Fear.
Yan Hang has been reluctant to face the emotions.
scared.
Every time he was left alone in the house, every time he left an unfamiliar city that he was not familiar with, every time he looked forward and looked back there was nothing.
All his emotions rise and fall because of the appearance and disappearance of his father.
Except for the present, Dad has not mentioned even a word about the future and the past, and he can only try to tell himself that nothing is needed.
They are a pair of father and son walking in this world unrestrainedly.
free.
Envy in the first grade.
In fact, the envious of the first day of junior high school is only imagination.
There is no place to come, there is no way back, this kind of freedom, will anyone really envy it
Yan Hang went into the kitchen and cooked another meal. He added curry. Dad liked curry. After sprinkling with cheese, he put it in the oven.
After adjusting the temperature and time, he stood in front of the oven in a daze.
In any case, as long as his father is here, he will still feel at ease, even if the peace of mind is like cheese on the surface of baked rice.
"Do you remember when you were a kid?" Dad leaned against the kitchen door.
"I don't seem to remember before elementary school." Yan Hang said, his father's sudden mention of such words made him flustered. He didn't remember much of his childhood, and seemed to have natural resistance.
"When I first brought you out, your noodles were not cooked properly. Two people, you cooked a big pot, the water was dry, and the noodles were still raw." Dad smiled.
"Ah," Yan Hang laughed after thinking about it, and looked back at his father, "You don't teach me either."
"I don't know how to teach myself. You are really self-taught about cooking. You don't even have an enlightenment teacher." Dad said, lighting a cigarette, "Do you want it?"
"What kind of cigarettes do you smoke?" Yan Hang said.
"Very particular." Dad said with a smile.
There was a long silence afterwards. When the oven made a ding sound, Yan Hang looked back. Dad was still leaning against the kitchen door, but he turned around and Dad didn't notice, he looked out the window in a daze.
"Okay." Yan Hang said.
"Fragrant." Dad sniffed, turned back to the living room and sat on the sofa.
Yan Hang took the baked rice out and put it on the coffee table, and sat next to him.
Local news was broadcast on TV. The two of them sat on the sofa with a bowl and watched TV while eating. This was a fixed scene in Yan Hang's memory for many years.
Under normal circumstances, I don’t speak, and I have a good aftertaste after eating. Sometimes Yan Hang will wash the bowl after I have finished eating. Sometimes he will throw it out the next day. Dad watches TV at night. Let dad say a few words at will, and he will translate them into English.
It was the same today, except that he was lying on the sofa holding a book for a long time and didn't finish reading two pages.
Dad moved the book under the coffee table. The envelope he was holding in the book must have been taken away by Dad. This is the case every time. No matter where he puts the letter, Dad can find it and take it away. .
Of course, there is only a little place where he can hide things. There is no corner of his trust in a strange house, and things can only be hidden in his own belongings.
In the past, every time my father took away the letter, the day would return to normal.
But today this time is not the same, it is still the kind of feeling that can't be said.
Yan Hang is a very sensitive person, able to perceive many details and emotions. Dad also praised him: "Our prince's insight is not comparable to ordinary people!"
He hoped that he was a dull person who could not feel anything, so he would not be afraid of anything.
In fact, he didn't have no guesses about his dad. When he was younger, he naively tried his best to imagine that he arranged many cool jobs for his dad.
Special police, agents, undercover agents, killers, ghost hunters...
I stopped thinking about it later.
He has to face and ignore the reality. Dad can't have any career, and the way he gets the money back may not be glorious.
As for the reason, he can only wait.
Wait until now.
His anxiety reached its peak today.
Fear.
It is the emotion he has been reluctant to express easily, even if it is his father, he is not willing.
He is Yan Hang, and he has never been afraid of anyone's prince since he was young and arrogant.
"Remember your grandma and grandpa?" Dad suddenly asked.
"Huh?" Yan Hang didn't react. Grandma and grandpa had almost no impression like a mother, only vaguely there will be afterimages in some very unpleasant dreams.
Except for these, he usually doesn't think of it at all.
Even when he heard his father talk about grandma, his first reaction was the white-faced old lady with earthworm eyebrows in the Chu family.
"Grandma passed away last year, and grandpa last month," Dad said, "actually not very old."
Yan Hang looked at him and didn't know what to say.
He only knew that his father was an orphan, he had no grandparents. As for his grandma, he hadn't even thought about it. Now he suddenly mentioned that, he didn't have any emotions, and he couldn't make any response.
