Jiang Zesheng has always felt that he is a monster, since the kidnapping case when he was young.
In that kidnapping case, after being rescued, he looked as good as the past on the surface. He was like the proud son of fate, a son who made his father proud, and a bragging talk for his mother and friends. It seemed that nothing was missing, but Jiang Zesheng knew in his heart that it was different, everything was different.
When my father was negotiating with the kidnappers, he gave up on him for his own political future, and his mother's indifference... and the dark, thunderous three days became a permanent scar in his heart, an injury.
On the surface, he looked the same as in the past, but after that, the concern of his mother, the strictness of his father, the closeness of his friends... The pet that was once so beloved in the family died, Jiang Zesheng could no longer feel the slightest, he was indifferent. , Cold...
Seeing his mother who was crying and crying because his father was outside and cheating, Jiang Zesheng couldn't feel the slightest sympathy, and he didn't even want to say a word of false relief.
Facing the father who had been stressed by his strict requirements and wanted to be a good son to make his father happy, he no longer wanted to work hard to please the other person, showing his desire for father’s love, but he was very calm. Very indifferent, even when he was concerned about the other party, he was not only unhappy, but also a kind of impatient emotion.
Even when his grandfather passed away, he looked at the mourning and weeping relatives around him... He couldn't feel the slightest grief, he just felt very depressed.
He appeared impatiently in the mourning hall, but he had to be there, even the formulaic hypocritical greetings... He didn't want to say a word.
From then on, Jiang Zesheng knew that he was sick.
Although alive, it is no different from a walking dead.
Only when the darkness and thunder sounded, he would no longer be stupefied and perceive the emotions of fear, panic, fear, and rapid heartbeat similar to when he was a normal person when he was a child.
His mother was the first to discover that he was afraid of thunder, but after being discovered by her mother, Jiang Zesheng was not concerned and worried.
It was the mother's cruel accusation: "Afraid of thunder? What kind of hypocrisy you are a boy who is afraid of thunder! From then on, you will never allow the light to rest on a thunderstorm, and turn off the light when it rains. , I still have to cure your problem!"
He has since been deprived of the right to turn on the lights to avoid fear during a thunderstorm.
Jiang Zesheng clearly realized that his mother didn't love him, and all she needed was a perfect mechanical son who could show off to outsiders.
But when he realized this, he no longer felt sad, he just felt indifferent...
The only thing that made him feel, and the only thing that made him afraid was the thunderous night.
But he can no longer escape.
Because of his mother's selfishness, he can only endure silently and painfully...
Jiang Zesheng thought he would spend his whole life in such a numb, indifferent, mechanical pain, so that he could not bear the choice of suicide as the end of his life.
Such a colorless and walking dead life made him feel painful and boring.
Until he met He Ziming—
His life has a slightly different brilliance, allowing him to perceive that his life is not only numb and unbearable pain and fear, but also love and expectation.
Even if the intertwining of love and hatred caused him pain, it was painful and happy.
Because of He Ziming, he had infinite expectations for living and the long life.
The first time I saw He Ziming was at a banquet held in the He family. At that time, Jiang Zesheng didn't feel much about He Ziming, he just looked at him more because of He Ziming's appearance.
To be honest, He Ziming didn't look like an orphan from the country at all. On the contrary, he was too beautiful and exquisite. He almost had a coquettish atmosphere, even more so than many beautiful children in the city.
Even Jiang Zesheng, who is used to seeing handsome men and beautiful women, couldn't help but keep his eyes on him for a while.
But only for a while. Although He Ziming is too beautiful in Jiang Zesheng's eyes, he is also very stupid and clumsy...
Almost everyone who attended the banquet at He’s family knew that the He’s adopted the child, but he had found a mobile blood bank for his young son, but the child didn’t know it, and he was so stupid and naive to think He’s family. They really want to adopt him. The He family brothers really want to be a family with him, trying their best to please others, and want to be integrated into their circle. They know him well but they completely treat him as a stupid, etc. Look at his jokes.
