A break, is the little leaf okay
Is General Shin Yuemon okay? Is your sunny doll still there
we all miss you
1
the beginning of memories
Where is youth
Each teenager's eyes, black and white, are like a curtain.
Brave, impulsive, cowardly, curious, eager, confused, sad, disappointed, thinking...
All the brilliant colors of youth are staged on the black and white curtain.
When it is performing colorfully, we are ignorant, even if it is close to our eyes.
Because it is so close, so close to our eyes, that we cannot see it.
We can only see clearly when it gradually moves away. See clearly the causal gains and losses behind all the stories that may or may not be wonderful, but everything is already a frozen film. Whether we smile or cry, we can only stand on the side of time and watch time. The gathering and dispersal, gain and loss on that screen.
This is youth, and only after it leaves can we see it clearly.
I was born in a very ordinary family, neither rich nor poor, and my parents' education level is neither high nor low. In my memory before the age of five, there are very few pictures of them, because my parents sent me to my grandfather after my sister Luo Yuanyuan, who was one year and five months younger than me, was born.
In my grandfather's place, I was very happy and very happy. I was loved by thousands of people, and I was a typical child in a "honey pot".
My grandfather was the best civil engineer in the area. He didn’t need a compass to draw a circle. He wrote very beautifully written small letters. of ancient books.
My grandfather came from a wealthy background, and his family was the owner of a large orange orchard. Because of his background, in that era, he experienced a lot of ups and downs, but he took it lightly no matter what the hardships were. The only thing that made him unable to take it lightly was his divorce from his grandmother. After the divorce, my grandmother took my mother away from home and married another man. This man was mean to my mother. My mother's childhood and youth were unfortunate. When my mother saw my grandfather again, it was more than 20 years later. When I first saw him, my mother couldn't even pronounce the word "Dad", and my grandfather, who was no longer happy with things or saddened by himself, burst into tears.
It was my grandmother who filed for divorce, and it was not my grandfather’s fault, but my grandfather still felt very guilty towards my mother. In addition, I was the only grandson by his side, and he spoiled me to the point of indignation of both humans and gods. According to my second aunt's memories, when I was a child, I was smug, arrogant, and greedy for petty gain. She bought me a pair of small leather shoes. She served me with shoes in the morning. , she could only help me shine my shoes without having breakfast. She complained a few words, and I immediately went to the outsider to make a notice and insisted on spanking her buttocks. Grandpa really took the newspaper and slapped the second aunt twice. Also, no one in the family can take photos without me. If I don't include me in the camera, then no one will want to take photos. Even my second aunt's colleagues take a group photo, and I have to be involved. So, although photography was still a serious and rare thing in those days, there were too many photos before I was five years old to look at them. Often there were a bunch of adults with a little guy in the middle, and people couldn't laugh or cry, but I was proud of it. Yang Yang.
Those memories of people and gods being angry all come from the second aunt's narration, and I don't remember it at all. In my memory, I only remember that my grandfather took me to go fishing. I didn’t like his hugs. I wanted to walk by myself. He followed me. It’s a short road. It was normal for an hour or two, and my grandfather stayed with me all the time; my grandfather bought me boozy chocolate just because I liked it, and he didn’t mind people saying that children shouldn’t get drunk; I smeared ink on his collection of ancient books , The second aunt felt distressed when she saw it, he just laughed; in the early morning, he taught me to recite "Spring Sleep without Awakening"; in the evening, he hugged me, sat in the rocking chair, and rocked it to the sunset.
Under my grandfather's favor, I was arrogantly happy.
When I was five years old, my parents took me back to their side because I was going to primary school. I remember that when my mother appeared in front of me, I refused to call her "Mama". I just sucked the lollipop and looked suspiciously at this sad woman who came from afar. While I was crying, yelling, kicking and kicking, my mother forcibly took me on the train and returned to my "home".
From then on, my happiness ends and my suffering begins.
