The next afternoon, I picked a time when it was impossible for Qi Shu to be at home, and went back to move the piano and luggage back to my own house.
Then I fled back to school and hid from Qi Shu for a week.
Hiding until the seventh day, I found that this was a kind of torture to myself.
The physical health class said that during pregnancy, omega will be extremely dependent on its own alpha.
Especially those with unstable health like mine need Alpha's appeasement even more.
I have never been so eager for Qi Shu's pheromones, for his hugs and kisses, and even for the pain he brought me.
I have become extremely sensitive, as long as I get close to other unfamiliar alphas, I will have a headache and nausea all day long.
Seeing that something was wrong with me, Xu Xingze wanted to drag me to the hospital every day, but I had no choice but to tell him about my pregnancy.
He really got angry, and it was the first time he had known me for so long that he said harshly that I was mentally ill.
"I think you are living too comfortably, and you have to find fault for yourself!" He was so angry that he pointed at me and said, "Do you know how deep the water in Qi's family is? Do you think they will allow a beta?" Have you given birth to Qi Shu's child?"
"So don't tell others." I'm not afraid of Xu Xingze, I know his heart is soft, "Please, Xing."
"..."
Sure enough, Xu Xingze couldn't say anything more serious, so he sulked for a long time, and said, "I'm too lazy to care about you."
I breathed a sigh of relief: "Thank you."
As a result, I suddenly had a high fever in the middle of the night and became unconscious. I still didn't escape being sent to the hospital by Xu Xingze.
I can't remember the process clearly, I vaguely seem to hear him quarreling with someone on the phone.
When I woke up in the ward the next day, the first thing I saw was Dr. Zhou.
He was still dressed in a suit and a white coat, and was sitting on a chair by the bed flipping through a newspaper.
"You're awake." Dr. Zhou put down the newspaper and pushed his glasses, "When I arrived at the hospital in the morning, I just saw Ah Xing going through procedures at the front desk, so I realized that you were sick."
I had a terrible headache, and my limbs were limp and limp, as if I had been beaten up in a dream, and I felt uncomfortable everywhere in my body.
Coupled with my slow brain, I have been reacting to such a simple sentence for a long time.
"... Do you know Xu Xingze?" I asked.
"My mother and Mrs. Xu are good friends." Dr. Zhou said.
Oh... the circle of high society is small, and it's not surprising to know each other.
Doctor Zhou poured me a glass of water, then leaned over and touched my forehead, and said, "Fortunately, the fever is gone."
His fingers were a little cold, and I felt a bit of resistance and discomfort when I touched them, only then did I realize that he was also an alpha.
"You look worse than the last time we met, what's wrong?" he asked.
I don't want to be seen in such a miserable state all the time, but unfortunately, I probably won't get better.
"Are you doctors so straightforward..." I tried to change the subject.
Dr. Zhou smiled: "Tactility is not necessarily a good thing."
Well, you are right. I already knew that my days were numbered and that white lies were little consolation.
"So you are still not going to tell the father of the child?" Dr. Zhou asked plainly.
"I can't tell him..."
"Well..." Dr. Zhou nodded thoughtfully, and said, "But you can't last the full term of your child. This fever is just the beginning. In the next few months, you will have frequent low-grade fevers, insomnia, shortness of breath, etc. Difficult, in the end relying on oxygen tubes to maintain life."
I was forced to accept the bad news of my imminent death again, and I felt a little tight in my chest.
"Aren't you a psychiatrist..."
"I have a Ph.D. in both psychology and clinical medicine."
I am speechless.
When I met a doctor who cared about both my heart and my body, I felt that I was seen through from the inside out, without any secrets.
Just be honest: "But I want to try."
"If your desire to survive is stronger, maybe I will encourage you to give it a try." Doctor Zhou's eyes seemed to be probing, "But you don't want to live anymore, why do you still have to keep this child?"
I don't want to live anymore? How could I not want to live.
The world is good, the moon is gentle, and the stars are charming, why should I not want to live
The inexplicable rebellious psychology suddenly appeared, and I said, "It's not what you think."
Doctor Zhou hummed lightly, with a rising sound at the end.
I looked at him, wondering if I was confused, but I felt familiar.
"Psychiatrists don't necessarily understand everything." I added another sentence.
"Sorry." He apologized gently, "I shouldn't have speculated about you."
He was so polite that I was ashamed to criticize him.
I guess he probably committed an occupational disease. When he sees people who are mentally abnormal and have brains, he can't help but want to study them.
And my level of stupidity should be regarded as an excellent sample in a certain sense.
I pulled up the quilt to cover half of my face, silently expressing my dismissal.
Doctor Zhou seemed to smile, took off his glasses, folded them up and put them in his breast pocket, his movements were particularly slow.
I looked at him quietly from the corner of my eye, and found that the doctor without glasses was becoming more and more familiar.
"Doctor, have we met somewhere?" I asked a question that was particularly like a strike-up.
"Of course." The corners of his lips curled up, "in the hospital two weeks ago."
"..."
I was a little annoyed and felt like he was laughing at me.
"I have been abroad all these years, and the number of times I have returned to China is very small. I don't remember seeing you." He said again.
Well, I'm sure I'm burnt out.
Xu Xingze came back, and greeted Dr. Zhou first when he entered the door: "Brother Shen, thank you."
Then he saw me, "How is it, feeling better?"
I answered truthfully: "Dizziness."
Xu Xingze said in a bad mood: "It's 39 degrees, can you not feel dizzy?"
I knew I was in the wrong, so I didn't dare to talk back.
"Since you're back, I'll go first." Doctor Zhou said.
"Ah, good." Xu Xingze sent Dr. Zhou to the door and said, "I'm sorry for your trouble." Only then did I realize that he asked Dr. Zhou to take care of me.
… I apologize for being rebellious and rude.
Xu Xingze came back and saw me in a daze, and said, "Don't wait, Qi Shu won't come."
Um? Did he misunderstand something. Of course I knew Qi Shu would not come.
"I used your mobile phone to call him last night... Forget it, you shouldn't expect scum to have a conscience."
Xu Xingze spoke half of what he said, but I can guess the result.
Qi Shu couldn't do without cynicism, saying that I was pretending to be sick and playing tricks, that I had the ability to run away from home, but I couldn't fend for myself.
Seeing this, Xu Xingze was so angry that he didn't shy away from calling Qi Shu a scum in front of me.
A five-good young man with strict family education like him, I am afraid that he will not be able to understand the relationship between me and Qi Shu in this life.
"I have a fever, can I leave the hospital?" I asked.
"Don't worry, the doctor said you need to rest."
"But… "
I still want to explain to Qi Shu, after all, I agreed not to bother him with my personal affairs. He is so tired from work during the day, and he is still disturbed by my phone at night...
... Forget it, don't look for a reason, I just want to see him.
I comforted myself that even if I decided to leave, it would take a process, this time for a week, next time for a month, and next time for three months...
Someday I'll get used to not having him.
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Today's playlist: "The Name Engraved in My Heart"
[The harder you try to catch up with the light and shadow, the more you can't get away from it]