I still pushed him away.
I have not been loved. I am afraid.
I don't need to think about how embarrassed I am now, standing there in a daze, tears streaming down, like a faucet that has been in disrepair for a long time.
How could he love... me like this
There are countless fresh and beautiful things in the world that are worth loving, except me.
"Sorry." I said.
Sorry for being so dirty.
He froze for a moment, then smiled lightly like self-deprecating: "Is it still like this..."
The room was filled with the smell of wine, so I thought of a reason for him. He must be drunk today, and people always talk nonsense when they are drunk.
"You, you go back to rest early... I'm tired..."
He looked at me for a long time and finally said, "Okay."
I didn't dare to let myself suffer from insomnia, so I took melatonin before going to bed.
Insomnia is not good for the heart, Zhou Chen will be worried.
I was about to get up when he came in the next morning, when I heard the sound and lay back down again, pretending not to wake up.
He probably could also see that I was pretending to be asleep, but he didn't expose it. He sat on the edge of the bed and stroked my hair, saying, "There's something wrong with a laboratory in Cologne. I'm going on a business trip. I don't know when I'll be back." .”
Such a sudden business trip...
"You should take your medicine on time at home, and take the driver with you when you go out to play, don't play too late." He still told me gently as usual, as if nothing happened yesterday.
I felt my eyelids trembling, and when I was about to be unable to pretend, he leaned over and kissed my forehead lightly, and said, "I'm leaving."
The moment the door closed, I got up from the bed and couldn't wait to run to the window and look down.
After waiting for a while, I saw Zhou Chen coming out of the house. He seemed to have sensed something. When he was about to reach the gate, he suddenly stopped and turned his head to look in the direction of my room.
I hurriedly closed the curtains, turned my back and hid, and when I poked my head out again, he was already gone.
I don't know if it was discovered.
Whether it's a business trip, I don't know how to face him now, and I guess he is the same.
Zhou Chen wasn't at home, so I didn't want to do anything, obviously there was only one person missing, but it felt like the whole house was empty.
This made me complain a little bit about him, run away after kissing, coward.
Saying you love me, but not staying with me, is really just talking, it's not true at all.
... Forget it, I am more timid.
With nothing else to do, I dragged the mailbox out from under the bed, having failed to tidy it up in the rush that day, and had time today.
Although the more than one hundred letters are not long, the visual impression put together is very strong. I had nothing to do when I was idle, so I took them apart and sat down to read them slowly like reading a collection of essays.
Xiao Fei's handwriting is very beautiful, handsome and elegant, with a sense of aura.
The tone he spoke to me was not like a parent talking to a child, but more like a casual conversation between friends.
Thinking about it, he was only in his twenties when he wrote the letter, about the same age as me, and he probably didn’t have the self-consciousness of being a parent. He regarded the future me more as a tree hole to express his feelings.
After reading all the letters in the morning, I still feel unsatisfied, and I want to go to the study to find a few more books to read.
Zhou Chen has too many books. I searched for a long time before I found two prose books. Looking at the publication time, they were both more than ten years ago.
Which means it could be something he read in high school or college.
—Suddenly, there was a strange feeling, like meeting Zhou Chen in his student days across time and space.
I didn't take the book back, so I just sat in his chair and read it. When I opened the title page, I saw a random signature in the lower right corner—[Zhou Shen]
I couldn't help but smile, it turned out that he would write his name in extracurricular books when he was in school.
I have to say that his words at that time were much more publicized than now—no, this word seems... a bit familiar...
Where have I seen it, and recently.
There was a flash of inspiration in my mind, and I suddenly caught something. I took the book and ran back to the room, and turned out all the letters I had just put away.
——The letter is written in Xiao Fei's handwriting, which is the same as the handwriting on his suicide note.
But I am sure that I have actually seen these two words on Zhou Chen's book.
It took me more than an hour to find out all the characters [Zhou] and [Shen] in the letter.
[… I've been inexplicably depressed recently, and I can't even laugh when I watch comedy movies.]
[Went to a concert over the weekend, Herman Evans was really good.]
[... I was thinking, will you also meet someone who makes you willing to indulge in love...]
[… I’m going to write here first, I’m going to see Duke Zhou.]
[The remote night is deep.]
…
After carefully comparing the signature on the book with the words in the letter, I am sure that they are from the same person.
In order to verify, I also found a few characters of [machine], [ji], and [dependence].
Now I am completely dumbfounded.
Why did Xiao Fei's words appear in Zhou Chen's book
Was he the one who wrote Zhou Chen's name
No, take a step back, even if they know each other, even if Zhou Chen’s signature is written by Xiao Fei, then how to explain the difference between the [Ji] in Xiao Fei’s [Shen] character and the [Ji] in other characters?
Moreover, this book was published more than ten years ago, and Xiao Fei at that time was already a handful of ashes.
I fell into great confusion, and even felt a chill down my back.
On the way, Mr. Housekeeper came to ask me to eat, but I refused on the pretext of feeling unwell, and locked the door because of a guilty conscience.
This thing is really beyond my understanding.
Do they know each other? No, it shouldn't. If he knew him, Zhou Chen would not fail to tell me.
Is it just a coincidence? It just so happens that there are two people in the world, when they write a certain word, they write exactly the same
This is even weirder.
I want to break my head, rule out countless possibilities, and finally there is only one——
Xiao Fei's letter was written by Zhou Chen imitating his handwriting. No matter how similar the imitation is, when meeting his own name, Zhou Chen can't help but use the habitual way of writing it.
In order to confirm this hypothesis, I went to the study cabinet and dug out a set of Zhou Shen’s previous class notes, and found out all the words with [几] in it. it's the same.
By this time, I was calm instead.
There is a sentence in a detective novel I read before, "Eliminate all other factors, and the one which remains must be the truth."
—When you eliminate all possibilities, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, is the truth.
So the truth is, the 112 letters I received when I was twelve were written by Zhou Chen.
Why did he do this? How could he know me, or Xiao Fei
Countless questions are stuck in my heart, except that I can confirm that Zhou Chen will not harm me, I can't figure out anything else.
Before I knew it, the whole day passed. If it wasn't for the phone ringing to bring me back to reality, I think I would have been sitting like this forever.
"Hello? Xiaoyu." A familiar voice came from the phone, "I've landed. Uncle He said you're not feeling well and can't eat, what's the matter?"
"I... I ate too much yesterday, I'm not hungry..."
I originally wanted to ask Zhou Chen a lot, but the moment I heard his voice, I suddenly didn't dare to ask.
In case there is something hidden that cannot be revealed, if I expose it so recklessly, will the relationship between the two of us become more complicated...
No, I have to think about it again.
He didn't seem to believe it, and asked, "Really?"
"Really," I said hastily, "I haven't woken up from the wine in the morning, so I don't have much appetite... It's much better now, I'll have a good dinner..."
"That's good... If you don't feel well, I'll go back early after I'm done..."
Hearing what he said, I panicked and blurted out: "No need! You are busy with your work, I can take care of myself."
Zhou Chen must have mistakenly thought that I didn't want to see him, so he was silent for a few seconds and said "OK".
But I don't know how to explain it now, so I can only make mistakes and say: "You concentrate on your work, I'm going to eat, goodbye."
He sighed softly: "Goodbye."
The author has something to say:
Today's playlist: "Love"
[Do you still remember, the summer of memory]
That sentence about the truth by Arthur Conan Doyle