Walking out of the coffee shop, I received a text message from Qi Shu:
[If you want to call me, I will pick you up. ]
He has already found my phone number, and it is not difficult to locate it through the phone. Why bother? It is his style to send someone directly to drag me away.
I clutched my phone tightly, feeling endlessly tired.
Song Zhiqian said, even if I disagree, Qi Shu has other ways, unless I am really alone, otherwise I will always be found out.
Sure enough, the second text message was sent to my mobile phone:
[I have limited patience, you probably don't want to see me do something to those around you. ]
The people around me... Zhou Chen
Although Zhou Chen didn't care about him, if Qi Shu went crazy, it's possible that both of them would be hurt if they fought to the death.
I can't let Zhou Chen get hurt.
[Tomorrow morning, I will wait for you at home. ]
I think there is a gap between me and Qi Shu.
When Zhou Chen came home in the evening, I was sitting on the bay window with my legs crossed in a daze. Outside the window, the clouds and clouds are beautiful, stretching all the way to the horizon.
At the very beginning, I thought that Song Zhiqian's house would be my home, but it wasn't.
Later I thought that the apartment Xiao Fei left behind was my home, but it was not. There should be popularity at home, I occasionally go back to eat and sleep, like a tenant.
Later, I tried to regard Qi Shu's house as my home, but it was just a cage. Qi Shu is not my family.
Now I finally feel at home here, I didn't expect to have to leave in the end.
"Why don't you turn on the light?" Zhou Chen came in to interrupt my thoughts.
Then he lowered his head, his face changed slightly: "What's wrong with your hand?"
I didn't care when I was scalded by coffee in the afternoon. When I came back, I found it was red, and I didn't bother to deal with it.
"The water... accidentally scalded... it's okay."
"Let me see." Zhou Chen knelt down and took my hand.
I was restless and extremely sensitive to his touch. I rubbed my hand uncontrollably and took it away, saying, "No need."
He was startled, raised his eyes to meet mine, and asked softly, "What's wrong?"
I was worried by him for a while, lowered my head, took a deep breath, and said, "I have something to tell you, don't ask until I finish."
He was silent for a moment, then sighed softly: "Okay."
"I've been thinking about it for a long time... I want to go back."
"... Go back to Qi Shu's side."
"I'm different from those clean and noble omegas you know, hugs and companionship can't satisfy me..."
"...so I can't do without Qi Shu. It doesn't matter if you say I'm... cheap, or say I'm healed and my scars forget the pain, that's how I am..."
"Don't worry about me anymore."
…
I spoke incoherently, and I don't know if Zhou Chen understood.
At the end of his line of sight was his clenched hand.
I didn't dare to look up at him, but I could only tell from the slight sound of air currents that he was not calm at the moment.
This time the silence was extraordinarily long, just when I thought he was so disappointed in me that he would not speak anymore, he spoke: "What happened, why did it happen all of a sudden?"
"... nothing happened, I just suddenly... figured it out."
"I figured it out..." He sighed very lightly.
Then he stood up slowly, "You know I won't force you to do anything, if this is your sincere words, then I... as you wish."
The sound of the door closing was like a sigh, and he didn't slam the door even though I made him so angry.
I am not good enough for Zhou Shen.
I knew in my heart that I was not good enough for him.
I can beg him to help me, but I can't.
The sunset glow faded into the night, and after a long time, light appeared on the horizon.
I sat on the bay window all night, and when I went downstairs in the morning, I saw Zhou Chen's eyes turned blue, and he probably didn't sleep well either.
I avoided his gaze and silently apologized in my heart.
When he saw my box, his eyes darkened again.
"Have you decided?"
I nodded and said "hmm".
There are not many things in the box, they were all given to me by Zhou Chen, books, brooches, music boxes, pillows, and the star dew that I gave to me in the amusement park that day.
I deliberately didn't bring the piano, leaving myself a little bit of extravagant hope of coming back.
"Xiao Yu." He called my name, "You are still young, I understand your choice, but you must know that I am not that young anymore."
He walked up to me and stroked my hair one last time, "I might wait for you, but not for long."
Then the doorbell rang.
Seeing Qi Shu again seemed like a lifetime away.
I had expected countless times that he would personally pick me up from get out of class or school and go home with me, but when this moment actually came, I felt nothing but sadness.
The two of us always seem to be one step apart.
Zhou Chen handed a suitcase to Qi Shu and said, "Here are the medicines he usually takes. Each bottle is labeled. If you are too busy, remember to ask someone to supervise him to take the medicine."
Qi Shu said blankly, "Don't worry about it," but still took the box.
Then he looked at me, and there was an illusion of affection in his eyes at that moment.
"Let's go." He held out his hand to me.
I walked over, not sure what he meant, and tentatively put my hand on it.
Qi Shu held my hand and pulled me to his side. He was still very strong and hit me staggering.
"Qi Shu," Zhou Chen frowned, "he has a heart condition...be nicer to him."
"Cousin, didn't anyone tell you not to worry about other people's things?" Qi Shu said with a half-smile, "I said he would come back by himself, and you have already lost."
Lose... Could it be that they bet me...
I didn't want to listen any more, so I pulled Qishu's sleeve and said, "Let's go."
They are all much taller than me, as long as I lower my head, I won't be noticed the sadness in my eyes.
Until the end, I didn't look up at Zhou Chen again. I'm afraid he will see that I don't want to go.
The door closed behind him, isolating the setting sun from another world.
I tried to break away from Qi Shu. He gripped so hard it felt like he wanted to crush my bones.
However, my strength is about the same as that of a cat to him, and he can completely ignore it. He stuffed me in the back of the car and told the driver to go home.
"Qi Shu..." I was exhausted physically and mentally, and couldn't pretend anymore.
His hands trembled a bit.
"What exactly do you want?" I asked him.
"What do I want...you don't know what I want?" He grabbed me even tighter, "I want to break your leg and lock you up. You can only see me when you open and close your eyes in this life."
When he said this, I thought of some bad memories again, and shrank back unconsciously.
Seeing my movements, the darkness in his eyes disappeared a little, and he said, "But I won't."
So what, he has caused me enough damage, I don't care about two more legs.
I don't want to look at him anymore, I close my eyes and pretend to sleep.
The car is very quiet, the mountain road is gentle, and the shadows of the trees are mottled.
I don't know how long it took, but I heard Qi Shu's deep voice like talking to himself: "Sometimes I think, the likes and loves you said are true, or are you lying to me."
"At the beginning, you obviously didn't like this."
"Everyone in my bed dares to ask me if I love him or not. Why don't you... never ask?"
I opened my eyes and saw his profile covered in sunlight.
"… Do you love me?"
He looked down at me and smiled faintly: "I don't love you."
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Today's playlist: "Whispering"
[It is not only you and me who are deceived by these words