I met you in the rainy season at the age of 17
Your innocent smile has accompanied me for many years
Now we've all grown up
You are still the same ageless face
1
First kiss to remember forever
The world is so big, yet I meet you;
The world is so small, but I have lost you.
The world is so big, but I can never forget you;
The world is so small, but I can never meet you again.
On Wednesday afternoon, after class, the head teacher asked me to go to her office.
I vaguely understood what she wanted to talk about, and sure enough, she was talking about the students in the previous classes of puppy love, using their experience of falling grades and failing the college entrance examination to teach me that puppy love is definitely not correct. From the perspective of being a woman, it is specially emphasized that girls are more emotional, whether psychologically or physically, puppy love will hurt girls far more than boys.
She spoke bitterly for an hour, and I remained silent.
As soon as I walked out of the office, I immediately forgot everything she said and put it in the trash can. It's not that what she said didn't make sense, but the big truth she said. I understand better than her that she underestimated mine too much. mind.
Zhang Jun was also asked by the head teacher to talk, and he must have been admonishing him to break up, but we all assumed that nothing had happened, and we didn't even bother to discuss this issue.
Teacher, for me and Zhang Jun, it is very annoying, but it does not constitute any deterrent.
Zhang Jun and I are still "puppy love" in our own way. I have the aura of being the first in the grade. Zhang Jun is the top four in the class. The head teacher and his brother-in-law know each other. The teachers adopt gentle education methods, but they are still very disturbing. Every week, they are invited to the office to talk. I want to tell the teacher that if my study is affected, it is not because of puppy love, but because of you.
After the mid-term exam results, I was the No. 1 in the grade, and Jun Zhang was No. 28 in the grade.
I breathed a sigh of relief. Now, the teacher shouldn't be talking about puppy love affecting our studies, right
On Saturday night, Zhang Jun asked me to go for a walk by the river.
The autumn color has already dyed the poplar forests on both sides of the river bank. At first glance, it is golden and has a heavy splendor.
We sat on the bridge and watched the river flow under the bridge.
Zhang Jun handed me an old tin biscuit box, I opened it, and there were many beautiful stones in it.
I looked at him suspiciously, and he smiled and said, "Late birthday present."
I couldn't help it, pursed my lips and smiled: "I thought you forgot this year."
"I won't forget," he said.
"Why are there so many stones? Didn't you say you would only give me one a year?"
He picked up a few stones, let them fall from his fingers, and made a clinking sound: "In these years, when I like you, I will pick up stones, and when I don't like you, I will throw all the stones I pick up. I still remember when I was in junior high school, I saw you dancing with Xu Xiaobo once. I ran here that night, threw all the stones, and said to myself, I definitely don’t like you anymore.”
The picture of the past came to my mind, as clear as it happened yesterday, but it has been more than three years in the blink of an eye.
I smiled bitterly and said, "I was under the bridge that night."
"Huh?" He didn't understand.
"The night you threw the stone, I sat there and watched you all the time. After you left, I went home. I was scolded by my dad because I came home too late." I pointed to the shadow beside the bridge pier. , where I was sitting.
He turned his head to look at me, the expression on his face was a mixture of sadness and joy. It was very strange. I guess I was not much better than him. It took us more than 700 days to walk from the bridge to the bridge.
He looked down at the river and said, "I always thought you hated me, but then you helped me hide the gun, and I thought you couldn't do these things for everyone. When you refused to give me the gun, I looked I was anxious, but I was very happy. I felt that you seemed to care about me, otherwise, I would not have checked the regulations on the conviction of possession of firearms. Later, when you put a question on me, I thought, would you like me a little, but you I've been with Xu Xiaobo all the time. I'll take the question to you too. You say you don't like Xu Xiaobo, and I'm very happy. Later, I was detained in the police station for interrogation. Fear and joy at the same time.”
At that time, it wasn't just him who was uncomfortable. I whispered: "Every time I see you with someone else, it is very uncomfortable. The dress I wore when I danced with Xiaobo that day was red because of you... Wearing a red dress."
"Why did you ignore me at the time?" Zhang Jun rubbed my head a few times, and then held my arm fiercely, very hard, very hard, so hard that it hurt so much, I also knew that he just wanted to let I feel this pain.
