"Hello everyone, long time no see. I am Douzi Renjian Jueshuai Dou Gangdanmo. I am back from the college entrance examination."
The boy in the video is wearing a plain white T-shirt, the material of which is slightly rusty and transparent, and is sitting on a carpet.
In the distance of the camera, there is a fat orange cat sleeping behind him, with messy but distinct whiskers sticking up in the air, rising and falling with his breathing.
Dou Sheng took two sips of the iced Coke on the ground, turned around, touched the cat, and snapped his fingers.
"As everyone knows, due to the huge academic burden and the psychological pressure that almost collapsed before the exam, I stopped updating for nearly two months before the college entrance examination."
-《Psychological Pressure Nearly Leading to Collapse》
-I believed your lies
-How dare you, a pigeon, fly back
-Grandpa, the uploader you follow has updated
-Two months
-Again, two months younger
"So after the college entrance exam, because... well, in order to recover from the psychological pressure caused by these homework burdens, I rested for another half a month."
-hehe
-hehe
-hehe
The person behind the camera said that he had failed, and said a little embarrassedly, "Let's be frank. Xie Lan and I have been playing lawless and stupid with those friends for two weeks, and finally I want to find the password of B station. Well, today is the reading of comments as promised before the college entrance examination. I have randomly generated some numbers and collected comments from the corresponding floors. I will answer all the questions raised in the comments, and I will try my best to meet all the requirements. Okay, but I hope it's not something like giving me five million, otherwise it will be invalid..."
He said, a small window popped up in the lower right corner of the video screen, and the mouse was dragged to a selected comment.
"Ask Xie Lan if he still has a cat, the kind that makes coffee for him... Parentheses, crazy hints."
Dou Sheng read out each word one by one with a calm expression, and walked into the kitchen behind him under the camera's gaze.
After a round of ping-pong sounds, he carried a huge, bright silver coffee machine out of the kitchen. Veins bulged out of his arms, and the youthful power was evident.
clang.
He placed the coffee machine on the carpet, squatted down and tapped it with his fingers like playing a piano, "We already have a La Marzocco commercial Italian semi-automatic coffee machine at home."
Then he pointed at himself and said, "Gal, Bean Brand Barista."
The camera flashed, the coffee machine disappeared, and it was back to Dou Sheng himself sitting in front of the camera, clicking the mouse with a cold face, "Next."
-Swearing in and having authority
- death, divide the territory
-If you don’t understand, just ask, why does this up-loader have a piece of iron covering his face
-My boyfriend's anger
-Bean: He already has a coffee (big) cat, please don't disturb him
Dou Sheng cleared his throat. "Oh, what do you think? Turning your idol into your boyfriend, how does it feel? Parentheses, no need to emphasize, we all know it's a fake boyfriend. Then a winking emoji."
-2333333
- Winking is OK
-Yes, we all know it's fake
-What is it like to turn your idol into a fake boyfriend
- The kind that falls from the sky
Dou Sheng looked at the camera and thought about it for a moment. He couldn't help but smiled and said, "You guys asked this question..."
His gaze slipped away from the camera and fixed on the window. He seemed to be in a daze, but there was a little light reflected in the center of his clear black pupils. He thought for a long time before returning his gaze to the camera again.
"This kind of feeling is only known by those who have it, it's hard to describe. If I have to say it, it's probably that every day when I open my eyes I start to love this world... The commentator wants to say it again at this time, why is this up master so disgusting..."
-Why is this uploader so disgusting
-Why is this uploader so disgusting
-Why is this uploader so disgusting
Dou Sheng paused, "Let's not be perfunctory about issues involving Xie Lan, okay? Actually, think about it now. Since I picked him up from the airport at the end of February last year, I haven't been unhappy since then. That feeling... How should I put it? It's like taking a happy train with no end, heading straight to the happy planet."
-Crazy Talk
-I could hear some sincerity in such flirty words
- This is not a joke, this is the truth
-When Xie Lan is mentioned, Douzi becomes bright
- It's not perfunctory when it comes to Xie Lan, um
Dou Sheng cleared his throat and said, "Turn the page, next one—"
A comment appeared on the screen. He frowned suddenly and read in confusion: "What are your and Xie Lan's positions respectively? ... ???"
-Hahahahaha
-Hit the point!!
- I bet on Doulan! !
-This old fan is risking his life to put pressure on Doulan! !
-Old fan, bet your life on this!!
Large swaths of Lan Lan floated across the barrage, with only a few “Lan Lan Beans” scattered among them—“Support Lan Lan for two seconds.”
