However, he forgot!
At this moment, I really understand that I have lost him forever! The person I thought no matter how dark the world was, would accompany me to see clearly.
3
Homecoming
The new flows in, the old flows away, and it is impossible to catch it.
Homecoming, that's what it meant.
I chose the School of Economics and Management of Tsinghua University, and my father helped me fill in the dream, so there was no suspense in admission.
Guan He went to Hangzhou, her father's hometown, her mother and she should be very satisfied. As soon as the admission letter arrived, she and her mother left.
The day after she left, I received a letter from her that was postmarked the day before. When my dad passed the letter to me, he smiled and said, "What a bunch of kids! Is there anything you can't say in person? Didn't you just go to her house to say goodbye to her yesterday?"
My dad was wrong. It was because we were no longer children that we started to beat around the bush.
I don't know why, but I don't really want to read this letter, because the letter itself means that you can't speak to people.
Finally, I opened the letter.
Qiqi:
When you received this letter, I was gone, and I knew I would never come back.
Qiqi, allow me to call you that, my friend, my enemy.
I remember my worst grade in the first semester of high school. My mother scolded me for being unsatisfactory and disappointed her and my father, saying that she knew I was so unsatisfactory, why did she sacrifice so much for me. I was so in pain that I wanted to commit suicide, but you came and told me that you had always envied me. I didn't believe it at all at the time, because it was clearly I who had always envied you.
Are you feeling shocked right now? That's how I felt at the time!
You give me a shock, I give you a shock, we're even!
Since I was a child, my mother told me to work hard and be excellent, because she sacrificed a lot for me, and everything she did was for me. Under her encouragement, I have been working hard to be an excellent child.
Although we were in the same class in elementary school, you seemed to be very quiet. I have no impression of you. I only remember that you and Zhang Jun are the best students of Teacher Gao, and they are very good at mathematics. When I was in junior high school, I was a little surprised to see you win prizes in speech and debate competitions. It is difficult to associate you with your eloquent and good-natured classmates from my elementary school. I heard that you hang out outside, you have a bunch of friends in the society, probably out of curiosity that you don’t understand the world, I sometimes envy you a little.
In the third year of junior high, we were assigned to a class. Frankly speaking, I was mixed with joy and depression. You turned out to be the first in the class and I was the second in the class. I was very unconvinced at the time, and I began to approach you deliberately. Isn't there a saying, "If you want to defeat a person, you must first understand a person?" I am a faithful executor of this statement. With my efforts, you finally accepted me as your friend. You live very presumptuously, and you don't care if your teachers and classmates like you at all. You look indifferent, but you are actually a person with a true temperament. Proudly, I began to appreciate a girl for the first time.
Your first place is only short-lived, and your performance has always been worse than mine, but I am not proud of myself, because I know that you did not participate in this competition at all, this is just my wrestling. At this time, I really appreciate you and like you. It would be great if there was no later! My memory will always stay on this most beautiful moment.
After entering high school, I feel that you have changed, and learning is no longer indifferent to you. Although you and I are not in the same class, I regard you as an enemy every time I take an exam.
You climb up to the top.
Looking at a person who is inferior to me, surpassing myself little by little, until I can't catch up, I never admit it, until I have to admit that I am indeed inferior to you. This process is very painful. In this painful process, the friend's weight is getting lighter and the enemy's weight is getting heavier. I started to be madly jealous of you, jealous that you study better than me, jealous that Zhang Jun likes you, jealous that you don't care at all, jealous that everyone is paying attention to you, all the teachers are trying their best to be nice to you, even the elementary school classmates who used to like me only Talk about you, ignore me.
Jealousy has made me do a lot of dishonorable things. At the beginning, it was just a small gesture. For example, at Zhang Jun's birthday party, I deliberately let you sing after me, just because I understand that you sing better than me. But Zhang Jun turned the original embarrassment into romance. It turns out that you are the focus of everyone now. No one cares about what Guan He is like. My jealousy made me go further and further, and I began to aim at Zhang. Jun.
