Might be shopping for lunch.
Maybe to collect rent.
Maybe go to the door to buy cigarettes.
Maybe the phone is out of battery.
…
Before seeing the cigarette case papers on the table, Cheng Ke could still ignore that although Jiang Yuduo had countless reasons for not being in the house, his cell phone had never been turned off, comforting himself that he might be back soon.
Several sheets of cigarette case paper are placed on the table now. Before Cheng Ke could see what was written on it, he immediately remembered that when he watched the video yesterday, Jiang Yuduo was putting on the cigarette case paper. The scene when writing something.
He understood immediately.
regret.
Why didn't he care at that time!
Apart from handing out business cards, Jiang Yuduo rarely writes anything on his own initiative, why didn't he care!
I asked at that time, even if you take a look, you may not need to face a scene like today!
"Fuck!" Cheng Ke gritted his teeth and cursed again.
After he lowered his head and closed his eyes and took a deep breath several times, he moved the table that had been displaced by his kick back to its original place, and then slowly arranged the cigarette case papers on the table one by one.
This is the first time Cheng Ke has seen so many words written by Jiang Yuduo.
Big and ugly.
Jiang Yuduo's best written words were probably his signature on the tenancy agreement.
Cheng Ke. sorry.
I'm not letting you pull me. I don't think you can hold on.
There is a lot to eat. Buy it yourself when you're done eating.
Meow to Chen Qing.
Forget it, don't give it to him. You help me keep it.
Give it to him if you don't want it.
you are fine. You are really good.
like you.
I'm afraid you'll leave before I'm ready.
I am especially afraid that you will leave before I am well.
It took me too long to get better.
I'll do it myself. You can't wait to go. It's ok.
Tell Chen Qing that I am leaving. It may take a long time to come back. He knows how to handle it.
I took half of the towel and toothbrush.
Cheng Ke. I like you very much.
I don't know how long you can like it. If you don't like it, just go.
…
A lot, I felt like I used up the stack of cigarette paper that Jiang Yuduo usually put under the coffee table.
The characters are all big and ugly, not more than a few, some are written neatly, and some are almost unrecognizable.
Maybe Jiang Yuduo had never written so many words when he was so old, and his handwriting would be messed up after he wrote it, but after each sentence, he carefully wrote a full stop.
Cheng Ke didn't know what time Jiang Yuduo used to write so many words.
He doesn't know anything.
He hadn't finished reading the cigarette paper, and the words on it were too blurry to read. He smeared twice on his eyes, but tears quickly filled his eyes again.
He has always paid attention to Jiang Yuduo's emotions, but this time, he attributed all Jiang Yuduo's abnormalities to self-mutilation and... masturbation.
Cheng Ke, did your brain get shot off the fuck!
"Jaeger-LeCoultre!" Chen Qing's anxious voice came from the window.
Cheng Ke was woken up by a loud voice, and quickly gathered up the cigarette case paper on the table, put it in his pocket, and responded, "Yes!"
After quickly entering the bathroom and wiping his face, Chen Qing opened the door with the key and entered the house.
"Why are you here?" Cheng Ke asked.
"Can I not come!" Chen Qing said, "You said a few words without beginning or end, and I'll call you again and you won't answer the phone! If you call the third brother, the phone will be turned off again!"
"He..." Cheng Ke bit his lip and glanced at his cell phone, only to realize that Chen Qing had called him three times in a row, but he didn't hear them all, "He said he would be back for a long time, and he said something else. You know how to deal with it."
Chen Qing was stunned for a long time: "Where did you go?"
"I don't know." Cheng Ke said.
"You two quarreled?" Chen Qing asked.
"No." Cheng Ke replied.
"Then why did he suddenly leave?" Chen Qing asked, "He has never done this before."
Cheng Ke suddenly found that Chen Qing's voice was crying, he quickly glanced at Chen Qing: "Qing'er..."
