The day I was discharged from the hospital was sunny, and I belatedly realized that summer was coming.
During this period of time, she was isolated from the world, and the only contact with the outside world was the newspaper that Zhou Shen brought every day. He had some very old-fashioned habits, like cutting out useful or interesting stuff from the newspaper and pasting it in a notebook for me to read.
I once jokingly asked him how old he was this year, but he pretended to be serious and said it was impolite to ask his age, then stretched his brows and answered me thirty-one years old.
I asked him again are you really a doctor, you don't even look like you need to work.
He said he was on vacation.
"If you have any questions, you can ask them together." He seemed a little helpless.
I have no problem.
No, there is one last one.
"If you help me like this, will Qi Shu..."
"Don't worry." He closed the book in his hand and said indifferently, "He has no ability to do anything to me."
On the way back, I said that I wanted to go to Qi Shu's house again.
Zhou Chen glanced at me, didn't ask anything, and told the driver to turn around.
It's only early summer, and the roadsides are already lush.
Qi Shu's family is in a wealthy area in the city center. In a quiet place where every inch of land is precious, his courtyard unceremoniously occupies less than half a block.
The driver parked the car across the road, and I got out of the car, took out the envelope I had prepared from my pocket, and put it in the mailbox at the door.
Inside the envelope are contracts and bank cards.
So far, everything Qi Shu gave me, everything I wanted or didn't want, was returned to him.
But unfortunately, I didn't feel relaxed as I expected, but felt heavy instead.
When we went back, Zhou Chen waited for me by the side of the car holding an umbrella.
"Don't you know someone else?" he asked.
I pretended to be brisk: "Doctor Zhou, I'm running away now."
"Just kidding." He opened the car door and said, "Change your name. I'm finally on vacation and I don't want to hear these two words again."
I thought for a while: "Mr. Zhou?"
He acquiesced.
The vehicle drove slowly, and from the rearview mirror, I saw the house that I had spent countless days and nights receding bit by bit.
I can't say what it feels like, it's like a hand is slowly and irresistibly pulling a bone out of my body. It's not very painful, but it's uncomfortable.
"It will be difficult to get rid of the habits of many years." Zhou Chen said lightly, "It's too late to regret it now."
His gaze was not as calm as his tone, but instead had a kind of complexity that I couldn't understand.
"I have no choice," I said, "I can't love him any more."
"fair enough."
He looked back and hid his emotions behind the mirror again. He always seemed to be denying me prying eyes, which was unfair.
"Sometimes there is no choice, but the pain is avoided."
"Is it."
Outside the car window is the familiar street. I used to sit on the bay window of my room looking down in a daze, waiting for the black car to appear from the end of my sight and drive into the courtyard.
For the past four years, I have been repeating two things, waiting for Qi Shu to come home, and having sex with Qi Shu.
I don't know when this relationship will be cut off by him, so I live in anticipation and fear every day, trying to keep myself as clean and soft as possible so that I can get more favors in bed.
I really, really tried.
Thinking about old things, I seem to see that familiar car coming towards me around the corner again. The illusion is so vivid that I can even see the sunlight reflected on the car window.
— No, not hallucinations.
The moment I passed by, I saw half a face flashing past in the back seat.
It's Qi Shu.
My nose and eye sockets ached without warning.
Even though it would be painful every time I looked at it, I still lay on the window and looked back, watching the black tail disappear at the next intersection.
I understand that between me and Qi Shu, there is one less glance.
Zhou Chen put his hand on my shoulder and shook it.
"I'm fine..." I lowered my head and rubbed my eyes quickly, and said with a smile, "What is he doing at home at this time, it's so dangerous, I almost ran into it."
Zhou Chen didn't speak, and after a while he calmly said, "Qi Shu has been so busy lately that he probably won't trouble you for the time being."
What are you busy with? are you married...
"The old man is dying soon." Zhou Chen answered the doubts in my heart, "The Qi family has countless eyes on the inheritance, guess whether Qi Shu is in a hurry."
I can not guess it. Probably some, otherwise they would not have agreed to get married.
Judging from Zhou Chen's calm tone, it seemed that what he was talking about had nothing to do with him.
"What about you?" I asked.
"I'm not interested." He curled his lower lip, "But if you want revenge, I don't mind adding fire to him."
Revenge... Qi Shu? I don't have such an idea for now.
Qi Shu and I are in love with each other, I am willing, so much suffering and suffering are all caused by me, and I can't blame him.
"No... I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore."
"Hmm." Zhou Chen was noncommittal.
After more than two hours, the car drove up to Huangshan Mountain, the westernmost part of the city. There are a large number of Phoenix trees planted on the mountain, and the mountains are full of red every year when the flowers bloom.
Zhou Chen's house is in a place called Xizhaoli halfway up the mountain, and it seems that he is the only one in it. The clean and spacious courtyard is full of red roses, echoing the phoenix tree in the distance.
I still couldn't get excited, and my whole body was in an inexplicable depression, as if I was the only dead branch in this branch of life.
Zhou Chen said that Qi Shu couldn't find this place.
While talking, he unfolded the suitcase, took out many bottles of pills, put them on the coffee table, and told me how much to take one by one.
"It doesn't matter if you don't remember, I will remind you."
Roughly speaking, you need to take a handful of pills a day.
"What kind of terminal illness do I have?"
"It's not a terminal illness." He said patiently, "It's just some small heart problems."
After I finished speaking, I probably felt that I couldn’t be fooled, so I thought about it and said, “It’s not all medicine, there are also vitamins and other supplements.”
"What about this?" I picked up a bottle of paroxetine hydrochloride and asked him, "If I remember correctly, this is a commonly used antidepressant. Do you think I have mental problems?"
"Xiao Yu." He called me by my full name for the first time, "Don't shy away from medical treatment. Trust the doctor, okay?"
"Paxil, mood blocker." I pushed the bottle back. "I don't want this."
Zhou Chen said that I had depression during pregnancy, and now that I don't even have a child, where did the depression come from.
We confronted each other for a long time, and finally he compromised, leaned on the sofa and sighed, and said, "It's okay not to take medicine, we have three chapters."
I look at him.
"One, don't hide negative emotions in your heart, talk to me at any time, and share happy things with me."
I nod.
"Second, eat on time, there is nothing wrong with the food."
I thought about it and agreed.
"Three," he hesitated slightly, and said, "try to love this world, okay?"
to love the world...
I stared blankly at Zhou Chen and forgot to answer.
"The moon is out, and the sky is full of stars," he said.
My throat choked, "Okay."
He seemed relieved, and finally added: "If the situation is not ideal, next time I judge that you need to take medicine, you can no longer refuse."
"Doctor," I said helplessly, "you are so bossy."
"You are also more willful than I imagined."
Willful...
I haven't heard this word for a long time, so long that I almost forgot how many self-willed things I have done.
You can't be willful around Qi Shu, his bed partner must be obedient.
Zhou Chen said that I have to get used to expressing "want" and "don't want", starting with three meals a day. So I was forced by him to make a list of food likes and dislikes.
"Sweets can be pleasurable, but in moderation. You broke your stomach and need to fix it." He was judging my eating habits again.
——On the first day when I came to Xizhao, I became a primary school student controlled by my parents.
But when I was in elementary school, no one cared.
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Today's playlist: "Love and Sincerity"
[Stop being a lover, be a cat, be a dog and not be a lover]