Jiang Zesheng doesn't like foolish, naive, and simple things.
Because, in their circle, the more silly and sweet, the faster they die.
It's too fragile, too vulnerable, and nothing to like.
During the banquet, He Xiyue, the youngest son of the He family, was always by He Ziming's side. The look of a good man made the foolish teenager very trusting, but Jiang Zesheng saw at a glance that the sickly young son of the He family was waiting for the opportunity. He Ziming made him make a joke.
Sure enough, the stupid boy soon walked over to him who was allergic to mango with a glass of mango juice under the instigation of He Xiyue.
"You... Hello, my name is He Ziming, please... Do you drink mango juice?" The young man walked to him with a clear pair of eyes, looking at him with innocent eyes, like a kitten begging for adoption, cautiously of.
If he had known that he and He Ziming would be entangled in the back and could go back in time, Jiang Zesheng would desperately want to go back to that time, even if he was allergic to mango to death, he would have to drink up that glass of mango juice.
Or, even if you don't drink mango juice, you can treat him softly, and be gentle enough to give him face and make friends with him.
He could see that He Ziming had a good first impression of him.
But no...
At that time, Jiang Zesheng could not predict the future, nor did he know the importance of He Ziming to him in the future life. I don't know how precious He Ziming, who has never suffered any injury or setback, is compared to later!
Jiang Zesheng only pushed He Ziming away indifferently. He didn't even explain that he was allergic to mango, so he replied coldly: "Thank you, I never drink mango juice!"
After speaking, he turned and left, and he never even left the opportunity to say a word.
This gave a bunch of people a chance to ridicule and laugh at He Ziming: "Haha, look at Jiang Shao and don't give him a bit of face, so he turned around and left."
"He thought he was something, and wanted to curry favor with Young Master Jiang... His hot face was put on his cold ass."
"..."
Jiang Zesheng knew that turning He Ziming into that hideous look later on, he also had a share, had a great responsibility, and even one of the main reasons!
He can't break free, but only bear and redeem his sins.
But he didn't think so at the time. At that time, Jiang Zesheng could have imagined how those people would taunt He Ziming, but he didn't help much. He saved He Ziming's mind, and he didn't feel sympathy for He Ziming at all... and even felt himself. Should be more indifferent to him, a bit more ruthless...
In his view at the time, Silly Baitian would not last long in such an environment. Even if it weren't for him, others would make him suffer and stumble, and indirectly taught him to recognize that reality is doing good deeds.
There are so many poor people in the world, let him sympathize with him one by one, where can sympathy come
What's more, he didn't have sympathy in the first place.
But I don't know my mistakes and stupidity at all.
The intersection between Jiang Zesheng and He Ziming later was very small. Although they attended the same school, they never met. Jiang Zesheng almost forgot that he had met such a person, and there was such a person in the world, only in other people. I vaguely heard that He Ziming, as he expected, had a miserable life by a group of rich second-generation'teaching to be a human being', a lot of restraint, and a lot of maturity.
But what does it matter to him
However, everyone has his own destiny, and he is also the same, unable to break free.
The intersection with He Ziming again was when he was forced by his mother to turn off the lights and feel thunder and lightning. After waking up the next morning, he unexpectedly appeared a second personality, which really scared his elegant and noble mother. .
The doctor diagnosed him with mental and psychological problems, suffering from split personality and bipolar disorder.
His mother was shocked, not because she was distressed and worried about his son, but because she felt that her son was no longer outstanding and outstanding, so that she was ashamed, so that she could no longer show off... For the sake of face, Jiang Zesheng’s parents were the first Time blocked this news, and Jiang Zesheng began a long, depressive psychotherapy...
His parents couldn't accept that their proud son was a monster with no empathy and empathy, but they didn't introspect at all, and they didn't even know that all of this was caused by them.
They also have this problem, but it is not as serious as Jiang Zesheng.
In the process of treatment, Jiang Zesheng was very depressed and painful, especially when he was disappointed and indifferent to his parents, but did not have the slightest expression of love.
