Dou Sheng sat in a chair, tapping the tabletop lightly with his fingers, his voice revealing some nostalgia for the past.
It looks like speaking human language.
Not at all.
"That year I was in the second grade of junior high school. Something happened to my father. I was caught in the middle of betrayal and pain. I suddenly had a lot of doubts about life - is there any meaning in struggle, is integrity right or stupid, can blood relatives be completely trusted, I thought I understood everyone, but did I really understand?"
Xie Jingming's expression gradually became confused.
Xie Lan had the same confused expression, "What does local pre-emption mean? Being locked up in a small room and... walking?"
Dou Sheng shook his head. "龃, 龉, both are pronounced with three tones. 龃龉 means that the road ahead is blocked, or that there is resistance to moving forward in one's heart."
"Hmm..." Xie Lan frowned and thought for a moment. After giving up the conversation, he scanned the code and started ordering food.
Xie Jingming asked: "Has Wen Ying talked to you?"
"We chatted a lot. My mom and I became drinking buddies. My mom cried a lot. I seemed to be depressed for a while. Everything I saw was gray. I didn't eat much. I didn't go to school during the day and didn't go home at night. I would just hang out outside and watch TV all the time."
Dou Sheng looked up and met Xie Jingming's astonished gaze, "Uncle should know about my dad, right?"
Xie Jing hesitated and said, "Know more."
Dou Sheng pulled the corner of his mouth sadly when he heard this, "At that time, I was thinking that it might not be my father who was wrong, but me. If I were not there, he would have divorced my mother directly. It would be better for both him and my mother."
Xie Lan's heart suddenly ached and he looked up at Dou Sheng.
Dou Sheng's expression was no different from before, his eyes were lowered, and it was impossible to tell how much of an acting move he was making.
Regarding that past, he only heard Dou Sheng mention some of it when he comforted Chen Ge, but he never asked about it.
Xie Jingming asked: "Then what?"
Dou Sheng sighed, tapped his fingers on the table, and his eyes suddenly lit up.
"Then suddenly, I opened YouTube."
"…" Xie Jingming was caught off guard and was stunned, "youtube?"
"Yes. I was in so much pain from fighting that I accidentally clicked on Xie Lan's video. Suddenly, I felt that the gauze and iodine in my hand were not good enough. I didn't want to do anything at that time. I just wanted to stand there and watch the video quietly." Dou Sheng took out his mobile phone and skillfully clicked on Xie Lan's YouTube homepage. He scrolled to the bottom and pointed at the original submission and said, "Being embraced by a stranger across thousands of mountains and rivers, uncle, have you ever had this feeling?"
Xie Jingming froze for a moment, "Yes... and also..."
"I can't describe that feeling." Dou Sheng interrupted him, "I can't describe it anymore. It's like the tranquility in the eye of a storm. No matter what's going on in the world, there will always be someone playing the violin quietly, and there will be a leaf placed here to listen to him."
Dou Sheng said this, his voice seemed to rise involuntarily, and he pointed at the trembling sycamore leaf on the screen, "I have a strong sense of substitution for this little leaf, I am this leaf."
Xie Jingming looked at the screen in disbelief.
"You substitute this leaf?"
Dou Sheng nodded. "Later, I started to send private messages to Xie Lan and took photos of Wutong leaves and sent them to him. Over time, my condition improved a bit. My grades were still bad, but I was calm. Until a certain day."
Dou Sheng suddenly pulled Xie Lan's hand under the table without making any sound, as if it was some kind of advance comfort.
"In that video of Xie Lan, the green leaves of the phoenix tree suddenly turned into withered leaves. Other viewers just laughed it off, but I suddenly felt like an era was coming to an end. The leaves were withered, and I should cheer myself up and start disconnecting from the Internet to prepare for the high school entrance exam."
Xie Lan turned his head in shock and looked at him in disbelief.
—That was Xie Lan’s last video during the SilentWaves period, posted after her mother passed away.
The leaves of the sycamore tree withered, and my mother died. But that turned out to be the turning point for Dou Sheng to return to a bright future.
