I've been having insomnia for the past two months.
Accompanied by loss of appetite, dizziness and palpitations, the outward manifestations are increasingly shriveled body and thin face.
I don't want Qi Shu to see those two rows of ribs that are an eyesore. Recently, I always beg him to turn off the light.
Even so, last night he pinched my waist and said, "Why are you so skinny?"
Fortunately, he can still find that I have lost weight.
I consoled myself that at least he didn't care about me at all.
But there is only this one sentence. After he finished speaking, he buried his head in my body.
The physical strength of the top alpha is frighteningly good, I am not an omega naturally suitable for Cheng Huan, every time I am made very painful by him.
He fell asleep after it was over, and I leaned against the wall to go to the bathroom to clean it, but accidentally slipped and fell on the door, my eyes darkened and I passed out.
There have been so many unexplained faints that I've gotten the hang of it, knowing that I'll probably wake up two or three hours later.
Before I fainted, I thought, it's time to see a doctor.
But I hate hospitals.
The operation half a year ago brought me too much pain. In the first few days after the artificial gland was implanted, every cell in my body was clamoring to reject it, wishing to tear my body into ten thousand pieces.
I was in so much pain that I lost my mind, and begged the doctor to give me coffee.
But the doctor just looked at me sympathetically, shook his head and said, you have to bear it.
I have to endure.
For Qi Shu, I put fake omega glands into my body.
This is voluntary, I have to endure.
With the development of technology today, although people still cannot change their gender, they can remove or implant glands through surgery to achieve some unspeakable purposes.
But a fake is a fake after all.
Qi Shu can get the pleasure of abuse and possession by biting my glands, but he can't really mark me.
He also didn't want to tag me.
Its daybreak. The sunshine in early spring is always gratifying.
Everything under the sun is alive except me.
When he woke up, Qi Shu had already left. He is extremely self-disciplined, no matter how intense the night before, he will show up at the company on time at nine o'clock the next morning.
The house without him is empty and cold.
I'm like a prostitute who comes and goes as soon as she is called. After dawn, I should get dressed and go away.
I have loved him for seven years.
Fucked by him for four years.
I have the keys to his house.
You can also enter and exit his company at will.
But I still look like a prostitute.
Just because he doesn't love me.
The first time he went to bed, he called me Xiaoyan.
Xiaoyan and Xiaoyu sound alike in the crooning when they are emotional.
It's a pity that I study music and my hearing is excellent.
More than one person has said that I am like Wen Yan.
Maybe I should be lucky, if it weren't for this similarity, I would never be able to climb into Qi Shu's bed in this life.
Every bed partner of Qi Shu is more or less like Wen Yan.
I am the most like, so I stay with him the longest.
So long that I almost forgot that I was a stand-in.
The first time I met Qi Shu and Wen Yan was on the first day of high school, and their photos were posted side by side in the top column of honorary alumni.
Qi Shu was six years older than me. At that time, he had inherited the huge family business of the Qi Consortium and became the youngest helm of the business empire that controlled the financial lifeline of the entire country.
In the photo, Qi Shu had sharp eyebrows and was extremely handsome.
And Wen Yan next to him, as his name suggests, has soft eyes and lips like pink roses in the morning. She is a gentle and beautiful omega.
It was a month after I fell in love with Qi Shu that he returned to school to attend the completion ceremony of the library, and I presented flowers for him on stage as a freshman representative.
The real Qi Shu is much prettier than in the photos, and just one glance made me fall in love.
It hasn't come out yet.
Yan Gou always has to pay the price for his blindness.
Thinking of this, I don't want to go to the hospital anymore.
Half a year ago, I heard that Wen Yan was going back to China after finishing his Ph. D., so I underwent artificial gland transplantation in a panic. Qi Shu smelled the pheromone smell on my body, so he just said coldly, "Don't do unnecessary things."
Counting the days now, Wen Yan should be back next month. Qi Shu probably won't need me by then, so it doesn't matter if I'm healthy or not.
I sent a message to Qi Shu: [Senior, I'm back to school.]
After waiting for more than twenty minutes, he replied with the word [um].
Graduation is approaching, and there is nothing to do when I go back to school. Most of the seniors have already moved out of the dorms, and I don't have much stuff on campus, so it doesn't matter if I move or not.
When I handed in my graduation work last month, the teacher asked me: "Have you really thought about it, do you want to reject the invitation from the Imperial Academy of Music?"
I didn't dare to look at her, I lowered my head and said vaguely: "I don't really want to go abroad..."
The teacher sighed: "That's a pity."
I can only apologize: "Sorry..."
I've told too many people I'm sorry.
Guilt and self-blame weigh me down all the time.
I'm so tired.
In the first two years, I had delusions that I shouldn't have. When I was in a bad mood or in trouble, I couldn't help but want to tell Qi Shu.
It's not asking him for help, but just taking the opportunity to act like a baby, hoping to get some sympathy or even love from him.
Until he jokingly said to me: "Xiao Yu, did you make a mistake?"
I froze in place, looking at him puzzled.
Qi Shu chuckled, "I'm not your boyfriend, so I have no obligation to take care of your trivial matters. I'm very busy."
Yes, acting like a baby is the privilege of being loved.
Why should I.
Qi Shu poured cold water on my head, and since then I have learned to hide all negative emotions and smile softly at him.
In his heart, I'm probably a good and obedient bed partner, let him plunder wantonly, and never refuse.
After finishing it once, Qi Shu complimented me satiatedly that although I am a beta, my waist is softer than an omega.
He would be a little gentle to me every time it was the only time like this, and I boldly buried myself in his arms and rubbed against him, asking, "Do you like it?"
He didn't answer, leaned over and kissed the hairpin on the top of my head, pulled the quilt over and said, "Go to sleep."
So I never asked again.
The people on his bed came and went, it was too tiring to like everyone.
The author has something to say:
Today's playlist: "Waste"
[It's okay, you don't have to give me a chance, anyway, I still have a lifetime to waste]