Acting bravely should be a memorable thing, but when Yang Sijie returned home, he still felt a sense of despair lingering in his heart.
He felt as if he had lost something important, that melancholy feeling, that low mood, as if he had fallen out of love.
"How does it feel to be out of love?" Yang Sijie smiled mockingly. He has never been in love yet, so how could he know what it feels like to be out of love!
Yang Sijie adjusted his mood, turned on the computer, transferred the photos taken today to the computer, and then looked at them one by one.
"The picture was not taken well! It was deleted!"
"This one is not good either! Delete it!"
"This one doesn't work either! Delete it!"
Yang Sijie looked through the photos he took in the morning and deleted two-thirds of them.
Then Yang Sijie started to read it a second time, and in the end only a dozen photos were left. But the dozen or so photos left behind made Yang Sijie more and more dissatisfied with them, and he had the urge to delete them all.
Yang Sijie suddenly discovered that his photography skills were really poor. Needless to say, compared with those real photographers, even the photos in the college student photography exhibition held in the school were several times better than the photos he took.
Yang Sijie feels a little depressed. He has always been the best among his peers since he was a child. He inherited his father's excellent IQ. It seems that nothing can trouble him. As long as he is willing to do anything, he can do it very well. excellent.
But today, he had to admit that the photos he took were indeed bad enough.
Yang Sijie let out a long sigh. He opened the web page and went to the blogs of several photographers to appreciate their latest works. But the more he read, the more Yang Sijie felt that there was a huge gap between him and those professional photographers. .
"I need to practice more, practice makes perfect!"
Yang Sijie thought of this and looked out the window.
The weather was very good today, and the sun was about to go down, so Yang Sijie walked out with his camera again. He decided to take pictures of the beautiful sunset!
…
Two hours later, Yang Sijie returned home. He looked at the set of photos he had just taken, still looking depressed.
"This is not the shooting effect I wanted!" Yang Sijie sighed silently.
"Ding dong!" WeChat's voice rang. Yang Sijie picked up his phone and found a group chat message. This was a WeChat group for photography enthusiasts from Tsinghua University that he had joined.
One of the group friends just uploaded a few photos, which were also taken of the sunset.
"The photo is much better than mine." As the saying goes, there is no harm without comparison, and Yang Sijie's expression instantly turned bitter.
At this moment, Yang Sijie suddenly felt that the photography he had been looking forward to did not seem to bring him the slightest sense of satisfaction and achievement when he actually started doing it.
Yang Sijie used to feel extremely excited every time he recalled those so-called "photography skills", and he looked forward to one day being able to operate and verify them personally. But in the practice just now, Yang Sijie didn't feel the slightest passion.
Yang Sijie was so confused that he picked up the brand new camera again and leaned back on the chair quietly.
This camera was once something he had dreamed of, and when he first got it, he really couldn't put it down.
But now, Yang Sijie feels that there is no joy deep in his heart. He can no longer feel the strong sense of expectation. He feels like a child who has taken a fancy to a favorite toy and cannot get it when he gets it. When I was young, I used all kinds of methods to cry to my parents, but after I got it, I felt that it was nothing more than that.
At this moment, Yang Sijie was keenly aware that his interest in photography was gradually disappearing.
"Three minutes of heat!" Yang Sijie thought of this sentence, but he didn't want to admit that he was like this too.
"I want to be a photographer!" Yang Sijie murmured to himself, as if he was deliberately emphasizing it to himself.
However, deep in his heart, there seemed to be a voice that kept repeating a few words:
"No! I'm an athlete!"
Yang Sijie suddenly remembered that during the day, when the police officer asked him if he was an athlete, he blurted out "I am an athlete."
Yang Sijie knew that it was his instinctive reaction. He said this without any thinking at the time.
"How could this happen! I probably hate sprinting, and I probably don't want to be an athlete!" There was confusion in Yang Sijie's eyes. The more he thought about this matter, the more he felt an emotion that was difficult to let go of.
Suddenly, Yang Sijie realized that after practicing sprinting for five years, deep down in his heart, he had already regarded himself as an athlete.
"I don't want to be an athlete! I want to be a photographer!" Yang Sijie was a little annoyed. He picked up the camera again, trying to convince himself that he wanted to continue his dream of being a photographer.
