A glass of milk and a piece of sugar, this is for Anna herself.
A bowl of slightly thinner white porridge, also put a piece of sugar, this is for Karenin.
Before dawn, Anna woke up.
She just squinted on the bed for a while, and she didn't sleep well. It all boiled down to the fact that Anna had rarely been this close to other people.
Being sick always means being tired, and when you're tired, you're at home. It is not a literal home, most people will have the company and care of family members.
Anna did not.
She knows what a person needs most at this moment, even if that person is her husband.
Taking care of others does not mean listening to their concerns and reaching out when they need your help like ordinary friends do, but more intimate. Ask him to think about it before he says anything.
An obvious advantage of Karenin is that he doesn't like to depend on others, he is always used to solve it by himself. This stems from the stubbornness in his character, and also because he lost his parents prematurely after all.
His life experience was initially guided by his parents and an older brother, but their presence was suddenly lost just when he needed it most.
Anna sometimes thinks that maybe Karenin's heart needs more care than hers. After all, it is always more difficult for a person who has been loved and cared to let go of those emotions.
She knows that feeling.
Because there is nothing to rely on, I always need to explore and undertake independently by myself.
Maybe that's why she felt he was different from others.
Anna likes strong and independent people, the kind that attracts her because she's one of those sorts of people herself. Anna would always appreciate that if they were just close friends.
But it's weird that whenever you switch a character, the traits you admired always change a little bit.
For example, Anna hopes from the bottom of her heart that Karenin can be relied on.
She remembered the thoughtful care she had received from Karenin when she was ill. That moved her very much. Sometimes people's fragility is really incredible, and Anna deeply understands this. Therefore, when Karenin was sick, she always hoped that the other party would trust her more.
"Ma'am, let me come." Sasha's voice brought Anna back from some thoughts, and she waved her hand.
"I'll be fine."
Seeing Anna's insistence, Sasha had no choice but to give up. She was preparing breakfast for Anna, and said, "This thing is really time-consuming, are you sure you don't want to add some meat?"
"No, Sasha."
While stirring the mashed potatoes, Sasha said, "Sir, he seldom gets sick. He can't eat much when he's sick, but luckily he recovers pretty quickly." She seemed a little happier in the second half of the sentence. It's the kind of genuine joy at a person's recovery.
"It sounds pretty good." Anna said with a smile.
"Good?" Sasha laughed bluntly, "Oh yes, that's the only word you can use to describe him."
"Even when he was still as tall as a young sapling, I never thought of saying that about him. Not to mention how tall he is now!"
Anna laughed. She tried to imagine Karenin when he was still young, whether he always had a calm demeanor like now, and only frowned slightly when he really didn't understand. Or just looking at you like that, meaning "you will give me the answer, right".
That looks really cute!
With such a mood, Anna had just brought out the porridge from the kitchen when she ran into Karenin who had already woken up, rarely wearing a dressing gown.
Unlike the previous blue brocade dressing gown, it looked thicker and warmer, wrapping Karenin's slightly thin body, and the brighter color made him look okay, not as bad as last night.
"Are you going to rest at home?" Anna asked as she put her things down.
Karenin hesitated for a moment: "There is a meeting at half past ten that I have to attend."
"It's important. Anna." He emphasized, trying to find a legitimate reason for his behavior to defend himself, and the stubbornness was on full display. Almost infuriating.
Most wives will probably be angry when they hear this.
Most of this anger comes from feeling sorry for the other party, and some of it comes from the breach of trust, and there is also the issue of identity control.
The reaction of most people after anger is similar.
Such as a raised voice, an indifferent expression, or a disappointed tone.
Almost all of this is forgivable, and although not perfectly handled, comes from human instinct.
But when Anna heard this, she didn't get angry immediately, but kept bending over, raised her face slightly, and frowned slightly, and said after a while, "I thought we reached a consensus last night."
She behaved very calmly, sometimes with a characteristic softness. It's as if a mother is using all her patience with a stubborn child who refuses to even take his medicine when he's sick.
Such an unreasonable behavior was gently resolved by her.