Beside my grandfather, I am the little princess, I have all the best things, the most abundant love, the whole world revolves around me, but, beside my parents, another little girl, my sister, is the little princess.
My parents are already very busy at work, and all the spare time they have is given to my sister. My sister has been growing up beside her parents. She is good at talking, acting like a spoiled child, and making her parents happy, and I am a person who refused to even call "Dad" and "Mama" for a long time.
Two children with a similar age difference were both brought up alone, and they inevitably grab toys and snacks when they are together. I was repeatedly told and warned by my parents: "You are the elder sister, you must let the younger sister."
Under the education of the parents that "sisters are harmonious, sisters let sisters", the best toys should be given to the younger sister, the best food should be given to the younger sister, and the most beautiful dress should be given to the younger sister. All in all, as long as she wants and likes, I will give up without a word.
After countless times of "sister letting my sister", I began to learn to be good, often playing by myself. No matter what, I will consciously wait for my sister to pick it first. What she doesn't want will be mine, even if it's already mine, I will give it to her whenever she wants. Eat, go to the table, eat quickly without saying a word, then leave, their laughter and conversation have nothing to do with me.
From twittering, I became reticent. I often miss my grandfather. At that time, every time I was in pain and loneliness, I would think that when I grew up and could take the train by myself, I would go back to my grandfather. Only then did I feel that my life was still a little better. Looking forward.
The deepest picture in my memory is when my mother was busy in the kitchen at dusk, and I hid in the corner of the bookcase to read "Children's Pictorial". When my father came back from get off work and opened the door, the first sound was "Yuan Yuan", and my sister shouted loudly. "Dad", jumped up cheerfully, her father hugged her, threw it high, and caught it again, the two of them laughed happily in the living room.
I hid in the dark and watched silently. They played games, they told stories, they laughed and laughed, and for an hour, no one asked me where I was going. It felt like I was sitting at the end of the universe, surrounded by darkness, extremely cold, and loneliness and desolation permeating my body. At that time, I may not have understood what the cosmos was, nor did I understand the emotion that made me look out eagerly, but sadly refused to go out on my own. Holding myself, staring outside without blinking, the look of a child eager to hear his parents call his name is forever etched in my heart.
It wasn't until dinner was ready and my mother put all the dishes that she thought of asking me to eat. I was still hiding in the dead space formed by the bookcases, sofas, and walls. I was self-injured and proud, and I kept thinking over and over again for no apparent reason in my heart: Why do I only think of me now? It's too late, it's too late! If it had been earlier, I would have rushed out happily because of your call, but now, I don't want to agree! I just don't want to say yes! I do not care! I don't miss you at all!
My mother opened every room and called me, but didn't find me. They asked my sister where I went, but the stupid little man would only shake his head and say softly, "I'm playing with building blocks, I don't know where she went. "
Because I am small, sitting in the corner is a visual blind spot; they can't think of anything, I am actually in the living room, under their noses, this is another psychological blind spot, so my parents never found me and panicked. I didn't care about eating anymore, and hurriedly called the aunt next door to take care of my sister. The two of them put on their coats, rushed into the cold wind of the winter night, and started looking for me everywhere, and I just sat in the corner of the living room, watching quietly. with everything happening.
I didn't mean to create this panic, I just really didn't want to agree to their cry at the time, and later, when things got bigger, I started panicking and scared myself. I didn't know what to do, so I could only hide myself deeper. stand up.
The farce continued into the middle of the night, and later, my sister found me while picking up the rolled blocks. This guy had an excited expression on his face, "Our army caught the Kuomintang spy", and took credit to report it. My father caught me and wanted to beat him. My mother stopped him and asked me why. I looked at my father's big palm and touched my butt. , Without thinking, he blurted out: "I didn't hear you calling me, I fell asleep looking at the picture."
The first lie of my life saved me from a meal of "iron palm fried pork".
When I was about six years old, I entered elementary school.
