When I walked downstairs to my house, I refused to go upstairs and kept standing, but he turned around and was about to leave: "I'm going home." This was the first time he didn't watch me go upstairs, and he didn't tell me with a smile. call him.
I felt ashamed for my reluctance to give up, and immediately ran into the building door, but just rushed to the second floor, thinking that this was the last time he took me home, and from then on, he would never appear in my life, I just Heart pierced like a knife, bent over, almost unable to breathe in pain, all self-esteem is nothing, and rushed downstairs again.
He has gone far, and under the street lamp, his figure has become unusually thin.
"Zhang Jun!"
All my emotions melted into the piercing screams, how I wish he could understand how sad I am at this moment, how much I wish he could turn back.
He didn't seem to hear me calling him at all and kept walking. But I knew he heard it because he stopped.
I kept staring at him and he never looked back.
A long time after his figure disappeared, I climbed upstairs in despair. My parents were very angry and asked me where I had gone. I rushed into the bedroom and locked the door.
Mom and Dad kept scolding me, but everything seemed to be separated from me. My body sits here, but my soul doesn't know where it is.
Gradually, the voices were quiet, only me, sitting in the dark.
When I remembered to look at my watch, it was already three in the morning.
I didn't wash my face or brush my teeth. I just lay down, but I couldn't fall asleep. Thinking that from tomorrow, Zhang Jun will have nothing to do with me, I felt as uncomfortable as being beaten up, I felt sick to my stomach, and it seemed like I was going to throw up. I ran to the bathroom, but I didn't eat dinner at all, so I couldn't vomit, I just squatted on the ground and snorted.
After tossing all night, I didn’t close my eyes at all. Soon it was 6:30. The alarm clock sounded as usual, without the slightest emotion, reminding me that I should recite English.
I seem to have finally found something to do in a collapsed world. I took out my English book, locked myself on the balcony, yelled at my throat, and read English frantically, but did I remember it in my mind? clear.
After my mother got up, she wanted to continue teaching me about the night I returned last night, but she found that I had been studying hard on the balcony, and she didn't say anything.
Mom made egg pancakes and warmed up milk. I didn't have any appetite, and my mother asked me, "What's the matter? You must have breakfast, or you will be exhausted all day."
I didn't want her to see the difference, so I picked up the bowl and forced myself to start breakfast.
While eating breakfast, my sister and her mother bargained over how much pocket money should be given to her this month. My head went blank, my ears were buzzing, I couldn't hear what they were saying, but when my mother asked me, I could answer them as usual.
My mother asked me, "Are you still going out to find your classmates this afternoon?" I usually go to see Zhang Jun on weekends.
Suddenly, my tears fell, and I didn't even have time to hide it. I immediately lowered my head, raised the bowl halfway to my face, pretended to be drinking milk, and covered my face with the bowl, but I could clearly see my tears One by one fell into the milk, and on the smooth milky white, there were ripples in circles.
In a trance, I heard a voice calmly say "don't go out", a voice so far and unfamiliar that it didn't seem like my own voice at all.
All day, I held the book and studied tirelessly, but from 6:30 in the morning to 10:00 in the evening, the books I read in total were only one page.
At night, I lie in bed and tell myself that anyone in this world will still live if they leave. I am in excruciating pain. In one year, I will not remember the pain at all. Ten years later, when people mention Zhang Jun's name, It would take me a long time to remember who he was.
Everything will pass, everything will pass!
In the self-persuasion over and over again, it was difficult to go to school until dawn.
When Yang Jun saw me, he asked in surprise, "Did you stay up all night working hard? Why is your face so ugly?"
"Well, do the questions to three or four points."
Yang Jun was greatly stimulated and immediately began to work hard.
I know that it won't be long before the news of my breakup with Zhang Jun will spread throughout the whole school, and many eyes will look at me. My self-esteem will not allow myself to become decadent because of a broken love. All day, I force myself to read and study , even if it is almost inefficient.
After Zhang Jun "dumped" me, his confidante Huang Wei accompanied him home every day.
I have always known that Huang Wei likes him, but Zhang Jun is very slow. He always thinks that Huang Wei and him are pure friendship. I don't know what relationship he has with Huang Wei now, but it's a fact that they are both in and out. All the classmates started to say that Zhang Jun's new girlfriend is Huang Wei.