Perhaps after learning about his true experience, he guessed the symbolism of the dead leaf. Dou Sheng had never told him about this.
Xie Jingming looked puzzled and asked Xie Lan, "Have you ever used dead leaves?"
Xie Lan's eyes moved, then suddenly became empty, and he lowered his head and hummed.
"It's so unlucky." Xie Jingming couldn't help but frown, as if he wanted to bring up the old things, but he hesitated to speak.
He didn't know that was Xie Lan's last video, nor did he know that it was Xiao Lang's last video.
Xie Lan had already thanked Jingming for not following her video account at all, but she still frowned subconsciously.
There was a knock on the box door and the waiter came in to serve drinks, temporarily interrupting the conversation.
Xie Jingming poured juice for them and reminisced about the past with Dou Sheng. Dou Sheng followed up on his questions and calmly answered a few of his previous thoughts.
Those accounts were a mixture of truth and falsehood, fabrication and exaggeration, but they were all his shameful past that he rarely told about.
He mentioned this casually at the dinner table.
"Yes, uncle." Dou Sheng gently squeezed Xie Lan's hand under the table and said with a smile, "It can't be said that Xie Lan's videos are not meaningful. When Aunt Xiao was sick, she could watch her son's videos to get comfort. And there are who knows how many of me in the world fall asleep every night listening to the sound of violins. How can it be said that it is meaningful?"
Xie Jingming sighed, "Your case is indeed quite special..."
“Not special.” Dou Sheng shook his head calmly. “I think people with power have the responsibility to influence others. Seeing Silent Waves became my original intention to make videos later.”
Xie Jingming paused. His casual reply was seriously refuted, which made him a little unsure of how to respond.
He was about to say something, but when he raised his hand he knocked over the chopsticks, one of which fell to the ground, and he bent down to pick it up.
Xie Lan's mind was still lingering with what Dou Sheng had just said. Unexpectedly, Dou Sheng let go of him and took a glass of juice from the table and poured it for Xie Jingming, "Uncle, you drink too."
Xie Jingming stood up with his chopsticks in his hand. He must have seen it and said with a smile, "Drink more. You are quite talkative. I suddenly remembered that Wen Ying was also so talkative when we were in school."
Xie Lan breathed a sigh of relief silently.
The waiter knocked on the door again, this time to serve the food.
Dou Sheng didn't want to continue with this topic. He took out his mobile phone and recorded a short video of the food. After recording, he sent it to Xie Lan in front of Xie Jingming.
Xie Jingming looked at Xie Lan several times, but finally said nothing.
Halfway through the meal, he couldn't help but be curious about Dou Sheng's up experience, "What's your ID? I'll download the app and search for you."
Xie Lan suddenly became nervous.
Dou Sheng paused with his chopsticks, "The most handsome man in the world."
"Dad." Xie Lan was suddenly so nervous that he couldn't speak. He was tongue-tied for a long time before he said, "Why are we eating and looking at his number?"
Dou Sheng also smiled and said, "Uncle, the videos I shoot are not serious, they are all funny."
Xie Jingming just hummed twice, but still searched for his homepage, "So many fans? I see..."
He paused for a moment, then frowned as he looked at the video on Dou Sheng's homepage.
Xie Lan's heart sank.
Xie Jingming is different from Zhao Wenying. Zhao Wenying looks like she has never been exposed to homosexuality. Her first reaction after watching those videos is to laugh. But Xie Jingming is well-informed in this regard. Not to mention the distant past, he stepped in to mediate the relationship between his friend's son when he came out. The neighbors of the old house in London are also a gay couple who raise French bulldogs.
Xie Jingming frowned and looked at the small words on the screen, "Pretend that I have a boyfriend? You and Xie Lan took this photo?"
Dou Sheng smiled casually while eating, "Yeah, it's a composition on the platform, just for fun."
"This is not good." Xie Jingming hesitated, "You have so many fans, and they may misunderstand such a joke."
Dou Sheng was amused. "So what if it's a misunderstanding? My sexual orientation has nothing to do with them. You can't expect me to pick a partner by forwarding it from my fans?"
