I was often tormented by shame for my behavior that deviates from my own moral standards. Because of shame, I will deliberately treat Guan He better and make up for the darkness I once had, but Guan He doesn't know about my ideological struggle, she just sees that I am good to her, so she kindly uses the same good To repay me, our friendship is getting deeper and deeper, but I still can't help but be jealous of her. The deepening of friendship can only make me feel more and more guilty.
Because of guilt, I am more and more kind to her; because I am good to her, she is also kind to me, and the friendship will naturally deepen; because of the deepening of friendship, I am very guilty. I'm stuck in a vicious cycle.
Because when I went out for bowling and roller skating that day, I had a series of thoughts and activities that tarnished friendship in my heart. I felt sorry for Guan He and despised myself. Therefore, when I saw that she really hoped that she could be like others When I was gliding like my classmates, I decided to teach her rollerblading.
Zhang Jun laughed at me: "With your skill, you still dare to be a teacher?"
"What's wrong with my technique? It's more than enough to teach someone who doesn't know what to do at all. After teaching the most basic skating, you can learn everything from backward slips, one foot, and tricks by yourself."
"I'm not doubting you, I'm worrying about you. If I teach someone to rollerblaze, if I'm not good at it, I'll fall easily. I'll find a boy who is good at skating to teach her."
"Guan He wants face very much. She has no interest in falling on her feet in front of boys. If you don't believe me, call her."
After seeing how Guan He was cautious and never dared to let go that day, I knew that no boy could really teach Guan He to rollerblaze.
Zhang Jun called immediately, and the answer was as I expected, he looked at me in amazement.
In fact, it is not difficult to guess Guan He's thoughts, because that is my enlarged thoughts. When I was learning roller skating, I practiced hard in the dark, and I didn't want to let the people in my class see my clumsiness. It's just that I have excessive self-esteem because of low self-esteem, and her reasons are more complicated.
Twice a week, it became a separate "date" time for Guan He and I.
I was so patient with her. Although the proud Guan He didn't say a word of gratitude, I could feel the gratitude in her heart that our friendship was growing rapidly in the flying reels.
Before the summer vacation is over, Guan He has already surpassed the blue and is better than the blue. As long as she wants, she can also wear a short skirt and become a beautiful scenery on the roller skating rink.
As a teacher thank you, Guan He invited me to eat Mala Tang.
On the way, I saw an old friend - enchanting.
Under the scorching sun, a man wearing a baseball cap stepped on a tricycle, sitting enchantingly behind the car, with cardboard boxes piled up beside him. She didn't look sideways, just staring intently at her cargo.
Is this plain-faced woman really that enchanting with bright makeup
A cardboard box suddenly fell to the ground, and a bunch of girls' hairpin headbands fell out of the cardboard box. Enchanting immediately jumped out of the car to pick it up, and the man stopped the car to help her. He probably felt that the sun was too big, so he put the baseball cap on his head on Enchanting's head, Enchanting raised his head and smiled, and he was busy putting on things again. There is a natural closeness between the two.
I stood in the distance, staring at them, and a river of cool sadness filled my heart. Just over a year later, enchanting forgot, forgot the squid, forgot their oath, and forgot their white-headed covenant.
How many people in this world are willing to dance in shackles? Weisheng Baozhu is certainly shocking, but even letting go is understandable. There are not many people in this world who are willing to walk with heavy burdens, or there are various things in this world that do not support people to walk with heavy burdens. Therefore, letting go is natural, but I still can’t help but feel sad.
Guan He saw that I didn't leave suddenly, and my feet were fixed on the ground like roots, and asked, "What's wrong?"
I shook my head and smiled at her, looking like I didn't care, Guan He took my hand and went straight to the food stall.
We were ready for Mala Tang, and while we were eating, I suddenly heard someone call me, "Luo Qiqi."
I looked up and it turned out to be Lin Lan.
She came over cheerfully: "I haven't seen you for a long time, and I heard countless gossip about you as soon as I got back from the summer vacation."
After a long absence, I was also very happy to meet her again. I couldn't help hugging her: "Are you alright?"
My enthusiasm surprised her: "I am very good, and I will graduate in two years, so I came back this year to find an internship unit in advance. You are not the same as before."
