Beihuai has rarely seen his father since he could remember.
Her mother always ignored her and didn't like her being near her.
The house is very big, and she will always be a little lonely by herself.
Later, my father suddenly came back one day with a very beautiful and weak aunt.
She happily ran to her father, and it was the first time that her always serious father smiled at her.
"Good, call Aunt Ye."
Before she could shout, she was forcibly dragged aside by her mother.
Mom is so strong, her arm hurts.
But she didn't dare to scream, so she could only endure the grievances.
Because this was the first time she saw her mother make a scene in front of her father, and her mother, who was usually so elegant and ladylike in front of her father, suddenly became hysterical.
Later, she only remembered that her father and aunt left together and never came back.
Since that day, my mother has changed a lot.
In the past, she had been neglected and neglected, but now all her attention was paid to her.
Xiao Beihuai was a little happy at first.
But gradually, this extreme control overwhelmed her.
At first, her mother gently coaxed her into a cold bath.
She was so cold that she shivered and cried and begged.
Mom just said softly and coldly: "Be good, be patient."
In the middle of the night, she really had a high fever. When she was half-conscious, she saw that her mother did not take her to the hospital for the first time, but called her father to cry.
After hanging up the phone, the helpless expression on my mother's face disappeared instantly.
She whimpered in pain.
Mom patted her on the head, even with a little smile: "It's really good, your dad will be here soon."
She didn't feel happy, just aggrieved and uncomfortable.
It's a pity that doing this trick a few times will also make Beirong annoyed.
So, after Bei Qi was born, Yun Manzhu switched to another model, demanding Xiao Beihuai harshly everywhere.
As long as Xiao Beihuai fails to do a good job, he will be beaten or scolded.
But sometimes she becomes very gentle again, and when she sees the scars on Xiao Beihuai's body, she will cry and repent.
At that time, Xiao Beihuai was still very good. She thought that she was not good enough, so her mother was angry. She worked hard, when others were playing, she was studying, and when others were sleeping, she was still studying.
Like a spinning top, she never stops spinning, but she just longs for a smile from her mother.
Later, she met Cen Jin. Perhaps it was the familiar family background that made her pay special attention to this girl.
Under the guidance of Cen Jin, she went home and tried to say to her mother, "When I grow up, I can protect you by myself, and I don't need a father."
However, the result of this sentence was Yun Manzhu's furious scolding.
All kinds of merciless remarks, all kinds of sharp insults.
Bei Huai let her mother hit her with a long ruler without saying a word.
She even thought blankly, is she really bad
But when she saw the indifferent and mean mother facing Bei Rong, and even Bei Qi, who had no blood relationship, she suddenly realized the tenderness in her eyebrows.
It turns out that her existence is the original sin.
In this distorted home, her existence is superfluous.
Yun Manzhu only loves Beirong, and Beirong only loves his Bai Yueguang and his son.
What about Beihuai
No one loves Beihuai.
She was just a tool used by Yun Manzhu to please Beirong. Even her efforts, her excellence, were only because Yun Manzhu wanted Beirong to be happy.
As for Yun Manzhu, she actually didn't care at all.
At the moment of complete understanding, Bei Huai changed.
She became world-weary and mischievous. She got tattoos on the scars on her arms, began to dress nondescript, skipped classes, fought and fought, and changed from a well-behaved top student to a bad girl who hated dogs.
No one can understand the pain and loneliness in her heart, she lacks a sense of security, she lacks love, she lacks everything, but she pretends to be invulnerable.
The girl's rebellious period is always aggressive, and she opposes her mother unscrupulously. Yun Manzhu asked her to please Beirong and make Beirong happy, but she would do the opposite.
So Bei Rong hated this unsatisfactory and disgraceful daughter, and his mother would hate Bei Huai more and more, beat her harder, and after the beating, she would hug her and cry, crying that it was not easy for him. Soft-hearted, she would forgive her mother, but later, she just let her mother hold her, expressionless, eyes like a pool of stagnant water, without the slightest anger.
Bei Huai had been suppressed by her mother for too long, so she also released more madness outside and became more unscrupulous. She used her arrogant and arrogant behavior to cover up the desolation and desolation in her heart.
Later, she went to a university in W city. It is not a good school, but it can be far away from Yun Manzhu and the Bei family.
In a new place, she tries to get out of the haze and make plans for her future.
When he was a sophomore, Bei Qi contacted her. This kid was a sophomore in high school, and when he was nervous about his studies, he begged her to take him to watch the FA e-competition.