At that time, the control on the age of going to school was very strict. You were not allowed to go to school until you were seven years old. In order to send me to school, my father thought of a way to send me to the primary school for the children of the local garrison army. The school was run by the army itself, and the admission criteria were relatively loose.
However, because I had tuberculosis, I dropped out of school when I had not learned all the pinyin.
After a year of home recuperation, my parents asked me if I should go back to the first grade or continue with the second grade.
At that time, there was a popular song in the school: "The repeater fried peanuts and gave them to the doctor. The doctor said it was delicious. It turned out to be a repeater!"
I personally witnessed a scene where a group of children gathered on the side of the road and chanted aloud to a child. Thinking of this, I fought a cold war and resolutely told my parents that I would go to the second grade with my classmates. My parents let me go to the second grade.
I was younger than my classmates, my mind was half open, and I didn't go to the first grade of primary school. The result is easy to imagine - my grades were very bad. Because of being withdrawn, taciturn, and having poor grades, I was not the type that teachers liked from head to toe, so I became more withdrawn, quiet, and bad grades.
However, these are nothing, because my parents don't care about my academic performance, they never scold me because I got the last or second in the exam, they just say try my best, so I don't have much pressure to study . Apart from my sister who made me envious, jealous and hated, and a family that made me feel extremely depressed and lonely, my life was okay. I even made a very good friend - Ge Xiaofei, she was the first in the class , is an only daughter, I am very envious that I have a sister to play with, and I envy all only daughters. When I was in junior high school, when I took a political class, I learned that family planning is a basic national policy of our country, and I also complained that the implementation of our basic national policy was not strong enough.
Ge Xiaofei likes to talk very much, but I don't like to talk very much. With me, she never has to worry about someone robbing her. In addition to this complementary difference, Ge Xiaofei and I have one thing in common. We don't like going home. Often after school, when other students have already gone home, we both still wander around the school.
Wandering a lot, looking up and not looking down, we went back and forth, we became good friends, and when I was in front of her, I would occasionally become as lively and naughty as I was with my grandfather. We go to school together, we go to school together, we always hold hands when we are together, and I feel like she is my sister. Even a piece of candy, I will keep half of it for her, she is also very good to me, as long as I want, she would rather not have it, and leave it to me; when I am unhappy, she always tries her best to amuse me Laugh; my hands are very clumsy, and every time I take a handicraft class, I am slower than others. She always helps me do it first, and then rushes to rush her homework after finishing mine.
We are so good as conjoined twins, we can't wait to be together all the time. One day after school, we held hands and played for a long time, but still didn't want to part, but it was already dark.
Xiaofei said she didn't want to go home and asked if I could accompany her, so I invited her to my house. Mom and Dad saw me bringing the children home and welcomed her very warmly. It was the first time I didn't feel lonely at home, I felt extremely happy.
When she woke up the next day and saw her parents look haggard, she realized that Xiaofei’s absence at home had caused panic. At that time, there was no phone, so her parents could only look for each other, and only found my house at two or three in the morning. Dad lied to Xiaofei and said that her mother was very unhappy when she knew she was at my house, but her mother didn't say much. She still made a hearty breakfast and let us go to school after eating.
After Xiaofei was depressed for one day, she was happy again the next day.
Because of Xiaofei, my life is still happy despite the shadows. However, life probably felt that the weight of my little camel was not enough, so it threw me a very thick firewood.
In the third grade of elementary school, because of my father's job transfer, I was going to leave here and go to a new city. Xiaofei and I said goodbye in tears. She hugged me and cried a lot. Although I didn't cry at the time, when I got into the car, I started to cry. She burst into tears, but she didn't want her parents to find out that she had to hold her breath tightly so that she could not make a sound.
At a young age, I haven't really understood what parting is, but I'm already crying for parting.
Entering the new primary school, I met a new math teacher, Mr. Zhao. From then on, a new suffering in my life began.