For your excellence, it is not only me who feel the pressure, but also Zhang Jun. You worship and believe in Zhang Jun too much, but if you ignore him, you will feel inferior and weak.
I confided to him about the pressure of study, the frustration of failure, and he comforted me with empathy, opened up me wholeheartedly, I even told him about my father, and threw a heavy weight of sympathy on his scale, arouse his desire for protection.
I also told him what you said, that you didn't believe in love at all, that it was just an illusion. I have repeatedly said in front of him that the most important thing for you is to study, and you will never let anyone affect your study.
I acted as a saboteur intentionally or unintentionally, but at the time, I didn't admit it, I told myself that Zhang Jun and I were just good friends who cared about each other, and what I told him was also the truth. Now I don't want to justify myself anymore, I did try to destroy you by any means possible.
In the end, in the face of his perseverance and your honesty, I retreated in spite of the difficulties. My pride made me disdain to be a girl like Huang Wei. In fact, under my gorgeous gauze, I was even more unbearable than her. I don't even like Zhang Jun, I just want you to experience failure because I hate you!
When I am entangled in success and failure, I have actually failed, but I am in the game and have already lost my way. When you told me that you had always envied me since I was a child, not only for my studies, but also for my attitude towards the world, I suddenly felt stupid. How can I be a failure because of my failed studies? If Dad has a soul underground, he must be ashamed of me!
I began to distance myself from you, and even more distance from Zhang Jun. When my mother scolded me for being unsatisfactory, I cried and quarreled with her, telling her that I had been forced to commit suicide by her. In the days after the third year of high school, I lived a very simple and peaceful life. I didn't even look at the score list. I just asked myself, did I try my best every day? As long as I try my best, I can sleep peacefully.
Zhang Jun broke up with you in the end, you and he didn't talk about it, I can't know the reason, I don't know how much weight I played in this process, I'm sorry!
I don't want to pretend to say please forgive me, let's continue to be good friends! I know that's impossible! Everything that has happened happened. Instead of forgiving it hard, it is better to simply forget it. Let us be strangers from now on, cherish each other, and work hard!
Although you don't need my blessing, I still wish you the most wonderful life!
Guan load
I read the letter three times over and over again. It was very uncomfortable, but I didn't feel angry and angry. She didn't need to ask my forgiveness at all, because we are not angels. She only knew that I was envious of her, but she didn't know that I was madly jealous of her.
I couldn't help but wonder, if there was no Guan He, would Zhang Jun and I not break up? I don't have an answer. Because without Guan He, I wouldn't be who I am now, and maybe Zhang Jun and I wouldn't be together at all.
My father arranged to go to Beidaihe for public recuperation, and my mother took annual leave. They decided to take me and my sister back to my mother's hometown first, to pay my grandfather's grave. travel.
My father and mother called my sister and I together and said that it was going to be a family meeting. I'm baffled. The latest big thing is that I'm going to college, but what's the point of negotiating that
My father told my sister and I: "In the past two years, your mother and I have been in an active relationship and want to transfer back to Xi'an. Some time ago, I received a call from an old classmate. My job has basically been implemented, and it is a unit with good welfare benefits. The job title given to me is also very good. There are still some problems with your mother's work, but I discussed it with your mother. I am afraid that I will miss this opportunity and the future unit will not be so good, so I decided to transfer it first and wait for me to pass. Afterwards, if you help your mother with activities, there will definitely be more opportunities."
My sister and I looked at each other, the news was too big and too unexpected, and neither of us was mentally prepared.
Mom said, "We never told you, because we were afraid that if things didn't work out, it would disturb your minds in studying. Qiqi is going to study in Beijing, and this matter has little effect on Qiqi. Your father and I's main concern is Yuan. Yuan, I was afraid that Yuanyuan would affect his studies because of this. After we discussed it, we decided to let your father go to Xi'an first. I can accompany Yuanyuan to study here. After Yuanyuan's college entrance examination, I will transfer to Xi'an, but Xi'an is a city after all. There are many good universities in the provincial capital. If Yuanyuan can go to study earlier, it would be good. Yuanyuan, what do you think? Do you want to stay here for high school, or transfer to Xi'an as soon as possible?"
