"When I was speaking, I saw you, and I knew it was impossible, but I really hoped that you came to see me."
"Tell you a secret, I don't like to pick up rocks, I just like to pick up rocks with you."
"You fell asleep on a big rock, and I used a cool hat to cover you from the sun. As long as you are sleeping, I am willing to cover you from the sun forever."
"I'll tell you the biggest secret, I'm very jealous and hate you talking to Guan He!"
"When I'm not happy and when I'm happy, I write 'Longbow' on the paper. It seems that you are unhappy and happy with me. If you write on a piece of paper and throw it away, no one knows what it means."
"The first time I fell in love with you was that day when there was a hailstorm. You said you would protect me."
Zhang Jun didn't understand this sentence, what does it mean? Qi Qi liked him since elementary school? He read several notes one after another, Qi Qi ignored him at that time because he misunderstood him like Guan He, not because he already knew that he stole the pen.
But why did she lie to him
At the moment of sudden epiphany, it was like a bomb buried at the end of the years exploded in my head. Not only did the heavy years not reduce its power, but it fermented and swelled, exploding the deepest squeezed by the years. pain in place.
But beneath the pain there is ecstasy.
His heart was beating wildly, his hands were shaking, Qiqi, Qiqi, did you really love me so much? Zhang Jun, Zhang Jun, you are such a fool, why don't you understand that the softest corners are always hidden the deepest
Zhang Jun couldn't take it down any longer. He grabbed his mobile phone and called Guan He.
He hadn't seen each other for ten years, but he didn't have any mood to greet him. He opened his mouth and asked, "How do you know there are characters in Lucky Star?"
Guan He was very surprised. Although she really hoped that Zhang Jun didn't throw away Luo Qiqi's gift, but after all, it was just hope. After all, she had also heard countless vigorous affairs of him over the years. "I knew it eleven years ago, and Qiqi told me secretly," she said.
Zhang Jun was silent, and after a long while, he asked in a difficult voice, "Why tell me now? Why not then?"
Guan He was silent.
Zhang Jun slowly regained his senses and asked, "Why are you telling me this all of a sudden?"
"I don't know. Maybe because I received a letter from Luo Qiqi, I suddenly wondered if you remember her."
Zhang Jun wanted to say lightly, "Of course I remember, she's one of my ex-girlfriends," but he couldn't say it.
"Since you still keep the gift she gave you, I'll tell you one more thing. Luo Qiqi has returned to China, where we grew up together these days."
Zhang Jun's heart beat wildly, and he asked in a steady voice, "Do you have her phone number?"
"I only have her e-mail address, but the world is not big. Luo Qiqi has classmates, and you have classmates. If you have the heart, you can definitely find her."
There were several voices on the phone, and Guan He said, "I'm going to hang up."
Zhang Jun said: "Okay. Just now... I'm sorry! Anyway, thank you for letting me know that there are words in Lucky Star, those words are very important to me."
Guan He was silent for a while and said, "Thank you yourself! If Qi Qi has forgotten you and me, she will not write to me, if you have forgotten her and have thrown away your memories, even if It's no use telling you."
After Guan He finished speaking, he hung up the phone.
Zhang Jun stood blankly for a while, then suddenly rushed outside, rushed to the door, returned, stuffed everything back into the box, and went downstairs with the box in his arms.
After driving for more than eight hours, I returned to my hometown in the early morning.
But when he really returned to his hometown, he began to be a little confused, what exactly did he want to do
Tell Qiqi, I misunderstood you? Didn't I break up with you because I didn't love you anymore? Is it a lie that I say my love has been consumed by you
Because of their youthful pride and clumsiness, they did have misunderstandings one after another, but after so many years, these misunderstandings have long been unimportant.
He parked the car downstairs of his house and sat silently.
When the Lucky Star was dismantled, the long time was shortened, as if it was just yesterday that they quarreled and broke up, and the ten years in between did not exist. He rushed back regardless, thinking that standing at the intersection of this time, he would He can recover those past times and correct the mistakes he made when he was young, but when the impulse dissipates, he finds that the past time has passed, and the future time - there is no future! They can't go back, and they can't move forward!
After sitting for a long time, he lit a cigarette and drove slowly from one street to another while smoking.
The No. 4 elementary school and No. 1 middle school where he and Qiqi studied together, the cinema where they watched movies together, the former home of Qiqi, the roller-skating rink where he and Qiqi went skating...
