Cheng Yan didn't expect Xiaobie to win the wedding, but he didn't expect Xia Shaoqian to come to interrogate him after Xiaobie.
Xia Shaoqian looked thinner than before, and when he reached middle age, he was slightly fatter, but he tended to look younger. When Cheng Yan saw his appearance, he felt suffocated, his heart was sore and astringent, and he couldn't help but want to hug him, comfort him, and touch him.
"sit down."
However, Xia Shaoqian's blunt voice fixed Cheng Yan there.
Two people were sitting on two single sofas. Xia Shaoqian's hair was neatly combed, wearing glasses, and his gaze sweeping over Cheng Yan was as sharp as the strictest judge. Cheng Yan was nervous and wanted to cough again, so he coughed twice and forced himself to hold back. Xia Shaoqian saw that his face was slightly better.
"Tea," he said.
Cheng Yan felt more and more as if he was being brought here to confess his crime. Sit down, drink your tea, and get down to business.
Sure enough, Xia Shaoqian asked Jiang Xiao right away.
"You and Jiang Xiao University are from different schools, how did you know each other?"
"It's my classmate. He took me to their school to play, and we met..."
"When? Be specific."
Cheng Yan was stunned for a moment, and then replied: "It's the second semester of the sophomore year. One of my classmates said that Jiang Xiao's school has many beauties, so he took a few people from our dormitory to go out for a friendship... The girl he asked happened to be in Jiang Xiao's class. Yes, by accident, we went to play together."
"And then? When was the relationship confirmed?"
Cheng Yan didn't want to answer anymore, he said gently: "I was young with him at the time, we just played around all day long. We didn't expect to be together for a long time... There is really nothing to say."
Xia Shaoqian suddenly showed disgust and annoyance: "Just playing with you makes you want to be an actor?"
Cheng Yan was silent. It was Jiang Xiao who brought him to the set for the first time, Jiang Xiao was the first to tell him "you have talent", or Jiang Xiao didn't forget to encourage him to persevere when he left. He didn't want to tell Xia Shaoqian these things, what did the matter between them have to do with others? Xia Shaoqian wants to torture himself, he doesn't want to accompany him.
"Speak!" Xia Shaoqian's voice was filled with anger.
Cheng Yan raised his head, his eyes soft: "He is just such an opportunity. I really like this line of work so I can do this line... You should believe me, right?"
Xia Shaoqian has always liked Cheng Yan's soft and calm, well-spoken words, and he feels very smart and interesting. When he has leisure time, it is a kind of fun to guess the meaning of the words.
But today is not the time.
Xia Shaoqian only felt that the dark fire had been burned through, turned into an open fire, and was about to burst out.
"So in your heart, he is so good. No one is as good as him, and no one can hurt him. I don't even have the qualifications to listen to the truth. If I listen to it, I will tarnish him."
Cheng Yan was astonished.
"Xia Shaoqian, I thought you wanted to have a good talk."
"I'm talking, but you don't want to talk."
"Are we talking? You are interrogating me."
Xia Shaoqian had an expression that I was just interrogating you: "Is it something shameful that I asked?" Then he realized in an instant that Cheng Yan was really shameful in the past, and immediately changed his words: "You don't want to tell me, It’s just a guilty conscience.”
Cheng Yan also got angry: "Jiang Xiao and I have been together for many years, is it interesting to hear it! Who didn't click on the past! Didn't you go? Why do you always drag other people into our midst? What do you think? Jiang Xiao, an outsider, is the problem? I don’t think so.”
Xia Shaoqian did not speak.
Cheng Yan finally got up and sat down next to him, holding his hand: "Xia Shaoqian... let's have a good talk."
Xia Shaoqian's hands were a little cold. Cheng Yan was having a low fever, and felt that his hand was icy cold, so he couldn't help covering it even tighter.
Xia Shaoqian's eyes were finally no longer so cold.
"Ill?" He asked Cheng Yan.
Cheng Yan shook his head: "It's just a little cough."
"Smoking less."
"I was thinking about quitting smoking just like you..."
Suddenly feeling tender again, Cheng Yan gradually relaxed, and talked with Xia Shaoqian about what happened outside these few days. He's starting to feel good that they need to open up and have a serious talk instead of arguing about who's right and who's wrong.
"Did you meet Zhu Feiqing two days ago?" Xia Shaoqian asked gently.
Cheng Yan nodded: "Did she tell you? We chatted for a while and talked about your father..."
Xia Shaoqian sneered: "Don't worry, he's just being a little verbose. What else did Zhu Feiqing say?"
Cheng Yan said seriously: "She persuaded me not to give up, at least you shouldn't give up first."
"Oh." Xia Shaoqian listened.
Cheng Yan was concentrating on his hands, covering his left hand with his right hand, but Xia Shaoqian's gaze had gradually changed without seeing it.
