I called Guan He and she said with a smile, "Luo Qiqi, not everyone is as smart as you. No matter what happens, you can always sit first in the grade. I have to study hard."
She was very polite, but I always felt that her tone was sarcastic, and there was something in her words, so I said, "I know that the homework is very tight now, but it is precisely because the homework is tight that I need to relax in a timely manner, and accompany me to go roller skating at night, It's been a long time since we played together last summer."
Maybe she remembered the days last summer when I taught her roller skating every week, hesitated for a while, and finally agreed to my request.
There were a lot of people in the roller skating rink, and neither of us was focused on roller skating. After skating for a while, we sat down and rested.
The topic of the conversation between the two was very vague. I turned the topic to study several times, and Guan He joked about me and changed the topic.
Seeing that it was time to return the roller skates, I bit the bullet and decided to cut to the chase: "Guan He, when I first saw your grades drop, I thought it was a normal fluctuation, but I never cared about it. I only recently found out that I have taken several exams. That's it, what happened?"
Guan He said with a smile: "I am not the only one whose grades have dropped. Maybe we are stupid and can't adapt to the increasingly stressful senior year."
"I don't know other people, but I know you are not, you are very smart."
Guan He was stunned for a moment, then smiled and said, "Oh, in front of you, I dare not admit that I am smart, so stop making fun of me!"
"I've been paying attention to you since the first day you transferred to our class. You've always been the smartest and best girl in my heart. I don't believe your grades have dropped because of your stupidity."
Guan He asked in disbelief, "Are you paying attention to me?"
"I didn't lie to you, I really started to pay attention to you since elementary school, envied your excellence, longed to be like you, and even secretly hoped that God would turn me into you. Do you know? In my elementary school graduation album, I only asked one person to leave a message, and it was you. When I was in junior high school, I used to read it often. Every time I saw your words, I felt very sad. So pretty."
Guan He stared at me in surprise.
I sighed with a wry smile: "You have always been excellent since you were a child, and you must not understand my behavior."
Guan He stared at me for a while, lowered his head, and said softly, "I'm not good enough for a long time."
"Academic performance is only one criterion of excellence, not all criteria. I think your best part is in your attitude towards the world. You are generous, neither humble nor arrogant, calm, gentle and sincere. These things have merged into your unique temperament, which I have always yearned for. Have your temperament."
Guan He was silent for a long time, and finally opened his heart a little: "I have been studying hard since the first year of high school. In order to study, I almost gave up everything, but the harder I work, the worse my grades are."
"Are you putting too much pressure on yourself?"
"Can I be stress-free? You know very well what's going on in our family. My mother is counting on me! When I was a freshman in high school, every time she saw my test results, no matter what my score was, she wouldn't be happy. I just keep scolding me for not being the first. My grades have been declining now, she doesn't blame me for not being the first, she started to scold me for not being good at all, I'm sorry for her, and I'm sorry for the underground father." Guan He's eyes , tears glistening, do not want me to see, turned his head sideways, pretending to wipe the sweat with a tissue, but actually wiped tears.
"Your mother is forcing you too much!" I realized that I was very lucky, my parents never said to me for study, "You have to learn to control stress, life can't be without stress, without stress, there is no motivation, but you can't Too much pressure, too much pressure will overwhelm a person. You don't have to carry everything alone, you have to let your mother know that you have worked very, very hard, and let her stop forcing you. ."
Guan He didn't say anything, I didn't know if I got to the point. Guan He is more mature and sensible than Yang Jun, but because of her maturity, she is very good at hiding her thoughts, and it is difficult to communicate with her.
Guan He suddenly smiled and said, "It's hard to come out and play, don't talk about the annoying study. What happened to you and Zhang Jun? I heard that you broke up, is it true?"
My heart hung up, and I immediately asked nervously, "Did Zhang Jun tell you?"
"No, no, Zhang Jun didn't say anything. You haven't been together for a long time. Zhang Jun is unhappy every day, and his grades have dropped so much, everyone is guessing randomly."
"We had a fight a while ago."
"I see!" Guan He looked at me and asked cautiously, "Qi Qi, do you still like Zhang Jun?"
I was embarrassed to answer her, just nodded.