Xie Lan was drinking water nervously, but ended up choking on it in his throat and almost spitting it out.
Xie Jingming was also startled and the shrimp he picked up fell down.
Dou Sheng smiled as he picked up some food: "But Xie Lan can do this, too. He doesn't have to draw. He can just pack it up and airdrop it to see which lucky fan it hits."
Xie Lan: “…”
Xie Jingming was so angry that he laughed, "You kid, you talk so… so…"
"Only with evidence, from beginning to end, and in detail." Dou Sheng followed him and said happily, "I just talk nonsense every day, don't pay attention to me."
The Kung Fu meal took more than three hours to finish. After the meal, Xie Jingming dragged Li and the two of them back to look at Jiang Liying.
Xie Lan and Dou Sheng pulled him to go upstairs several times but he refused to go upstairs. He just wandered around downstairs and handed the box to Xie Lan to carry upstairs.
The box was heavy. Xie Lan was startled when he entered the room and saw it.
—Xie Jingming packed up all the materials he had prepared for the IMC sprint and moved them over. Books and materials were the heaviest, and half of the box was filled with these materials. In addition, there were several cameras that Xie Lan used to use, a laptop, the headphones and fountain pen that Xiao Langjing had given him, a photo of the family of three, and two violins that Xie Lan used to use, rosin…
There was a wrinkled old T-shirt stuffed in the corner of the box. Xie Lan pulled it out casually, and two stacks of pink banknotes fell out. It looked like 20,000 RMB in cash. There was a small transparent plastic card bag between the cash, and there was a domestic bank card in it.
Dou Sheng stared at the money for a long time, "Your father has been back for so long that he doesn't even know that cash is rarely used in China."
Xie Lan hummed, "Electronic payment is also more popular in the UK, but it is not as popular as in China. There are still many people who use credit cards and pay in cash."
He originally wanted to give the money to Xie Jingming to take back, but suddenly he thought that it was useless for Xie Jingming to hold those coins. There was a foreign currency exchange receipt from Barclays Bank sandwiched between the money. It was estimated that Xie Jingming had specially gone to the bank to exchange it before returning to China.
After hesitating for a moment, Xie Lan took the cash back to his room and put it together with the money. Before going downstairs, he just put the bank card in his pocket.
In the afternoon, they took Xie Jingming on a river cruise. He and Xie Jingming still had nothing to say, but Dou Sheng was chatting happily, talking about domestic development. Xie Lan could not get a word in, so he just listened quietly.
Xie Jingming seemed to admire Dou Sheng quite a bit. He was usually quite arrogant and didn't talk much to his own son, and was even more frugal with other people. But in the afternoon, he talked a lot with Dou Sheng, acting like a scholar, asking Dou Sheng to comment on this and that like an interview. Xie Lan was so embarrassed that he could only look at the river alone, but after a while, he came back to his senses and found that Xie Jingming began to care about Dou Sheng's hobbies and living habits again.
Xie Lan sat in the open-air seat on the third floor of the ferry, looking at the buildings on the river bank overlooking the beautiful river, and suddenly felt dazed.
The more they get along, the more he feels that Xie Jingming has changed, but he doesn't know whether these changes are caused by Elizabeth or by his leaving for half a year, and it is difficult to explore.
The ferry tour lasted for an hour and a half. Xie Lan felt a little seasick in the second half. When he got off the boat, he felt dizzy and a little nauseous.
He was walking down the steep stairs carefully when he suddenly overheard the discussion between Dou Sheng and Xie Jingming behind him.
Xie Jingming said: "The country is advocating to have more children, but now we are only allowed to have one. Only children are lonely, and it's good for you and Xie Lan to get out of school together. When your generation has children, you won't have this kind of trouble."
Dou Sheng yawned, "I'm not having children, it has nothing to do with me."
Xie Lan's legs suddenly stiffened, and he paused for a moment before he gritted his teeth and continued moving forward.
Xie Jingming was surprised and asked, "You don't want to have children? Why?"
Dou Sheng said, "I just want to be with the person I like."