I silently and joyfully felt the pain he gave me. He sighed and let go of me.
His eyes were so sad, I felt sore in my heart, leaning on his shoulder, for the first time, very gentle and very humble: "We don't quarrel anymore, if you don't want me to communicate with Shen Yuanzhe, I will distance myself from him. of."
He stared at me and smiled sadly but tenderly: "Qiqi, it would be great if you remained the same."
I thought he was talking about my feelings, lowered his eyes, and said shyly, "I will always like you, and it will never change."
He suddenly lowered his head and touched my lips lightly.
My body tensed, my heart was nervous and expecting, I closed my eyes, but didn't turn my head, with hints of encouragement.
He was hesitating, nervous, and didn't dare to take the next move. I waited for a long time, but he didn't move. I turned my head in disappointment, my eyes still closed in embarrassment. But he lowered his head and kissed my cheek again. I tilted my head in his direction, slid my lips over his face, and kissed his cheek a few times. His lips finally touched, he tentatively kissed me lightly, but left immediately, I didn't turn my head, I held his arm tightly, he seemed to make up his mind suddenly, bowed his head abruptly, and finally He really kissed me, and gently opened my lips with the tip of his tongue.
Because of my clumsiness, this kiss was not as touching as it was described in the novel. The two often touched their tongues and their teeth to their teeth, but we were still very involved.
When he finished, I still closed my eyes tightly, without any strength in my body, leaning against him softly. He held my hand tightly and said, "Qiqi, I'm sorry, I've always been a bad person."
I buried my face in his neck and hummed softly, "Well, you're a big bad guy, but I like big bad guys."
Zhang Jun murmured to himself: "They say that girls will always remember their first kiss. I don't know if it's true."
I smiled and said, "Ten years later, you can ask me."
He looked at me silently, smiled, but erratically.
The late autumn evening breeze brought a hint of coolness, he took off his coat and draped it over my shoulders.
I shrank in his clothes and held his hand silently, feeling the peace that I haven't seen in a long time. I feel that the previous quarrels are boring, everything else becomes unimportant, I only know that I like him very much, as long as he likes me, I will be very happy.
He has also been sitting silently, holding my hand tightly, which makes me feel very warm.
He suddenly asked me, "Have you decided what major to study in the future?"
"During this period of time, I was busy arguing and getting angry. How could I have time to think about this? Don't you have time to think about this?" I was half coquettish, half complaining.
"I think a lot, especially about your future."
"What? Let's hear it."
He gave me a sudden hug, smiled and said, "Don't talk about that tonight, okay?"
It's obviously a topic you brought up by yourself, I smiled, full of joy, only my love for him, I nodded lightly: "Okay."
He held my hand, looked up at the sky, smiled and said, "Tell you a joke."
During his jokes, I laughed and laughed while he kept looking at me.
From Monday to Friday, Zhang Jun never came to see me and went home with me.
Since last weekend, the two of them talked by the bridge, my mind has become calmer, and I no longer worry about gains and losses, and I don't care about these details.
During the daytime class on Saturday, Zhang Jun still didn't come to me, so I had to go to him after school.
He and Huang Wei were sitting by the fountain downstairs and joking. Huang Wei turned a blind eye to me, and I pretended not to see her, and just said to Zhang Jun, "What time will I see you in the evening?"
Zhang Jun looked at me silently for a while: "Didn't you see Tong Yunzhu?"
"What's wrong? Is she looking for me?"
Zhang Jun shook his head and was silent for a long time: "I have something to do tonight."
In front of Huang Wei, I didn't want to show any disappointment, I smiled and nodded: "Okay, then I'll go first."
I started to get angry while walking. After being angry for a few minutes, I reminded myself that I just said last weekend that I would not be angry, and my mood slowly calmed down. Maybe Zhang Jun has something important, but he just forgot to tell me.
Tong Yunzhu caught up panting and handed me a letter: "Why did you disappear as soon as school was over? This is what Zhang Jun asked me to pass on, so I can give it to you after school."
I'm very surprised, he never wrote me a letter, why suddenly gave me a letter
I don't care about going home, I just want to find a quiet place first and read the letter without interruption. He ran to the river in one breath, threw his schoolbag on the ground, and opened the letter.