Over the years, he has returned to his hometown several times, but every time he has come and gone, this is the first time he has revisited his old hometown.
With the appearance of one location after another, all the memories that he deliberately sealed were like a movie, and in his mind, scene by scene, he let go of them vividly.
From noon to the afternoon, Zhang Jun went to all the places he and Qi Qi had been to, looking for her figure in the crowd while frightened and hopeful. He didn't even know who he was. I want to see her, but I don't want to see her.
After searching for a day, he didn't see Qi Qi.
He couldn't tell what it was like in his heart, but he just felt exhausted, and the heavy exhaustion made him feel like he was about to collapse.
He parked the car by the river that Qi Qi used to like the most, and slumped on the steering wheel.
In fact, what if you found it? What is the difference between seeing and not seeing
Who knows if she is married or has a boyfriend
Even if she is still single, she and he have gone through very different life trajectories. What else is there to say except "hello"? Those misunderstandings and regrets have long been washed away by the years and are no longer important.
What can he tell her? Over the years, both the body and the mind have been stained with layers of dust that cannot be washed away. Ten years, long enough to make them two strangers. He is no longer the young man who didn't care about him back then. The bumps in the world made him numb, and he didn't even have the courage to jump off the river of time to chase her.
The past is used to remember, not to pursue.
He knocked his head heavily on the steering wheel, again and again, as if he could knock off the dust and vicissitudes of ten years.
Zhang Jun lay on the steering wheel for a long time, until the sunset turned his glass window red.
He raised his head and looked at the dilapidated bridge in the distance, there was no one there, only the sunset glowing in the sky was splendid but burning lonely.
Today is over!
And tomorrow, tomorrow is the end of the world!
He lit another cigarette and opened the glass bottle containing the lucky star while smoking.
"I really want to ask you, whether it's me or Guan He, but I'm afraid of disappointment and even more afraid of you lying, so I've never dared to ask, and I don't even bother to ask."
"Actually, every time you invite me out to play, I really want to go, but I have no money to pay you back, so I can only refuse. When I have money in the future, I will definitely agree."
"On my birthday, I made a wish that you would love me forever. Will you love me forever?"
Zhang Jun didn't want to look anymore, he opened the door and got out of the car, and walked up the dirt slope by the road, looking towards the river.
It was the last splendor of the sunset, the sunset covered half of the sky, the trees by the river were all reflected in orange-red, the river surface was sparkling with a little silver light, and the broken bridge stretched across the bank alone, on the river surface. Cast a graceful reflection.
Under the reflection on the opposite bank of the river, sat a woman in a large white T-shirt and blue denim shorts. She bent her body and lowered her head, washing the stones with the river water. After washing each stone, she directly pulled up the large T-shirt on her body to dry it, and put it in the old tin box beside her.
Xiaguang and wave light complement each other, and the thin figure of the woman is plated into a warm and fuzzy silhouette. It is impossible to see her face, but it seems to be a gentle dream left behind in time.
Zhang Jun's body froze, the cigarette butt between his fingers slipped and fell to the ground.
Qi Qi suddenly raised his head and looked across the river. Zhang Jun immediately squatted down and hid in the bushes. He didn't understand why he had such a strange and childish reaction.
Qi Qi's eyes slowly swept around the river bank, then lowered her head and continued to wash the stones.
Zhang Jun's tears slowly poured into his eyes. He wanted to control it, but he couldn't control it. He pressed his palms on his eyes, but he couldn't suppress all the sadness. his palm.
At the age of nineteen, he hid alone in their elementary school classroom, lying on the seat where Luo Qiqi once sat, crying for her, but she would never know that a teenager shed tears for him.
At the age of twenty-nine, he shed tears for Luo Qiqi again, would Luo Qiqi know
Ten years later, they were standing next to the bridge they used to be when they were children, under another bridge, and on another bridge.
However, the distance between them is not only a bridge, but also a Pacific Ocean, as well as ten years of life and vicissitudes of life.
Zhang Jun is no longer the nineteen-year-old he, and Luo Qiqi is no longer the seventeen-year-old her. They are no longer the person they love deeply in each other's memory, and they can't even tell whether they miss that person or the pure and sincere youth.
How about seeing you again? This goodbye you is no longer you, and the face of deja vu will only highlight the fleeting years and years of the vicissitudes of life.