"Everyone said that when we were young." Xie Jingming sighed, "When you get older, you will understand that you need children to accompany you, otherwise you will be lonely."
"Really?" Dou Sheng smiled, "Then adopt it. I'll pick a lucky fan to be my child with... and the person I like."
Xie Lan: “…”
here we go again.
He couldn't help but turn around and ask sincerely, "Can you let the fans go?"
Xie Jingming had a complicated expression, and he sighed for a long time and turned his head away.
They had hotpot for dinner. Xie Jingming and Dou Sheng both could eat spicy food, so they ordered a mandarin duck soup with Xie Lan. Hotpot was a magical invention. The three of them had a great time eating it. They chatted about serious matters, and the whole night was filled with conversations about eating and picking up vegetables from each other.
It was already past eight o'clock when they returned to the hotel. Xie Lan took out the bank card from his pocket after entering the hotel lobby. Dou Sheng glanced at it and said to Xie Jingming, "Xie Lan, take you upstairs. I'll wait downstairs."
Xie Jingming nodded and said yes. Xie Lan followed him into the elevator. Xie Jingming asked again, "You're not staying with Dad tonight?"
Xie Lan paused, "It seems that we booked a king-size bed room."
Xie Jingming nodded, "Okay, it's up to you."
The hotel's corridor deliberately creates a dark atmosphere, and the carpet is very thick, which automatically reduces the sound when you step on it.
Xie Lan put the card on the table after entering the room. "Take this back. I can support myself by making videos."
"That's your own ability." Xie Jingming looked at him. "As a father, I have the responsibility to support you until you grow up. I said I would cut off the money before because I wanted you to come back. Now it seems that you have made up your mind."
Xie Lan nodded, "Yes. I have made up my mind. I don't want to be a British. I want to stay in the country."
He looked at the card, which looked very new, and couldn't help but ask how much money Jingming had deposited in it.
He didn't really want to know. If he put it into the ATM and checked it, and it came out as a literal number, then Xie Jingming might as well just announce to him that he and Elizabeth wanted to have children and start a new life.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of you." Xie Jingming smiled, "20,000 in cash and 30,000 in savings. This is your living expenses before you go to college, including tuition and the living expenses you need to give to your Aunt Zhao. When you are ready to go to college, if you need money, you must have a reason to ask me for help."
Xie Lan looked at him for a long while, hummed, picked up the card and said, "You should have a rest. Dou Sheng and I will pick you up tomorrow morning."
"Wait a minute." Xie Jingming suddenly stopped him and sat on the neatly made bed in the hotel. "I want to ask you, what is your relationship with Dou Sheng?"
It hits the nail on the head.
Xie Lan raised his head instantly, his expression uncontrollably stiff.
Xie Jingming was as sharp and unyielding as ever, not even giving him a chance to tense up, and he opened his mouth to ask.
His first reaction was that Dou Sheng's test was half a joke, but he quickly felt that it was not enough to make Xie Jingming so sure.
Xie Jingming looked at him for a moment, his expression faded, "I guessed this reaction?"
Xie Lan subconsciously wanted to say no, but swallowed the words back.
He calmed down and asked, "Guess what?"
Xie Jingming's expression showed no anger or much emotion. He just thought for a moment and said, "The way you two get along is very unusual. If you were ordinary friends, such video cooperation would be impossible. But if you are good friends, you shouldn't compromise with each other in a few words when you disagree, not to mention asking each other for opinions on what to eat and where to go. I felt awkward the whole time. I was thinking about it all the way, and suddenly I remembered, wasn't it like this when Shannon's son and her boyfriend were secretly together?"
Xie Lan was speechless.
Xie Jingming paused and hesitated, "Does he like you?"
"We both agreed on this." Xie Lan answered immediately, then paused, fearing that there might be ambiguity, and repeated what Che Ziming and the others had said before, "It's between the two of us, okay."
It's broken now, there's no need to hide it.
Although his hands and feet were cold at the moment, he was not completely surprised. He had known since childhood how sharp Xie Jingming's vision was.
Xie Lan took a deep breath. "No matter what, Dou Sheng and I can't break up because of other people's opinions. If you want..."
