Ren Yi's whole body was stiff, and there was a bang in his brain, as if a bomb had taken away everything around him, leaving only a blank space.
Qi Xiao's gaze flicked back and forth between the two of them, and he immediately understood what was going on. Recalling the scene of seeing Dr. Gong twice, and the "blind date" that Ren Yi mentioned last time, he should have guessed it a long time ago.
Qi Xiao laughed at himself. Ren Yi saved face for him, it was really embarrassing for him to throw it out.
Everything that happened in front of him made Gong Yingxian's heart and lungs burst. He had never felt such anger before. He felt the hatred of being cheated, betrayed, robbed, and being tainted. The sadness of people getting their hands on something.
Gong Yingxian slammed the things in his hand to the ground, his expression was stiff and distorted, he stared at Qi Xiao sharply and coldly, he gritted his teeth and said a word: "Get lost."
Qi Xiao was overwhelmed by Gong Yingxian's hostility, his back shivered, like a jackal robbing a tiger for prey, his heart was full of fear, he subconsciously took two steps back.
"I don't want to touch you." Gong Yingxian growled ferociously, "Get lost!"
Qi Xiao's shoulders trembled in fright, and he turned and ran away.
In the empty corridor, only two people remained silent, and the cold air seemed to freeze with the tormenting time.
Ren Yi was in a panic.
Being calm in the face of danger is the basic quality of a fire commander. Ren Yi has proved his professionalism countless times in his career, but when he encountered matters related to Gong Yingxian alone, he lost his mind several times.
At this moment, he didn't even dare to look at Gong Yingxian. He was afraid to see disgust from that face he loved so much.
There was only one thing left in his mind, and that was that Gong Yingxian knew. Gong Yingxian knew that he was a "disgusting" "pervert".
Gong Yingxian walked up to Ren Yi step by step, and said coldly, "Look up at me."
Ren Yi closed his eyes, summoned up the courage to raise his head, but when he met Shang Gong Yingxian's eyes that were brewing a storm, he couldn't help shaking, and looked away.
"You are..." Gong Yingxian found it difficult to say those three words.
Ren Yi took a breath and whispered, "I am."
He didn't want Gong Yingxian to know, but he wouldn't deny it either, if he denied it, it would be an indirect admission that sexual orientation was the original sin, and he didn't feel guilty. He just fell in love with someone who shouldn't be.
Gong Yingxian clenched her fists and asked the next sentence with difficulty: "Qi Xiao is your boyfriend."
He finally understood what was going on with the unusual atmosphere between Ren Yi and Qi Xiao, and everything had a reasonable explanation. Just when he was happy that he was Ren Yi's "best friend", Qi Xiao and Ren Yi had a closer and more important relationship.
They hugged, they kissed, they said things that only lovers would say, and they did and said more intimate things where he couldn't see them. The Ren Yi owned by Qi Xiao is far more, longer and more complete than what he has.
The thought of another person in the world who can touch Ren Yi's body at will, kiss Ren Yi's lips, and spend time with Ren Yi day and night, laughing and laughing, Gong Yingxian wants to kill someone with hatred.
At this moment, seeing others do what he wanted to do to Ren Yi with his own eyes, he finally understood what Ren Yi meant to him, and those joys, longings, and impulses all had a reasonable explanation .
It's not that he is ignorant, it's just that he has always rejected this group because of his childhood experience, so he didn't include this possibility as an option from the beginning to the end—whether consciously or unconsciously. But now he is very clear that his impulse towards Ren Yi is a sexual impulse, he not only regards Ren Yi as a friend, he wants to own, possess, and use everything from this person.
But the opportunity for him to figure it out was the fact that Ren Yi didn't belong to him at all!
Ren Yi opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He dared not answer the question.
If he said no, what would Gong Yingxian think? Homosexuality itself is extremely unbearable in Gong Yingxian's mind. If it is said that they only have a physical relationship, wouldn't it be even more unbearable with Gong Yingxian's simplicity and cleanliness
Gong Yingxian's cold, ferocious, and resentful eyes pierced his heart like a sharp sword. He was afraid to bear more. He wished that everything that happened now was just a nightmare, so he could at least continue to deceive himself as a friend. Stay with Gong Yingxian.
"Isn't it!" Gong Yingxian roared sharply.
He hoped that Ren Yi would deny it, even if he saw it with his own eyes, he still hoped that Ren Yi would deny it, if Ren Yi denied it, he...he might...
But Ren Yi's silence, in his view, was an acquiescence.
Gong Yingxian grabbed Ren Yi's collar viciously, his tall body cast a shadow over Ren Yi's head like a mountain, he said in a hoarse voice, "What about me? You are gay, you have a boyfriend, what about me? You have lied to me for so long, what do you think of me?"
Ren Yi dodged Gong Yingxian's eyes, feeling like a knife was piercing his heart. He whispered, "I... kept it from you because you, you wouldn't agree. But I don't... have any disrespect towards you. I only regard you as a friend." At the end of his speech, his voice trembled violently, trying to resist the urge to cry.