The person involved, the high-ranking Petersburg official who was like a tantrum-like little boy, showed some guilt, unable to refute his cautious thinking.
Thus, the "mother" wife will once again demonstrate her virtue of forgiveness.
Anna approached Karenin and touched his forehead, feeling that he was indeed better than last night, so she opened her mouth.
"Although I still think you should rest at home."
"I know you don't want to do that, though."
Anna put the silver spoon in Karenin's palm.
"Then in order to ensure your strength, you should at least eat more."
Karenin turned his eyes away from the steaming sticky substance and looked at his wife, who smiled her usual smile after meeting his gaze.
The corners of the mouth are slightly upward, and the arc of the eyes is not too large, and the gray pupils can be seen clearly. It is the kind of smile that seems to belong to Karenin alone.
Thinking of this, even though his skin was still hotter than usual due to illness, his tongue was numb, and even his breathing was somewhat difficult, but Karenin felt that his heart seemed to be soothed by this smile.
Become at ease, peaceful.
He saw Anna sitting on the chair next to him, eating the breakfast that a healthy adult should enjoy. The silver tableware was moving slowly between her delicate fingers. Before the other party looked over, Karenin realized what he had done. what.
His body had already begun to move while he was immersed in some kind of thought.
"What's wrong?"
Karenin heard Anna's inquiry. And the sight that fell on the table.
His left hand didn't know when he boldly violated the instructions of his brain, and made the first move, gently grasping the opponent's hand, and obviously, full of attachment.
"Let go." The brain issued a calm command to the hand.
Not only did he not let go of his hand, but he even shook it, as if saying some cold witty words: "I'm just a hand, and there are no ears on my hands."
Karenin felt a little uncomfortable, especially since his wife was looking at him suspiciously.
It seemed that it was more important to know why he did it than to have her husband suddenly hold her hand and prevent her from having breakfast.
Letting go at this point is obviously the best way to handle it.
But Karenin ignored the rational reminder, just because he really didn't want to let go.
He continued to maintain this movement, and clenched a little bit, feeling the opponent's fingertips with his fingertips.
The man's slender and well-proportioned fingers are covered with feather pens, pistols, and thin calluses left over the years. Compared with the smooth fingers of women, they are so rough.
"It's a little itchy." Anna laughed, flinched, and tried to pull her hand back, but was rejected.
Karenin exerted a little force and closed the opponent's hand again between his fingers, moving his thumb lightly on the nail of the latter's index finger.
"Thank you, Anna."
Anna was stunned for a moment, then lowered her head and continued to smile.
"I can eat with my left hand," she said childishly.
After she finished speaking, Karenin's hand, which he was about to let go, exerted some strength and continued to hold her.
Sasha, who was going to see if his husband needed to change his breakfast, came in and quickly backed away after seeing the "hand in hand".
Sasha looked at Kearney, the butler who stood by as if he was being ignored.
The latter's eyes, which had been staring at the front calmly and calmly, turned in a different direction, and tried on Sasha, so the latter returned to the kitchen with a few maids.
There are still a few scattered voices scattered in the air, like "sir", "I don't believe it", "this is sweet" and so on.
In short, Karenin's mansion kicked off in the morning light as usual. Although it was no longer the heat of summer, there seemed to be more sunshine.
The 10:30 meeting lasted three hours from start to finish.
Normally, Karenin would not feel too tired, but this time he really felt that he could not hold on anymore. But as stubborn as he is, he must not show it at this moment.
Karenin should be used to this feeling.
When he was younger, he experienced more difficult moments than this. Even if he was dizzy, he had to be so calm that no one could see a drop of cold sweat on him.
Sludin is a careful young man, although he also likes to watch jokes on weekdays, but as Karenin told Anna, at work, Sludin is completely competent.
The young man was Karenin's backup, reminding him of those who passed him, making sure he was always present, and, when allowed, or creating an opportunity, for Karenin to eat and drink less liquor.
This is the value of Sludin. In his young life of twenty-three years, apart from some dispensable talents, it made him more attractive and convinced Karenin that this young man has a more ambitious and The future of bright future, is his diligence and integrity.