My all-time fears came true, I became one of Zhang Jun's ex-girlfriends, and all eyes turned to me with sympathy and schadenfreude.
I tried hard to pretend that I didn't care. In the class, I became very lively, and I kept playing tricks and fighting with Yang Jun, laughing every day, lest others not know that I was happy.
Shen Yuanzhe often accompanies me home after school, chats with me, and occasionally picks me up to go to school. He is so blatant that the rumors about me and him soon become in full swing. Instead of avoiding suspicion, I use it more frequently. Gao Di and Shen Yuanzhe went home and went to school together to make this rumor more vivid.
Lin still invited me to the library every weekend to study together. Yang Jun helped me sort out the strategies for the difficult problems. He wanted to play games with me under the guise of doing homework with me. Later, Shen Yuanzhe also joined our weekend study group.
I am very pleased that during this most difficult time, there are still friendships around me. They have not raised any questions, but they have used all kinds of companionship to do the limit of what a friend can do.
The school held a boring introduction to the learning experience in the auditorium. I learned from Chen Jin and completed a three-minute task in one minute. Until now, I realized that it wasn't that Chen Jin didn't want to tell the truth, but that the teacher was unhappy that we didn't need to listen to everything in class and do all the homework.
After the meeting, I quickly walked out of the lecture hall. When I was outside the teaching building, I was stopped by the first grader of the second year of high school and asked me for some questions about my studies. I wasn't in the slightest mood, but I suddenly remembered Chen Jin, so I stopped, listened patiently to his doubts, and then gave the most pertinent answer.
Gradually, more and more people were listening to me, and they gathered into a small circle, and some junior and junior brothers bought me drinks.
I was answering patiently, when I saw Zhang Jun and Huang Wei coming side by side, maybe Huang Wei's smile was too dazzling, so I smiled brightly, and I waved to Zhang Jun and said hello easily, but he suddenly turned pale. Changed, stared at me hard, and walked away quickly.
I still smiled brightly and answered the questions of the juniors and juniors happily. After answering the questions, I kept smiling and walked into the teaching building. Tong Yunzhu, who was standing by the corridor window, asked with a cold face, "Have you ever liked Zhang Jun? ?"
I smiled and said nothing. I have always known that the opposite of love is not hate, but to treat him like an ordinary person, and I have always been good at disguising.
I was very unhappy, very miserable, but I couldn't let anyone know that I was miserable.
I am very fortunate that the soul is wrapped in a skin, so we can live every day with the soul to the soul and the body to the body.
During that time, I didn’t dare to recall. Every time I recalled it, there was only pain. I couldn’t remember what I did every day. It seems that every day when I go to school, I need to take a deep breath, and it feels like I am not going to school, but going to war.
It came to the end of the period in a hurry.
After the results of the final exam were announced, I was still the No. 1 in the grade, and I didn't believe it myself. Lin Yiran, Yang Jun, and Shen Yuanzhe all know that in the past two months, all my energy has been devoted to pretending to be happy, and I have not invested much energy in my studies. But learning is probably like driving a train, as long as you get on the track, everything will automatically move forward.
I don't know how I got the first place, but I'm glad I'm still the first in my grade. The first grade in the grade can clearly tell everyone that Luo Qiqi was not hurt! Luo Qiqi doesn't care that Zhang Jun doesn't like her anymore!
This is the advantage of being an eagle. Everyone thinks that you are a strong person, and the emotion of being injured will not coexist with you.
High school seniors no longer have the right to spend the winter vacation. The school announced that it will only be a holiday for the New Year, and classes will continue as usual at other times. So after the exams, we still have classes.
During the winter vacation, I didn't go to Mr. Gao to say New Year's greetings, I just wrote a greeting card and mailed it to her. Because I don't know how to deal with it, I don't know how to explain it.
I began to count the days, looking forward to the college entrance examination, hoping to end my life here soon. I was once again like when I was in elementary school, I just wanted to run away. It turns out that after so many years, I am still the one who just wants to run away when encountering things.
After the Chinese New Year, the countdown to the college entrance examination begins, and a big red Arabic numeral sign is erected at the back of the classroom. Every day, the teacher will change the number by himself, reminding everyone that July 7th is one day less.
