"I'm angry that you want to destroy yourself for these three pieces of trash. Are you so contemptuous in your heart?"
Tears welled up in my eyes, but I didn't want him to see it. I turned my head away, and he straightened up with consideration and looked away: "When we were young, we were all too weak. In order to resist the bullying from the outside world, we had to The attitude of giving up and working hard, but now that we have grown up, we must learn to deal with the contradictions in life in other ways."
I secretly wiped my tears, smiled and said, "Next time I will learn to control impulses."
Xiaobo smiled and said, "The outside world is very big, and it's not a waste of life to fly out to take a look, so you can't let your wings get hurt too early."
I don't understand, I don't understand, where are you going? What to see
Xiaobo asked, "Qiqi, what do you want to do in the future?"
Except for "my ideal" in the composition class, no one seems to have ever asked me this question. I frowned for a while and said, "I don't know. When I was a child, I wanted to live with my grandfather when I grew up. Grandpa has left."
"What about the university?"
"It doesn't matter if I go to college or not. I'm not obsessed with university, and it's good to go to a technical school. My sister in the unit next door works in a hydroelectric power plant. It would be great to be like her."
Xiaobo did not expect that I would have a great ambition to work in a hydropower plant at the age of seventeen to make money. He held back his smile and asked, "Aren't you afraid of being bored by staring at the meter every day? Is there anything you like to do?"
"Um... um... I like to read books, maybe I can open a small bookstore, I can read books every day and make money." I said excitedly, "You do business, Xiaofei goes to work, we meet on weekends and play poker together. , eat mutton skewers and drink beer." I pointed at him, "If you are such a Grandet, you will definitely be rich in the future, don't dislike the poor and love the rich!"
Xiaobo laughed: "Okay, I'll treat you."
I also laughed, there is a kind of happiness, there is a kind of peace of mind.
Xiaobo glanced at his watch and said, "I'll take you home."
The two walked out side by side. Although it was almost midnight, the dance hall was still singing and drinking. I asked him, "Is the arrangement here your idea?"
"Um."
Zhang Jun and his girlfriend were sitting together. If they were worried, the other party said five sentences and he replied. The woman shook his arm and spoke, looking at the dance floor as if begging him to dance.
My heart was full of soreness, but I couldn't move my eyes away, it was really self-abuse!
Zhang Jun stood up suddenly, my heart skipped a beat, and I immediately realized that he was looking at Xiaobo, and Xiaobo greeted him, "Thank you so much just now."
He said politely: "We are embarrassed to cause trouble in the place of Brother Li and Brother Xiao Bo."
Xiaobo waved to the foreman, called her over, and said with a smile, "The money for the drinks at this table is charged to my account."
Zhang Jun didn't refuse, but said, "Thank you, Brother Xiaobo."
Zhang Jun's girlfriend said, "Is there something wrong with Brother Xiaobo? If it's okay, let's play together!"
I couldn't help sneering coldly: "Xiao Bo is younger than you, he should call you sister, what do you call his brother?"
The woman's face was flushed and tears were about to come out. It seemed that she still cared about her being bigger than Zhang Jun.
Xiaobo stared at me and was about to say a few words to ease the atmosphere, when Zhang Jun, who had always been indifferent, suddenly smiled and said, "She is my girlfriend. Since my name is Brother Xiaobo, of course she will also be called Brother Xiaobo."
The woman immediately broke into a smile, and it was my turn to choke. However, I was not trained by Cornucopia and Zeng Hongbai. I had already overturned a few tanks of Shanxi mature vinegar in my heart, and it was Shanxi mature vinegar with Huanglian, but my face was smiling. The spring breeze was bright, and he held Xiaobo's arm intimately: "Let's go!"
Xiaobo greeted Zhang Jun: "Don't disturb you guys, let's go first."
After leaving the dance hall, I asked Xiaobo, "Do you think that girl was beautiful just now?"
Xiaobo asked, "Which one? There are girls everywhere in the ballroom."
"It's Zhang Jun's girlfriend."
"I didn't pay attention, do you hate her very much? Why did you talk like that? Although Zhang Jun was with Xiao Liu and the others, he didn't have a temper like Xiao Liu. You should thank him for what happened tonight."
I'm frustrated, forget it! I asked her if she was beautiful or not. Anyway, she was more beautiful than me, so I half-truthed and said, "She said bad things about Xiaofei at first. I don't think she is pleasing to the eye, and she herself is not a moral model. What qualifications do you have to judge Xiaofei?"
Xiaobo sighed and laughed.