"Did I never mention it to you," Dad turned his head, "I very, very, very... miss your mother."
Yan Hang was stunned.
When uttering the three words of your mother, he saw the tears in his father's eyes.
This was the first time he had seen his father's tears in his memory.
"Lao Yan," he was a little at a loss, "you..."
Dad smiled and looked at him: "You don't look like your mother at all. It won't work if you want to see you miss her."
"Didn't I accidentally look too much like you." Yan Hang said.
In fact, he had the same mindset as his father. He once looked in the mirror to see if he could find his mother's shadow after removing the part that looked like his father, but he didn't succeed.
He looks very similar to his father, and sometimes he feels that maybe he was born by his father himself.
"I shouldn't go out this time," Dad lighted a cigarette and returned his gaze to the TV. "I hope you don't cook the same food every day, or I will break with you."
"Yeah." Yan Hang smiled.
When it was almost ten o'clock, Dad suddenly turned his head and looked at the door, and then the door was knocked.
"It's the first year of the junior high school," Yan Hang said softly, "he's here to tell me to go for a run."
"Running is not long," Dad said. "Let him stop struggling, just jump, jump high or something."
"Then tell him." Yan Hang stood up and went to open the door.
On the first day of the junior high school, wearing a sports suit with a size smaller and the pair of NB standing outside the door, according to the image that Yan Hang had designed for him, he pulled up his trouser legs and rolled up his sleeves.
He smiled after seeing his father: "Uncle, hello."
"Running?" Dad said.
"Yeah." Chu nodded.
"It's good to run, you can grow longer," Dad pointed at Yan Hang, "When he was your age, he was only 1.4 meters..."
"What about the trust between father and son?" Yan Hang turned his head to look at his father in shock.
"It's just running every day, and then swish," Dad gestured, "It's stretched, it's amazing."
"Very divine, strange." Chuyi laughed.
"Walk around," Yan Hang changed his shoes and turned back when he went out, "Do you have a late night snack? There are a lot of barbecues on the running side."
"Grilled wings, grilled sausages, grilled ribs, duck neck..." Dad quickly reported a bunch.
Yan Hang ignored him, closed the door, and then shouted inside again: "Look if there is any salt and pepper duck tongue—remember to bring beer—"
"One meter, four ah." Lu Yi sighed when he looked at him.
"Looking for it?" Yan Hang said.
"I'm so long, I'm a long one," said the first day of the new year.
"I didn't see it. Ignore this invisible growth rate." Yan Hang looked at the top of his head. On the first day of the first year, his hair was a little longer. When the wind blew, there were two strands of hair on the top of his head that seemed to be dancing. Standing there, I guess I don’t have the money to get a haircut.
"I am taller than I was in the first year of the year. It was five centimeters higher." The first one jumped.
"Congratulations," Yan Hang congratulated heartily, "Then how short you were before."
"It's not much different from you back then," said the first day of the month.
"Believe it or not, I will join Li Zihao's team tomorrow." Yan Hang looked at him.
"No, believe it," shook his head on the first day of the new year, "Li, Zi Haoying, no English, pass, you can't communicate with each other."
"Damn," Yan Hang laughed, "Are you good at English?"
"I didn't, I didn't pass, the subject, the subject." The first year of junior high school answered honestly.
"... Then there is no show in Pugao, right?" Yan Hang thought for a while, "Secondary school? Vocational high school?"
"I want to work, work." The first day of the junior high school whispered.
Yan Hang glanced at him, but said nothing.
For a kid like the first grade, school should be unattractive to him. Perhaps it is his most urgent need to get rid of that environment at work.
"My mother is willing, she must be angry," said the first day of the month.
"Your family is funny, it doesn't care about anything," Yan Hang said, "You still have so many requests, did you pick it up? Or adopted it?"
"No," Chu Yi smiled, "I am a mind, accident, my mother didn't, she wanted me, she was going to read it on her own, she didn't read it on her own exam."
"... Oh." Yan Hang was stunned, raised his hand and pulled his head twice.
There are a lot of people in the running place today, all of them are runners wearing earphones and equipment. Yan Hang feels very comfortable and has a real feeling.
On the first day of the junior high school, as usual, he was running next to the side, and Yan Hang went over and pulled him back to the middle of the runway.
"Drink, drink?" asked the first day of the day when he ran for an hour to rest.