"You said that he suddenly left like this, does it have anything to do with you!" Chen Qing's eyes were red, and he stared at him and asked, "Does it have anything to do with you! I have to find someone to get angry with you!"
Cheng Ke didn't speak.
does it matter
Of course it does.
But he didn't dare to say it. He could think in his heart, in his head, a thousand times ten thousand times, but asking him to say it was like pulling his imagination into reality, and he couldn't accept it.
Chen Qing stared at him, and the two of them froze in the middle of the room. Finally, Chen Qing pulled up a chair and sat down. He lowered his head and wiped his tears: "Forget it, there's no point in scolding you."
Cheng Ke stood still.
"Your face is very ugly," Chen Qing wiped his tears again, "You sit down."
Cheng Ke glanced at him, sat down, put his hands in his pockets, and squeezed the stack of cigarette paper tightly.
"Did he leave a message for you?" Chen Qing asked, "Did he say anything else?"
"...No." Cheng Ke said.
"Do you want to come back?" Chen Qing asked again.
"Said." Cheng Ke nodded.
"Then what do you think..." Chen Qing looked at him, "will he come back?"
Cheng Ke was stunned for a while, and turned his head. He didn't expect Chen Qing to ask such a sentence, and suddenly felt that his hands were a little cold.
"Why do you," Cheng Ke controlled his emotions, "you ask that?"
Chen Qing frowned and rubbed his eyes again: "I always thought that the third brother would leave sooner or later."
Cheng Ke looked at him.
"Sometimes I think he's the same person as us. There are people on the street. He's the boss. He takes us. I can feel that he is different from us, different from you, and different from anyone else."
"Really?" Cheng Ke said softly.
"He treats me as a brother, he is my best friend," Chen Qing said, "We talk about everything together, but I know that I tell him everything, and he doesn't tell me a lot of things. You can't tell me in this life."
Cheng Ke gently rubbed his fingers on the cigarette case paper.
Chen Qing sat aside, didn't speak anymore, cried silently for a while, and then went into the bathroom to wash his face.
"He doesn't live in this house, and Sister Qian won't take it back," Chen Qing sat back in the chair and wiped the water droplets from his face, "If you want to retire the house over there, live here first."
Cheng Ke was stunned for a while, he hadn't thought of this at all in his mind.
"It's not to save money," Chen Qing said. "We still have a bunch of brothers. If you know where the third brother is going, it must be messy. Zhang Daqi's side just pressed down... You and the third brother have an unusual relationship. , Everyone can see that if you are here, you can be stable for a while, whether you are gathering or dispersing, you must leave time."
"Well." Cheng Ke responded.
"He helped Sister Qian before, so I'll just do the rest." Chen Qing stopped, and after being silent for a few seconds, he suddenly cried out loudly, and said while crying, "The third brother also said nothing..."
"Qing'er, Qing'er," Cheng Ke was bewildered by his prominent wailing, "don't cry."
"Don't you cry too? You think I didn't see it!" Chen Qing said while crying, "Your eyes were still red when I entered the door!"
Cheng Ke suddenly didn't know how to comfort him.
In normal times, he would definitely not care anymore, at most he would sit and watch, waiting for Chen Qing to finish crying.
But today is different. Jiang Yuduo suddenly disappeared from his life. He didn't have any mental preparation. It was like the stairs that didn't need to be seen after walking 10,000 times suddenly disappeared. He just stepped out and fell in. Dazed.
Looking at Chen Qing now, it's as if he can still catch a trace of Jiang Yuduo.
"Don't cry," Cheng Ke said. "If he comes back and hears that you cry like this, he will definitely call you a coward."
"I'm used to scolding." Chen Qing cried.
Before Cheng Ke could think of the next word of comfort, he suddenly stood up, grabbed two tissues and pressed his eyes: "Forget it, I'll go back and cry again. If you have anything to do, call me."
"...Okay." Cheng Ke looked at him.
