I still go to school and get out of school as before, but the world I see in my eyes is always a little different from before. I often woke up in the middle of the night, hiding under the quilt and crying. I madly missed my grandfather, the alcoholic chocolate he bought for me, the faint scent of ink on his body, and his gentle and loving eyes. I know very clearly that in this world, there is no one else who will spoil me without reservation like him.
My classmates are still carefree, and I have learned to lose. In this world, it turns out how happy you are when you have it, and how painful it is when you lose it. As much as God gives you, you will take as much.
On weekends, I took Qiong Yao's "The Wild Goose in the Woods" to the game room to read. Xiaobo, Squid and a few brothers were pouring cement in front of the game room.
I asked them what they were doing, and the squid said it was Xiaobo's idea. The front of the door is covered with cement, which is easy to clean and easy to keep clean. In summer, a awning can be built to sell cold drinks.
After watching it for a while, I ran to the yard to read. After reading the entire book "The Wild Goose in the Woods", I stared at the grapes above my head in a daze. Does the man in the novel really exist? Will someone love me like this? Thinking of Zhang Jun, I have joy, melancholy, and secret fantasies and expectations. Maybe one day in the future, he will love me, just as the hero loves the heroine in the novel.
When I went to the game room the next day, the cement floor in front of the door was already dry. Squid and Xiaobo were rollerblading, both of them were skating so well, I stared at them in astonishment.
Someone came to buy game coins, the squid took off the roller skates and called me: "Four-eyed panda, I want to go to the store and play for you."
I looked at the half-worn roller skates in front of me, and felt at a loss with infinite joy. Xiaobo sat next to me, helped me adjust the size of the roller skates, and said, "Try it."
I put on my roller skates as if I was wearing a crystal slipper, and I felt the reels slip under my feet, so I didn't dare to stand up. Xiaobo stretched out his hand, I held his hand, and stood up tremblingly, he taught the experience: "Learn to slide outside the eight characters first, push hard with one foot, and use the other foot to slide forward. At the beginning, it is not good. To grasp the balance, bend your legs slightly, try to lower your center of gravity, and remember to lean forward, so that even if you fall, you will have your arms to support it and not hurt your head…”
With his help, I started roller skating, but I'm really an idiot with the cerebellum, I can't grasp the essentials at all, and I often wrestle. Sometimes, Xiaobo can support me, and sometimes, he not only can't support me, but I also lead him to fall. The squid sat at the door and laughed: "Why is the four-eyed panda so stupid? If I slide three times, it will slide. When will she learn to look like this?"
I stared at him, but he still laughed. Xiaobo comforted me: "Take your time."
We fell one after another while the squid laughed. I fell so blue that my arms were blue, and Xiaobo was dragged down by me and got hurt. The squid shook his head and smiled: "It's terrible! When Xiaobo was learning by himself, he learned it without falling twice. Now I teach you this big idiot to fall a lot more than when I was learning by myself. I won't teach girls how to skate if I kill me. Roller skating."
After more than an hour of skating, I was timid even standing on my own. The squid bared its teeth and kept hitting and humiliating me: "It's too stupid, Brother Li also said that you are smart, smart ass!"
I didn't say a word, took off my roller skates, sat silently in the yard and read a book, staring at the book, but the image of Zhang Jun holding a girl slipping gracefully appeared in my mind.
Xiaobo came in to see me and asked, "Are you angry with the squid?" The squid stood at the door and looked at me.
I snorted and curled my lips in disdain: "I can recite the whole song "Spring River Flower Moon Night", can he?"
With a "fuck" sound, the squid waved his fist at me, turned around and went into the room, Xiaobo smiled and asked me, "Do you still have the courage to slip?"
I also laughed: "Why not? Einstein was barely able to watch until he was on the third bench. Others can learn it three times. I can't do it ten or a hundred times!"
"Okay, I'll continue teaching you tomorrow."
"You don't need to teach me."
Xiaobo was puzzled, and I said, "You have already told me everything you can tell me, and I rely on my own practice."
Xiaobo looked at me silently and said with a smile, "That's fine, just keep the roller skates in the yard. When you want to skate, take them yourself."
