Every September, when freshmen start school, a student meeting is held. The procedure is the principal's speech to announce the start of the new school year, and then a student representative of the graduating class of the third grade will make a speech to express their determination on behalf of the students of all grades and work hard to meet the high school entrance examination; A student will speak in front of the whole school as a freshman representative, and at the end there will be an award ceremony for the three best students and outstanding class cadres in the last semester. No matter which student here, as long as they come to power, they represent a good student, which is a great honor, so it has always been impossible for those with excellent grades.
That year, the dean entrusted Teacher Zeng with the honorable task of selecting freshmen representatives to speak, but Teacher Zeng didn't take it seriously at all. In the morning self-study of the Chinese class, she chose girls who were pleasing to the eye and asked them to read aloud. The text, and then appointed me without looking up.
At that time, I seriously suspected that the teacher's head was caught in the door. After class, I went to find her, and she was smoking a cigarette with her legs crossed.
I said, "Mr. Zeng, it is impossible for me to speak on behalf of freshmen."
She asked me, "Why can't you?"
I said, "Because I didn't study well."
She puffed and asked the male teacher who was smoking with her: "Is there a rule in the school that the first grader can speak on behalf of freshmen?"
The male teacher smiled and said, "No."
Teacher Zeng shrugged and said to me, "Did you hear? There is no such rule."
I had the urge to roll my eyes and said patiently, "I've never spoken in front of people."
She said: "Everyone has their first time, this is not the right time, let you start your first time." After speaking, she impatiently slammed me away, "It's just you! If you have time to insinuate, hurry back and write the manuscript, Don't disturb our lesson preparation."
I really rolled my eyes, preparing for lessons? Smoke!
When I came across such a teacher whose head was caught in the door, I had no choice but to go back and write the manuscript. After the manuscript was written, Teacher Zeng glanced at it, changed a few typos and said it was fine. Seeing my bitter face, she finally opened her mouth again: "Don't be nervous, it's no big deal, you stand on the stage and face Just smirk offstage, and when you get tired of laughing, you’re done.”
I twitched the corners of my mouth, laughing, laughing!
At that time, our junior high school consisted of eight classes in each grade from the first to the third, with more than 40 people in each class. In the large lecture hall, facing thousands of people in the dark, plus the spotlight above my head, I felt my calves tremble.
At the beginning, I still remember what Teacher Zeng said, just laugh at them. Later, my head became lower and lower, and I almost got into my clothes. My mind was in chaos, and I didn't know what I was talking about.
In this speech, I was very, very, very embarrassed, because I heard that everyone could hear my shivering voice. Every time I shivered and jumped a few words, the voice just got louder, and then it suddenly fell down, and in the middle only See my lips move, can't hear what I'm saying.
However, I didn't know about these things until a long time later. At the time, I didn't know at all. Although I was on stage, my calf was swaying, but when I got off the stage, I was quite proud of myself. After all, this is how big I am. It was the first time I spoke in front of so many people, and I felt like I was quite a character. Teacher Zeng also said with a smile that she did a good job. With her affirmation, I became even more confident. At that time, I also thought about how Zhang Jun and Guan He saw me talking in the audience. For their part, now it's their turn to look at me. The more I thought about it, the more proud I became, and my vanity exploded. If I knew at the time that I was so humiliating, I would definitely have rammed into Zeng Hong, and two corpses and two lives would be better than such a shame.
After speaking on behalf of the freshmen, the classmates felt that Teacher Zeng liked me, and Teacher Zeng had a special position in the junior high school, because she had a strong personality and was a relative of the leader of XX. Our language teaching and research team leader gave her three points, so With her attention, I can be considered a popular figure in the class.
I have met three girls, one is Li Xin, the most beautiful in our class, with good grades; one is not only beautiful, but also has the best academic performance among the girls in our class, and can sing and dance well, called Lin Lan; the other is Lin Lan; The girl's academic performance is not good, but her family is rich and her name is Ni Qing. Looking at our group, you can guess that the four of us are the coolest girls in the class.
At that time, I went through an isolated elementary school age, and I desperately longed for friends. In fact, I didn't fit in with the three of them, but I hid my true thoughts and got along with them. I accompany them to comment on other girls, discuss which boy is cooler, and dominate the public opinion in the class. It can be said that the boys in the class help us, and the girls do not dare to offend us.
