A Book Dedicated to Our Youth

Chapter 6: ignorant feelings (1)

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elder brother

You are the person with the most beautiful smile and the softest voice I have ever seen

elder brother

Are you still the brightest star in heaven

1

fate is reversed

In time, you and I may have already lost their faces. Each in the end of the sky, the corner of the sea.

Outside of time, you and I still have bright eyes, sitting side by side on the steps of the classroom full of peach petals.

Chen Jin and I were originally two parallel lines that would never intersect, but because he chose me to be at the same table, our fates intersected.

Although the reasons were different, both Chen Jin and I did not listen to lectures in class. But he is a good student and can only stare blankly in a daze, while a bad student like me can choose at will from being in a daze, sleeping, and reading novels. At that time, I was addicted to the world of books and couldn't extricate myself, so most of the time I was reading novels. While Chen Jin was in a daze, he occasionally glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, probably confused by my perseverance. Later, when we got to know a little more, he asked me what book I was reading. When he heard the titles of books such as "Xue Rengui's Expedition to the East", "Xue Dingshan's Expedition to the West", "Xue Gang's Anti-Tang", and "Folk Literature", his facial expression collapsed. Because he has never heard of it, he really has the title of "child prodigy". When he heard "A Dream of Red Mansions", his expression became a little normal, but then he said incredulously: "'You don't watch Red Mansions, you don't read Three Kingdoms for old people', your father allows you to watch "A Dream of Red Mansions"?"

It was the first time I heard this statement, and I said: "I don't know, my dad doesn't care if I read books, anyway, there are books in the bookcase, so I read them."

After thinking for a while, he discussed with me: "Lend me your "Dream of Red Mansions", and I'll lend you a set of books."

I brought him "A Dream of Red Mansions", the 1979 edition of People's Literature Publishing House, a set of four copies, and he brought me a set of "Book of Songs" from Shanghai Ancient Books Publishing House. He quickly finished reading "A Dream of Red Mansions", and returned the book to me with a pouted expression. He flipped through "Xue Rengui Zhengdong" again, and threw it back to me before he finished it. Since then, I have borrowed his books to read, he has no interest in my books at all, and my reading taste has changed from Xialiba to spring and snow under his unintentional guidance.

The "Book of Songs" he lent me had no vernacular annotations. I read it very hard and couldn't understand many parts, but he never refused to explain, only told me that the poems do not need to be understood every word, just memorize it , a certain day, a certain moment, a certain scene, its meaning will manifest itself. I don't know if his father told him this or if he was too lazy to explain it.

I didn't want to read it because it was very hard and boring, but Chen Jin found a new pastime in his boring prodigy career, which was to test me. He often said one sentence at random and asked me to answer the next sentence; or he recited half of it and I recited half of it. If I got it right, his expression didn't matter, as it should be; if I couldn't, he shook his head contemptuously at me. Children are competitive, not to mention better than a child prodigy, so inspired by his game, I gradually memorized the entire "Book of Songs".

At first, I was just a pastime for him when he was bored, but my stubbornness made him gradually realize that I was not like other classmates and teachers who had an innate worship complex for child prodigies. So, the two of us began to fight intentionally or unintentionally.

Those who read the class too early have probably had the same experience. For a text that is required to be recited, the teacher will give twenty minutes or half an hour or so, and ask to memorize it. After the time is up, a random check will be conducted. Within the predetermined time, whoever recites the meeting first can raise his hand and recite it to the whole class. The shorter the time and the higher the accuracy, the more honorable it is.

Chen Jin never bothered to participate in such contests, because his memory is really amazing, and he can memorize all the texts in the Chinese textbook. I can recite it to you.” Therefore, when the teacher asked us to recite the text, he was really bored, the students were all reciting, but he was holding the textbook in a daze.

However, with my deskmate who didn't listen to the teacher, he quickly got rid of the boredom in a daze. He showed me the article copied from some book, and asked me to compete with me to see who could memorize the article in the shortest time.

