I didn't know I could say so much.
When Dr. Zhou helped me refill my tea for the second time, I realized that it was getting late.
"Sorry doctor..." I looked up at the wall clock and felt my cheeks burn, "I took you so long."
"It's okay." Doctor Zhou remained calm.
He looked the same as he did two hours ago, and there wasn't even a trace of extra folds on his clothes.
"It's a good thing that you are willing to talk. There is no way to routinely take medication for depression during pregnancy. You need to learn to manage it yourself."
"How do you know me… "
I don't recall myself ever mentioning being pregnant.
Doctor Zhou smiled mysteriously: "I'm a doctor."
When he said this, he finally stopped being so steady and self-reliant, and seemed to be a lot closer to me all of a sudden.
My head was hot and I blurted out: "Then can I still talk to you in the future..."
After asking, I felt that I was very presumptuous. Unexpectedly, Dr. Zhou readily agreed: "Of course."
He gave me a business card, a low-key metallic one with just a name and contact information on it.
Zhou Shen.
I muttered his name silently. Put away the business card properly and say goodbye to Dr. Zhou.
It was only after I walked out of the hospital that I remembered that it was lunch time, should I invite Dr. Zhou to have dinner together... I troubled him all morning, but he just left like that...
Next time…
Qi Shu said that I am not suitable for dealing with complex interpersonal relationships, and that it is good to be a pet at home that waits for the owner to get off work.
He once tried to prevent me from going to school, and then he probably let me go back to school because he thought it was too noisy for me to practice piano at home.
I still have an old piano in Qi Shu's house. If Wen Yan comes back, I might have to ask someone to move it away earlier.
I don't hate Wen Yan at all, and I don't even envy him. He is so good, if there is no Qi Shu, I might still like him.
So I can understand Qi Shu's obsession with him.
He is the destined white moonlight.
But I'm bad. I took his things privately and slept with his people.
I even... got pregnant.
Back home, Qi Shu was not there.
I remember that Qin is in the storage room on the third floor, together with some of my miscellaneous things. Although I dare not treat this place as my home, I have accumulated a lot of things over the past four years.
When packing up, I found the original contract in a file bag.
At that time, Qi Shu really regarded me as a duck with a clearly marked price, and even asked the lawyer to draw up a very formal maintenance contract, which was signed once a year and renewed on August 24 every year.
I got it as a birthday present.
The card he gave me was also included in the contract, and I have never used it. It seems that I can deceive myself by doing this.
I put the card in my wallet, went downstairs and asked Aunt Zhang for a big box, and came up to collect things slowly.
The money in Cary, together with my property, should be enough for a child to live to the age of eighteen safely.
In half a year, I can make good arrangements for his future life. It's just that he is doomed not to have the company of his parents, and I don't know how to make up for that.
I'm still selfish by nature.
Can't be responsible for him, but want to bring him into this world.
The process of tidying things up can lead to a gradual calm and peace. Except for the violin, I put everything in the box.
In four years, it turns out that a box can hold it.
The light in the room became dim before I noticed it was getting dark.
I sealed the box and pushed it to a corner, got up and went downstairs, just in time to see Qi Shu coming in from the outside on the phone.
He seemed in a bad mood, with a somewhat impatient expression.
I wanted to go over and help him get his coat, but probably I couldn't stand still after squatting for a long time in the afternoon, and suddenly my legs became weak after walking a few steps, and I staggered and threw myself on him.
Before hanging up the phone, Qi Shu gave me a hand on my waist and said, "You are getting more and more proficient at throwing yourself into your arms."
I knew it was useless to explain to him, so I had to whisper sorry.
I belatedly realized that someone was listening on the other end of the phone, and my face burned.
Qi Shu didn't say anything, took off his coat and handed it to me, and went into the study with his mobile phone.
I hurried to see if Aunt Zhang had prepared dinner.
Ten minutes later, Qi Shu came out after calling and asked me to accompany him for dinner.
I saw that he was not as gloomy as when he entered the door, so I wondered whether I should talk about the child. Before I could make a decision, he suddenly asked, "Do you know who I called just now?"
"Who?" I asked.
Qi Shu smiled. The smile was very weak, but his eyes looked a little cold.
"Warm words."
Wen Yan...
"He..." I tried to look natural, but I was too stiff to speak.
"He asked me how you were, and I said I'm not very good at raising small animals." Qi Shu said casually, "You seem to be a bit worn out by me."
I didn't quite understand what Qi Shu meant, so I suddenly raised my head and asked, "He knows us...?"
"Of course he knows. Why, are you afraid?" Qi Shu looked at me.
Qi Shu's gaze made me feel uncomfortable, as if I had made some mistake.
But why is he so confident? Could it be that he is not wrong...
I lowered my head again, stared at the plate in front of me, and said, "Senior...will you get married?"
The air was quiet for three seconds, and Qi Shu asked, "What do you mean?"
"That's it..." I thought about it and said, "Find an omega you like to marry and have a child... Senior Wen Yan is coming back, you..."
"I'm not married, and I won't have children." Qi Shu said coldly.
"why?"
He took a sip of water, and when the glass was put back, there was a clear crashing sound.
"In this world, no one is worthy of my marriage. As for children, I don't need them."
Could it be that even gentle words are not enough...
After all, I still underestimated Qi Shu's cold-bloodedness and fickleness. I thought love was long-term and dedicated, but I forgot that possession is more important to Qi Shu.
Also, he doesn't want kids...
If he found out that I was pregnant, he would probably be very angry and order me to kill it.
I feel a chill.
"I remember telling you many times." Qi Shu tapped the table with his fingertips, "Don't waste your energy, and don't mind my business."
Yes, he said so.
All my struggles and efforts, in his eyes, were just futile efforts.
"I see." I said.
In fact, I had expected it a long time ago. If Qi Shu said, "Be born, I will take care of it", that would be abnormal.
It is also a good result for me to extinguish the burning flame in my heart with his own hands.
I can't eat anymore. Accompanying Qi Shu reluctantly drank another bowl of soup, and when he went upstairs, he vomited all of it into the toilet.
The person in the mirror is pale and dilapidated, without any pleasing features. The lower abdomen is also flat and flat, and it is not obvious that she is pregnant.
I suddenly thought of that person.
Was it also so hard when he was pregnant with me
Maybe even harder. He even lost his life to give birth to me.
Doctors are right, beta men are not suitable for reproduction. And I want to repeat his mistakes.
Will he be disappointed, will he say "Why are you stupid than me?"
I haven't pronounced those two completely unfamiliar pronunciations in twenty-two years.
Now, I finally have to go to this step myself, only to understand how heavy these two words are.
"You teach me, what should I do."
I squatted down tiredly and closed my eyes.
He didn't teach me how to grow up, how to protect myself, how to love people properly, how to raise my own children.
He only taught me one thing in his short life: don't fall in love with an alpha who doesn't love you.
Only this one, I have not learned.
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Today's playlist: "It's My Sea"
[You know I don't want to leave, you know how helpless I am]