It was almost downstairs of my house, I waved to him: "No need to send it away, there are so many tongue-tied women in the building of my house."
He stopped, and I dashed home.
At night, lying in bed, thinking of Xiaofei, and thinking about myself, it seems that fate is different, but how similar, the people we love don't love us, the people she loves love the loneliness and coldness of music, the people I love love the people of the world Prosperity temptation, who is luckier
2
Sadness is a complicated thing
According to legend, the carp has to jump over the dragon gate, remove its scales, and cut off its fins before it can turn into a dragon;
According to legend, the bird must burn itself, and after the pain of ashes, it can turn into a phoenix.
Does youth have to go through the pain of ignorance in order to obtain mature wisdom
Since Wang Zheng made it clear that he doesn't like Xiaofei, Xiaofei no longer goes to the dance hall.
She seemed to be the same as before, still laughing and making noise, as if she didn't remember who Wang Zheng was at all, but she was no longer her, she always asked me after putting on clothes and combing her hair: Is it?" Over and over again, it seems that whether she looks good or not depends entirely on others.
She no longer refuses invitations from boys, and likes to hang out with the most showy boy in the school, but after going out a few times, she gets bored again, ignores the other guy, and changes to the next one. She has become the most fun girl in our grade. In the eyes of other girls, she changes her "boyfriend" as fast as she changes clothes. If boys are like this, many girls will say "men are not bad, women are not love", but right Xiaofei, they do not hesitate to use the most vicious language to attack behind their backs. Girls are inherently hostile compared to their beautiful girls, and there are three-foot waves in everything, not to mention that Xiaofei is really playing too crazy now.
I watched Xiaofei's changes with cold eyes. Although my heart ached, there was nothing I could do, because I knew that I was powerless to stop her. If I talked too much, her choice was not to listen to me, but to stay away from me.
I can only be with her patiently like a child in the rebellious period. I hope that this confusing and sad day will pass soon. After her heartache subsides, she will find that Wang Zheng's denial does not mean the denial of life. Whether she is beautiful or not comes from her heart, not the words of others.
I used my friendship with her to influence her decision as much as possible, but all boys from technical schools and society were excluded, and I tried to limit her friends to middle school students. In my mind, these people are pure after all, Xiaofei and them are still ignorant games for boys and girls, nothing will happen, but I'm sorry for them, let them be cannon fodder for Xiaofei's lovelorn.
During that time, I lived a very chaotic life. On the one hand, it was the beautiful world of love in romance novels, and on the other hand, it was the cruelty of reality. If I didn't get the favor of the prince in my mind, I would still understand, but what about Xiaofei? She is beautiful, intelligent, warm and kind, but her prince refuses to even look at her, I am beginning to be confused, is there really such a thing as love in this world? Can a girl really hope that there is a boy in this world who will love her wholeheartedly and love her
Confusion returns to confusion, I still like to read romance novels, continue to read romance novels tirelessly, come out of one dream, and enter another dream. Real life is too barren, and only the dreams woven by novels can add a little color to life.
In the pain and confusion of growing up, the first semester of the second year of junior high was over, and the final exam results were down. No one else had changed, but Xiaofei was only ranked fourth in the class. In the eyes of others, this is still a good result, but for Xiaofei, it is the worst result in her personal history.
Xiaofei didn't care. Not only did she not restrain herself, but because of the winter vacation, she completely let go of the trouble. She deliberately avoided the boundaries related to me. She avoided Wang Zheng and didn't want me to care about her, but how could I ignore her
Once she was drunk and was playing crazy in someone else's karaoke hall. When I went to pick her up, she threw herself on top of me and cried.
She was so heartbroken, but I couldn't do anything. I could only pat her on the back and say over and over again: "It will pass, all the pain is no match for time, and one day, you will forget him." But I kept saying it. I can't be sure myself, can I? Do we really forget the people we liked
Just as she was about to help Xiaofei leave, she heard someone crying in the corner of the karaoke hall. The voice seemed familiar. When she looked back, it was Zhang Jun's girlfriend. Xiaofei was sad because of Wang Zheng, and why was she here. sad
I wanted to leave, but seeing that she was a girl who was drunk, after all, I was worried, so I could only bring her out.
With Xiaofei like this, I dare not take her home directly; Zhang Jun's girlfriend, I don't know where I live, so I can only call a taxi and go to Xiaobo's karaoke hall first.
The squid sent someone to find Zhang Jun to pick him up, and I filled Xiaofei with strong tea.
When Zhang Jun came, his girlfriend was drunk and unconscious. The squid greeted him, and Zhang Jun said politely, "I'm sorry to bother you."