A person with complete integrity cannot go too far in his official career, but a person who has no integrity and contempt for the world is even less likely to have any future.
After the last fatal thing, Karenin seemed to be drained of strength.
He sat in the armchair, letting the sweat trickle out of his pores a little bit.
"Drink some water first." Sludin poured water quickly, and then led the doctor into Karenin's separate office from nowhere.
Those stethoscopes moving over Karenin's lungs, and the doctor's calm words.
Karenin held his breath, frowned, and answered every feeling seriously.
They struggled for a while until Karenin thought he was better.
Sludin arranged for a carriage, and Karenin, who was supposed to accompany him, hinted that he would not use it.
If Sludin was the kind of person who just graduated from university, then he would probably ask why, but he has been working for a while after all, so he did not insist.
After the driver drove away, Karenin did not sit up straight as usual, but leaned against him with a frown.
The corners of his mouth were pursed, and his thick and long eyebrows were furrowed. In fact, he didn't feel better. However, even if you are in your own office surrounded by your own people, you still need to have some reservations. Nothing to do with trust, just habit over the years.
Despite his physical discomfort, Karenin fell asleep for a while.
In the dream, he seemed to return to his childhood a long time ago.
In the big house, there is the sound of the mother's piano.
Karenin's mother is a good musician. She seems to hope that all three children will be trained to be as talented in music as she is, but it is a pity that Karenin did not meet her expectations.
As for music, Karenin can now talk about it, and even make people think that he is an expert, but in fact, Karenin did not like them from the bottom of his heart.
He doesn't love music any more than he can appreciate paintings and artworks, but usually treats them only for talking rather than enjoying them from the bottom of his heart.
But a long time ago, when he was only seven or eight years old, he liked to listen to his mother's music.
He always remembers all that.
Sometimes she would "catch" him out of the study, let him sit on the stool obediently, and listen to her playing not too close to her.
And Karenin always kept holding the book, sat upright on the stool, and did those "forced" things that were not really annoying.
He likes those early mornings or afternoons, when his mother switches fingers on the black and white keys, and occasionally looks at him, so focused, so soft, that is only Karenin himself, some small, secret happiness.
Karenin's father warned him not to indulge in tenderness, and he always obeyed.
However, just as human beings instinctively want to chase the light, so does the nostalgia for tenderness.
In Karenin's restrained childhood, the mother and the sound of the piano are the emotions hidden in my heart that I don't want to be erased...
"gentlemen?"
The voice of Peter the coachman woke Karenin from his light sleep.
Karenin coughed lightly as if there was a lump in his throat.
He gathered his overcoat, put on his top hat, and took his civilized cane before going down.
After getting out of the carriage, a gust of wind and cold made Karenin unconsciously shake his right hand. He was dizzy, stabilized his body, heard footsteps, and when he raised his eyes, a warm little hand grabbed his hand.
"You're terribly hot."
After Anna finished speaking, she tiptoed quickly and touched Karenin's skin with her forehead. She observed him carefully, her slender eyebrows furrowed.
"Come on, I'll help you," Anna paused after she finished speaking, evaluated the weight of the two of them and her strength for a while, and then confirmed, "Yes, I'll help you."
During the whole process, until Karenin lay on the soft bed, he had no choice.
This is really rare, because Karenin is not the type who can give himself to others. But he did just that, a little sluggishly but always awake, watching Anna's actions, including the way she put her hand on his forehead again when she finally stopped.
"How do you feel now? Alexei." Anna asked, her tone soft, a little different from her neat look before.
"It's much better." Karenin replied in a low voice. He was leaning on the pillow in an unseemly posture, with his hands well placed under the quilt, and wearing a thick nightgown, drinking water, Take the medicine, just wait for the call of sleep. To be honest, he was so well looked after that he couldn't sleep right away.
"You should rest for a while."
Yes, of course Karenin knew that he had better go to rest now. His eyelids are already a little heavy, but there is always a warm emotion in his heart, which seems to have not been expressed yet.