The younger sister hesitated, but the mother said, "Qi Qi has been independent and strong since she was a child, and she is smart. Your father and I don't want to limit her development. With her, Yuan Yuan has been lazy and lazy since she was a child, and she is not smart enough to rely on her parents. I am used to it. Your father and I want you to study in Xi'an, your parents are nearby, and you can take care of everything."
My parents and my sister had a heated discussion about whether it is better to stay here or study in Xi'an.
I smiled and thought, it turns out that this is the result of being smart, independent, and strong. No one feels the need to ask about your feelings, and no one feels the need to worry about you, because you are smart, independent, and strong. It seems that Yi Shu once said that when a man loves a woman, he thinks that she is small, stupid and pitiful, and needs to worry about everything; when he does not love a woman, he thinks that she is smart and strong, and he doesn't need to care about her at all. This sentence actually applies not only to the feelings between men and women, but also to all relationships of love and being loved.
The younger sister has a cheerful and lively personality. Anyway, when the sky falls, her parents support her. Although she is a little reluctant to be here, she is more eager to be fresh, and soon decides to transfer to Xi'an for high school as soon as possible. Mom and Dad were very happy, and the three of them chatted about a better life in the future. If my sister has good grades, she can go to Xi'an Jiaotong University;
I started to organize my stuff.
The last thing I want to remember is Zhang Jun and Xiaobo. I am very eager to forget everything related to them. They have already left, and I don't need to keep thinking about them. However, if I really want to throw away everything related to them, I can't help myself.
I put all the things related to Zhang Jun, the gifts he gave me, and the graduation photo of the elementary school graduates into a large leather envelope, and then put them in a cardboard box; Guo, the stones picked up on Laoshan Mountain, the map hanging on the wall, the lotus flowers I painted when I was with him, the Little Tigers tape he gave me were all thrown into the cardboard box, and the things Xiaofei gave me, Guan He The letter to me, the primary school graduation guestbook...
Everything, everything I want to forget, has been sealed in a box by me, as if in this way, all the unhappiness can be suppressed to the end of the year, and there will be no more pain.
I gave the box to my sister: "Can you help me keep it? If I'm not at home when I move in the future, you will be responsible for helping me move these things to Xi'an."
My sister saw that the box was tightly sealed with calendar paper, covered with transparent glue, and each transparent glue had a seal with my signature, she was very unhappy: "Humph! Since you don't believe me, why do you give it to me? save?"
"You always like to eavesdrop on my phone and peek at my things. I'll give you to keep them, but I don't want you to peek at my things. Can you agree? Can I trust you once?"
My sister hesitated for a moment and said, "Don't read it if you don't read it. Don't you have the books as your broken things! However, as a reward for me keeping things for you, you will give me pocket money after you work."
"no problem."
With the promise of money, my sister was very serious and carefully placed the box under her bed.
I look around the house, what do I want to take away
On the bookshelf, there is a copy of "Eternal Heaven and Dragon Slayer" copied by my grandfather. I pulled them out and wrapped them carefully in a plastic bag. These are my first and best memories, and I will take them away to an unknown future. No matter what difficulties I encounter, as long as I see them, I will remember that I was deeply loved.
I excused being tired and went to bed early.
I slept very unsteadily, had a messy dream all night, and woke up at six o'clock in the morning to the sound of the rain.
I put on a coat and went out without an umbrella, walking in the light rain.
Walking to the river, staring at the surging water, crossed the small bridge, passed through the green forest belt, residential buildings, and arrived near Zhang Jun's house.
Don't dare to approach, just stand and watch from a distance.
The morning glory in front of his house was blooming just right, white, pink, and purple, staggered and stacked into a gorgeous piece.
Between intentional and unintentional, there has been no news of him for a long time. I didn't ask what university, what city, what major he went to. Anything that is too specific represents longing. If all of these are eliminated, longing has no attachment point, and it may fade and disappear.