There is a kind of school film that is very popular in the youth TV station in the United States. It is about the story of this so-called popular girl. I often watch it with relish. My friends laugh at me for watching such a superficial film. I can see my once superficial and arrogant youth in girls who are in the limelight, dress better than boys, and chase after boys.
Cornucopia chose a somewhat fat girl to be the monitor. She was not as good in school as Lin Lan, but she had a stable and responsible personality. She was also a monitor in elementary school. But Lin Lan was obviously not convinced, so she always looked for various opportunities to suppress her.
For example, if the female monitor wears a pair of purple pants and a pink top, Lin Lan will laugh and say to us, "Red and purple match shit!"
For example, when the female monitor wears horizontal stripes, Lin Lan will sneer and say, "Zebras can wear horizontal stripes, but because they are thin, when do elephants dare to wear horizontal stripes? Do you think they are not big enough to be conspicuous?"
In terms of dressing, the three of them are professionals. I don't know anything, but I will laugh with them.
The female monitor started to give in, but she was finally provoked by Lin Lan and tried to counterattack using the monitor's authority, but she was one of the four of us, plus the boys in the class who liked Lin Lan and Li Xin, her counterattack was self-humiliating. end. The girls in the class were isolating her, thinking she was fat, stupid and ugly, and they were ashamed to play with her.
She gradually became silent and ignored the four of us. Whether we were talking in self-study class or passing small notes during class, she thought she didn't see it. Li Xin and Ni Qing were even more arrogant, but I saw something familiar in the gradually silent and sad eyes of the female monitor.
I don't know why, but the whole city, from a six-year-old girl to a sixty-year-old old lady, began to wear fitness pants, and the girls on campus were no exception. Everyone wore fitness pants, and the mother of the female monitor was also for her daughter. Bought these pants.
Everyone wears them, and there is nothing at all, but Li Xin sneered at the female monitor: "The legs as thick as elephants can learn to wear fitness pants without looking in the mirror."
Amidst everyone's laughter, I seemed to see something sparkling in the rapidly lowered eyes of the female monitor. For a moment, I suddenly felt that it was not the female monitor who was ugly, but us. Li Xin still wanted to ridicule, I said, "She has already given way. Don't chase after her, leaving three points of leeway for others, but also one point of retreat for herself."
Li Xin was dissatisfied with me, but Lin Lan took a deep look at me and said to Li Xin, "If she doesn't provoke us in the future, we won't harass her any more."
The battle with the female monitor ended with our victory, and the girls in the class were both in awe and ingratiating to us.
Although we are children, our hearts and ways of fighting may not be as cruel as the adult world, but the result is no less cruel than the adult world. I believe that the female monitor was originally a confident and happy child. Maybe when she was a child, her parents and teachers praised her for being serious and steady, but because of the ruthless attack and ridicule of the four of us and the coaxing of her classmates, she gradually became inferior. Maybe she wears clothes every day. When I look in the mirror, I always feel a sense of fear. I don't know what the classmates will say about her today. She will feel inferiority and shame about her body. Because of her low self-esteem, she began to have no confidence in herself to do anything, and began to be timid. This kind of mental injury is so cruel that it will completely change the trajectory of a person's life, and even destroy a person. I'm afraid it will leave an unbearable youthful time.
When I know how to be ashamed of myself, the female monitor has disappeared in the long river of time. I can't say sorry anymore, but it can only be turned into a guilt that can never disappear in my memory.
It seems that there is always a core person in every girl's circle. In our circle, although there is no explicit statement, everyone knows that Lin Lan, who is beautiful, smart, strong, and has excellent grades, is the core. Li Xin and Ni Qing are very good. Listening to her words, Li Xin was even obedient to the point of flattering to Lin Lan, as if he was afraid that Lin Lan would not play with her.
I still don't understand why this is happening. Obviously, they are independent individuals, and there is no interest relationship between superiors and subordinates in adult society. Why is there such an obvious strong and weak relationship between children in their teens
But this is the case among girls. Although they dress differently, regardless of whether they are in China or abroad, similar stories are repeated from generation to generation.
