When I was leaving, the doctor told me not to forget to go to the psychology department. Professor Zhang returned to China yesterday, and he happened to be free in the past two days, and he might not be able to make an appointment after a while.
There was nothing left and right, I went out and turned left and went up to the seventh floor, and found the Department of Psychiatry and Psychology.
Although I don't think I have any psychological problems, it is good to have someone to talk to.
Qi Shu won't chat with me.
Xu Xingze is very busy with his studies and I can't bear to disturb him.
As soon as he entered the door, he saw a tall and thin figure with clean short black hair. Under the spotless white coat, two slender legs in trousers were exposed. The leather shoes were also dust-free, as if they had just been taken out of the window.
Professor Zhang... so young
I knocked on the door frame and asked tentatively, "Is Dr. Zhang here?"
Hearing the sound, the man turned his head, revealing first half of his thin gold-rimmed glasses, then his smooth forehead and straight nose. The eyes behind the lens are deep and narrow, with thick eyelashes and slightly raised eye tails, they are a pair of extremely beautiful eyes.
I can't tell the age, like in my twenties, or in my thirties, in short, I don't look like Professor Zhang.
Sure enough, he said, "Doctor Zhang is not here. Is it Mr. Xiao Yu?"
When speaking, the corners of his lips were raised slightly, and his voice was calm and clean like his own.
"Do you know me?" I asked.
He smiled and said, "Dr. Sun just called to say that you are coming. Hello, I am a student of Professor Zhang. My surname is Zhou, and I am also a psychologist."
He reached out and shook my hand.
"Hi, my name is Xiao Yu."
"Come in and sit."
Psychologists seem to have a certain knack for making people relax naturally when confronted with them. Although it was only the first time we met, this Dr. Zhou in front of me made me feel inexplicably at ease.
Or maybe it's because the environment here is more relaxed, the floor-to-ceiling windows are large and bright, the sofa and carpet are warm and comfortable, and Dr. Zhou's slender fingers holding the milk cup are also very pleasing to the eye.
"You didn't eat breakfast during the physical examination, did you?"
As soon as he said that, I felt hungry. He took the hot milk and said thanks.
Dr. Zhou said that Professor Zhang might be coming back later, and asked me to wait here.
I froze for a moment: "Aren't you..."
He smiled: "I don't work in this hospital, so I can't give you psychological counseling for the time being. But if you want, I can chat with you."
"Chat" sounds much more relaxing than "counseling", and I agree.
"What's wrong with you?" Dr. Zhou asked.
After a moment of hesitation, I told him about the gland transplant, but not about how long I was going to live.
Dr. Zhou pondered for a moment and asked me why I wanted to be an omega.
"Many people change their gender to gain some advantage in choosing a mate, or simply because omega pheromones can make their appearance more attractive. And you don't seem to need to do this," he said.
"I..." I thought of Qi Shu, and suddenly I didn't know what to say.
Xu Xingze once said that I obviously have more choices, so why hang myself on a tree.
I understand the truth, but I still only like Qi Shu like a demon.
"The person I like, he likes omega." I thought for a while, and found an easy-to-understand statement, "I look a lot like the omega he likes."
Once you start, it's easy to say what follows.
Doctor Zhou listened carefully, with his arms propped up on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him, and his gaze deep and steady.
I didn't have any logic, and said whatever came to my mind, from Qi Shu's bad temper to my three years of crush on him, and from Wen Yan's going abroad to the encounter on my eighteenth birthday.
I was very drunk that day, but I can still remember the first unforgettable pain.
The next morning, Qi Shu asked me to make an offer.
I was dazed for about three minutes, and whispered, "Give me a coin."
Qi Shu snorted lightly: "Don't play such useless tricks."
He said a number that I am afraid no one can refuse. The only requirement is that I must be loyal and obedient.
I say yes.
Qi Shu was satisfied. He thought I was moved by money.
But in the end I still got the coins.
Qi Shu happened to have one in his wallet and gave it to me. I took it and got a hole pierced, which I still wear around my neck.
Qi Shu didn't like these cheap gadgets, and would occasionally flip coins on the bed and ask, "Are you a dog? You still wear a badge."
When I asked this sentence, it was often when I was the most insane. I knew that he did it on purpose, and I answered "I am" obediently.
"Whose is it?" He insisted.
"You... your..."
Sometimes he would force me to say something even more egregious. Forget it, I was a shameless bargain at Qi Shu's place.
"This is it."
I took out the necklace and showed it to Dr. Zhou. The copper coin has a dull luster, probably because it has been worn for a long time, and the edges are no longer so clear.
"Have you ever thought that it's not that you can't live without him, you just can't live without the brand you've branded yourself?" Dr. Zhou asked.
—I didn’t mention Qi Shu’s name, and only used “he” throughout.
"Brand..." I looked down at my necklace.
"Discipline doesn't necessarily require violence, sometimes it just needs a long stare. It comes from others, from yourself." Dr. Zhou said unhurriedly, "I didn't feel that you loved him very much. On the contrary, you were afraid, confused, and lonely. .”
"No..." I was eager to retort, "I love him very much... I used to be very happy when I thought of his name. When I saw him, it seemed that the whole world was sunny. I have endless words to him... Even if he likes others, I would also like to be by his side forever..."
As I was talking, I realized something was wrong. How long has it been since I had such ardent and bright love and longing
"Yes." Doctor Zhou smiled lightly, "Once."
once…
"Love makes people suffer, but it doesn't make people only suffer." Dr. Zhou said.
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Today's playlist: "Reserved"
[I really forgot your name, which Silent Star Stone is it]