The window of his bedroom, with the curtains drawn tightly, could not tell if anyone was inside.
Maybe he's still in that room, maybe he's gone.
Although the rain threads are very thin, after standing for a long time, the hair and coat have become wet, and the glasses are covered with a layer of water mist.
Walk back slowly, stop and stare as you pass the bridge.
Picked up a lot of stones from the ground and threw them into the water one by one.
Just as I was about to raise my hand to throw the last stone, I saw a boy in a black sports vest running along the river, and my hand stopped in the air.
Although he didn't wear glasses, I wouldn't mistake his figure.
He saw me too and stopped slowly.
I probably knew that this was the last time we met, so instead of looking away, I stared straight at him.
He walked through the swirling drizzle and walked towards me, but he didn't want to get too close, and stopped at a distance where he could see each other but couldn't see clearly.
His hair was wet, with tiny water droplets attached to the tips of his hair, and there was a layer of crystal light.
I suddenly remembered the boy who tilted the big black umbrella to me as much as possible. I was not wet at all, but his hair was dripping with water.
The misty grief is like this drizzle, looking at the traceless, but overwhelming and ubiquitous.
I threw the stone out of my hand and turned to leave.
Call me, please call me, you only need to call my name gently, and I will immediately turn back to you.
However, there has been no sound.
I went to the Fourth Elementary School along the way I went to school with Zhang Jun after I finished remedial classes when I was a child.
The sign at the school entrance is exactly the same as before, with a white plaque and large black characters.
Across the railing of the school gate, looking inside, the colorful flower beds, the white teaching building, the large glass windows, the blue curtains, everything is exactly the same.
It seems that as soon as his eyes are closed, he can see the captain with three red bars on his arms, standing at the school gate, seriously checking whether every student who enters the school gate is wearing a red scarf.
I was thin, carrying a schoolbag, bowed my head timidly, and followed behind my classmates, lest others notice me.
However, I am so big.
I walked along the street in front of the school gate. It used to be very lively here. There was a vegetable market on the right, and there were many shops on the left.
When I saw the game room that had been knocked down in half, I felt both unexpected and normal.
The front of the game room used to be a concrete floor, which was paved by Xiaobo and Squid, but now it is full of broken bricks, making it hard to tell what it really is.
I suddenly remembered the grape, and immediately rushed into the ruins, bent over, and rummaged under the bricks, only to see a row of discarded withered vines and bamboo poles, but nothing resembling grape taproots.
I squatted on the ground, looking at the mud on my hands, I laughed suddenly, Xiaobo took the grapes! Not for me, maybe just for the squid, but that's my grape too.
Laughing and laughing, but wanted to cry, the noise of chasing under the grapevine trellis was still in my ears, but there was only broken mud and broken bricks in front of my eyes.
I squatted in the brick field in a daze. The workers came to work and looked at me in amazement. I was shocked to realize that it was past nine o'clock.
I got up quickly and ran home in a hurry. When my mother saw me, her nervous expression relaxed and she complained to me: "Where did you go in the early morning? We have to catch the train."
I didn't say a word and immediately went to wash my hands.
The faucet was rushing, forming a swirling water vortex at the drain. The brown muddy water carried the breath of the past and circled with nostalgia, but it was washed away by the clean new water, and it became lighter and thinner. Disappearing.
Homecoming, that's exactly what it means, the new flows in, the old flows away, no matter how hard you catch it, you can't catch it.
Please believe that the time that slipped away has aged us, but enriched our lives.
Please believe that the vicissitudes of our faces after the world has not only taught us to be indifferent to self-protection, but also taught us to be kind and considerate to others.
Please believe that there is something in this world that is more eternal than time, and that is the heart that we love others and ourselves.
Please believe that the value of youth is not because of those young days, but the heart full of courage and enthusiasm, not afraid of being hurt, not afraid of giving, not afraid of loving, not afraid of dreaming.
Please believe that the passing of youth is not scary, what is scary is losing the heart to love life bravely.