The articles he found were much more interesting than the textbooks. Since I was eager to read his articles, but also competitive, I agreed. Since then, in the morning reading class, the two of us have been busy wrestling with each other. There is no doubt about the result of the game. Often I only read a few paragraphs, and he has already told me that he can recite it to me.

I can't figure out why he can read an article so quickly. If you can't figure it out, don't be ashamed to ask.

Chen Jin did not answer my question directly, but explained an idiom in his uniquely dismissive tone: one eye and ten lines.

In the teacher's mouth, "one eye and ten lines" has always been a derogatory term, and was used to scold the poor students for their perfunctory reading attitude, but Chen Jin said that "one eye and ten lines" comes from "Book of Northern Qi? The Biography of Wang Xiaoyu of Kangshu of Henan", the original text is "love literature, read quickly, and master all ten lines", it is not a derogatory term, it is a downright praise word, this word conveys a fast reading method.

I was at a loss, not knowing what he meant. He gave me a few contemptuous glances, and was very disdainful of my stupidity. At that time, it was a ten-minute break between classes, and he gave me an example: "Now you can not only hear me talking, but also hear Zhou Xiaowen in front of the classroom discussing skirts, Zhang Jun's laughter at the back of the classroom, and the boys outside the classroom at the same time. scream."

I nodded stupidly, as long as I listened carefully, it wasn't just these voices.

He said: "Just as the human ear can hear the voices of four or five people at the same time, and can understand what they are saying, so is the eye, our eyes can look at several lines at the same time, and remember several lines at the same time. The content of the line. In fact, the human brain capacity is very amazing, and a human brain is no less than a universe. When multiple people speak at the same time, people's clear consciousness seems to be at the same time. In fact, for the brain, it will automatically sort out and capture and processing. One eye is a kind of fast meaning, but it is reflected in time, so fast that it can be ignored. After conscious training, the processing speed of the brain is far beyond human imagination. Therefore, one eye and ten lines are for the brain. There is a sequence, but for a person's sober consciousness, this speed can be ignored to the point of only one eye."

He raised his hand and flicked his fingers in front of my eyes, and said to me, "Just this one time is already sixty moments in the Buddhist scriptures, but for the brain, it may have been divided into thousands, tens of thousands of times. Duan. My dad said that there are only two entities in this world that exist infinity, the first is the human brain, and the second is the universe. As long as you believe in it..." He pointed to my head, "exercise it with your heart, and it will can do it."

I was shocked, but what shocked me, the stupid big sister, was not what Chen Jin said, but that he broke the sanctity of the teacher's words and dared to completely refute the teacher's definition of one eye and ten lines.

Shocked, I secretly remembered his words. When I was reading a novel, I began to consciously force myself to scan two lines at a time, from two lines to three lines, from three lines to four lines...

This process is very painful, but under the inducement of competitive spirit, no matter how painful it is, I still force myself to force my brain to operate to the limit.

Before I knew it, my reading and memory skills improved rapidly. The match between me and Chen Jin has changed from being one-sided to one where I occasionally win. Every time Chen Jin was in trouble with me, his expressions would be very rich, pretending to be calm, indifferent, secretly lucky, frowning in thought, secretly staring at me... Anyway, any of them is more fun than his usual pretending to be old.

In the first semester of the fifth grade, I had a great time. First of all, Mr. Zhao left me alone. Second, I first tasted the joy of liking someone. Once again, Chen Jin was really an interesting deskmate. Because of these, I'm even starting to feel that school isn't that obnoxious.

When the first semester of the fifth grade was about to end, during one day's self-study class, Chen Jin suddenly said to me, "I won't come to class tomorrow."

I thought he was ill, or something happened, and Teacher Zhao was sitting on the podium grading his homework again, so he just hummed.

He swiped my workbook towards him and motioned for me to put my head over it.