Dou Sheng frowned and said seriously, "What kind of stupid question is this? I don't understand. Hiss—oh, are you asking about the college entrance examination?"
He said, tacitly pausing to give video viewers time to post comments.
-Yes
- Just asking about the college entrance examination
-Of course, what else can I ask
-What are you thinking about
Dou Sheng said in the video, "Speaking of the college entrance examination, it's a pity that Xie Lan failed the Chinese test after working hard for a year and a half. His composition was off topic, and his Chinese score was over 60. His total score in the college entrance examination was directly dragged down to 640, just enough to pass the key university line..."
Halfway through his words, there was a creaking sound of footsteps on the stairs in the video. Dou Sheng's expression suddenly froze and he turned his head abruptly to look to the left.
—At the staircase at the rear left, Xie Lan suddenly enters the frame, wearing striped pajamas, with messy hair, and holding a mug.
"Are you recording a video?" Xie Lan looked annoyed. "I was just wondering why there was so much noise downstairs... What time is it?"
Dou Sheng turned his face to the camera, his Adam's apple twitching, "Two-thirty in the afternoon. Well, mainly because the light is good at this time. I've left lunch on the table for you."
- Look, this guy is trying really hard not to kneel down.
- After all, there is a camera, to save your reputation
-Seeing this, I started to re-evaluate my position/thinking about the situation
- No, it reinforces my view of their position.
Xie Lan glanced at the camera, turned around and walked into the kitchen, "Oh."
-"oh"
- Bean is weak. Bean is weak.
-Is this what they call one word crushing the beans
-Damn it, did Lanzi sleep until two in the afternoon
- My son, are you mentally depressed because of your failure in the Chinese language test
-Oh shit, I suddenly realized, Chinese score is over 60, total score is 640
Dou Sheng watched Xie Lan walk into the kitchen and his figure disappeared from the camera. Then he cleared his throat and sat up straight.
He looked serious and profound. "That's enough. You can figure it out on your own. Next one."
"The next one is... this: By the time this video is released, the college entrance examination should have ended, and the scores may have been released. If so, can you tell us how many points you got?"
Dou Sheng hesitated for a moment after hearing this. "It just happened that the scores were announced two days ago. Uh... I'm not hiding anything. Due to certain regulations, my scores have been hidden in the past two years, so I don't know exactly what my scores are. It's actually quite a pity. After estimating the scores, I think there's hope that I'll reach a new high, and I also want to know if I've reached it."
The number of comments on the video increased instantly.
-hidden!!
-The legendary hidden boss
- I'm on my knees
-What are hidden points
-Popular Science: In order to prevent the hype of the top scorer, the province's super-high scores will be hidden
-What does the interface for finding hidden points look like? I'm so curious
- Douzi is always joking about the provincial champion, he can't be serious
-This shouldn't be a joke, my relative is from H City, he is really the top student in the key school...
Dou Sheng clicked the mouse, and a table showing the scores of science subjects in the H Province College Entrance Examination soon appeared in the lower right corner of the screen.
The first line shows: 705 points and above: 10 people
The mouse moved around. "I can only tell you that I'm in this range. I don't know the exact score. But according to the admissions office of T University, my choice of major is quite high. Okay, next one."
- Stop it! What do you mean
- Are you speaking
- Douzi should have guessed his province's ranking, but he can't tell you.
- Only if you get a very high score can you make a confident guess
-According to rumors, his lowest score in the entire high school mock exam was never less than 720
-That all-time high...
-Fuck, I think I understand...
The mouse jumped and five selected comments appeared in a small window.
Douzi, what major are you going to choose? I'm very curious!
"I feel a bit depressed when I mention this." Dou Sheng said with some helplessness and a bit of happiness, stretching his hands and rubbing his face, "Old viewers know that I am a casual person. I want to choose a major that is interesting or can get in touch with the human nature. I looked through the enrollment plan of T University, and I wanted to choose law the most, and then social studies, but both of them are for liberal arts. Oh, it's depressing to mention this. I was too careless to choose liberal arts or science at the beginning, and I lacked planning for my life."
- You are indeed too casual.
-I am a liberal arts student, and I don’t mean to belittle liberal arts, but there is no reason for Douzi not to choose science, right
-Or count with Lanzi
- Lanzai's original words: Numbers are so interesting
-Law! Beans are the law!
- Bean lawyer! Pretend to be a bean! Debate with the crowd!
Dou Shengshen sighed, "I've talked to several deans and admissions office teachers. For now, it's tentatively decided that I'll major in economics in my freshman year, and switch to law in my sophomore year. Anyway... it's OK. The courses for each major in the first year are similar. I heard that the economics department will learn some superficial economic principles in the first year. Then I can do some social practice, make some work and make videos or something."