"Drink every day," Yan Hang said, "Do you have a lot of pocket money?"
"Please, me," said the first day of the new year, "tomorrow, I will drink boiled water."
Yan Hang laughed for a long time: "What do you want to drink?"
"Lemon tea." The first one replied.
Yan Hang bought lemon tea for him, and he asked for a can of Coke. When he was sitting by the river and drinking, a gust of wind blew over him. On the first day of the first year, he scratched his head which had been blown up.
Yan Hang looked at the hair on his forehead that looked like a dog gnawed, and couldn't help but stretched out his hand to help him straighten it, and found that it was still the same as the dog gnawed it.
He hadn't noticed the virtue of his hair on the first grade before.
He thought about it for a while and asked: "Have you been robbed of money by people all day long?"
"People are in the river, rivers and lakes are floating," took a sip of lemon tea on the first day, "how can you be robbed."
"Is the pocket money robbed and no money for a haircut?" Yan Hang asked.
"I, always, cut it by myself." The first day of junior high school answered very calmly.
Yan Hang actually heard a hint of pride in his tone: "Ah, don't you still think your craftsmanship is good?"
"This is layer, second sense." Chu Yi pinched the hair on his forehead and tugged.
"Yes," Yan Hang looked at him, "It's quite hierarchical."
She smiled on the first day of the first year, and after a while, she asked a little embarrassedly: "Ugly?"
"It's not ugly, thanks to your good looks." Yan Hang said.
"It's normal anyway. I don't usually. People look at me." He took a sip of lemon tea on the first day.
"I see, I have to watch every day of running," Yan Hang sighed, "I just want to go for a haircut tomorrow, so let's go together."
I didn't speak in the first day of the new year.
"I have a card," Yan Hang said again, "you can use my card."
"No, no," the first day of the first year was silent for a while before he said: "I can't help you at all, what can I do for you."
"Or else," Yan Hang reacted. This kind of behavior that he didn't feel at all would put pressure on the first day of the junior high school. He took out his mobile phone and opened the calendar, "I will start working tomorrow. Tonight, you can help me run errands and buy groceries."
He glanced at him on the first day of the new year.
Yan Hang felt that he was really inexperienced in getting along with "friends".
Stiff and awkward.
So he shut up.
"Then you want to buy, buy vegetables, when," said the first day, "just mention, before, tell me."
"Yeah," Yan Hang nodded, then he covered his eyes and sighed after thinking about it, "Fuck, I'm so embarrassed."
The first day of the new year laughed.
"Smile," Yan Hang said.
"Yan Hang, you are special, good." said the first day.
"I know this." Yan Hang said.
The first day of the new year laughed again and again.
When I went back, Yan Hang went to the barbecue shop next to him. Dad didn't have all the things he wanted, but he also bought a lot. When he was about to get home, he went to the supermarket and bought two beers.
"Go to my house for barbecue?" Yan Hang looked at the first day of the junior high school, "I will process these foods later."
"Okay." There was no hesitation on the first day of the new year.
"Straightforward," Yan Hang patted him on the shoulder, "I like you like this."
"I want to follow, stay with you." said the first day.
"Really," Yan Hang smiled, "I have to tell my dad that the magic can't make girls, only little boys."
"Can you teach, teach me?" asked the first day of the junior high school.
"Who are you going to soak?" Yan Hang looked at him.
"No," Chu Yi raised his hand and moved his fingers, "I think it's very, very cool."
"I'll teach you in a while, it's very simple, you have to practice." Yan Hang said.
"Yeah." The first day of the day nodded happily, raising his hands and moving his fingers back and forth along the way.
When they got home, Dad had already cleaned up the coffee table, the induction cooker and the pan were all set up, which is their habit.
He and his father both love to eat barbecue, but usually they don’t eat outside.
"Come on, sit here on the first day of the junior high school," Dad took a stool for the first day of the junior high school, "Can you drink some beer?"
"Lick, lick." said the first day.
"Then you have to lick two or three cans." Dad said.
"Don't teach bad kids," Yan Hang took out three plates and sat down, turned on the induction cooker, took a small piece of butter and put it in, "This is especially fragrant with butter."
On the first day of the new year, I got to the side of the pot and smelled: "Fragrant."
This kind of scene of sitting around the table at home without pressure, complaints and dissatisfaction, eating barbecue and drinking wine in a hurry, I like it very much in the first day of the new year.