Since then, there has been a scene in front of the game room. Every day at noon, as soon as I eat lunch, I run to practice, I practice at night, and I practice on weekends. I always remember Xiaobo's teaching that you can wrestle, but don't fall on your head. Every time you fall, remember to protect yourself with your hands, because you often feel like your arms are broken when you support the ground with your hands.
I don't remember how many falls I fell, but I only remember that during that time, when I was walking, I was always swaying, and my palms were all injured. I can't straighten, but I still practice correctly.
My tenacity and perseverance surprised the squid. Seeing that I fell too badly, he also specifically told Xiaobo to let Xiaobo persuade me. In fact, it's not that I like roller skating so much, it's just because I have a picture in my mind, in the painting, Zhang Jun is holding my hand and gliding gracefully.
During the hard struggle with the roller skates, the grief of my grandfather's death gradually settled in my heart. The physical fatigue made me fall asleep as soon as I went to bed, and I never woke up in the middle of the night and cried.
A few months later, due to my talent, I was still not very personable, but I did. Just when I decided to start learning to slip, when I decided to pick a suitable time to show off in school, I suddenly found that none of my classmates were rollerblading. It's like a gust of wind, it comes and goes suddenly. I'm a person who always reacts a lot slower than others. I only noticed it when others were already having fun, and by the time I learned it, everyone didn't like to play anymore. .
Originally, I was full of enthusiasm, but I had nowhere to shed it, so I abandoned my roller skates in a daze, and learning from Xiaobo about slipping naturally came to an end.
3
Not in love, already in love
I can lock the diary, but not my heart.
I can lock my heart, but not love and sorrow.
I can lock in love and sadness, but I can't lock in the eyes that follow you.
Years later, I can, lightly, smile and shake hands with you, and then say goodbye gently.
And that, that unspoken word, you will never know,
It is locked deep in the river of time that flows by.
On the recommendation of the owner of the rental bookstore, I started from Qiong Yao and plunged into the world of romance novels. In the Taiwanese romance novels of that period, when describing the heroine, it was not popular to talk about how beautiful the person was, and like to describe how temperamental and different she was. I know that my appearance is not outstanding, so I often think about what temperament is, secretly longing for temperament in my heart, to be like the heroine in a romance novel, with ordinary appearance and ordinary family background, but relying on some indescribable Temperament makes the male protagonist pay attention to me. But the word "temperament" is too abstract. Observing all the girls around me who are popular with boys, I think they may have different looks, but they have one thing in common, that is, they are really good-looking. I haven't seen any girl who is very ordinary, just because she has a smile like a cartoon girl, all boys like her.
Just when I was puzzled by the word "temperament", God sent the answer and blow to me.
I think I have always been inferior, but the appearance of Teacher Gao made my world suddenly shine into sunlight; Zhang Jun's friendliness made me yearn for more, and even wishful thinking about the arrangement of fate. Why is it only him and I who are favored by Teacher Gao? Why is he the only one taking remedial classes with me? Why does he help me pick up stones? Why did he speak to me today? Why didn't he ask his roommate to borrow the eraser, but came to ask me to borrow it? Why did he look back at me when he walked past my table today? why…
Among the countless whys, all the daily trivial things have been analyzed left and right by me, and they have no meaning and have been analyzed by me. I always feel that these are signs, all implying the future, it seems that fate is telling me What, I faintly yearn for the fantasy in my heart to become reality. I like to use playing cards to fortune-telling. I reckon the fate of Zhang Jun and I over and over again. If it is good, I will be very happy; if it is not good, I will shuffle the cards again. .
Maybe the answer to the countless whys is very simple. He walked past my desk and looked back at me because a drop of ink was splattered on my face. He asked me to borrow an eraser because the eraser at the same table was missing. I don't think so, so everything is in my wishful fantasy, and I'm plated with the dreamy colors I expect.
Just when I was watching him carefully, looking forward to him carefully, and approaching him carefully with an uneasy heart, a girl who transferred from another school changed everything.
When she walked into the classroom with the language teacher, stood on the podium and smiled generously at everyone, I finally understood the word "temperament" in romance novels. The teacher said her name was Guan He, and she was really like her name, a lotus flower. Later, I have traveled to many cities, visited many countries, and seen many beautiful women, but every time I think of beautiful women, Xiao Guan He always pops into my mind first.