"I was really nervous the day I left... just thinking about myself," Cheng Yan lowered his eyes and confessed gently to Xia Shaoqian, "The next few days were very chaotic, the more people stare at themselves, they only feel their own sadness, The easier it is to be selfish. I was in that state in those days. In fact, I used to be like that... although... "
He paused, and whispered even more: "Although I love you, I am also confused by my own pain."
He continued vigorously: "But Zhu Feiqing is right. In order to persist in this relationship, I am not the only one who is tired and sad. Your situation may not be more comfortable than mine. She said, 'As long as you have a little affection for him, I shouldn’t bear it’…”
"You're tired, you're sad, but you can't bear it?" Xia Shaoqian's voice sounded abruptly.
Cheng Yan faintly felt that Xia Shaoqian misunderstood what he meant, he stared at Xia Shaoqian: "I love you."
Xia Shaoqian was silent.
With a sudden swing of his arm, he slapped Cheng Yan on the face with a "slap!" The blow was fierce and fast, and Cheng Yan was instantly thrown to the ground by him.
Both of them stayed. Cheng Yan didn't realize what was going on at all, he just felt the darkness before his eyes, and there was a loud rumbling noise in his head. It took him a while to feel that he was lying on the ground, and his face was burning with pain, stabbing and stabbing.
Without turning his head, he knew that Xia Shaoqian was watching him.
He got up, a little dizzy, and he shook.
Sure enough, Xia Shaoqian sat there motionless and looked at him, still in a tall and straight posture. Cheng Yan suddenly remembered the first time they met, and it seemed to be the same. Xia Shaoqian was sitting, he was standing, he was so ashamed that he couldn't bear it, and he tried to remain calm.
But at that time, he never expected to talk about true love with Xia Shaoqian!
"Cheng Yan..."
Xia Shaoqian's complexion was pale, and this slap was beyond his own expectation.
"I didn't expect you to feel tired." His voice was not the usual low voice, but a little light and weak, as if he couldn't exert his strength. "I gave you everything... How can you, how can you feel tired?"
Cheng Yan didn't sit down again, he stood a little further away, facing Xia Shaoqian's direction with the good side of his face: "Look, this is our problem—my problem."
"Since when did you feel tired?"
Cheng Yan thought for a while: "It was very early... probably when you forced me to say 'I love you'."
Xia Shaoqian was shocked again: "I forced you?"
Cheng Yan suddenly felt a rush of joy.
"Maybe you didn't feel it, but the first time was really under pressure."
"What pressure."
"You are the benefactor. The benefactor said love first, so I have to say it."
Xia Shaoqian looked a little dazed. But the soft emotion that Cheng Yan had when he came here no longer exists. He only hoped that Xia Shaoqian would really love him a little bit. Because, hearing these words, as long as Xia Shaoqian loves him a little, he should feel sad.
Xia Shaoqian asked that question again: "In your heart, who am I?"
"I don't know." Cheng Yan replied.
Xia Shaoqian seemed to find it hard to believe this answer that was so concise that it meant no answer.
Cheng Yan explained: "Because you only want to be loved, so I should only have this kind of affection for you? I'm sorry. I have loved you and hated you. You think I shouldn't be tired, but I am tired."
"Why?"
Cheng Yan felt that he couldn't hold on any longer. He could feel the temperature in his body getting hotter and hotter. The slap just now made him a little dizzy, and his eyes turned black.
"Why," he gave a short laugh, "because it was abnormal from the beginning... We are doing a business. I also want to ask you why, why do you love me? Because I am more in line with your requirements and imagination? Or do you already believe in your heart that I have received your favor, so you will only love you, will not betray you, and dare not hurt you? If you want sex, I will give you sex. If you want love, I can only give you love. I'm sorry... I didn't do well enough!"
"Enough!" Xia Shaoqian's stop was weak.
Cheng Yan suddenly felt a burst of relief, and then he felt his legs were a little weak, he took a few steps back, slid along the wall and sat on the ground, and passed out.
When he woke up, Cheng Yan glanced at the empty big bed, feeling extremely calm. He touched his face, which seemed to have been applied there, and the medicine was applied there, so he didn't feel any pain if he didn't touch it. Unable to fall back to sleep, he turned on the TV and tuned to the station that was broadcasting the upper part of the old country.
Today's two episodes are almost over.
Zhou Xinchun's wife discovers the ambiguity between her husband and the courtesan, and walks down the boulevard disheartened and dazed.
At this time, the interlude sounded, and Cheng Yan was startled when he heard the familiar melody, and then he remembered that Teacher Yang had told him that the song of despising beautiful women would be used as an interlude in the play.
used to be careful
thought it was treasure
used to force a smile
Pretending to be happy all the time
forgive me
love you to death
still don't realize how beautiful love is
…
Cheng Yan finished listening to the song silently and turned off the TV.