The camera was held in Yang Sijie's hand, but it felt heavier and heavier at this moment. It was not just a piece of photographic equipment, but for Yang Sijie at this moment, it seemed to have become a burden!
The source of the burden came from his idea of becoming a photographer!
Yang Sijie became even more angry. He felt that this should be his hobby and something he liked. Doing what he likes should be with great interest and should not feel that it is a burden!
"Perhaps, I don't really like photography at all!" This idea popped up in Yang Sijie's mind.
"What would have happened if my father had not asked me to be an athlete, but had asked me to be a photographer? Would I still hate sprinting? Would I also hate being a photographer?"
Yang Sijie's thoughts became chaotic. He closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down and stop thinking about too many things.
"Perhaps, if my father had asked me to learn photography, I wouldn't have wanted to be a photographer!"
This idea suddenly popped up in Yang Sijie's mind, making him shudder because he suddenly realized a problem!
What he hates is not sprinting, and what he rejects is not athletes. What he hates and rejects is actually his father's arrangement!
He has always hoped to have his own choice, but he has never had such an opportunity. The disgust and rejection in his heart are just dissatisfaction and resistance against his father!
Yang Sijie stood up suddenly, a look of horror appeared in his eyes.
"I actually don't want to be a photographer!" Yang Sijie finally realized this. He found that being a photographer was not his dream.
The so-called photographer's dream is just a projection of his desire for independence and independence. This projection can be replaced. It can be a photographer, a painter, a musician, or a writer.
The key is not what career to pursue, but that you don’t need to succumb to your father’s arrangements or instructions, and you can control your own life!
Yang Sijie suddenly felt a little painful and confused. He knew that he didn't really want to be a photographer. He felt that he had lost his goal in life, and he felt even more at a loss.
What Yang Sijie longs for is to get some freedom and be able to decide his own affairs, and now, he has done it. His father respects his choice, but he doesn't know what to do next.
"You make your own decisions about your youth!"
Dai Li's words rolled through Yang Sijie's mind again.
Yang Sijie's eyes couldn't help but cast to the corner of the room, where the training clothes he usually wore had already been thrown away.
He stood up silently, walked over, grabbed the training uniform, and looked at it quietly.
His mind suddenly flashed back to the time when he participated in a middle school track and field competition and won the championship for the first time when he was 14 years old.
He still remembered that after the starting gun sounded, he rode straight ahead and rushed to the front until he crossed the finish line.
Five years have passed, but that scene still makes Yang Sijie feel extremely real!
He turned his head and looked at his bookshelf, where the trophy from that year was placed. It was the first trophy he won. The trophy was already covered with dust, and the gold-plated bright mirror that could have been used as a mirror was placed there. Ze, also becomes dim with the passage of time.
Yang Sijie couldn't help but walked over and picked up the trophy. At this moment, he seemed to feel that what he was holding was something that would be difficult to let go of in his lifetime.
"Five years! I've been practicing for five years!" Yang Sijie lowered his head, but tears burst out of his eyes uncontrollably!
At this moment, Yang Sijie finally realized what he had given up and what he had lost.
After five years of training, Yang Sijie has become an athlete. The blood of athletes flows in his body. The three words "athlete" seem to be a mark that has been engraved into his bone marrow and is indelible!
"I'm an athlete!"
At this second, Yang Sijie finally understood what he really wanted.
…
On the training ground.
Li Dai faced Niu Guohong and said: "This ground-breaking wheel running training requires mental orientation to swing the leg to the highest point and quickly extend the hip and push down. At the same time, the lower leg is whipped to the ground, and the supporting leg is flexed and forward at the hip..."
As Dai Li spoke, he personally demonstrated the essentials of the movements, but he found that Niu Guohong's eyes were looking behind him, in the direction of the entrance to the training ground.
Dai Li turned around and saw a familiar figure.
"It's Yang Sijie. Hasn't he already quit the team? Why is he back? Still wearing training clothes?" Dai Li felt a little surprised for a moment, but the next second, he also realized something.
Yang Sijie quickly ran up to Dai Li. He looked at Dai Li with determination in his eyes.
"Coach, I have thought clearly, I am an athlete! I want to be a real athlete!"