"If he contacts you, let me know as soon as possible." Chen Qing said.
"Definitely." Cheng Ke said.
"If he contacts me..." Chen Qing stopped in the middle of speaking, turned and walked towards the door, crying loudly, "Forget it, he will definitely contact you first..."
After hearing that Chen Qing drove away, Cheng Ke was stunned in the room for a long time.
The silence in the room was unbearable for him, as if he was covered in jelly. It was broad daylight, and there were passersby and talking neighbors outside the window, but he couldn't hear anything.
He got up and walked to the window, standing where Jiang Yuduo used to stand, looking out through the crack of the curtain.
Business as usual.
Just like when he walked through this small street countless times, the afternoon sun, the cold north wind, the dirty looking trash can...
He wants to cry.
But can't cry.
Back at the table, he wanted to take out the cigarette paper that Jiang Yuduo wrote and put it back on the table, but he didn't have the courage.
He didn't have the courage to put Jiang Yuduo's somewhat blunt but helpless words before his eyes again.
Finally he went into the bedroom, put all the cigarette wrappers under the pillow, and lit a cigarette.
After smoking a cigarette in the backyard, he took out his mobile phone and opened the phone book.
Miss Luo.
He didn't even have time to call the phone number under this name, and the contact in WeChat was only a few simple words before, and he didn't even have time to report Jiang Yuduo's situation to Sister Luo.
Jiang Yuduo just left.
Simply neat.
No, not necessarily neat... Jiang Yuduo kept saying goodbye to him yesterday, but he didn't hear it.
Before calling Sister Luo, Cheng Ke dialed Jiang Yuduo again with hopeless struggle.
The number you dialed...
"Fuck you." Cheng Ke hung up.
After smoking another cigarette, he clicked on Sister Luo's name and dialed the number.
"Hello?" Sister Luo's voice came from there.
"Hello, Teacher Luo," Cheng Ke took a breath, "I'm Cheng Ke."
"Hello, Xiao Cheng." Sister Luo said.
"Do you have time now?" Cheng Ke asked.
"Well," Sister Luo's voice was as gentle as ever, "you say."
"That's it," Cheng Ke bit his lip, "this morning... no, this afternoon, Jiang Yuduo suddenly... disappeared."
"Gone?" Sister Luo was stunned.
"It's just... He left me a bunch of notes, maybe... afraid of hurting me, yesterday... He recorded a video for me yesterday," Cheng Ke said with a bit of difficulty, and every sentence of this matter was spoken. Like stabbing a knife in his heart, "His...his self-harm, he recorded..."
"Can you send me the video?" Sister Luo said, "and a note."
"Well, I originally wanted to send it to you, but I didn't have time. When I woke up today... he's gone." Cheng Ke felt that his breathing was a little difficult, and his heartbeat was completely chaotic.
It took him a long time to suddenly find the source of his panic, and his voice trembled uncontrollably: "Mr. Luo, hasn't he contacted you?"
"No," Sister Luo said, "he knows my mobile number and landline number. I'll see if the landline has missed calls... No."
Cheng Ke's hand propped up against the wall before he could stand firm, but then followed by a burst of soreness in his right wrist. Then he noticed that he was holding the phone in his left hand and propped his right hand against the wall.
"Then he might..." Cheng Ke turned and leaned against the wall, "will he find you?"
"This is uncertain," Sister Luo said. "We don't know what state of mind he was in when he left. If he feels nervous and unsafe, he won't trust anyone, including me."
"If he, if he didn't go to you and just hid," Cheng Ke said softly, "would he be in danger?"
"I have to look at the video and the note he left before I can make a rough judgment," Sister Luo said. "According to his previous state, there is no danger. He will consciously control the extent of his injury, and I said However, he had no suicidal tendencies before."
"Well," Cheng Ke felt that his voice was almost out of his breath, "I'll send you all this right away, if he contacts you..."