The e-sports competition is located in City W, and Bei Qi does not know anyone except Bei Huai. The distance is long, the place where he lives is unfamiliar, and it is something that his parents think are ignorant and incompetent, and his family does not allow him to go.
He really had no other choice but to ask Bei Huai.
The half-brother called her sister softly, Beihuai was a little soft-hearted, but she was in a car accident on the way there, Beiqi died on the spot, Beihuai was seriously injured, and she recovered half her life.
It was raining heavily and the road was slippery.
There was always a traffic jam on the road, Bei Qi was afraid of missing out, so after listening to the words of a driver's elder brother, he walked around the small road with Bei Huai.
Unexpectedly, the mountain on the side of the road was washed away by the torrential rain, and the car was directly overwhelmed.
Bei Qi's mother was domestically abused by her ex-husband in the early years, and her body was not good. Hearing the bad news, she suddenly died of a heart attack.
Bei Rong lost his wife and children, and hated Bei Huai so much that he even wanted to kill her in the ward.
At that time, Bei Huai had just been rescued from Guimenguan, and the person was lying on the hospital bed, and the whole person was extremely weak.
She was strangled by the manic man, almost out of the will to survive, she touched the table beside her, and stabbed at the man no matter what she touched.
The hand on his neck loosened, and Bei Huai subconsciously pushed him away.
But I never thought that the man's body was unstable, he fell backwards, and the back of his head was knocked on the corner of the iron table, unconscious.
Hearing the movement, Yun Manzhu burst in, saw the scene in front of her, and screamed.
It was also at this time that Bei Huai realized that what he had touched was a fruit knife, and the tip of the knife was still stained with blood.
Beirong was rushed to rescue.
Rescue was unsuccessful.
Yun Manzhu cried bitterly, kicked and bit Bei Huai, and even called the police that Bei Huai had deliberately killed Bei Rong.
There was no surveillance in the ward. The blood on the knife belonged to Bei Rong. The fingerprints on the hilt and Bei Rong’s clothes were confirmed to belong to Bei Huai. Bei Huai had a certain motive for committing the crime, and Yun Manzhu, Bei Huai’s biological mother, identified him. .
All the evidence shows that Bei Huai is the murderer.
Bei Huai didn't make any excuses, just listened to the judge's final verdict blankly.
She did not hire a lawyer, and stood alone in the dock, as if she had been abandoned by the whole world.
Bei Qi died, Aunt Ye died, and Bei Rong also died.
are dead.
She couldn't figure out why it was like this, and she didn't think about it either.
So be it.
After a while, Yun Manzhu regretted it again, and ran to the prison crying to see Bei Huai and overturn the case for her.
Bei Huai refused and did not see her.
What does it feel like to be ashes as death, probably so.
***
As a psychological counseling intern, Jiang Wan followed her mentor to see Bei Huai as the first prisoner in the prison.
According to the prison guards, this person's will to survive is very weak, and he has committed suicide several times in prison, and self-mutilation is more commonplace.
This is the first time Jiang Wan has seen Beihuai.
One is a psychological counseling intern and the other is a prisoner.
She stood aside, silently watching the tutor ask patiently.
The woman lowered her eyelashes, her skin paler under the light.
She is very beautiful, not beauty in the traditional sense, but a beauty with a strong aggression. The thin face added a bit of sharpness to it.
She was indifferent to the teacher's question.
It is not the provocation of other prisoners, but a state of wanting nothing.
It's more like the emptiness and numbness of The Walking Dead.
During this session, Jiang Wan didn't say a word to Bei Huai, but she deeply remembered this lifeless woman.
This is the first time she has developed such a strong interest in a person after saying goodbye to her dance career.
It's hard to describe the feeling.
By writing a monograph, she began to go in and out of prison frequently, and slowly, she learned the story behind Beihuai.
Absurd and sad.
A little more distressed in her interest.
Whenever there is a chance, she will give Beihuai psychological counseling.
Unlike her tutor, she did not ask some highly targeted questions, but only shared her daily life and troubles.
At this time, Beihuai is a qualified listener.
Gradually, Jiang Wan became accustomed to releasing her true self in front of Bei Huai.
Since her spine injury, her temperament has changed greatly, but in order not to worry her parents and friends, she can only suppress herself and pretend to be the gentle and optimistic Jiang Wan before.
But in front of Beihuai, she didn't have to worry so much.
And Bei Huai also didn't respond from the beginning to occasionally answering a few words later, and then when he saw Jiang Wan later, a faint light would rise in his eyes.