I put my hands on my hips, posed for a pose, and said playfully, "That's right, the longer it is, the more beautiful it is!"
Lin Lan stared at me in astonishment, as if she was completely unable to connect the person in front of her with the silent and indifferent person back then.
I said, "Let's eat together, and I'll treat you."
She smiled and shook her head: "Next time, I came with my mother today."
She pointed to another Mala Tang stall not far away. The moment I saw her mother, I was stunned. Is this emaciated woman really Lin Lan's mother? She looked more than ten years younger than my mother back then, but now she looks ten years older than my mother, but this is not the saddest thing, the saddest thing is that she is trying to put herself Dressing up when she was young and inappropriately dressed really showed her downfall.
Because I was so shocked, even though I was always good at hiding my emotions, I couldn't hide it. Lin Lan seemed to fully understand what I was thinking, and said indifferently, "The man said he couldn't stand the pressure and left, her love is dead. Look at her. In her current state, I feel both pitiful and relieved. Back then everyone tried to persuade her, and I cried and begged her, but she only had that man in her heart. In her eyes, neither my father nor I could compare to her great love. , and now finally tasted the consequences."
"what's your plan?"
"I've decided to come back after graduation, she's just me now. It's ridiculous, I ran away because of her, and because she's coming back here."
I looked at her silently, unable to say anything and impossible to say.
"My dad is married again, and the son born with his new wife can already call me and call me sister. My dad's new life has just begun, but my mom's life is already over." Lin Lan sneered coldly, " Men are different from women. Men can still make mistakes even if they are forty years old. Ruined my life."
Lin Lan didn't say that he was fourteen years old, but he said that he was fifteen years old. Thinking of Xiaofei, my expression darkened, Lin Lan knew my pain, but still poked at it. I stared at her, but she pretended to be confused, the corner of her mouth was raised, and she was already smiling, looking like an ordinary beautiful girl of this age.
"I will never believe in love in my whole life. A man will only be the icing on the cake. Only when you are beautiful will he come to love you; if you are ugly and down, he will run faster than anyone else. Qiqi, you must also remember, always Love yourself the most."
Lin Lan grabbed my hand with sincere worry in her eyes. I realized that she meant something. It seems that she heard the gossip about Zhang Jun and I. Zhang Jun's nickname is out, and she is afraid that I will suffer.
We almost never communicated, but it was probably true that the friendship between gentlemen was like water, otherwise she would never open her heart to outsiders at will with her current indifference.
I held her hand instead: "I understand, thank you."
"Study hard. Back then, when we were a group of girls, I always believed that only me and Ge Xiaofei were the best and would definitely be admitted to a prestigious university, but now it's only you..." Lin Lan smiled and shook her head, shaking off the haze in her eyes. "I'm waiting to hear the good news of your admission to Tsinghua University and Peking University."
I smiled and sighed: "Only the top students in the grade can get into Tsinghua University and Peking University. I'm not even the first in my class."
"I have absolute confidence in you."
Lin Lan left, leaving me with a brisk back, but only she knew the weight of the back.
I returned to the food stall with a smile on my face, but Guan He was also very sensitive and asked me, "What did you say to Lin Lan? It seems that you have something on your mind."
"It's nothing." I ate Mala Tang in silence for a while, and finally couldn't hold back and asked, "You say, what exactly is love? Poems, myths, legends, novels and movies all sing praises to it again and again, as if it is us human beings. The most beautiful and sincere thing in emotion. But why can't I see it in the real world? It's easy for classmates around us to say that they like it, but maybe I write a love letter to you today, and I'm chasing another girl tomorrow. The world of adults is even more Needless to say, fickleness and reality go hand in hand, one of my dad’s colleagues just got into a graduate student at the Chinese Academy of Sciences and dumped his girlfriend who had been with him for two years, lest he delay his splendid future.”
Guan He couldn't breathe with laughter, and said while laughing: "You ask me, who shall I ask? The people you are dating don't know, how would I know? But compared to love, I prefer to believe in kinship, I know my mom loves me and she'll never change her mind on seeing another prettier girl, so I love her with all my heart and heart."
