In the haze, he seemed to still be underwater, and under the floating light and shadow, there was a peaceful silence. His fluttering hair was as soft as water grass, and he stretched out his hand to catch the rising bubbles, but his palm was empty.
His body was surrounded by the cool but gentle water waves, and for the first time he felt at ease and happy. He no longer had to worry or endure, and this body truly belonged to him at this moment.
I vaguely saw patches of lotus flowers. The lotus leaves blocked the light above my head and also blocked all obsessions and thoughts about the outside world.
Suddenly, I heard the ethereal sound of bells, accompanied by the golden bells on the eaves swaying in the wind, the tinkling sound was crisp and clear. There was also the chanting of scriptures like a hymn. Those sounds came ethereal, like the call and comfort from another world.
He finally woke up from that warm dream and slowly opened his eyes. At this moment, he was no longer the crown prince of Daliang, no longer the eldest son of the Xiao family, no longer carrying the unbearable responsibility and the halo that made the world worship him.
Now he is just an ordinary person.
Later I realized that I had slept for more than 20 days. The world outside had already changed drastically. The whole city was in mourning, and my third brother became the new crown prince.
On the fourth day after waking up, he officially became the third disciple of Master Liao Wu, named Zhi Tong. Walking slowly in this small but quiet temple, his heart was filled with peace. However, deep in the peace... was a pain that was difficult to express.
He was selfish. Because of his own escape and cowardice, he threw all the burdens to his beloved brother. Because of his own timidity and letting go, he left all the pain to the woman he loved most in his heart.
This is how we can have peace of mind. Peace of mind... Are you satisfied
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He bowed his head all day long, contemplating the scriptures, thinking that perhaps he could deceive himself by immersing himself in them until he believed them. One day, when he looked up, he saw a man standing at the door.
The man's features were very similar to his, and even his expression was beginning to resemble him. He knelt at the table and looked at him quietly, never saying a word.
“Brother…” The man opened his mouth first and called him, then he laughed first, “No, it’s Zhitong.”
"How are you these days?" Zhitong smiled as he walked in and sat opposite him.
"Yeah." Xiao Gang simply responded, silently watching Zhitong pour tea for him, and murmured after a while: "But everyone is not very good."
Zhitong slowly put down the teapot, lowered his eyes and sighed: "Really..."
"Father is troubled all day and has no interest in state affairs. The same goes for my sister-in-law... I heard that after that day, she locked herself in the Buddhist temple and never came out again." Seeing that he looked a little dazed, Xiao Gang couldn't bear to say anything more.
The room suddenly became much quieter, and the lingering sandalwood scent diffused the sadness on his face. After a while, he sighed: "Take good care of my father and Yunshang Zhuer for me... I feel sorry for them, and I feel sorry for you..."
Xiao Gang nodded and smiled bitterly: "Big brother has done nothing wrong to me. I did everything voluntarily. Don't worry, I will take good care of them. By the way, my seventh brother has left Jiankang and went to Xuzhou. My seventh sister... has also gone with him."
"Really?" Zhitong smiled faintly, "That's good."
Xiao Gang was silent for a long time. Seeing him flicking his sleeves and slowly pouring tea for him, he thought for a while and murmured, "Seventh sister... gave birth prematurely on that day. It is said that...she was stimulated." After saying that, he side-glanced at the man who seemed very calm, and only then noticed the stiffness at the corner of his smiling mouth and the splash of water.
Zhitong lowered his eyes and asked quietly, "Are mother and child safe?"
"Mother and child are safe. Although he is a premature baby and will inevitably be weaker in the future. But you can tell at a glance that he is a smart child and will definitely achieve something when he grows up." Xiao Gang couldn't help laughing when he said this.
Zhitong felt relieved when he heard this and asked with a smile, "What's the child's name?"
"Fangdeng." Xiao Gang said with a smile, "It was my seventh sister who gave me this name."
“Fangdeng…” Zhitong felt a pain in his heart as he recited it. The smile froze on his face and he gradually forgot how to take it back. “Fangdeng? Deng…” His mind was suddenly filled with the woman’s voice, appearance and smile.
The past would not allow him to replay it recklessly. He still remembered the blushing girl staring at him with her lively eyes when they first met. Behind him were fireworks blooming all over the sky, but not as brilliant as hers.
I still remember the time they visited the sea of flowers. She was like a gorgeous flower in her red dress and black hair, shining the brightest spring sunshine directly into his heart. Her smile was deeply engraved in his heart and could never be forgotten.
But that smile gradually became tinged with his sadness. How could he not remember the sadness in her eyebrows when she said she liked him? How could he not remember her looking at him with tearful eyes? That kind of expression should not belong to her, but after they met, it became more and more frequent.
He couldn't bear to see her so he chose to stay away. However, after letting go, both of them were tortured even more... If he hadn't chosen to stay away at that time, would there be a different ending
Why would he let go... If he still had a future, if he could give her a carefree life, if he could protect that innocent smile forever, he would not let go!
That night in Tongtai Temple, he accidentally heard the conversation between his father and Zhao Pei outside the house. His father said that he could not protect her, but Xiao Yi could.
Every word was heart-wrenching and blood-stained. Maybe... he really wasn't up to the task.
Until the end, she was still hurt.
"Brother...?" Xiao Gang called him several times but he didn't hear him. Xiao Gang was afraid that he was lost in his thoughts and could not help but raise his voice to call him.
Zhitong, who was struggling to escape from the memories, came back to his senses and smiled calmly: "Please call me Zhitong." When he lowered his eyes, he saw the curling cigarette smoke. Let the past drift away like smoke. Since you have decided to let go, you should be more decisive.
When Xiao Gang left, he left him a string of ice.
He only carved five words: I would rather know that I have memories. (To be continued)