"You've been waiting for me."
This is not an interrogative sentence, but a declarative sentence.
Anna froze for a moment, and then said: "I just guessed that you should be back now, I didn't wait long." After she finished speaking, she touched his forehead again, as if worried, and confirmed it again.
"Is there anything else you want me to do for you?"
I don't know if it's the medicine or some other reason, Karenin's thinking has become a little slow at the moment.
After Anna repeated it a second time, he didn't continue to look at his wife with that kind of confused eyes. He understood the meaning of the words, but Anna patiently explained it again and kissed his forehead at the same time.
"You look like a deer in a sheepfold."
"That's kind of cute."
Anna smiled slightly, her eyes became brighter, and the previous anxiety seemed to have disappeared.
"No, I'm not cute." Karenin muttered to himself, still stubbornly persisting.
"Don't worry, nothing has changed, you just need someone to take care of you." Anna said thoughtfully.
"I'm here and I'll take care of you."
After Anna finished speaking, she adjusted the pillow for Karenin.
"It's time for you to sleep, Alexey."
"I'll wake you up at dinner time, this time you really have to listen to me." She said softly, without any blame at all.
Karenin's thoughts were already in trouble, his always calm and sharp blue eyes were blinking his eyelashes slowly at this moment.
He stared at his wife, and under a high fever, he felt that her figure was hazy but soft, like a shadow from his memory. But the still struggling thoughts reminded him that this is not true.
Karenin's mother was not as strict as his father, but there should actually be no memory of that kind of tenderness about illness. There are nannies and servants around him, they have followed him since he was born, and the warmth from his mother is not always skin touching and kissing.
Human memory will gradually decline with age, even a rational person like Karenin is not immune.
So in the memories, some memories will unconsciously add some unreal desires.
Karenin fell asleep.
He frowned in the dream, his muscles sometimes twitched unconsciously, he pursed his lips, and sometimes he sighed in pain.
This sound was actually inaudible in the huge mansion, even the busy maids in the next room would not hear it, but someone always cared.
Anna is like a bound butterfly, even if she flaps her wings, she still stays beside this flower. She is so young, there should be countless banquets and bowling activities waiting for her on weekdays, but she loves the man in front of her completely from the bottom of her heart, so staying has become her willingness.
"You'll be fine."
After Karenin groaned again, Anna leaned down, let the skin inside her palm stick to the sweaty cheek of the other party, and softly comforted him.
She wanted to kiss him in her heart.
Kiss his cheek, eyebrows, and slightly tight lips.
But Anna knew she shouldn't do this, so instead, she just used the palm of her hand, fingers, or the skin on the back of her hand to gently touch the somewhat hot skin.
She knew that when she was sick, it was like pain running through her blood beneath her skin.
She also knows how much comfort touch and words can bring to a person.
Time ticked by.
Anushka came in halfway and asked Anna if she wanted to eat. The latter looked at the man who was deeply asleep, thought for a while, and then whispered that she didn't need it.
She went out for a while, ate something, and then continued to watch.
In the past few hours, she read a section of the book, flipped through several manuscripts, and noticed a deepened crease between Karenin's eyebrows.
Anna tried to smooth it out, but felt a little funny about herself.
This disease was tormenting the man in front of him, and it was also tormenting Anna's heart.
She prayed that Karenin would get well soon.
When the clock struck the hour again, Karenin woke up with a movement of his eyelids.
His eyes were a little dazed, he didn't look like the alert official in his thirties, he seemed to be a young man between a teenager and a young man.
The way he looked at Anna was like seeing her for the first time, which made her somewhat uneasy.
"Are you okay?" Anna couldn't help asking, her fingertips gently touching Karenin's sweaty hair.
"I hope you recognize me," Anna joked, "do you know where you are?"
Karenin's eyes blinked for a moment, then he looked around, and his expression became sober.
Anna breathed a sigh of relief, and just about to speak, her right hand was held.
Within a day, this little hand was held again.
Anna also blinked and called Karenin's name awkwardly.
"Alexis?"