Under the huge pressure of the college entrance examination, the students are all immersed in their studies, and everyone's face is covered with a gray layer. Hope is ahead, but the pain in front of them will be endured with the flesh day by day.
I began to truly accept the fact that Zhang Jun and I were separated, and I became very silent, no longer loudly fighting with Yang Jun, and no longer laughing. However, before the depressing college entrance examination, everyone became silent and unhappy, and my changes seemed extraordinarily normal.
Day by day, Zhang Jun seems to have disappeared, I haven't seen him for a long time.
When we were in junior high school, we used completely different stairs to enter and exit the classroom, and we often "ran into each other", but now we walk up and down the same stairs every day, but we have never met. Comparing the past and the present, I only understand how he was intentional back then and how ruthless he is today.
In the dead of night, I often wonder how on earth I lost him. I don't have to wait until ten years later to look back, I know I must have done a lot of things wrong, but I don't know where I went wrong.
Shouldn't I study hard? Should I just fall in love and not read? Shouldn't I be a strong independent girl? Shouldn't I be proud of myself? Should I use negative decadence to express my attention to him? Should I cry, cut my wrists and jump off the building to save him
There is no way I can tell anyone about my pain, I can only tell it all to the diary. My diary is filled with all kinds of fantasies that after a few years, Jun Zhang and I will still be together. I fantasize about versions of the reunion and write them down in a journal.
I even used these fantasies to encourage myself to study hard and work hard to get rid of my shortcomings. I told myself that only in this way can I be good enough to walk in front of him one day in the future and make him fall in love with me again.
In hope for the future, the days at hand are less desperate and I am less sad.
I learned very easily. Compared with my classmates who were submerged in the sea of questions, I was like a person from another world. I went to bed on time every day and never stayed up late.
My classmates thought I was amazing. I didn’t listen to lectures in class and hardly did my homework, yet I was able to sit first. Even my sister couldn’t figure it out. I told her that the key to the third year of high school is the first and second year of high school. All knowledge has been completed in the first and second year of senior high school. To really understand it and engrave it in your mind, of course you don't have to work hard in the third year of high school.
My sister is in her first year of high school. What I said was very meaningful, but she didn't listen at all.
In the torment, it finally arrived in June.
In the two mock exams, I ranked first. Guan He was in the top 20 in the grade, and Zhang Jun's grades were stable at around 30 in the grade.
After the last mock exam, except for the third year students, the school has been closed. After the teacher has finished the exam paper, we will also have a holiday. For the rest of the week, the school's library and classrooms are open to senior high school students, allowing us to review freely and prepare for the college entrance examination.
In a week, I flipped through the English, and I didn't bother to touch anything else. Yang Jun couldn't stand it any longer, so he took me to the library and forced me to do some exercises that he had drawn.
I went to the exam room without any psychological burden and finished all the subjects very easily. My auntie across from my house found out that I was still watching TV at noon between the two exams. She didn't run to school until more than 40 minutes before the exam. She was stunned.
On the morning of July 10th, after the last exam, everyone was officially liberated.
The moment they walked out of the examination room, no matter what the result was, everyone had a happy expression on their faces.
For a whole year of questioning the sea and the mountain, getting up early and getting up in the dark, everything is finally over!
In the evening, the school held a graduation party for us. Before, everyone was working hard for the college entrance examination. It was impossible to prepare special performances like graduating from elementary school and junior high school. However, the graduation of the third year of high school is obviously more important than the graduation of the other two grades. The school can only Work hard on the hardware.
This year, the dean in charge of this matter chose the open air, hung small light bulbs on all the trees, and set up a large projection screen.
When night falls, the evening breeze blows lightly, and countless small light bulbs light up, the atmosphere becomes romantic and sad.
The original plan was for two music teachers from the high school to be the hosts, but the female teacher couldn't come because of an emergency, so she could only find it from the students. The dean was so anxious that he asked Shen Yuanzhe for help, and Shen Yuanzhe recommended me. The male host, Teacher Li, came to invite me to help him host the party. I refused without thinking. After a moment, I changed my mind.
Zhang Jun and I have been in the same school since elementary school. Tonight is our last night in the same school. I hope he will remember me as long as he remembers this graduation party.
My wish is now humble enough, I just hope that he will not forget me.