Luo Qiqi
As soon as I saw the beginning, my heart sank and I watched it again in disbelief.
Luo Qiqi:
I wanted to talk to you last week, but I really don't know how to speak, so I can only write a letter.
When I was in elementary school, I always felt guilty for you. Every time I saw you in silence, I wanted to do something for you. At that time, you were really like a little rabbit, and you were the kind of rabbit that was most easily frightened. Every time I was with you, I would be very nervous and very careful, for fear of scaring you away.
The memories of elementary school are not beautiful, but because of Teacher Gao, all the unhappiness becomes irrelevant. There has never been a teacher as good to me as Teacher Gao. When everyone thought that I was hopeless, only Teacher Gao would praise me. Without Teacher Gao, I would definitely be utterly bad until I rotted to death on the street. During the summer vacation of the fifth grade, I went to listen to Teacher Gao's lectures every day, and then went home with you. No smoking, no fighting, and a lot of exercises to do. Obviously, it's not fun at all, but I'm just happy, happy every day, and I look forward to going to school.
Once, the two of us were playing in the river, and I was lying on a big rock to sleep. You covered me from the sun with a summer hat, so I pretended to sleep on purpose, to see how long you could hold it, but you actually held it all the time, making me I'm really embarrassed to pretend to sleep again. Do you remember? Must have forgotten. You were so stupid back then. You were so stupid that you didn't know what to say. As long as Teacher Gao and I were looking at you, you would stammer, and you wouldn't be able to say anything you knew you could do.
After I entered junior high school, I had more and more friends, and the teachers treated me well, but I don’t know why, but I always think of that summer vacation in the fifth grade, that we listened to Mr. Gao’s lecture together, and that you solved the problem very quickly, but ended up getting stuck. I can't explain what I stutter, and I want to explain it to you next to me. As I speak, you keep nodding your head, not afraid of a sore neck. I will also remember the silly look of you holding a cool hat to shade me from the sun.
I often thought later that if we didn't go to the same middle school, maybe it would only be a very good memory, and you would only be a memory with regret and happiness, but we are in a school, and I can do it every day When I see you, there are karaoke halls and dance halls, no matter where I go, I can always meet you.
I'm worried that you and Xu Xiaobo will get bad together, that you can't deal with those gangsters, and that you stubbornly fight against the cornucopia in the stupidest way. But you haven't gotten worse, not only haven't gotten worse, but you've gotten better. From always bowing his head when talking to people, to standing in front of thousands of people and winning a speech; from stammering when he is nervous and unable to speak clearly, to representing the school in a debate competition. I went to listen to every speech and debate competition of yours; I also went to read the board newspapers you published, and I specially recorded the clips of you in the TV news. Watching you become a little bit more confident and happier, I am heartily happy for you.
I always thought that these were all because I had done something wrong to you, because of guilt, so I hoped that you could live well. When I suddenly found out that I was jealous of Xu Xiaobo, I realized that I had fallen in love with you, and I didn't even know when this happened.
When I was a freshman in high school, you were in the next class, and I could see you almost every hour of the day. You've never seen discipline as zero and always like to be late. Everyone was already seated in the classroom, and you stepped on the ready bell and walked to the classroom. I used the power of the squad leader to occupy the position with the best sight. I like to see you at that time, with a high pony tail, walking without looking sideways, holding your head high, taking big strides, the pony tail wagging happily behind your head. You exude confidence all over you, like a fighter, striding across with your head held high no matter what lies ahead. Every time I see you, I feel like I have a lot of energy.
You are often reprimanded by teachers of various subjects for being late, but you still go your own way. Once you were late again, and the teacher didn’t let you into the classroom. I saw you concentrate on admiring the scenery outside the window, dipping your finger in water, Painting on the glass, I obviously enjoy being kicked out of the classroom by the teacher, and even those who look at you will feel happy. I even thought to myself at the time, it would be best if you can be punished by the teacher for standing so often that I will be able to see you in class often.
At that time, I wanted to tell you that I liked you every day, but when I thought about secretly escorting you home, your name was "Xiaobo", and when Song Peng confessed to you, you took the love letter back in public. In front of Song Peng, I was timid.