Guan He's eyes were very complicated and he asked, "Why are you arguing?"
"It's ridiculous, it's for learning. His grades didn't improve as he hoped, and I said a few more words, and he felt that I only cared about learning, and didn't care about him at all."
Guan He's eyes became more complicated, and he smiled and said, "Let's go back, my mother should talk to me later."
It seems that the students in the third year of high school are no longer eligible for the summer vacation. After only two weeks of vacation, they start classes, and the weekends are also cancelled. Classes will be held on Saturdays as usual, but only on Sundays.
We were divided into fast and slow classes, Zhang Jun was in class (4), and Guan He was in the same class. The head teacher was his brother-in-law's classmate. I was in class (6), in the same class as Lin Yanyan, Yang Jun, Shen Yuanzhe, Tong Yunzhu, Zhen Gongzi and Jia The son has been assigned to class (8), and has the most ace graduating class teacher in our school—the rate of admission has been ranked first in the school for ten consecutive years.
Our class is the class with the most top 20 students in the grade, that is, the class with the highest proportion of good students, but the teacher configuration is said to be the worst. In the graduating class, the only breakthrough was the English teacher, an old talent with a complete range of piano, chess, calligraphy and painting. He is elegant and well-spoken. He is said to be the best English teacher in our school. After taking his first class, I covered my face and sighed in anticipation of meeting each other for the first time in high school. But our school is so weird, the best teachers in all subjects only take senior three graduating classes, they never take senior one or sophomore. I don't agree with this approach, but this is the reality. Excellent teachers are more willing to take the senior year, because the welfare bonus is unusually generous, and the honor is more intuitive.
Taking advantage of the summer vacation, the school invited senior brothers and sisters who had been admitted to Tsinghua, Peking University, Fudan and other famous universities in previous years to give reports to senior high school students, introducing their learning experience and sharing their college life. At the same time, everyone is welcome to ask questions actively, you can ask about learning methods, you can also ask about the majors and study life of the university.
The atmosphere was very warm, and the students seemed to have countless questions to know, which school is good, which majors are popular, which majors are easy to find a job, and which city is not exclusive...
When the principal asked Chen Jin to speak, it set off a climax.
"Chen Jin spent a year in exchange at the Chinese University of Hong Kong and just came back from Europe. Next, I would like to ask him to tell his younger brothers and sisters what he has learned after going to university."
In the warm applause of everyone, Chen Jin, wearing a white shirt and gray slacks, walked into the lecture hall with a smile. His temperament and demeanor were completely different from those of the past. His exposed edge was transformed into a restrained self-confidence. Half an art major gives him a very casual elegance and calmness in his gestures.
His speech was brief, he briefly introduced himself, and let us ask questions at will. Yang Jun asked a question that would never be answered: "Tsinghua University, or Peking University?"
He joked, "Tsinghua's cafeteria is much better than that of Peking University. You should come to Tsinghua just to eat well." He smiled and glanced at Peking University students who were sitting under the stage, "Of course, people can't just live for material things. If you want to live, you also need to have spiritual pursuits. Peking University has Weiming Lake. If you are in love, Peking University is better."
The students all burst into laughter.
He also talked about the Chinese University of Hong Kong at everyone's request. The completely different teaching methods. The all-English teaching made the students both curious and envious. Some people raised their hands and asked him: "Go to a European university as an exchange student. is it hard?"
"It's not easy, there are a lot of people signing up to compete; it's not too difficult, because it's man-made."
I laughed and thought that he studied architecture, and the ancient buildings in Europe must not be missed, and no matter how difficult it is, we must strive for it.
Guan He raised his hand and asked a very girly question: "Does Paris look like on TV? Is it romantic?"
"Not only Paris, but Venice and Greece are also very beautiful. They are very suitable for lovers. This time is a study trip. I very much hope to have a European trip for love in the future."
The classmates burst into laughter again, and even the principal and teachers laughed without disgust. In laughter, we all have a feeling that we have grown up and are no longer children.
The classmates asked him a lot of questions, and he answered them with humor and wit.
At the end, the principal asked him what he would most like to say to his juniors and seniors.