The music teacher helped me choose a plain white tutu skirt. The waist was very thin and the skirt was not long. It just reached the knees, but there were countless sequins. When I walked, if there were stars shining, I put on the matching rhinestones. Headbands are exactly the princess dress that all girls long for.
The music teacher was wearing a white shirt and black trousers. When we walked side by side to the brightly lit venue, all the teachers and students were already seated.
The old principal took the lead in applauding enthusiastically, and the teachers also began to applaud, and thunderous applause gradually erupted from all around, celebrating the end of the miserable senior year.
With what I think is the most beautiful smile, I announce to everyone that tonight's party officially begins.
"All programs come from everyone. Any student who wants to perform a program can go to Shen Yuanzhe. He will register everyone's requirements, and then negotiate with Mr. Li and arrange it. Tonight, although our beloved dean is present, he can We don't need to pay attention to him, whether the theme is healthy and positive, does not belong to this evening."
Everyone laughed. Teacher Li said, "The first show tonight is the piano solo, and the performer is next. Please use this time to think about the show you want to perform."
Mr. Li sat down at the piano and began to play the passionate "Graduation Song".
The students came one after another to get the note, thinking and discussing the program to be performed.
I laughed and sat next to Shen Yuanzhe, chatting with him in a low voice, but I couldn't help but search for Zhang Jun. Finally, seeing him, he did not sit in the seating area of his class, but sat across the railings of the flowerbed with Mr. Zhen and Mr. Jia, talking and laughing. It happened to be face to face with me and Shen Yuanzhe.
When Mr. Li finished playing "Graduation Song", the classmates just handed in the note, but it was too late to prepare the props. Shen Yuanzhe asked me, "Do you want to let Mr. Li play another song?"
I smiled and said to him, "That would be too dull, look at me."
Holding the microphone, I walked towards the center of the venue and said with a smile: "If a poll is held now to elect the teacher that everyone hates the most, who will everyone vote for? Everyone's choice must have their own preferences, but there is one teacher. Must be on the list. Guess who?"
The classmates all laughed, and so did the teachers present. After all, the party had just started, and the atmosphere was not yet warm. The classmates still did not get rid of the shackles of being students, so they just laughed, but no one really dared to say it. I smiled and saluted the dean: "Director, congratulations, you are the teacher with the highest votes."
Everyone burst into laughter, and I said, "As the teacher we hate the most, as the representative of this year's graduates, I would like to invite the teacher to improvise a show for us."
The microphone was handed to the dean. He held the microphone and kept coughing to clear his throat, but he didn't say anything about the performance.
I started shouting loudly: "One two three four five, we've been waiting so hard; one two three four five six, we've been waiting so hard..."
I smiled and waved, beckoning everyone to speak with me. This is the slogan we learned from the first year of high school. Everyone in the whole grade knows and does not know it. It is also the dean who has always been stern. Everyone immediately joined in together.
But when everyone started calling, I was a little distracted. Has it really been three years? It seems that he was ridiculed by Ma Ma was still yesterday, and he seemed to have just fought with Song Peng. Is that really thousands of days away?
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, we're so anxious to wait; one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, teacher, do you have any?"
The roar of the 500 or so people in the audience was no small matter. The dean of the school said: "Yes, yes, I will sing Zhang Xinzhe's "Excessive" for everyone."
"Wow!" I exclaimed and made an incredible expression at my classmates, indicating that it was a song that exceeded the standard, and the classmates laughed.
Did I promise you too much
Or what I originally gave was not enough
You always have a million reasons
I've always followed your feelings
make you crazy let you indulge
I thought you would be touched one day
I pretend to be indifferent about the rumors
The dean sang as he walked, shocking the whole class, because his voice was exactly the same as Zhang Xinzhe's.
I didn't have any surprises, because the dean and Shen Yuanzhe had a very good personal relationship. I heard Shen Yuanzhe mentioned that he sang Zhang Xinzhe's songs very well. Otherwise, I wouldn't dare to make fun of him to liven up the atmosphere.
I was sitting in the dark, taking advantage of the night to stare at the opposite side without any scruples. Zhang Jun was still sitting there, his figure was vaguely recognizable, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see his face clearly.
Did he see me at all
I know he won't pay attention to me at all right now, but it's okay, I'll walk to the center of the brightest stage for you to see.