With a pen in his hand, he wrote casually on the scratch paper, as if he was giving me a topic: "My mother wanted me to skip grades a long time ago, but my father never agreed. A few days ago, my mother finally persuaded my father to let me I skipped a grade. Last week, I went to No. 1 middle school to do the test paper for junior high school. I got a perfect score in the math paper for the second year of junior high school, but I didn’t do well in English test. I only got a little over 80 in the test. After my father discussed it with the principal, he let me down The semester started with the first year of junior high school, my mother asked me to drop out, and I used this time to read the books of other courses in the first year of junior high school.”

"You mean you won't come to class anymore?"

"Yeah, say hello to you. Teacher Zhao doesn't know yet. My mother will come to the school tomorrow and tell the principal directly."

Chen Jin didn't seem to be happy when talking about the grade jump that everyone admired. After all, he went to school early, and now he skips two grades in a row, four years younger than his classmates who entered the school at a normal age. In the four years of a child, the psychological gap is very large. A thirty-four-year-old may not feel that a thirty-year-old is very different from him, but a fourteen-year-old first-year student will definitely feel that a ten-year-old third-grade student is not from the same world.

The title of "prodigy" is in a certain sense "alternative" in another meaning, and it is also a person who is excluded from the crowd. When I grew up, I occasionally thought, was Chen Jin's arrogance at the time just like my indifference, just a mask to protect himself

For his departure, I have a little nostalgia for him, but it is not strong. After all, Chen Jin and I are not from the same world.

After school, he carried his schoolbag and stood on the podium for a long time, silently watching the chasing and slapstick of the classmates in the classroom. There was no arrogance in his brows, but a deepness beyond his age.

As he was leaving, he said goodbye to me, and I waved casually.

I was lying on the window and saw him carrying a schoolbag, walking slowly across the campus alone, looking around as he walked, as if he had a lot of reluctance to give up. The boys around were all in groups of three or five, walking with their shoulders hooked, all taller than him, making him even smaller.

I picked up my schoolbag and ran downstairs quickly, chasing after him: "I... I'll go home too, let's go together."

His eyes lit up, but there was still an arrogant expression on his face.

I accompanied him slowly out of the school, until we reached the intersection where we had to part ways. He waved to me, "Goodbye." After saying that, he strode up.

I waved at his back and continued walking.

Each of us is like a planet. The starting point is birth and the end point is death. This is already prescribed by God for us. However, the trajectory between birth and death depends on many factors. We operate in the vast universe, the first two planets we encounter are our parents, then teachers, friends, lovers, bosses...

We encounter and collide with other planets, and these collisions inevitably affect our trajectory, some positive and some negative. For example, falling in love with someone who is not worthy of love, meeting a bad teacher, meeting a mean boss, these are probably typical negative encounters. When you meet a good teacher, meet a boss who admires you, and make friends who are willing to help yourself in difficult situations, Feng Shui often refers to such people as noble people. In fact, noble people are very typical face-to-face encounters.

Chen Jin was the first person in my life who had a significant positive impact on me. During this time at the same table, he brought me into a world that I never knew before. Although he was still standing at the door, But because of his guidance, I have unconsciously embarked on a path.

But at the time, I didn't know these things. He taught me the way of study, the stories he told me in recess, the poetry he tested me, the music he recommended me to listen to, the outstanding people he admired, all these things, in the At that time, in my eyes, it was just a game between children, and it would not be more meaningful than jumping rubber bands and throwing sandbags, but in fact, what he brought me subtly changed the trajectory of my life.

Chen Jin's sudden departure caused a great sensation in our class. During that time, many girls often lie on the table and cry, which is really a collective lovelorn.

Later, I don't know which persistent girl found out the address of Chen Jin's house. The girls in the class were very excited and started saving money. They planned to give each of them five yuan to buy a souvenir for Chen Jin. I didn't participate. , my family is not rich, my pocket money is limited, they have more important places, such as buying orange water.

But the problem is that although I am not rich, I am definitely not poor. Many girls from poor families do their best to donate money. My behavior is extremely unforgivable in the eyes of many girls. Because of this, I was once again a special case of our class, and the whole class knew that I didn't like Chen Jin. In the hearts of the girls in our class, the most accurate expression of this sentence should be, you, how dare you not like Chen Jin? ! Because of Chen Jin, I was isolated like never before, and almost all the girls in the class regarded me as hatred.

