pain.
Endless pain.
I can't feel how many wounds there are, as if my whole body has been chopped up, it hurts everywhere.
Just opening my eyes takes a lot of energy. I haven't seen the light for a long time, so I have to squint after opening my eyes.
The ceiling is white, as are the comforters and sheets.
If it wasn't for the hanging bottle in my hand and the whiteness, I would have thought that I had really arrived in heaven.
Everything in front of me was still unclear, I turned my head and saw a vague figure on the sofa at the other end of the room.
"Qi Shu...?"
The man got up and came, not Qi Shu.
It's Zhou Shen.
Did Zhou Chen save me
I tried to recall everything that happened that day, but whenever I tried to think about it, my head hurt badly.
"Finally woke up."
Zhou Chen's sigh was very soft, and I heard pity from it.
Then he called the doctors and nurses to take an X-ray and draw blood. They fiddled with me and checked me carefully from the inside to the outside.
It was more than an hour when there were only two of us left in the room.
I woke up a lot, and when I changed the dressing just now, I realized that I had a not-so-shallow wound on my forehead, and I had three stitches, which probably left a scar.
"It's okay, you are still beautiful." Zhou Chen comforted me like this at that time.
He doesn't know that I hate those two words.
— These two words belong to those delicate omega. Once they are evaluated as beautiful, they seem to become a commodity up for sale.
I'm not.
But I am powerless to correct him now.
After the doctors and nurses left, Zhou Chen sat by the bed, remained silent for a long time, and said sorry softly.
I wonder, why apologize
"I'm sorry, I couldn't keep your child. When I found you, you were lying in a pool of blood, your genital cavity was ruptured, and the child could not be saved..."
What do you mean, I don't understand.
Kid... no more? How could it be gone
I just fell asleep...
Was it because of the impact that day, or was it because of Qi Shu's kick on my stomach
Why didn't I feel something wrong at the time, or did the smell of blood before I fainted come from my child
I didn't dare to lower my head, knowing that no matter whether it was present or not, a fetus less than two months old would not be able to see anything, so I still didn't dare to look at it.
There was only one thought left in my head—Qi Shu and I killed our child together.
"...don't do this." A hand suddenly took my hand.
It was only then that I noticed that the nails had dug into the flesh because of too much force.
"You lied to me, right?" I grabbed Zhou Chen's hand instead, like grasping the last straw to survive.
He just apologized: "Sorry, I'm a step late."
I thought that the moment when I was locked in the basement by Qi Shu was already the darkest moment in my life. I never thought that there would be deeper despair waiting for me ahead.
"Why...why did you save me?"
Why save me.
Why let me live.
I deserve to die.
Zhou Chen didn't answer, his gaze behind the lens was complicated and unclear.
"Cry it out, it feels better to cry out," he said.
I don't want to cry.
What right do I have to cry.
It's not me who died.
Even though I thought so, the tears poured out uncontrollably, and finally broke down and cried.
Zhou Chen pressed my head in his arms, patted my back lightly one after another, and said it was all right, don't be afraid, it won't hurt anymore...
"You lied to me, I hurt so much..."
"What did I do wrong, tell me..."
"How could he do this to me..."
…
"You're not wrong, it's his fault."
Zhou Chen's voice was deep and slow, like a quietly burning fire in a snowy night.
I cried for a long time, crumpling his expensive suit into a filthy mess of rags, leaving a dark, watery stain on my chest.
In the end, I was tired of crying, and only had to repeat the same question mechanically.
"Why did you save me..."
"Because I'm a doctor," he finally replied.
I do not accept this reason. But I can't argue with that.
"Where's Qi Shu?"—When I said these two words again, I felt only pain and despair in my heart.
Zhou Chen frowned and said, "He asked me to take care of you."
Take care... how is it possible.
I felt sarcasm, "Is that his exact words?"
"you do not need to know."
I understand.
It's nothing more than "I gave it to you", "It's up to you", "You do what you want", and even "Just find a place to bury it if you die, don't tell me", these are all things Qi Shu can say.
I lay back, leaned on the head of the bed, looked at Zhou Chen, and asked, "Did you tell him about the child?"
"No. You don't want him to know, and I won't say it for you," he said.
That's good.
In short, there is no more, and it is useless to say more.
As if I had a short dream, in the dream I had a moon, it was cold and hard, but it was the only light I could embrace in the long dark night.
Now that the moonlight is out, the roses that bloomed on that barren planet should also wither.
The moon does not know that no rose is suddenly withered.
"Do you want to sleep?" Zhou Chen asked.
I shook my head and asked him how long I had been unconscious. He replied that adding today was exactly one week.
"Thank you, doctor." I finally remembered to thank Zhou Chen.
"One more thing, I can't make a decision for you." He said, "Although the child is gone, your glands are still there. Whether to remove them or keep them is up to you."
Judging by his appearance, he should already know that I don't live long. It's strange that he took so much effort to rescue me, but he didn't persuade me to live a good life.
I said thank you again.
Zhou Chen shook his head, took off his glasses and held them in his hands. I noticed two faint bruises under his eyes.
"How did you find me?" I asked.
He looked up at me and said, "Will you be offended if I say that I adjusted the monitoring because you disappeared for too long?"
I subconsciously shook my head.
Zhou Chen seemed to be tired, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, "I should have noticed something was wrong, but I didn't expect Qi Shu to do this."
I didn't expect that either.
I still don't want to admit that I fell in love with scum, but it is true.
"By the way, this is for you."
He took out a small silver pendant from his pocket, the size of the knuckle of his little finger, which looked like an ancient lantern, except that there was no wick, and there was some powder in the glass cover.
I suddenly sensed something, and tears rolled out before I could speak.
"This, this is..."
Zhou Chen's gaze dropped slightly, "He's too young, only this little bit is left."
My chest was so heavy that I couldn't breathe, I took the pendant and held it tightly in my hand.
Really gone. It turns out that there is really no more.
I didn't even feel fetal movement, so he left me forever.
The coin Qi Shu gave me is still hanging around my neck, which is more like a huge irony at the moment.
Look, if you want to pick the moon, you have to bear the price of falling down and being smashed to pieces.
I was wrong. I will never pick it again.
I casually threw the exchanged coins into the drawer of the bedside table. Zhou Chen glanced at them and said nothing.
The small lantern took its place, and it is now hanging on my chest, the place closest to my heart.
"... Doctor Zhou," I said to Zhou Chen, "I want to remove the gland."
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Today's playlist: "Hostage"
[Are you satisfied, let's not lie