three golden leaves left by the Buddha on every Bodhi tree. You can pick off my leaves and look for those three leaves." leaf."
Later, the Bodhi tree endured the pain and let the child pull out all the leaves. The child finally found the golden leaves, and she ran away happily.
The bodhi tree that lost its golden leaves quickly withered and was no longer as lush as before.
The kid never came back since then.
She was fascinated by what she heard. When he stopped, Xin He asked, "What happened next?"
"Later?" He smiled, "I'll tell you when you come next time."
She wasn't in pain anymore and couldn't even remember the pain.
No one told her that forgetting the pain when the scar is healed is the behavior of a fool and a madman.
She hung out with him again.
As long as he waved her to come to him, she would do it, as if possessed, she didn't even realize that she was being played around by him, maybe, with her intelligence, she knew it, but she was deceiving herself, She would never admit that this man who had skin-to-skin contact with her, this man who held her in his arms and promised her every word when he loved her, actually only had physical attachment to her. It was her beauty that attracted him, and she was obsessed with him. The appearance was just a joke to him.
Xinhe loved him almost unwaveringly.
But he had so many excuses to get rid of her, but when he was tired, he came back to her, leaned into her arms and said, your hands are the warmest and your skin is the softest.
He said, even if I look at other women, it's just a man's nature. It's not my fault. You know, all men are like this.
He said, don't take your eyes off me, even if I get distracted around you and look elsewhere.
He said, I fell in love with other women just on a whim, but I am deeply attached to you. Maybe I don't love you, but I am attached to you.
He said, you look at me with such innocent eyes, it is really like the white snow on the snow-capped mountains, clean and pure, so your love should always be so pure.
He said, your identity is nothing in the eyes of my parents, but I care about you and I will keep you by my side for a long time.
He asked Xinhe, "Don't leave my side until you die, okay?"
Xin He has no idea about death. She just said yes, she will never leave you until she dies.
He asked her again, will you only look at me
Xin He said, of course, I will never like another man again.
Baili Fuen said again, that's fine, but don't ever erase me from your mind.
Remember me forever.
Xin He didn't seem to be aware of his selfishness and arrogance at all, nor was he aware of his greed, hypocrisy, viciousness and cruelty.
She just fell into a trap and didn't want to look up to see where the exit was.
Later, everyone who met Xin He said that she was more charming than before. She no longer had the childishness she had when she was a girl. She would smile and frown.
She laughed often, and Bailifucai asked her what was so funny about a flower on the ground.
She said it was very beautiful, so she wanted to enjoy it with a smile.
But her smile towards Baili Fuen was getting smaller and smaller. Even if she smiled occasionally, she felt extremely tired.
It seemed like all the strength was exhausted just by being around him.
She saw him laughing with Miss Zhao in the pavilion from a distance. Miss Zhao was leaning on his arm, her eyes full of smiles. Xin He looked at the mirror for a long time that night and realized that even if she laughed a hundred times, she would not be as good as that woman. Laugh once.
Fu'e said that Miss Zhao was not as beautiful as her.
Then why doesn't her smile look as moving as Miss Zhao's
At the age of nineteen, when it was almost time for her to leave the house, Madam took out a deed of betrayal.
Looking at the date, it was exactly one year ago. The lady said, "When you entered the mansion, your mother and your father signed a deed of sale for you. Therefore, you did not enter the mansion as a slave, but you have seen it now." , this is Zhang Xinqi."
That was his father's name. Xin He asked, "I'm going to ask him why he sold me."
The lady asked someone to stop her, "You don't have to ask, he married a new wife, and now your stepmother is pregnant."
"Where's my mother?"
"Alas..." The lady sighed.
They said that when her mother fell seriously ill, the lady wanted her to go back to see her off, but it was her father who said that since she had joined the Prince's Mansion, she would be a member of the Prince's Mansion from now on, and it would no longer be her home.
It was only on this day that she realized that she no longer had a home.
Xin He had never felt lonely or scared. On this day, she looked hard at the sky outside her house. No matter how she looked, she felt that the world was like a cage and she was trapped.
She remembered the woman holding her in her arms and teaching her to read the poem, "Guan Guan Ju Jiu, in the River Island."
She remembered the woman who chased after her to feed her, feeding her one bite at a time. She always looked at her and smiled, as if she wanted her to learn to smile like her. After more than ten years of futile efforts, she finally give up.
A person who taught her how to laugh for more than ten years suddenly disappeared from her world.
She didn't know what death was before, but on this day, she felt that she understood that death meant never to be seen again.
When she was a child, she knew that flowers blooming and falling, clouds and sunshine waxing and waning, are all common sense in the world. Everyone will die one day and be buried underground, and the story about him will end.
Another life is born, and the story of a new life begins again.
It goes round and round, endlessly.
She understood these principles, but she didn't understand why her heart broke when she thought of that woman and the person named mother. She didn't eat for two whole days, and all she could think about was her smile.
(End of chapter)