Instead of an answer, she gets a kiss.
The lips were hot, and fell on the knuckles of the back of the hand.
"I am at home."
"I am fine."
Karenin's voice was a little hoarse, and his words were brief but clear.
"you are here."
"So I'm fine, Anna."
Anna listened, and turned her head slightly. After a while, a shy smile bloomed at the corner of her mouth.
"Oh, I can tell."
After she finished speaking, she raised her eyes to look at Karenin again. Under the candlelight, the tenderness in those blue eyes seemed to be overflowing.
"Would you like some water?" Anna asked, and handed it over.
Karenin took it, took a few sips, and the sweetness of the water moistened his throat.
His eyes were still looking at his wife, from the latter's watery eyes to the smile on the corner of his mouth, he said in a soft and slow voice: "I dreamed of my mother."
"Ah..." Anna uttered an exclamation syllable, and then assumed a posture of listening. Every time Karenin planned to share something of this kind with her, her heart was always like a little flower blooming.
"She likes to play the piano, and sometimes she lets us listen to her play."
Karenin paused after saying this, his eyes were a little confused: "I probably can't remember what she looks like now."
"I rarely dream of her."
"People say that in times of vulnerability, humans bring courage to themselves by thinking of those who are gentle with them." Anna whispered.
Karenin lowered his eyes, and his eyes fell on his wife's little hand.
"Anna, I meant to say..."
He raised his head again, and gently pinched the back of his wife's hand with his fingers.
He seemed to be hesitating, but also seemed to be choosing his words carefully. There are not many problems in this world that can stump Karenin, but feelings always easily overwhelm him.
Not the kind of emotion that needs to be released and restrained for the sake of political interests, but simply, the emotion that sprouted from Karenin's heart.
They always look so shy, like a trembling little bud, so fragile and need to be carefully cared for, otherwise it will burrow into the soil and disappear.
But when you think about it and always want to love it, unconsciously, it grows up again, the roots are in the soil, very strong, even the strong wind can't blow it away.
"People with deeper memories are more attached to their feelings. I used to think that I could become the person my father expected, but after my brother passed away, I knew that I would never be able to surpass him."
"I couldn't meet my father's expectations, so my memories of my mother became more and more tender. But in fact, the memories my mother gave me, I mean the real ones, the ones I can recall , I can’t say how much I care about it.”
The man's fingers rubbed the back of his wife's hand, the heat of the skin was a little obvious, but it was much better than in the daytime.
"In fact, my mother prefers Matvey over me," Karenin said after a moment of pondering, "Of the three of us, only Matvey has the best inheritance of his mother's fingers and knowledge of music." feel."
"I'm not the one who often sits and listens to my mother playing, sometimes it's the three of us, more often it's Matvey and my mother."
"I always," Karenin paused, as if he had pushed away his hazy memory and finally glimpsed the truth. His tone still maintained a certain low and gentle tone, but there seemed to be a little moisture in his blue eyes.
What a surprise it would be for ordinary people to see it!
But Karenin was such a person. Beneath his calm and self-possessed appearance, his heart is the most hated to see the tears of women or children.
This tough man exposed his fragility for the first time in this silent night.
In those memories, there is the second son in the big family, and the unfair treatment suffered by those who are not so gregarious by nature, who are too smart and hardworking. On this night, in a kind of tender feeling, overflowing come out.
"I'm always in the study."
"I should," Karenin said slowly, blinking his eyes slowly, "I never heard my mother play music alone."
"I didn't," he whispered.
"Sometimes I miss her, but then less and less. I remember her voice, but not her face."
"She loves you." Anna said softly, "She loves each of you."
"Yes, I never doubted that," said Karenin, his blue eyes fixed on his wife for a long time, and he said, "So it's good that you are here."
"Anna, you are here, I can see you with my eyes, I can touch you with my hands."
The corners of Karenin's mouth curled up slightly, revealing a somewhat relieved smile. Even though his face is pale at the moment, and his whole body is completely lacking in his usual meticulousness and sharpness, Anna still loves him.
because he said:
"I love you, Anna."