At the time, I thought they were disgusting, but when I think about it now, I feel that this is such a pure and simple relationship. I like it so much that I don't have any possessiveness at all. I even become more intimate because I like the same person. Only in elementary school can I have this kind of like.

Not long after Chen Jin left, the first semester of the fifth grade was over. I don't know what kind of gift the girls bought for Chen Jin, because in their eyes I don't have the right to like Chen Jin with them, I just know They did go to Chen Jin's house with gifts during the winter vacation, so that for a long time in the second semester, the topics they talked about were still Chen Jin, how beautiful Chen Jin's mother was, how wise Chen Jin's father was, and how much Chen Jin's home was. Noble, how excellent Chen Jin is.

At the beginning of the second semester, my asteroid met another large planet that had a major impact on me.

Teacher Zhao cannot substitute for this semester due to physical reasons. A new teacher, Gao, who has just graduated from a normal secondary school, has arrived. Maybe because she is a fresh graduate, she has infinite passion and creativity for her work. She tells us jokes and sings in class. If someone gets distracted, she even pretends to be pitiful and says to us: "I know math is boring. But I am trying very hard to make it interesting, you can give me your opinion, but you are not allowed to listen."

Teacher Gao likes to laugh very much. She never scolds any students, and never discriminates between good students and bad students. Even, I think she is more partial to bad students. When she talks to us, she is always gentler and more patient. As if afraid of hurting us.

Because of Teacher Gao, I no longer resist doing homework, but the foundation is too poor, even if I do it, it will be appalling. However, I found that every time Teacher Gao carefully marked each of my test questions, and wrote her comments on the answering method in detail next to it. There are many questions that I did wrong, and she would write praise and praise me. The way of thinking is very unique. It was the first time that I encountered a wrong question and was praised. In addition to being surprised, I couldn't help but have a somewhat inexplicable feeling for Teacher Gao.

She would ask me questions in every class. If I answered them, she would praise me enthusiastically. If I couldn't answer them, she always smiled and said, "Think about it carefully, this question is based on your ability. It can be answered." Then he let me sit down.

In the eyes of adults, children seem to be ignorant, but our hearts are more sensitive than we can imagine. I am like a sunflower that grows in the dark, I have longed for sunlight for too long, just when I thought that the world was darkness, I am a useless person in the eyes of all adults, and it is impossible for any adult to give me a little warmth When I was paying attention, Teacher Gao appeared. She looked at me with trusting and expectant eyes, but I was hesitant, wondering whether I should trust her kindness. During the hesitation, I did not work hard in the good direction, but instead became worse and worse. During her class, I deliberately read novels, deliberately did not listen to lectures, and deliberately wrote homework. She said east, I leaned west; she said west, I turned east, I wanted to use my thorns to force out her "true face".

I still don’t understand what I was thinking at the time. I can only roughly speculate that I am trying to prove that there is no sunshine in my world, to let myself give up, and there is no hope and no disappointment. Maybe I am just protecting myself in another way.

But Teacher Gao has never been forced by me to show her "true face". She tolerated all my actions that hurt the enemy and myself with a heart that parents tolerate for their children.

One thing happened in the middle, which completely dispelled my doubts about her. In order to let Teacher Gao know the situation of our class as soon as possible, during the recuperation period after Teacher Zhao's operation, the school specially arranged for Teacher Zhao to meet with her to let her know about the situation of each student.

I have always realized it with hindsight. When I heard the news, Mr. Zhao was already sitting in Mr. Gao's office. At that time, I felt that a bucket of ice water was poured on my body, and all the small flames that were brewing in my heart were extinguished. Mr. Gao's office is on the first floor. I sneaked down to the office building and squatted under the window to eavesdrop. It was too late when I went there. I didn't hear what Mr. Zhao said. He politely said to Teacher Zhao: "...Everyone makes mistakes, and making mistakes is not unforgivable. Both Luo Qiqi and Zhang Jun are very smart students..."