Today was a special day and I was allowed to drink half a glass of wine at lunch.
But my drinking capacity is really bad, and this alone is enough to make me dizzy. In order to avoid making a fool of myself again, I honestly went back to my room to sleep after dinner.
I vaguely remember that before going back, I sniffed the back of Zhou Chen's neck for a long time and said, "This wine is not as sweet as yours"...
Sure enough, it was impossible not to lose face after drinking.
It was already evening when he woke up, the bustle in the house had dissipated, and Zhou Chen was quietly reading a book under the setting sun.
Only one floor lamp was turned on in the whole room. I opened my eyes in a daze, and saw the light hitting his face, casting a nice shadow.
I couldn't bear to destroy this picture, and sat up from the bed after watching it for a long time.
"Are you awake?" He looked up at me, put down his book and brought a glass of lukewarm lemonade, "Drink some water, are you feeling better?"
"Dizziness." I answered truthfully.
He sighed: "I didn't know your drinking capacity was so bad."
I inevitably blushed and made excuses that it was because I hadn't drank for too long.
Seeing that he didn't seem to believe it, I added: "It's true, Qi Shu won't take me when he goes out to socialize."
"I know, that's not what I meant." He took my glass of water and said, "I just think that young people may prefer sensual entertainment."
"Speak as if you're not young anymore."
"I used to believe I was just the right age. But now, every once in a while," he muses a little, "well...age anxiety."
The word "anxious" came out of Zhou Chen's mouth, which felt unreal. No matter how you looked at it, he didn't seem like the kind of person who would be anxious.
I wanted to ask why, but felt that he might not want to talk about it, or he didn't know, so I didn't ask.
Looking up, I suddenly saw the last twilight of sunset outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, and I sighed unconsciously: "It's so beautiful."
Zhou Chen turned around following my gaze, and looked out the window with me, "It's very beautiful."
Together we captured the last seconds of twilight, on my first day of twenty-three.
Then night fell, a crescent moon rose from the sky, and the room darkened.
When the first firework exploded in the sky, I thought it was another surprise prepared by Zhou Chen.
But the phone rang at the same time, and Qi Shu's number appeared on the screen.
I hesitated for a moment, got up and went to the window, and answered the phone.
"Hey?"
The other side didn't speak immediately, only the sound of unsteady breathing came, as if they didn't believe that the call would be connected.
It took a while to hear Qi Shu's voice: "Xiaoyu... happy birthday."
If I remember correctly, this is the first time he said happy birthday to me.
On this day last year, I cooked a bowl of longevity noodles at home. Before I finished eating, he called me to the company. After signing the contract, he pressed me against the floor-to-ceiling windows and asked for it several times.
I don't have exhibitionism, and it would only scare me to do so, but he doesn't care about my feelings at all, he just vents on himself.
The effect of alcohol in the dark is infinitely magnified. Thinking of the past, it is false to say that you are indifferent.
But between us, there is only this disgraceful past left.
"Thank you." I said.
The fireworks bloomed one by one, decorating the night sky colorfully and brightly.
"You said, watching fireworks with you in summer, and building snowmen with you in winter, you will be happy." Qi Shu smiled softly, "I didn't like these useless tricks before, now think about it, if I were with you , it’s actually not bad.”
"Let's start with this fireworks. I want to give it a try. Is there any other possibility for us?"
I know Qi Shu's character well. For him to say such a thing, it is tantamount to confessing his love.
"One summer, one firework is enough."
Looking at the splendid scene in front of me, what I was thinking about was the day I spent with Zhou Chen in the amusement park.
"I've seen it this year."
"I've seen it..." His voice dropped, "It's okay, I..."
I couldn't hear what was after the word "I" because the phone was taken away.
A shadow blocked my eyes, I raised my head and saw Zhou Chen's dim eyes.
"gentlemen… "
In the next second, two warm lips blocked all my words.
boom. A white light flashed across my brain.
Zhou Chen... he... kissed me...
Am I too drunk? How could I be so dizzy...
And why does it smell like wine again...
As if dissatisfied with my distraction, he hugged my waist and moved forward, letting me cling to him tightly, and then kissed me more deeply.
I felt my teeth being pried open, the tip of my tongue being entwined, every inch of the inner wall of my mouth being teased and licked, and even my lips being bitten.
My brain went blank, and my ears buzzed.
The oxygen around me was quickly depleted, and I lost the right to breathe, so I could only let him rob me.
"Well… "
In the mist, I heard an extremely ambiguous panting, and suddenly realized that it was my own voice, so my whole body became hotter.
When he was almost suffocating, Zhou Chen finally let me go.
I didn't know when my arm climbed onto his shoulder, and my whole body was limp on his body, breathing hard with my mouth half-opened.
Such a lingering kiss is like saying love.
How could I not understand.
But I dare not answer.
I have nothing to do with words like purity and beauty, and I dare not tarnish Zhou Shen.
I'd be seduced by a kiss, I wasn't the clean little rose he wanted.
I am even afraid that he will see me at this moment.
I heard him say "sorry" when I was about to push him away.
"Don't do anything, I'm sorry tonight." He whispered in my ear, "I apologize for the moon and the fireworks."
So I pressed against his chest without moving, and the movement of pushing away seemed to be a kind of refusal and welcome.
The phone was turned off and thrown aside, Zhou Chen touched my ears with his breath, and then gradually moved to my lips.
This time the kiss was more gentle, the plundering turned into appeasement, and the encroachment turned into consolation.
I couldn't see his face clearly in the dark, but I could feel his hot eyes.
At the end of the second kiss, some warm liquid overflowed from the corner of my eyes, slipped across my chin and fell into his skirt.
He kissed my eyes again and asked me why I was crying.
But how should I tell him my uneasiness and fear, inferiority and cowardice.
I really want to ask him, why didn't you come earlier, why didn't you come when I was clean.
Now that I'm dirty, how dare I touch you.
He panicked, thinking he had bullied me, and apologized to me over and over again.
…
"Sorry, I shouldn't be jealous."
"I'm afraid that you will be moved by him and come back to him again."
"It is my fault."
"I was dizzy, and I couldn't hold back."
…
Listening to his voice made me feel even more distressed.
It was clearly me who was wrong.
But I can't speak.
He hugged me tightly, as if he was afraid that I would run away, which made my bones ache.
It wasn't until I couldn't help letting out a painful groan that he relaxed a little and said, "Don't leave me."
"Zhou Chen..." I heard my voice float, probably because I lost the strength to cry, "No one likes an old toy."
"It's not liking." He shook his head, "It's love."
Love…
The word is so heavy that it makes me breathless.
Like is a short-lived firework, love is a permanent night sky.
I never dared to hope that someone would give me the night of the rest of my life.
"These days I've been thinking about how to say I love you so that you can believe that love has nothing to do with sympathy or possession."
The fireworks outside the window finally stopped, and Zhou Chen's voice became the only presence in the silence.
"Maybe it doesn't make sense to you, but I love you."
The author has something to say:
Today's playlist: "The End of the Earth"
[I still have a body]
Qi Zai: The assist was actually my own