When she saw a dishonest prisoner teasing Jiang Wan, she even beat the prisoner, and even if she was reprimanded and punished by the prison guards, she would never admit her mistake.
Later, Jiang Wanhui brought a lot of books to Beihuai to read, trying to divert her attention and find something to do for her.
Unexpectedly, Bei Huai was so gifted in physics that he even pointed out an error in a professor's paper in the latest issue of a physics journal. Others may have just laughed and didn't take Bei Huai's words to heart at all, only Jiang Wan believed her, and even ran around, just to prove that Bei Huai's words were right.
The professor is not a self-proclaimed person, and he admitted his mistake after repeated verification.
He even went to the prison to find Bei Huai to discuss some academic issues, and then applied with the prison authorities for Bei Huai's opportunity to participate in scientific research.
After the release of the latest research results, Bei Huai was also able to reduce his sentence.
On the day Beihuai was released from prison, only Cen Jin and Jiang Wan came.
Yun Manzhu seems to be missing, and Bei Huai has never looked for her.
Under the recommendation of the professor, Bei Huai worked as an assistant in a scientific research institute, but perhaps because of her imprisonment, some people in the institute always excluded her intentionally or unintentionally. Her achievements will always be credited with someone else's signature.
These Bei Huai actually didn't care, she did this just because she could feel that she was alive only when she was doing the experiment.
Jiang Wan was worried about Bei Huai's condition, and always went to see her on the grounds of counseling. Jiang Wan is like a little sun, warm and cheerful, bright as a flower, all the praises are not too much to add to her, they are like two extremes, Bei Huai is afraid of being burned by the light but desperately longs for the light.
The two get along better and better.
During this period, Jiang Wan confessed no less than five times.
Without exception, they were all rejected by Beihuai mildly and tactfully.
Jiang Wan was neither discouraged nor gave up.
Afraid that Bei Huai would be bored alone, Jiang Wan forced her to sign up for a tour group. Unexpectedly, there was an earthquake in the place where they went, and the two were buried in the rubble. Jiang Wan felt guilty and afraid, Bei Huai But he kept holding her hand, encouraging her with a gentle voice and telling her not to sleep.
When the rescue team dug them out, Jiang Wan only saw Bei Huai's back was stuck with two steel bars, dripping with blood. Even though he couldn't hold on anymore, he still insisted on talking to her so as not to make her afraid. .
Bei Huai lay in the hospital for several months, and Jiang Wan ran in and out without falling for a day. From that moment, Jiang Wan had already decided that no matter how her parents objected, no matter how Bei Huai refused, she must talk to Bei Huai. Together, no one can stop it.
With Jiang Wan's insistence day after day, Bei Huai finally let go. After marriage, it is no different from before marriage. Jiang Wan is becoming more and more famous in the psychology industry, but no matter how powerful she is, she can't help her wife.
In fact, if it weren't for her career and Jiang Wan, Bei Huai would not be able to support her long ago, and now her career can't bring her vitality. Only Jiang Wan can make her have a trace of memories of the world, but her illness is still getting worse and worse.
Major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, insomnia, headache, tinnitus, madness.
When she was sick, she didn't dare to let Jiang Wan see her, so she could only hide in the bathroom, biting the back of her hand. Jiang Wan stood outside the bathroom door, desperately suppressing her crying.
She was still too late, she couldn't save her lover.
Beihuai is getting thinner and thinner. She can't eat or sleep. Every day of her life is a torment for her. Jiang Wan found out about her self-mutilation no less than five times.
Jiang Wan felt helpless and frightened. She was a psychologist, but she couldn't save her lover. This was an excruciating torture for her.
"If I hadn't met me, my evening would have been very happy." Bei Huai always told her that.
But only Jiang Wan knew that she would be happy with Bei Huai by her side.
Beihuai loves her, she knows.
Her little Bei will gently tie her hair, help her pack things carefully, remember her menstrual period, boil brown sugar water for her, prepare surprises for her on her birthday, and protect her meticulously She will help her analyze the problems at work.
It's just that Beihuai's love is too silent, always giving silently, forbearance silently, and dying silently. Perhaps it was a past experience that made Beihuai not know how to love someone, but Jiang Wan is willing to teach her, she is willing.
But Beihuai is too tired, she is really too tired, she has worked hard to live for Wanwan, but she is too tired to live, there is a knot in her heart, too deep, so deep that no one can untie it.
One day, Jiang Wan got news that a new drug had been developed that could effectively relieve depression. She happily kissed Bei Huai several times, told her to wait for her return obediently, and asked the nanny to watch.