It has come to such a point where he is about to come out, but he still insists on telling the person he likes that he doesn't like it. He never knew that telling a lie would be like betraying himself. He used reason to betray instinct, and he was stabbing himself.
There was blood on the knife.
Gong Yingxian stared blankly at Ren Yi's pale face. After his brain had completely digested and interpreted this passage, his eyes turned red, and the hand he was holding tightly to his collar made a rattling sound due to excessive force. , as if what he was holding was Ren Yi's neck. He said harshly, "You never have any thoughts about me."
"..."
"When you went to my house, when we ate together, when you were under the ruins, when you were in the hospital, in the past few months, you concealed your sexuality and came into contact with me. You never had any thoughts about me. Never, came, never, Have?!"
Ren Yi's lips trembled, he felt that he was being executed, Gong Yingxian's eyes and the words he uttered were Ling Chi's knife.
Gong Yingxian's big hand caught Ren Yi's jaw, forcing him to raise his face to face himself, and ordered: "Look into my eyes and say."
Ren Yi was finally forced to look directly into Gong Yingxian's eyes, those deep and beautiful pupils contained the joy, care, trust, and tenderness caused by him. Now it's all gone, the thing he feared the most happened. After Gong Yingxian knew the truth, only coldness, fierceness and anger remained in his eyes.
Ren Yi endured great sadness, hoping to recover a little lost ground, as long as Gong Yingxian didn't look at him with such eyes, he was willing to betray himself, he was willing to make all compromises, so he armed himself with the remaining calmness Ying Xian, I know what happened to you when you were a teenager, and I understand you, but I am different from the kind of person you think. I will not harass others, nor will I commit crimes, let alone ... I don't want you to be prejudiced against me and make you uncomfortable, so I hide it from you. I only regard you as a friend, and I only want to be your friend. I absolutely don't have any... thoughts that I shouldn't have. "
After Ren Yi said this, he felt that his heart had also been hollowed out.
Like something that was originally a beautiful thing, but he made it shameful and ashamed to say it.
But he has no choice, today he is completely awake, and he will no longer imagine that there will be any results with Gong Yingxian. So at least, he wants to protect Gong Yingxian and the memories of the two of them. He wants to prove that there is pure friendship in this world, and the beautiful past between them is definitely not a repetition of Gong Yingxian's "disgusting" experience.
But these words only made Gong Yingxian even more furious, with mixed resentment, he even had an urge to tear Ren Yi apart, so that this person would no longer say what he didn't want to hear, and do whatever he wanted. Tell him what he didn't want to see, and tell him everything that happened between them in the past is nothing and has no meaning.
He leaned close to Ren Yi's ear and said softly, "Do you think I'm a fool?"
Ren Yi suddenly felt terrified.
"I may not understand the secular principles of interpersonal communication, but I'm not stupid." Gong Yingxian's voice could not conceal the resentment of being cheated and betrayed, "You have always had a boyfriend, so when you called me 'Old Palace' What were you thinking, what were you thinking when you got up because of me, what were you thinking when you lay in bed with me? When he's not around, I'm your go-to, right? You look at me like an idiot It must be very proud to be teased by you, right?"
Ren Yi's eyes were about to burst: "No! No!" He couldn't argue with his words. In Gong Yingxian's eyes, how could he become such a person!
"You also make me feel sick." Gong Yingxian uttered the meanest and most vicious words in Ren Yi's ear. It doesn't matter whether he speaks indiscriminately or quickly, at this moment, the instinct to survive makes him just want to use all means to stop the pain that is like a knife in his heart.
He hates Ren Yi, he hates Ren Yi who belongs to others. He hated Ren Yi for making him look like a policeman, yet he had the urge to imprison him and make him his own.
Ren Yi's eyes were no longer radiant, and his whole body seemed to be emptied of his soul. This sentence almost pushed him into the endless hell.
Gong Yingxian found him disgusting. The person he likes the most, thinks he's disgusting.
Gong Yingxian let go of his hand, if he stayed here again, if he looked at Ren Yi again, he was afraid that he would do something irreversible. So he left without looking back, his back was no longer as straight as usual, and his shoulders seemed to have a heavy burden on them.
Ren Yi raised his hand to cover his eyes, but tears came out from between his fingers uncontrollably.
In fact, he should have expected such a day would come, because he was self-indulgent and overjoyed. Gong Yingxian only regarded him as a friend, but he went all out and wanted more. As a result, he reaped the consequences and hurt Gong Yingxian.
He made Gong Yingxian lose his only and important friend, and forced Gong Yingxian to recall the bad experience that he couldn't bear to look back on. Gong Yingxian had already endured too much pain, and he still had to make things worse.
He hurt the person he only wanted to protect. He's a selfish, useless bastard.
Suddenly, the intercom in Ren Yi's pocket rustled: "Captain Ren, something happened, come to the monitoring room quickly!"
Ren Yi struggled to support his body, wiped his face, pressed the intercom, and said in a deep voice, "Come right away."