"sh...sh..." Xie Jingming immediately told him to shut up, using the interjection that Xie Lan had hated since childhood.
But Xie Lan still paused, "You say."
Xie Jingming frowned, "Answer my question honestly first, how long have you been together?"
"Three months." Xie Lan paused, "Less than four months, what's wrong?"
"Three or four months is nothing." Xie Jingming immediately commented coldly: "Children are full of enthusiasm. Do you know what you want? Do you know what you have to bear on this road in China?"
Xie Lan looked at him for a moment, "I have never thought about what Dou Sheng and I want. I just know that I like him and he likes me, and it is natural for us to be together." He said with a mocking smile, "If this also requires consideration of what you are shouldering, then when you decided to be with Elizabeth, did you think about what you were shouldering?"
Xie Jingming was stunned for a long time, then smiled bitterly and said, "Xie Lan, you are too aggressive. Let me ask you, does your Aunt Zhao know about this? What is her attitude?"
Xie Lan was suddenly speechless.
"She still... doesn't know." He hesitated and said, "Since you saw it first, what is your attitude?"
Xie Jingming looked at him, "Do you care about my attitude?"
"I care." Xie Lan said, "Of course I care. But like you said, we can't really sever our father-son relationship."
"I really don't know whether I should be happy or sad to hear you say this." Xie Jingming rubbed his fingers bitterly, "I am very unhappy. But-"
"but?"
Xie Jingming looked at him for a moment, "But I can't and shouldn't allow myself to force you on something like sexual orientation. If you're serious about him, if you don't look for him, you'll look for another boy in the future."
Xie Lan heaved a sigh of relief and suddenly felt a little relaxed.
He may not even be aware of it during this period, but he has been carrying a stone in his heart. He hoped that one day the stone would loosen, but he only thought that it was Mr. Xie Jingming who brought him a little comfort.
Xie Jingming stopped talking, frowning and looking at the ground as if he was in deep thought or weighing something. He often had this expression when he encountered difficulties in his research.
After a long while, Xie Jingming frowned and said, "If you want to know my attitude, I don't support you, but I won't interfere. The premise is, first, you can't delay your studies. You must really get into your mother's school, and you must get a math-related major. Don't be perfunctory to me, and don't be perfunctory to yourself. Second, if you are still together before going to college, you must get the consent of Dou Sheng's parents, otherwise I will withdraw my tolerance. Third, as a father, if you have more far-reaching ideas, you can consider studying abroad and staying in the UK. The West is more tolerant and advanced than China at any level, and it can also..."
Xie Lan immediately interrupted him and said, "The first point is OK. The second point cannot be guaranteed. The third point is rejected."
He suddenly felt like he was in a debate competition, and said quickly: "I can't force Dou Sheng on this matter involving the mother-son relationship. As for future developments, whether in China or abroad, you and I have never reached an agreement."
"I haven't discussed this with you." Xie Jingming rubbed his nose and said, "The third point is just my suggestion. You must do the first two points."
Xie Lan wanted to say something else, but Xie Jingming waved his hand tiredly, "Enough, let me be quiet for a while."
The intention to expel the guest was too obvious. Xie Lan hesitated for a moment before saying, "Then Dou Sheng and I will pick you up for breakfast tomorrow."
"No need. I'll be back in a long time. I'll do it myself tomorrow." Xie Jingming glanced at him and said, "Wait for your Aunt Zhao to come back. Let's have dinner together tomorrow night. Don't bother me during the day."
Xie Lan paused, "What do you want to say to Aunt Zhao?"
"What can I say?" Xie Jingming sneered, "Your son is with my son?"
Hearing this, Xie Lan looked at him warily.
He couldn't tell whether Xie Jingming was being sarcastic or serious. His brain gave up thinking and just wanted to get an accurate answer.
Xie Jingming was stared at by him for a long time, and sighed, "If you don't trust me so much, I can skip tomorrow's meal. Go back and think about it. If you don't let me see your Aunt Zhao, then you and Dou Sheng can come over to have lunch with me tomorrow at noon."