I laughed out loud, Guan He is such a wonderful person! Whether it's true or not, she always decorates her life with flowers, she lets herself live like a princess, and others see her as a princess. This is probably another way of self-love. If you don't take your own misery as misery, no one will dare to despise you.
Guan He asked me curiously, "Qi Qi, what does it feel like to like someone?"
I asked tentatively, "So many boys like you, have you never liked a boy?"
Guan He shook his head: "I'm different from you. I don't have the heart to think about these things. I have to study hard, otherwise I'm sorry for my mother who sacrificed a lot for me."
I calmed down and said with a smile, "It's good not to like it. To like it is to hand over your heart to others, and let others control your emotions. This is not a good thing."
Guan He smiled: "Then why do you still like Zhang Jun? How much do you like him? I mean..." She thought for a while, "Maybe my outlook on life is more realistic and I think more, for example, do you have any Have you ever thought that your academic performance will decline because of being with Zhang Jun? What the teacher said is not necessarily true, but it turns out that puppy love does affect learning. In our position, it is the difference between Tsinghua Peking University and Xi'an Jiaotong University."
Guan He's question was not easy to answer. After thinking about it, I asked her, "Have you seen Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina?"
"I have seen it, but I don't like it very much. Men are selfish and women are cowardly. I prefer "Resurrection"."
""Anna Karenina" is my favorite book. I read this book in the summer vacation of the third year of junior high school. I read it three times in a row. It can be said that it has subverted my view of love."
Guan He made a questioning expression, and I said, "Vronsky loves Anna very much, so much that he doesn't mind that she is married and has children, and that she doesn't mind her reputation being damaged. It can be said that they finally got together after many ups and downs. , they definitely have the most sincere love in the world. But what is the result? When Vronsky really got Anna, when the two people's splendid and passionate love was implemented in the real life day after day, the passion retreated Wollen Sky discovered that love is only a small part of life, and he began to yearn for other parts of life. Obviously, Anna is still the Anna that once fascinated him, but he regretted what she gave up for Anna - family, society He became dissatisfied with Anna because of his status, etc. Anna finally chose to commit suicide by lying on the rails and sacrificed her life to avenge Vronsky. Vronsky will definitely not have peace of mind in the rest of his life, is it worth it?"
"You hate Vronsky?"
"No, I don't hate Vronsky, he's not mean or a bad guy, otherwise he wouldn't be condemned for life by his heart for Anna's death, his thoughts and actions are those of all normal men, Todd Stoy just magnifies the normal man in him realistically. Men can only live for a moment for love, but never for a lifetime. In their lives, career, family, and social status will be more important than love, if he I don't think it's important, I think love is more important, please believe me, it must be an illusion!"
Guan He listened intently: "What about Anna? Do you sympathize with her?"
I said, "I don't sympathize with Anna either. There's nothing wrong with loving someone. A woman's life is full of love, but it must be wrong to love someone so much that you lose yourself. Women always like to Love sacrifices herself, but she doesn't know that when she sacrifices to the point where only love is left, it is also the time when love leaves her. Men can never regard love as the whole of life, so women must not regard men as the whole of life. Anna took Vronsky as her whole life, but ended up killing herself and making Vronsky unhappy for the rest of her life, Anna was a failure in love."
Guan He nodded: "This is the reason why I don't like this book, because there is not a single character in it that I like, but I must admit that Anna is also a realistic magnification of all women, and Annas in real life abound. I think I I understand what you mean, you will not be Anna, and you will never give Zhang Jun the opportunity to be Vronsky."
"Yes! I don't want that ten or twenty years later, when Zhang Jun recalled his high school, he regretted saying that if I hadn't dated Luo Qiqi, maybe I could have been admitted to a good university and a good major. , maybe I won't be the way I am now, how can I be..."
Guan He laughed: "Well, it's an illusion because a man thinks love is more important. One day, he will wake up from the illusion and regret what he lost because of love."
I laughed at myself and said, "I myself think I'm too unlovable to be rational, constantly weighing love and reality."
Guan He looked at me and said, "Wrong, Qiqi, you like Zhang Jun so much that you are afraid that he will regret it in ten years. You don't want him to regret that he once liked you."