Ni Qing is not good-looking, her grades are not good, but she is rich. She often invites us to eat ice cream, drink cold drinks, etc. Li Xin may think she is stupid, but she treats her very well on the surface, and I can give her to Li Xin. There are very few, so I became Li Xin's "imaginary enemy", she always wanted to squeeze me out of this small circle, but Lin Lan has always been good to me, so she has no choice but to be better to Lin Lan, I hope Lin Lan away from me.
At the beginning, there were female squad leaders, and our internal struggle could only exist in a subtle way, and everyone pretended that nothing happened.
Without the out-fighting of the female squad leader, our infighting gradually escalated. Li Xin did not know how to unite with Ni Qing. The two of them pushed me more and more, and the words were sarcastic. I am not a articulate. People, so I can only pretend that I don't understand their ridicule. Lin Lan took everything in her eyes, but she looked down at the three of us aloofly, pretending she didn't notice anything, only Li Xin and Ni Qing were outdated, she would help me in order to maintain balance.
The four of us are very good friends in the eyes of outsiders. We upload small notes in class, play together during recess, and even go to the toilet. You wait for me, I wait for you, listen to the most popular songs together, and play with each other. The most handsome boy in the class was fighting. One person was bullied. The four of them fought back together. Many girls envied our small circle and longed to play with us. But only we know in our hearts what is hidden in the seemingly gorgeous friendship.
I carefully and painstakingly maintain my "friendship", with them, I am very tired, but not with them, I will be very lonely.
I always hoped that my junior high school life would be very different from elementary school, and I did. I am now the most showy and powerful girl in the class. The Chinese teacher likes me, and the female classmates please me, but I don't feel very happy.
The first place in our class is a boy named Chen Songqing, who has only been with my classmates for two years, but I still remember him until now, only because of a few words he said to me.
Once, a boy in the class with a birthmark on his face wrote a love letter to Li Xin. After reading it with a smile, she handed it over to Lin Lan. Lin Lan read it aloud while reading it. The classmates were all laughing, and the boy's face turned from red to white, from white to red, and his head was already low enough to stick to the table.
Seeing his appearance, I laughed with everyone on the surface, but I felt dazed and sad in my heart. Is this the result of falling in love with someone beyond my own power? !
Chen Songqing suddenly asked me, "Do you think this is really funny?"
I was stunned, he had been sitting behind me, but we barely talked, all I knew was that he studied very well.
He asked me again: "Do you think it's interesting that you are with Lin Lan, Li Xin and the others, teasing and mocking others all day long and highlighting your own superiority? Does a person's excellence need to be built by trampling on the dignity of others? Don't you? Don't you think you're naive and superficial?"
I couldn't answer, he said, "Use your intelligence and energy for meaningful things." After that, he lowered his head and read as if nothing had happened just now.
Lin Lan was still reading the love letter aloud, and the whole class was still laughing, but he only focused on his textbook and recited the English words silently.
Until the bell of the self-study class rang, his words were still lingering in my mind. When I was in the self-study class, I suddenly turned around and asked him: "What is more meaningful?"
"If you don't know the answer, go to the school library and find it," he said.
Does our school have a library? It seems that I am really ignorant.
The next day's recess, I didn't play with Lin Lan and the others for the first time, I went to the library. According to the introduction, the library of our school is the best middle school library in the whole province, with first-class hardware, spacious and bright, comfortable tables and chairs, but there are only a few students here and there, and Chen Songqing is reading in a corner. I didn't bother him, I walked in the library alone, looking up at the rows of high bookshelves, densely packed with books, what is the sea of books, this was the first time I had an experience, I didn't read books, and I didn't Borrowing books, just walked through the library and left.
Maybe it's because I'm tired of dealing with Li Xin's exclusion, maybe it's because I understand that this is not what I want, maybe it's because of Chen Songqing's words, I started to distance myself from Lin Lan and the others, and I often go to books during recess. I read books in the library, but for a while, I still can’t completely give up them. My mind is not strong enough to cope with loneliness. My vanity makes me greedy for the lively scenery when I am with them. , I still play with them sometimes.