This evil witch has made me have a psychological shadow on my teacher to this day. I want to sneer every time I read what a teacher is a candle that burns itself to illuminate the students. My life experience is just the opposite. There are indeed good teachers, but many teachers are snobbish. If a child's parents are senior officials, she will be very kind to the child; if the child's parents happen to be from the Education Bureau, then the teacher The tenderness, kindness, and selfless devotion to her are indeed comparable to candles. However, if you have neither official parents nor money, and you yourself are unsatisfactory and your academic performance is not good, then at this time, the teacher prefers to use you as a target in the classroom and throw you with chalk. Or from time to time, roll your eyes and sneer at your embarrassment of not being able to answer your question in a tone that looks understated but is actually contemptuous.
Adults often think that children do not understand many things. In fact, our hearts are very sensitive, we all have "face", and we hate being reprimanded in public. After blushing countless times, I became more and more afraid of this teacher, and she looked down on me more and more, and liked to call me up in every class to ask questions and ridicule me. My clumsiness, my poor academic performance, my inability to speak, and even my withdrawn personality made her dissatisfied. To this day, I still remember her pouting, squinting at me, and saying in a hateful tone: "Why don't you look like a child at all? You're dumb and stupid, and you don't know where all the food you eat has gone to. "
Children have an unusually sensitive heart. At that time, everyone liked to be spoiled by teachers, like to be class leaders, like to wear three red bars or two red bars on their arms, and stand at the school gate with a serious face. Check whether the classmates are wearing red scarves, whether girls have dyed their nails, and whether boys have hair that goes beyond their ears. Children often value face more than adults, because the world is small, so all the little things are not trivial. An elementary school teacher, in the whole society, is a very ordinary person, but in front of all the children she teaches, she is like half a god. Her praise and criticism, her love and dislike will have an unimaginable butterfly effect.
Under Mr. Zhao's obvious contempt, the classmates in the class were also affected. They began to dislike playing with me, jumping rubber bands, throwing sandbags, and kicking shuttlecock. No one wanted to be with my family. After a few embarrassments, I began to realize I actively distanced myself from the whole class. Often when they were playing together, I would sit on the edge of the flower bed alone in a daze.
At home, I am alone and need to let my sister go everywhere. At school, I was alone, and my teachers and classmates didn't like me. At home, I often sit in the corner, silently watching my sister hug Dad while laughing and acting like a spoiled child; at school, I often stand in the distance and silently watch my classmates dance rubber bands and throw sandbags.
In this world, there are many kinds of bad feelings, but loneliness is the most terrifying among them.
Later, I accidentally read a Gu Long's martial arts novel on my father's bookshelf. The feeling of the hero's loneliness, loneliness, and being abandoned by the world hit my little heart like lightning. baby. Since then, I have been quieter and more withdrawn into an imaginary world.
2
met him
Because of realizing the importance of teachers in children's lives, Chinese traditional culture has always emphasized respecting teachers and respecting Taoism. Respecting teachers has long been raised to a moral standard in China, but they have forgotten that it is precisely because of the importance of teachers in children's lives that teachers are actually Children should also be respected.
Only with respect for individual life can there be correct guidance for individual life.
When the third grade was about to end, because of the increase in the number of students in the school, it was rumored that the class would be re-divided. I began to pray secretly, let this teacher Zhao be replaced!
Our school has a flag-raising ceremony once a week. After the flag-raising ceremony, the principal will praise the advanced, criticize the backward, and then issue a mobile red flag to the class that performed well last week.
The same is true this week. It was a routine thing before. I lowered my head and didn't care. Anyway, it has nothing to do with which class the mobile red flag is awarded to.
After the mobile red flag was issued, the principal spoke seriously about theft, what violated the criminal law, went to prison, etc. If it caught up with the crackdown year, he would be shot!
A boy was invited to the stage by the principal, and the principal began to declare the boy's crimes: stealing bicycles, stealing teachers' wallets, blackmailing junior students with senior students, coercing junior students to steal money from their parents, fighting in groups, using Bicycle chains injured a sixth-grade boy in No. 1 Primary School, and wrote a love letter to a senior girl...