Chen Jin thought for a while and said, "I used to be the first level with you. I know some of you and some of you. I want to say that the outside world is very exciting, please fly out bravely!"
In the warm applause of everyone, the exchange activity ended. The students were still reluctant to leave, and each gathered around the brothers and sisters in the schools they were interested in asking for advice.
With my hands in the pockets of my denim skirt, I walked out of the lecture hall, kicking and looking up into the distance.
The blue sky is clear, the white clouds are leisurely, the sun is shining, the world is wonderful, but where is my beauty? Is it Zhang Jun? Will he do my wonderful thing
"Luo Qiqi."
I turned around and Chen Jin walked over quickly: "Hey!"
"Hey!"
Side by side with me, he walked silently down the school boulevard. Because it is summer vacation, the campus is very empty and quiet, the sky is very high and the wind is very light, giving people a feeling that the world is very vast.
He asked with a smile, "Do you want to go to Tsinghua University or Peking University?"
"Probably none of them."
"why?"
I didn't want to answer, just smiled. Zhang Jun's best grade so far is grade 29, which is impossible for Tsinghua and Peking University, and I have decided to go to a school with him.
"If you don't want to go to Tsinghua University or Peking University, why are you working so hard?"
"I have no idea."
"It's impossible for you not to know, don't you want to tell me? If so, it's like I didn't ask."
His retreat as advancement played a role, I thought about it for a while, and said, "I have been studying hard since my first year in high school. At first, it was for the sake of others, as if to fulfill their wishes for others, but slowly, I began to enjoy myself. The hard work of the learning process and the joy of success, learning has changed me a lot."
Chen Jin listened intently: "What changes?"
"Outsiders see that it's just a girl who has changed from bad studies to the first in the grade, but I know that my character has changed even more. Now I am very confident in front of anyone. For example, before, if I saw You, I will subconsciously feel that what you do is impossible for me to do, I will tell myself that you and I are not people of the same world, but now, I will not think so. No matter how much you achieve, I will It will naturally feel that as long as I work hard, I can do it, and if I don’t do it, it’s just that I don’t want to or I don’t work hard.”
Chen Jin said: "Since we were born, we have been repeating the process of giving and receiving, and in this process, two types of people have gradually formed. One type of people achieves success through hard work, and over time, more and more Willing to work hard, more and more successful, so his world is optimistic; another kind of person wants to succeed, but is too lazy to pay, can only reap failure, over time, more and more unwilling to work hard, more and more failure, so His world is pessimistic. Studying looks simple and boring, but after all, it has taken up more than ten years of life, and the positive, optimistic and diligent character formed in the process of giving and harvesting has a greater impact on life than good grades themselves."
"Yeah." I nodded, "When I was young, when I thought about the future, I would be very confused and insecure, I didn't know what kind of person I would become, what would my life be like, now, I'm still confused, but I'm not afraid of the future because I know that as long as I work hard, I can take control of my life and become who I want to be."
Chen Jin laughed: "You also said that at the beginning, it was just for others to study hard, and later, unconsciously, it became for yourself. You enjoy hard work and success, and the change in motivation has already represented an ideal change. In fact, It doesn't matter whether you go to Tsinghua University or Peking University, it's just a moment of glory, what matters is what kind of life you want."
I didn't say anything, but I completely agreed with what he said. When I read Liu Yong and Sanmao, I was fascinated by the foreign countries they wrote, and I naturally thought that I was going to travel around the world. Then there is the girl who is willing to live in this city for a lifetime.
We have reached the end of the boulevard, stopped and looked back at the red lecture hall.
The poplar trees on both sides of the road towered into the clouds, the sky was blue, the clouds were white, and the trees were green. There were students walking in groups of three or five, with young eyebrows and flying laughter.
Chen Jin asked, "Did you see it?"
I understand that he is not just referring to the scene in front of us, but to the young and wonderful world ahead of us, and I nodded: "I see."
Zhang Jun, Guan He, and Huang Wei walked over talking and laughing, and when we were approaching, they saw Chen Jin and I standing at the corner.
Just saw the blue sky and white clouds, my heart is soft and clean, staring at them with a smile.
Guan He looked at me and Chen Jin curiously, with envy in his eyes, but Huang Wei turned her head in disdain, but her disdain was full of lack of confidence.