In order to relieve the pressure, he chose to go online in an anonymous forum and confided his troubles.
He concealed his lack of empathy, empathy, suffering from split personality and bipolar disorder, and only confided on the Internet that the kidnapping had caused him great psychological trauma and the indifference of his parents, as well as the relationship between himself and his parents. The problems that existed between him and the profound expression of his hatred for this indifference... both to himself and to his parents.
It may be because the topic of the post was not attractive enough. He waited for several days and no one responded to him. Jiang Zesheng didn't care, because Quan was a tree hole for self-entertainment.
The first and only person who replied to his post was an anonymous netizen.
The man comforted him, persuaded him, and put many of his questions to the point, which made Jiang Zesheng feel particularly empathetic, and started talking with that man.
The man told him that he was an orphan and was adopted by a wealthy family because of his special blood type, because the son of that family had a serious blood disease and needed a mobile blood bank. He lived well in that environment. Repression is painful, but one cannot give up hope after all...
I don't know why, after the netizen said this information, He Ziming's face flashed through Jiang Zesheng's mind inexplicably.
But after another thought, I felt that it would not be such a coincidence. I and the other party may not be in the same city. It is normal for a country like Z to have people with the same circumstances, and that is to dispel this idea.
Jiang Zesheng chatted with that netizen very speculatively, and chatting with that netizen became his daily routine.
At that time, Jiang Zesheng didn't know that the person sitting at the end of the network cable was actually He Ziming.
The second time I saw He Ziming in reality was one day after school. He wanted to go to the toilet in a hurry, but in the school toilet saw a group of dudes from the fair party preparing to bully He Ziming and another boy from an ordinary family. .
On that day, Jiang Zesheng had just received psychotherapy, and the psychologist kept asking: "Why don’t you have sympathy? Seeing others suffering and uncomfortable, don’t you want to help others? Seeing your pet dies, Wouldn't you be sad?"
"You should be sad. You should help others when you see that they need help. That's a normal person." He was also forced to instill such a concept.
His mother also chased him and kept questioning and asking: "Why don't you have any expression at all? Your dad found a second wife and gave birth to a child. Then the child may take your place in the future. Wouldn't you be upset at all? Are you getting normal? Why don't you have any expression at all, just like a wooden stake!"
His mother beat him, and the psychologist brainwashed him, but on the contrary, Jiang Zesheng gave birth to a kind of rebellious psychology.
He thought, why? Why do you have to follow the trajectory they want? He doesn't, he just doesn't have empathy, so what about empathy
Who dares to say that he has a problem and can't be regarded as a normal person
He doesn't.
Jiang Zesheng walked into the toilet, and when the second generation saw him coming, they all stopped and slowed down their movements.
He Ziming looked at him with big black and white eyes open, and his eyes were wet with hopeful light.
Jiang Zesheng knew that he was asking for help, but it was when he was accused of having no empathy and empathy and rebelliousness the most. The more he looked at He Ziming's eyes, the less hesitant he was. Walk to the door of the toilet.
"Jiang... Jiang Zesheng, help me!" Hearing He Ziming's scream for help coming from behind him, he quickened his pace and cut off He Ziming's last hope.
No one can save you, only you can save yourself...
Anyway, these rich second generations won't really kill him anyway.
Jiang Zesheng thought this way, as if he was throwing away something faster and faster, but he kept thinking about He Ziming's sorrow and cry for help at that time.
When he reached the gate of the school, he paused, some wanting to go back.
But in the end, he didn't do this, instead he chose to notify the school security and guards to let them rush to the toilet.
Looking at the backs of the security guards who rushed to the toilet after listening to his report... Jiang Zesheng thought, this is probably enough.
He has done his best to He Ziming.
But at that time he didn't know that it was not enough, it was far from enough.
The author has something to say: After the previous chapter is over, I will write it. It's not the same as the previous content. Copy and defraud subscription. What I wrote is different. If you don't believe it, you can look back.
I don’t understand. Is it wrong to keep promises these years