There are similar scenes at grandpa’s house, but his grandpa’s house is too far away. He spends a few days during the summer vacation at most a year, and he has to endure a month-long curse about him as a white-eyed wolf before and after his grandma. .
Yan Hang's father is a little childish. When he faced him on the first day of the junior high school, he did not face the pressure of his elders and was very relaxed.
He could not say a word and listened to Yan Hang chatting with him casually.
very interesting.
Very happy and warm.
"How is your mother's cooking skills?" Yan Hang's father asked him.
"One pot, braised pie." said the first day.
Yan Hang's father laughed: "Little stutter can be so poor."
"I thought your grandma was cooking at your house," Yan Hang said, "Don't you say your mother is busy."
"Grandma, busy too." Chuyi sighed.
Busy arguing, busy complaining, busy taking advantage.
"If you are greedy, come here," Yan Hang's father took a sip of beer. "We have good food and wine, and there are no rules."
"Yeah." Chu Yi smiled and nodded.
This supper was very refreshing. I didn't know that I could eat this way on the first day of the junior high school. I didn't know that Yan Hang and his son could also eat this way. After the beer was finished, the barbecue was almost eaten.
"There are two more chicken wings and one intestine. You can finish it." Yan Hang's father carried the bag and poured it into the pot.
The bag was wrapped in two layers, and the two steel pegs that Yan Hang threw in the bag outside fell out.
"Oh, amulet." Yan Hang's father picked up Gang Yuner and arranged it on the coffee table.
"I have," Chuyi smiled, "Yan Hang gave me one, one."
"Really," Yan Hang's father laughed, "I tell you, this is very useful."
"Well," Chu nodded, "It was bad yesterday, I almost let it go, my mother spent it, it took me, and I was so anxious to death."
Yan Hang glanced at him: "If you spend it, spend it. Just find another one."
"No, no, the same," said the first day of the month, "that is... but no, the same."
"Then you have to collect it," Yan Hangle said, "They all look the same, and you won't be able to find them if you mix them together."
When he said that on the first day of the new year, he felt a little nervous and touched his pocket.
"Give it to me," Yan Hang probably saw his nervousness and stretched out to him, "I'll help you process it."
"How to work, work?" Chu Chu took out a handful of steel screws and put it in his hand.
"Wait," Yan Hang stood up, "Lao Yan, where is the little piece of leather you picked up?"
"It's thrown on the table in the room." Yan Hang's father said.
Yan Hang entered the room and didn't come out for a long time.
On the first day of the first day of the junior high school and Yan Hang’s father ate up the barbecue, and some chatted for a long time, Yan Hang walked out and put the steel on the coffee table in front of him: "This way I won't lose it."
The first time I took a look, I was stunned.
Gang Juner put on a little leather jacket.
Two thin dark brown leather belts were crossed and looped around the steel trowel. The back was cushioned with a small piece of leather that was cut into a round shape. They were glued together, and a thin leather cord was worn on the top, which looked like a necklace. The same on the neck.
"It looks good," he looked at Yan Hang in surprise, "Did you do that?"
"It's very easy to do. Just cut the skin and stick it," Yan Hang said with a smile, "If you don't dare to wear it around your neck, wrap it around your wrist, or hide it if you don't dare. Mixed up."
On the first day of the junior high school, he kept holding the Gang Juner in his hand, and put it in his pocket when he got up and went home.
Yan Hang didn't expect anyone to care so much about a Gang Juner.
"Brother Xiaotian, you send him off," Dad commanded, leaning on the sofa, "There seems to be no light at the cut-off road inside."
"It's okay," a little embarrassed on the first day of the junior high school, "I am a man."
"Let's go, I'll stroll for a while." Yan Hang said.
Dad knows about being bullied on the first day of the junior high school. Now the weather is warm. At this time, the nightlife of the little gangster has just begun. It is probably because he is afraid that he will be defeated when he comes home after a happy night on the first day of the first year.
After walking down the road with no streetlights on the first day of the day, the first day of the day pointed to an old building in front of him and said, "My house is there."
"Yeah." Yan Hang took a look and didn't know which building he was referring to, but he knew that he should not want people to approach his home in the first year of the junior high school, so he stopped.
"Thank you." said the first day.
"There is so much nonsense, go back." Yan Hang said.
"If so, one day," the first day of the day looked at him, "you are gone, I will, I miss you very much."
Yan Hang smiled.
Lu Yi also smiled, came over and grabbed his hand, shook it lightly, turned and walked quickly.