-Dead, all I can think about is making videos
- I'm beginning to doubt your intentions.
-Maybe you want to add a column for Douzi to talk about cases on the channel
-What should I do if the up I follow is too dedicated
-Economy: Then I leave?
"next."
A comment appeared in the lower right corner, and Dou Sheng finally curled his lips, "What are your plans for video updates this summer? Oh, yes, you should ask more questions like this, it's very meaningful. Wait for me."
He said as he reached out and grabbed the schoolbag on the sofa, felt around, and was blank for a moment.
"Xie Lan." The camera looked up at him from a low angle as he walked into the kitchen. "Do you have my plan book?"
Xie Lan's low reply came from the kitchen, and then Dou Sheng trotted upstairs, and soon came down with a notebook in his hand.
The screen switches to vertical shooting with the camera, comparing it to the records in the plan book.
Judging from the various colors, depths, and messiness of the ink, it was definitely not written once or twice. I guess he spent a lot of time studying these before the college entrance examination.
Dou Sheng pointed at the plan book, "First of all, this list, these games are all the ones I want to review. Some of them may be live broadcasts. I haven't decided how to distribute them yet, probably one per week. Several digital devices here also need to be reviewed. Then next week, "Sword Heart and Moon 2" will be broadcast, and there will be several offline activities. I will accompany Xie Lan and there will be vlogs."
-Okay!
-Can I watch Happy Travels of Big Cat and Two Cats again
-Speaking of this! Lanzai's new arrangement is so nice!
-Don’t forget to listen to the song after watching the video!
- Shao Yu 2 posted a 10-second PV, Lan Zai arranged the music + played the violin
According to the plan, the offline activities in S City are accompanied by two cats, two leaves and a cat head. Dou Sheng stroked the cute cat head with his fingers and pointed below, "Then I want to do a topic related to the college entrance examination, about the results of the examination and the path of life, as well as the path of different majors and actual careers. I will do this video seriously, and may start a column similar to life observation. It requires more connections. I will tell you when I have an idea for the output later."
"The last one is "Real Life of Returnee Children in Hardcore High School in China", which I recorded intermittently for a year and a half. I am a little conflicted about this video, because... there is too much material, uh... I can't show it, but after editing it, a lot of things are incomplete and there is no gag."
The comments intelligently changed their font to yellow.
- What material can't be played
- Expand your talk
- Sit down and talk about it in detail
- Release it and we will help you with the editing
-Yes, let’s create it together, shall we
The camera switched back to normal recording. Dou Sheng knelt on the carpet to pick up the camera. He turned his head and shouted to the kitchen, "Xie Lan, are you going to play the video of the hardcore high school reality show?"
The house was silent for a few seconds.
"Let go of a ghost." Xie Lan's cold voice came from the kitchen.
-2333333
- I vomited
- LanzaiAt this moment, whether it is his reaction or his pronunciation, he is a real Chinese
Dou Sheng sighed and curled his lips, "You guys heard it, but you're not allowed to play it. I'll grab a few funny clips and post them later."
He spoke with a dry mouth, sat back down, took two sips of Coke, and then glanced at the sky outside the window behind the lens.
"It took a while to record. The light will be bad soon. Let me read the last one."
Just drag the mouse, and the lower right corner will freeze to seven lines.
Douzi Douzi, do you dare to accept this unintentional challenge? I have selected beautiful girls and boys from all over the Internet (because I really don’t know your name, please bear with me if it offends you), hehe. I posted the video on my Weibo and pinned it. My ID is Lanzi Douzi.
Dou Sheng read it out word by word, indifferently and coldly, "Isn't this a bit unchallenging? Show me this? How can I, a student who just finished the college entrance examination, know what is the heart?"
- Pretend, just pretend
- Do you dare to click it
- The ones who came back later were really dead.
-High energy face slapping ahead
"Okay, keep your word. Click it and take a look. Wait for me to adjust the screen."
The ratio of the video window changed quickly. The shot of Dou Sheng became vertical, occupying only one-tenth of the screen, while the other side switched to Weibo video.
"Five minutes, it's quite long, how much of it was cut?" Dou Sheng muttered as he sat down, "How do I record the challenge if I'm not worried? I can't smile or blush, right? It's not difficult. Let's start."
Just click the mouse and the video starts immediately.
In one clip, an S-shaped beauty in a blue dress was dancing to a sweet song on the screen. The twisting of her waist and hips was very slight, but it showed the subtle seduction vividly. The barrage of comments instantly flashed with a short text that went off-topic to praise her.