Li Xin likes to tell us which boy is chasing her and show us the love letters the boy wrote to her. Lin Lan had contempt in her eyes, but her tone was enthusiastic, which induced Li Xin to say more.
I don’t know what kind of mentality the girls in junior high school have. Maybe it’s because of their nature to look up to authority and power. They don’t think much of boys in the same grade, but prefer boys in senior grades. Every time Li Xin mentions boys in the same grade, When he gave her love letters, he always dismissed them, preferring to say that some senior boy asked someone to send a message, and he wanted to invite her out to eat shaved ice and invite her to K-song.
That day, when the four of us were eating ice cream and chatting with boys in the pavilion in the small garden, a boy in white clothes and white trousers came in from the round arch on a bicycle, and Li Xin immediately fell silent.
The boy parked his bicycle, greeted his classmates with a smile, and walked into the building. The boy is tall, with slightly curly black hair, slightly deep eye sockets, a straight nose, wearing a pair of gold-rimmed glasses, and a bright smile.
If I had to describe it in a few words, I would immediately think of "Prince Charming" in the shojo manga. I know it's ridiculous, but it was my first impression at the time.
All three of them stared at them, and I couldn't help but ask, "Who is it?"
Li Xin stared at me fiercely, and was very dissatisfied that I didn't know each other, and immediately explained proudly: "Shen Yuanzhe, my elementary school classmates, we have a good relationship." There was an almost adoration in his tone.
Ni Qing said with a smile: "Now he is the monitor of the first grade (6) class. I heard that at least half of the girls in the (6) class like him."
Li Xin was silent and seemed very unhappy.
Lin Lan smiled, winked at me, and teased Li Xin: "You don't like people, do you?"
Li Xin said unhappily, "No! I just have a better relationship with his sister."
Ni Qing immediately asked with concern: "I heard that Shen Yuansi from class (2) is his sister. How can he and his sister be in the same grade? Are they twins?"
Li Xin shook his head: "No, Shen Yuanzhe is two years older than Shen Yuansi."
"Ah? Two years older? Did he keep the grade?"
Li Xin seemed to be afraid that others would look down on Shen Yuanzhe, and immediately said: "No! He has been in the same grade as his sister since the first grade, and their academic performance is very good. It seems that he was ill when he was a child, and he underwent many major operations. I just went to school, so it's a little later than us."
No wonder this boy looks so different from other boys, he is so many years older than us. I didn't hear what they said later, because I saw Zhang Jun.
Zhang Jun and the third grader of junior high school walked and talked, walked to the pond, the girl sat down, and Zhang Jun stood in front of her. Both of them were smiling. Zhang Jun showed maturity for his age. Standing with the third-year girl, he didn't feel that he was young at all. The girl would beat him with her hands, or push him with her elbows from time to time. , Zhang Jun has been smiling, and the body movements of the two are ambiguous.
Ni Qing whispered: "Zhang Jun!" The three of them stopped talking, and they even stared at me together. At this time, I realized with hindsight that Zhang Jun turned out to be a celebrity in our grade.
The boy's growth seems to be an instant. Not long ago, he was still wearing a spiky head, tall and thin, with long hands and feet, and he was funny.
In fact, he is still who I see him, but from the eyes of Lin Lan and the other three, I understand that the Zhang Jun in the eyes of girls today is no longer the him he was in elementary school.
Ni Qing sighed: "Unfortunately, I heard that he doesn't like little girls, and only plays with girls outside the school."
Lin Lan asked, "Luo Qiqi, did you graduate from the fourth elementary school? Isn't Zhang Jun also the fourth elementary school?"
I immediately said, "We don't know each other well and haven't spoken to each other."
Li Xin and Ni Qing both had the expressions they should have, so they almost opened their mouths and said, "How can Luo Qiqi be worthy of talking to Zhang Jun?"
When I saw their appearance, I didn't know why, but I said, "He has passed the primary school grade, and he still hangs out. He likes to smoke and fight."
I thought that Lin Lan and the others' eyes would change immediately, but I didn't expect them to become more and more enthusiastic: "Ah? What else do you know? Does he have a girlfriend? What kind of girl does he like?"
I was taken aback by the unexpected results and looked at them dumbfounded.