The squid pointed at me: "It's the four-eyed panda who suddenly does a good deed every day, and it has nothing to do with me."
Zhang Jun glanced at me, without saying a word, he picked up his girlfriend and left. I stared at his back and had the urge to knock him unconscious with the apple in my hand. The squid shuddered: "Four-eyed panda, since you hate Zhang Jun so much, why are you helping his girlfriend?"
I smiled sweetly: "Who said I hate him?" I got up to look at Xiaofei.
The squid muttered behind me: "I don't hate it, why did you pinch the apple like this?"
After Xiaofei sobered up, I sent her downstairs and watched her go upstairs before I left. I know that she will still hang out with a certain boy tomorrow. As usual, these boys are not good at learning, but they are good at playing, and they are proficient at smoking, drinking, and fighting.
In fact, in a sense, I am also in lovelorn, but I am timid and cowardly, and I hide everything in my heart, so I don't even dare to show my sadness.
I signed up for a painting class during the winter vacation and began to study painting seriously. Xiaobo was assigned to a key class for the third year of senior high school.
Xiaobo saw me wrestling with a bunch of colors all day, making me look like a cat, and asked me curiously, "Why did you suddenly become interested in painting?"
I suddenly decided to tell him my secret: "Because I am jealous of a girl, she is too good, smart and beautiful, with good academic performance, can play the erhu, sing, write, and write good essays, she can do almost anything. "
Xiaobo didn't understand: "What does this have to do with your learning to draw?"
"I inquired for a long time and heard that she can't draw, so I decided to learn to draw."
Xiaobo was in a daze, and then laughed: "How could you be jealous? What's her name? I want to see how many arms and eyes she has."
I glared at him: "No! All the boys who have seen her like her. I forbid you to like her, so you can't see her."
Xiaobo said in surprise: "Are you really jealous of her?"
I nodded and said with infinite melancholy: "I used to wish that I could become her, and I hated being myself, but now I understand that whether I like it or not, I can only be me, so I don't hate myself anymore, but still I envy her, she is the most perfect girl in my mind. On the surface, I don’t care, but in reality I have been secretly comparing us, and I have been secretly working hard and working hard, but whenever I feel that I am a little bit better and better than before, As soon as I see her, I immediately realize that the distance from her is still so far away. I feel that in this life, no matter how hard I try, it is absolutely impossible to catch up with her. Even being jealous of her is a very ridiculous thing, because jealousy is only suitable for People with a smaller gap, for example, Li Xin can be jealous of Xiao Fei being more beautiful than her, but she will never be jealous of Lin Qingxia being more beautiful than her, so, do you understand? Actually, I don't even have the right to be jealous of her." He sighed deeply and long, "I can only learn from others' weaknesses, secretly give myself some confidence, better than nothing!"
Xiaobo said gently: "You are who you are, you are unique, and you don't need to compare yourself with others."
I didn't say a word, and immersed myself in the watercolors. He won't understand, the kind of envy someone is so envious of wanting to have everything she has.
Still on the third day of the new year, I went to pay New Year's greetings to Teacher Gao. Teacher Gao said with emotion: "Last year, there were many students who came to pay New Year's greetings. This year, there have been more than half of them. It is estimated that next year will be you and Zhang Jun."
She asked me about my grades, and I reported truthfully. Teacher Gao smiled and sighed, and asked me, "When are you going to study hard?"
I honestly said: "Actually, I am very interested in science, and I also read carefully, but it is not hard enough. I also want to work hard, but once I start playing, I don't want to study. I really don't know how those good students can bear it. living?"
While chatting with Teacher Gao, Zhang Jun came to pay New Year's greetings. He and I greeted the New Year in a completely different way. I came with two empty hands and one mouth, but he had two hands full of gifts, and he was indeed a rich man.
Teacher Gao was very happy to see him, and while letting him in, he said, "What a coincidence, Qiqi is here."
I stood up and said, "Mr. Gao, my classmate and I made an appointment to go to her house to play, so I won't sit any more."
Teacher Gao asked regretfully, "Can't we sit for a while? The three of us haven't chatted together for a long time."
I said apologetically, "I made an appointment with my classmates early in the morning."
Zhang Jun stood aside with an indifferent expression and said nothing. After saying "goodbye" to Mr. Gao, I left Mr. Gao's house.
Walking in the cold wind with my hands in my coat pockets, I tried to analyze my heart.
When I didn't see Zhang Jun, I would always think about him, guess what he was doing, and even look forward to meeting him by chance; but once he appeared in front of me, I couldn't wait to escape. Do I really want to see him, or do I not want to see him
How complex and contradictory, incomprehensible!