She wore a violet coat, a purple butterfly plastic hairpin on her head, and her straight black hair fell obediently over her shoulders. Her facial features are no more beautiful than those of the pretty girls in the class, but there is a feeling about her that I have never seen before, which catches my attention. Facing an unfamiliar class, she was neither shy to hide nor eager to blend in to please, she just stood slim in the middle of the water.
In the days that followed, Guan He showed an indescribable charm. She excelled in her studies and won the first place in her class in her first exam; "Night on the Prairie" shocked the teachers and classmates alike; her board newspapers reversed the tragic loss of our class to class (2) all year round in one fell swoop.
But she is not proud of other girls at all. She always smiles kindly and has a gentle voice. She is neither humble nor arrogant to her teachers, and she is humble and polite to her classmates. No matter boys, girls, good students or bad students, she is all overwhelmed by her demeanor.
It is said that it is difficult to have friendship between girls, and the girls in our class have repeatedly verified this sentence. Sometimes they are inseparable, and sometimes they speak ill of each other behind their backs, but Guan He has become an exception, not only the boys in the class like it She, even all the girls in the class like her, even if one girl speaks ill of Guan He, the rest of the girls will break up with her collectively. Gradually, even the proudest and most jealous girl started to please Guan He, and Guan He has the same attitude towards everyone. She is very kind to everyone. As long as she needs her help, she will definitely do it. She is also very distant from everyone and has no "good friends" in the true sense. However, it is her attitude of being close and distant that makes the girls crazy. Every girl is scrambling to be nice to Guan He, wanting to become Guan He's good friend, and even boasting to others that Guan He is actually with her. Even better, it seems that those who can be favored by Guan He will be superior to others.
I was stunned and incredulous as I watched Guan He conquered the hearts of all men and women in our sixth grade (1) class with his speed and speed. In all fairness, I also like her, because I believe that with the gossip girls in our class, all my scandals can't escape Guan He's ears, but she treats me like she treats other classmates, neither close, Nor is it excluded. Once I dripped ink on my clothes, she saw it and told me to put rice grains on the ink marks and rub it lightly, it would be easier to wash.
Guan He is really a very comfortable girl. She has a splendid brilliance, but her brilliance is gentle and will not stab others like a child prodigy, and she feels more sincere and tolerant, which will make you wonder. Unconsciously, I fell in love with her and wanted to be close to her. I sometimes think very boringly, if Chen Jin hasn't skipped a grade yet, I don't know which of the two "King" vs. "King" will win, or will there be sparks between them
In this "love wave" that swept the whole class, Zhang Jun was not spared. I often saw him and a few buddies go to Guan He, often saw him take the initiative to help Guan He on duty, and often saw him and Guan He He talked and laughed. After looking at Guan He carefully, and then looking at myself, I quietly retracted into my shell.
Once, when we were finishing a tutoring class for a math competition, he asked me, "If a boy wants to chase a girl, what should he give her? What do you girls like in general?"
I stared at him in a daze, the heart in my chest seemed to freeze with pain, but it was still struggling to beat, thumping, thumping, thumping... The sound was getting louder and louder, and my chest felt like He was about to be jumped, but he couldn't hear it at all. He still scratched his head in distress and asked, "The girls on TV all like flowers. What do you think of sending flowers?"
I bowed my head, hugged the book, left a sentence "I don't know", and quickly walked to the classroom.
Not long after, I heard that Zhang Jun confessed to Guan He, and Guan He politely rejected him. The girls in the class spoke with nose and eyes, as if they were right in front of them and witnessed everything happening. Guan He is described as graceful and noble as a swan, while Zhang Jun is said to be over his own power. Although he is not like a toad, in the mouths of the girls, Zhang Jun's rejection is simply a matter of course.
I was not half happy, but full of sadness, pity for him, and pity for myself. During that time, I often sat alone in the corner of the game room, thinking about Guan He's elegance, I couldn't help but feel a sore nose. If she is the most beautiful lotus flower in the lotus pond, I am a grass growing on the muddy ground beside the lotus pond. No matter how you compare it, I can't compare to her at all.