-Blue suit!!
-Ah this
- This friend knows how to choose
-The blue suit really pokes me
-I am a girl, I also like the blue suit sister
But on the right half of the screen, Dou Sheng had an even more expressionless face than before he clicked on the video, looking at the goddess mentioned in the comments with an eye as if he was looking at boring news.
He endured these twenty seconds indifferently.
In the second part, a boy wearing a white T-shirt walks slowly to the camera under the sun. His appearance and temperament are consistent with the campus puppy type. He has fair skin and two dimples on his face. He gently taps the camera and whispers, "Want to play basketball together?"
Dou Sheng's face was completely numb, "No, thank you."
-Oh, so this is the type that Douzi doesn’t like
-I won't mention his temperament and conversation, but his facial features are very similar to Lanzi's
-But the beans really didn't react
-When you see someone who looks a bit like the person you like, you will have some reaction, right
-I suddenly panicked. Could they really be fake boyfriends
Dou Sheng, who was recording the video, could not see the comments. He just continued to look at the screen expressionless.
At the end of the video, the style suddenly changed, the music became mysterious and teasing, the man was wearing black trousers and a shirt, with a black jacket draped over his shoulders, his palm gently patted a folded belt, he sat down on the chair, crossed his legs, raised the camera with the belt in his hand, and said in a soda voice: "Baby—"
"Shit." Dou Sheng's face instantly turned ugly, and he almost reached out to cover the computer screen. He wanted to turn around but tried hard to hold it back.
In the background of the camera, he clenched his fists, and the veins on his forearms were more prominent than when he was moving the coffee machine just now.
"Is this a challenge of not wanting to fight or a challenge of not dying suddenly?" It took him a long time to recover, his face looked hopeless, "I was almost paralyzed by the thunder, please don't mess with me."
- I'm numb too.
-Who edited the video
-I would use ten bottles of Tide to clean my ears from hearing the sound of soda
-I am willing to exchange 20 pounds of flesh for a pair of eyes that have not seen this video
The fourth segment, this time it’s a girl again, but not the same pure sensual style, this time it’s a loli with twin ponytails, rubbing her sleepy eyes in front of the camera, biting her lower lip, looking pitiful.
As the music played, she leaned forward, pulled up her skirt and sang a Japanese song, also in a sweet style.
"Heh-yawn"
Dou Sheng was obviously getting impatient and moved his mouse back. "Next one, everyone. What the hell is this—"
Next.
The camera suddenly went black, and a familiar voice sounded, with a hint of indifference.
"My mom had an urgent mission. Someone wanted to stay with us, so she sent me to pick him up at the airport. Today was my grandpa's birthday, and I was in a hurry to order a cake, but the plane was delayed. It was all in vain."
Dou Sheng frowned in confusion after hearing the first half of the sentence, and then straightened his back instantly as if he suddenly realized something.
The camera shook and switched to a clip shot by the plane after they got off the plane in January after the 100-member flash mob.
The person who took the photo was Dou Sheng.
Xie Lan's hair was a little messy due to sitting on an overnight flight. He wore a blue-gray plaid jacket, which Dou Sheng usually wore, over a white shirt.
"I'm so sleepy, should we go back to the school gate and have something to eat?" Xie Lan muttered. He yawned one after another, turned his head to look at the camera, and his eyes were blank.
Then the pair of eyes and lips moved closer to the camera and whispered, "Are you taking a picture of me or a selfie?"
The picture shook violently and then went black in an instant.
In the video recording camera, Dou Sheng turned his head in the other direction and slightly raised his chin so that his taut neck line could control his lips that wanted to curl, but his eyes fell on the screen uncontrollably.
The light in the living room was already a little dim, but the light red spreading from the boy's ears to his neck was still so obvious.
After a long time, he couldn't bear it anymore and came all of a sudden.
A little embarrassed, but very frank.
“Okay, you guys were caught off guard… Oh my goodness… If I watch this video normally, I won’t be affected, it’s normal, but you guys did it so suddenly… Well, forget it, I give in, okay?”
-After the big move!
-Nirvana! Xie Lan!
-This is really the boyfriend's perspective
- Today's dog food is full
- "A student who has just finished the college entrance examination, do you know what is psychological?"
In the video, Xie Lan came out of the kitchen in slippers, chewing something with bulging cheeks, muttering, "Haven't you finished filming yet? What do you mean you're convinced?"
"We've finished filming." Dou Sheng immediately stepped back from the camera and walked over. "That's enough for today. See you soon in the next episode, dear audience friends!"
"in vain!"