The analysis was not clear, so I simply stopped analyzing and went back to practice drawing.
The human heart is too complicated, and there is no way to reach it, but these things can be mastered through diligent practice.
After the Spring Festival, everyone has a lot of money in their pockets, and the weather is cold. Everyone likes activities in the house, so the business of karaoke hall is booming.
I donated all my New Year’s money this year to the painting career. It is painful and sweet. The painful thing is that I don’t have a dime in my pocket. No matter what I see, I can only be jealous. sense.
My sister started learning the electronic organ. Parents in those days wanted their children to learn some art, but apart from families like Chen Jin, few parents could afford the violin and piano, so most of them chose the electronic organ, so that all the There are not many girls in the class who have never learned the electronic organ, and all the music teachers who teach the electronic organ in their spare time make a lot of money.
My sister was making noise at home all day, so I moved all my painting tools to Xiaobo’s office. My father and mother saw my graffiti one after another, and felt that I was still studying hard and making progress every day. They were very kind to me. Rest assured, continue to adopt inaction education policies.
I am very happy that they gave me a liberal education, which allowed me to secretly communicate with "bad youth" like squid. However, at some point, when I saw my sister being lazy and not practicing the piano, my father criticized her and even punished her for not allowing her at night. When I have to practice piano while watching TV, I feel complicated again, as if I want my parents to scold me and punish me.
Humans are so complicated!
On the eighth day of the Lunar New Year, I was sitting on the balcony with a drawing board in my hand, observing life, pretending to learn how to draw from life, and seeing Zhang Jun and his girlfriend come in side by side.
After a while, the singing of "Like Fog, Like Rain and Like Wind" came from the box.
You are like fog, rain and wind to me
Come and go, leaving only an empty space
You are like fog, rain and wind to me
Let my heart follow you
I frowned in disgust, put away my drawing board and prepared to enter the house. Suddenly I heard choked sobbing in the singing, I couldn't help but stopped, and probed my head to take a peek. I know peeping is wrong, but I can't help myself.
The girl cried and sang. Zhang Jun tried to take the microphone away from her several times, but to no avail. Instead, her tears became more and more urgent. Zhang Jun gave up holding the microphone and sat expressionlessly. The girl finally finished singing, crying and talking to Zhang Jun, but Zhang Jun didn't say a word, just nodded occasionally. After a long time, it is still the same. I'm tired of watching, aren't they tired
The girl wiped away her tears, smiled reluctantly at Zhang Jun, and ran out of the karaoke hall. Zhang Jun was still sitting there, as if in a daze, and seemed to be thinking about a problem.
He didn't move, so I huddled in the corner, watching his figure through the glass on the box door.
The next day, word spread that the girl had broken up with him.
Everyone sympathizes with Zhang Jun. In this circle, being dumped by a woman is a very, very shameless thing. Zhang Jun must be in a bad mood.
I didn't care whether he was in a good mood or not, I rushed into Xiaobo's office and shouted, "Xiaobo, let's go sing, shall we?"
Xiaobo was surprised: "Don't you like to sing?"
"It's still New Year's, we should celebrate. Stop reading and go sing." I dragged him out, picked a private box, and sang wildly to the TV. The squid and the others came to join in the fun. , holding the microphone one after another, singing and dancing, the squid laughed and shouted: "The four-eyed panda is crazy!"
I said, "I'm crazy with joy!" It was simply the best New Year's gift this year.
Someone knocked on the door outside the box, and the squid opened the door and whispered to the other side.
The "Heart Rain" I ordered began to play. I immediately put the microphone into Xiaobo's hand and sang with Xiaobo:
My thoughts are an untouchable web
My thoughts are no longer the sea that burst
Why is it always on those rainy days
remember you deeply
My heart is the love of June
drizzling rain
miss you miss you miss you miss you
Miss you last time
Because tomorrow I'll be someone else's bride
let me miss you one last time
I sang and laughed in front of the screen, Xiaobo also sang while laughing, the two of them were so numb that they were shivering, but they sang with each other's soul in deep affection, with the purpose of souring people and not paying for their lives.
Xiaobo sang "I miss you, I miss you, I miss you for the last time..." He deliberately stared at me deeply and sadly. He is usually mature and steady, and it is rare to do this kind of frivolous appearance, and he leans back and forth with an enchanting smile.
"Good singing!" The squid applauded, shouted, and jokingly said, "Who dares to snatch someone from you? Let's find some buddies to turn his marriage into a funeral."