"I'll let you know," Sister Luo said. "You relax a little bit, he's more likely to contact me."
"Okay, thank you." Cheng Ke said.
After hanging up the phone, Cheng Ke did not delay for a second. He first sent the video to Sister Luo, then ran to the bedroom, took out the cigarette case paper from under the pillow, arranged it and took a photo.
When he saw the words written by Jiang Yuduo from the camera, Cheng Ke's vision blurred again.
He sent the photo to Sister Luo, and he didn't dare to look at the words that were so big and ugly that they were almost written on the outside of the cardboard case. He gathered them up and put them back under the pillow.
Then he dropped the phone and started checking the room.
Jiang Yuduo's wardrobe was basically the same as it was. He didn't have many clothes, and he could figure it out after a few scratches. Except for the one he was wearing, he only took away the coat that Cheng Ke exchanged for.
"Stupid!" Cheng Ke gritted his teeth and cursed.
But besides that, he couldn't see what Jiang Yuduo took away.
He wasn't perverted enough, he didn't stare at Jiang Yuduo every day, and he didn't look around in his room every day, because he believed in Jiang Yuduo, he never thought that such a day would come.
Obviously, Jiang Yuduo didn't believe him.
In other words, Jiang Yuduo didn't believe in himself.
That is, I don't believe that I can be "good", and I don't believe that Cheng Ke can always accompany him in such a situation.
"Stupid!" Cheng Ke couldn't find any other words to express his feeling of being uncomfortable, angry, helpless, and very worried, so he could only curse again viciously.
Very vicious.
The saliva sprayed onto the closet door.
He went to get a wet tissue and wiped the door.
Jiang Yuduo doesn't keep wet tissues at home, but Cheng Ke likes to use them, so he bought eight packs yesterday.
After wiping the cabinet door, he found that his face was covered with tears.
This made him a little angry, kicked the door, and sat on the edge of the bed.
When Sister Luo called, he glanced at the time, it was five o'clock.
Jiang Yuduo was right, time can't be passed, and there is no need to pass it at all.
"Mr. Luo, how is it?" Cheng Ke answered the phone and asked eagerly, but after asking, he became timid and wanted to hang up before Sister Luo could speak.
"I took a look. He shouldn't be in too much danger. It's about the same as before," Sister Luo said. "This time, the key to his escape, or it's different... still has to do with you."
"Escape?" Cheng Ke was stunned, "How could he escape? He made a lot of determination to face his illness, he took me to see you, and now he has recorded a video to show me his current situation. , how could he escape?"
"He didn't run away in this regard," Sister Luo said softly. "It's you that he runs away from. He has no way to face you and disappear."
"I won't disappear!" Cheng Ke couldn't help raising his voice, "I said I would be here! Always here!"
"Xiao Jiang is extremely insecure, and this kind of guarantee cannot keep him emotionally stable," Sister Luo said, "He believes that he will hurt you, and that even if he doesn't hurt you, you will not be able to bear it during the treatment process. will leave."
"He decided that I would disappear, right?" Cheng Ke said.
"It can be said that there is no sense of security and self-confidence," Sister Luo said. "It can also be said that he hopes to avoid the process of your disappearance, but these are just some judgments I am in a hurry at the moment. If he can come to find him I, after talking to him, I can understand more about his thoughts."
"Has he not contacted you yet?" Cheng Ke weakly asked a nonsense, but he knew it was nonsense, but he couldn't help but ask.
"Not yet." Sister Luo said.
"I see." Cheng Ke said, "if he contacts you, if you think this sentence is appropriate, please tell him for me, I will not go anywhere."
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just fucking waiting here.
When you're done, you want to run, fuck you, you want to play all the time! It's not that easy!
Don't come back if you have the ability!
If you dare to come back, I will fucking dare to kill you without counting one, two or three!
Cheng Ke squatted on the ground holding his head, buried his face in his knees, and then heard his suppressed, unpleasant cry.