Chen Jin greeted Zhang Jun, Zhang Jun stopped with a smile, and politely said a few words to Chen Jin, but did not look at me.
In an instant, the positivity and brilliance of the conversation with Chen Jin just now was swept away. I felt so tired. Although outsiders saw that my grades were not affected in any way, it seemed that I was the one who didn’t pay attention in this relationship. But in just a few weeks my weight went from 91 pounds to 83 pounds. The mental and physical exhaustion is only known to me.
When Zhang Jun and the others left, I said goodbye to Chen Jin: "Thank you."
"You're welcome, I hope I can invite you to dinner in Tsinghua Garden next September."
I smiled and walked towards the teaching building.
On the one hand is the third year of high school with increasingly heavier learning tasks, and on the other is the continuous cold war between me and Zhang Jun.
Lin still and Yang Jun were both cautious and sympathetic towards me, but I had to cheer up and pretend that I didn't care.
The depression in my heart has nowhere to vent, my forehead and mouth are full of buns, my body has already collapsed before my mind.
Excessive exhaustion makes me want only one result, good or bad.
I decided to leave the decision to Zhang Jun.
After school, I went to Zhang Jun, but he refused to talk to me.
I called his name several times, but he refused to stop. I could only say behind him, "If you want to break up, let's break up."
He stopped abruptly and looked back at me.
I said, "It's boring to look like this now. Why don't you make it clear? We will go our separate ways in the future. If you want to break up, we will break up."
After a long while, he asked in a hoarse voice, "You fell in love with someone else?"
"no."
He looked at me and didn't speak.
I smiled reluctantly: "Since you have no opinion, let's break up! Goodbye!"
I strode out of school, my steps were firm, but my heart was dazed and painful. I wanted to force myself to give up, but I was still reluctant to give up, so I could only leave everything to him to decide.
What will his decision be
On the first day, I waited anxiously and he didn't respond.
The next day, the next day, I was socially tormented and he still didn't show up.
On the third day, I wanted to go to him and tell him that I regretted it and that I didn't want to break up. However, after all, there is still a little pride, so I restrain myself with reason.
A week after I broke up with Zhang Jun, Zhang Jun finally appeared in front of my eyes.
In the early morning, as soon as I left the house, I saw him waiting downstairs, and my heart that was suffering was finally settled. The pain, anxiety, anxiety and sadness together disappeared. It turned out that no matter how I controlled my emotions intellectually, the emotions in my heart were all controlled by him.
But this kind of practice of handing over your own emotions to another person, right? He can push me away anytime
He said, "I don't want to break up, I want to be reconciled, okay?"
"I have one condition."
"I promise." Zhang Jun agreed without asking.
"No matter what happens between us, don't give up your studies. Men shouldn't take decadence as sadness."
Zhang Jun was a little surprised and looked at me with disappointment: "I promise."
"Sadness is sadness, decadence is decadence, sadness is because of the past, but decadence destroys the future, never take decadence as sadness, and use the future to bury the past."
Zhang Jun was noncommittal to my words, only asked: "Then we are reconciled?"
I nodded silently, but there was no joy in my heart, only the exhaustion of the rest of my life. This time, I won the bet, but what about the next time
I seem to have become two people, I love him in the emotional world, but alienate him in the rational world.
In this world, everything has a point in time. Before this point, things will develop in one direction, and after this point, things will develop in another direction.
Many years later, I often think that if on his birthday, he did not choose to confess on that day, but let me confess his feelings for him, if on the night he was drunk, I could run downstairs to meet him. He, if he is willing to talk to me on the day of running the 800 meters, will everything be different
However, not so many ifs.
Zhang Jun also treated me differently from before. I always felt that he seemed unhappy with this reconciliation.
In our daily relationship, he has reluctant concessions, careful accommodation, and bluffing joy.
Maybe, I also have many ifs in his world, but there are not so many ifs in reality, this is fate.
Years later, when I was sitting in a New York street cafe reading a book, I suddenly saw this sentence: "Men heap together the mistakes of their lives, and create a monster they call destiny."
People bring together the mistakes of their lives to create a demon called destiny.