Beihuai smiled and watched her go out. She stood in front of the window and watched her Wanwan step out of her sight.
Her smile slowly faded, the nanny watched her nervously, and all the control knives in the house were put away. Seeing her aunt's nervous appearance, Bei Huai couldn't help laughing. She wouldn't commit suicide. She asked her to wait for her lately. How could she have the heart to let her wait for her lately.
She said that she wanted to go down for a walk, and the nanny was happy and worried. She should not have been bored at home like a depressed person.
Beihuai went to sit in the park of the community and watched a few children sparring not far away. She looked at it very seriously. Perhaps it was the lack of this kind of happiness in her childhood, which made her particularly envious.
Suddenly, she noticed that the flower pot of a family in a high-rise building in the community fell, and a little girl just happened to be standing below, smiling ignorantly.
Without the slightest hesitation, Bei Huai shouted "Get out of the way", and rushed forward to push the little girl away, but there was a distance between the two, and it was too late when she went up, so she could only use her body protect the girl.
The flower pot slammed into the back of her head so hard that she spasmed in pain.
The nanny ran forward in horror, took out her phone with trembling hands and dialed 120.
Bei Huai fell to the ground, everything around her seemed to be getting further and further away from her, and the world in front of her became blurred.
It hurts.
When will you come back late, I miss you.
She whispered softly, her consciousness gradually sinking into darkness.
***
Beihuai's death was an accident. Although she committed suicide many times, it was only when she was sick. Jiang Wan asked her to wait for her to come back.
Jiang Wan was still happy when he went, but when he came back, his face was white, his eyes full of helplessness and despair.
Only then did she know that it turns out that when people are sad to the extreme, they can't cry.
The eye sockets were very dry and astringent, and the eyes were so red that blood dripped, but not a single tear could flow out.
She didn't even know how she went to the hospital, how she dealt with the funeral, and how she returned home.
She sat on the sofa blankly, as if she had lost her soul. After an unknown amount of time, she dragged her steps to the refrigerator, opened the refrigerator, and took out a can of beer, but her eyes suddenly solidified on the can of the beer can.
There is a note on it.
—Come on, put it back and drink less wine
This is written by Bei Huai, and she always likes to make small marks for her.
She put back the beer indifferently and turned to take a shower. She looked for pajamas, but couldn't find the one she wanted to wear. After searching for it several times, she subconsciously called out, "Xiao Bei, where is the blue striped pajamas you bought for me."
After shouting, she was stunned for a second, then continued her search. She turned around in the bedroom for several times and couldn't find it. Suddenly, she walked to the balcony, and there was a storage basket next to it, and her pajamas were in it.
It must have been just collected by auntie, Xiaobei hadn't had time to put it in the wardrobe, these things have always been put away by Xiaobei himself. All of her clothes are taken care of by Xiaobei himself. If you can't find where they are, it's right to ask Xiaobei.
She didn't cry when she heard Bei Huai's death, she didn't cry when she saw Bei Huai's body covered with white cloth, she didn't cry when the family of the rescued knelt down to thank her, and she didn't cry when she came back.
She's an adult and is already very good at dealing with emotions.
But at this moment, Jiang Wan grabbed the pajamas, squatted on the ground, and cried.
She cried desperately.
Because she knows.
The person who will hug her and kiss her teardrops so that she won't cry will never appear again.
Since Bei Huai's death, Jiang's father and mother, Jiang's mother, have been particularly worried about Jiang Wan, because she is afraid that she will do something stupid.
Even the customs in foreign countries have made a special trip back to China.
Jiang Wan smiled and reassured them that she was not that vulnerable yet.
But only she herself knew that the black hole in her heart was expanding little by little until it devoured her whole being.
She didn't resist, or rather, she didn't even have the slightest idea of resisting.
Even dealing with her parents and friends took her last bit of energy.
So when the car accident happened, her first thought was not fear, but relief.
She thought, it would be great if she could go back to when Xiaobei was a teenager.
I really want to see Xiaobei's glowing eyes at that time, she wants to save her.
I really want to.
The author has something to say: put a knife in the middle of the night
Jie Jie Jie Jie
It's too long, I'll fix it tomorrow.
Thanks to the little angel who voted or irrigated nutrient solution for me during 2021-08-01 23:44:31~2021-08-02 23:07:01~
Thanks to the little angel who threw the mine: blink Xiao Wang, ALOHA 1;
Thanks to the little angel who irrigated the nutrient solution: 10 bottles of children's whimsical opening; 6 bottles of blink Xiaowang;
Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!