Because of the summer camp, I finally got a chance to be really close to you. I have tried countless tricks to catch up with you. Every day I am with you, I am amazed and apprehensive. I am always afraid that I am not good enough to be liked enough by you.
Probably because I have known you since I was a child, I always have a little you in my heart. I always try to protect you and take care of you, but you have grown up, not only grown up, but also stronger and better than the average person, I am in you In front of you is just an ordinary boy, you don't need my protection and care at all.
When I was first with you, I swore to myself, ecstatically, that I would make you happy forever, but now I realize that I didn't do it, and I no longer have the ability to do it.
I used to love you very much, but those feelings have been exhausted in countless trivial contradictions and quarrels again and again.
I thought about it for a long time and felt that breaking up was the best ending for you and me. You will definitely meet a good guy in the future who will keep your head up and stride forward forever.
Zhang Jun
I didn't cry, and I didn't feel bad. I don't believe this is true.
I shoved the letter into my pocket at will, carried my schoolbag, and went home peacefully, but put down my schoolbag, lied to my mother, and walked out of the house again.
I went to Zhang Jun's house to find him, called Zhen Gongzi to inquire about his whereabouts, and went to look for him in the places he frequented. I had no idea what I was thinking, only that I wanted to see him.
I searched for a whole night, searched all over the home, school, roller skating rink, karaoke hall, dance hall... but couldn't find him.
I went downstairs to his house and sat on the table beside the flower bed, waiting for him.
It was past eleven o'clock in the evening, and he still hadn't come home. I still waited, not thinking about how my parents would deal with my late return. It wasn't until twelve o'clock that a familiar figure appeared under the dim street lights.
He put his hands in his trouser pockets, lowered his head, and walked slowly.
"Zhang Jun."
He turned around and stared at me blankly, never thinking that it was after twelve o'clock that I was still here.
I walked up to him, I didn't want to cry, I could only try to smile: "I've read your letter, I want to know if you're serious?"
He nodded slowly: "Seriously."
"Is there really no chance of salvation?" I admire myself for being able to speak so logically.
"There is still half a year before the college entrance examination. You should concentrate on your studies, and don't force yourself to accommodate me."
"I like you, you know? I want to do whatever I want, I don't force myself."
He was silent for a while, looked away and said, "But I don't like you anymore." He seemed to be afraid that I wouldn't believe it, and said, "It's very unhappy to be with you, after a long time, no matter how much you like it, it will be destroyed. depleted."
I can't breathe in pain, as if a house in my heart that has been carefully maintained is collapsing with rumble, as if my whole heart is about to shatter into powder, but there is a strange smile on my face, maybe to prevent tears from falling Maybe it's just a habitual reaction for so many years, the more you get hurt, the more you have to cover it up with a smile.
"I'll take you home," he said.
We walked in silence. When we passed the familiar bridge, I stumbled on the steps. He supported me. The physical contact made me suddenly, without any pride, grab his hand. , almost pleadingly asked him: "Can we not break up? No matter what, I am willing to change, you tell me, I will change."
He stared at me silently, as if there was nostalgia in his eyes, but just when I thought he would agree, he pulled out his hand: "You can't turn your head around for a while now, get a good night's sleep tonight, and tomorrow you'll know it's no big deal. "
My pride and reason have not allowed me to say anything, but my fragility and feelings are not willing, I grabbed his gradually leaving fingertips, hoping that he would be soft-hearted, but his strength is greater and more decisive. Finally, he pulled out his hand forcefully and moved away from me.
He was walking in front and I was walking behind, keeping a distance between them.
I suddenly remembered the story he told me about his quitting smoking. He has been smoking since the second grade of primary school and has been smoking until the third grade of junior high school. He is quite addicted to smoking, and he needs to smoke at least one pack a day. When he was a freshman in high school, he decided to be a normal student and started to quit smoking. It was very uncomfortable. Friends around him often tempted him deliberately and gave him cigarettes, but he said that since he has decided, he must persevere. After the worst days, everything will get better. Sure enough, after the worst days. Weeks later, he no longer has any desire to smoke.
I think this time, too, he made up his mind to wean me off.