When Tao Zhi and Tao Xiuping walked out of the inpatient department of the Radiology Department, neither of them spoke.
There were a lot of people going through the formalities. Ji Fan waited in line for more than ten minutes, and only two-thirds of the people in front had gone through. The young man got a little impatient waiting, and fanned left and right with a small hospital notebook in his hand. Turning around, I just saw her waiting at the door.
The boy smiled so much that he showed his white teeth, and waved to her.
Tao Zhi's first reaction at the time was that Ji Fan must not be allowed to know about this matter.
Unlike her, Ji Fan has never left Ji Jin since he was a child. She watched him grow from babbling to toddling, from a small boy to a tall and straight boy. Every day, he grew up with her company .
When he realized this, Tao Zhi uncontrollably felt a very shallow feeling of being left in place, but the fact is that Ji Fan's affection and dependence on Ji Jin is probably stronger than the current one. She is much deeper.
Tao Zhi raised his hand, pressed his cold fingers hard on his hot eyes, and said softly, "Did you tell mom about me?"
Tao Xiuping looked at the teenagers in the crowd from a distance: "No."
Tao Zhi nodded.
She understood what Tao Xiuping meant, and she also knew why he suddenly told her today that he had kept this secret for so long.
Tao Zhi didn't even have to guess how Ji Jin would react if she knew about this matter.
Tao Xiuping may no longer object as strongly as before, he is just dissuading her in this silent way, telling her that at this juncture, she has to be ignorant.
The bright lobby is full of people, and every window winds into a long snake shape. They criss-cross, rampage, twisting and passing through their own territory in an orderly and chaotic manner.
Like the snake game I played when I was a child, I bit down on the beans one by one, and then watched the long snake slowly fill the screen, and my heart was filled with satisfaction.
Only this time, at the end of the bite, Tao Zhi suddenly felt a little dazed looking at the screen that was full.
She didn't know where she should go.
No matter which path you choose, it seems that you will hit the long dragging tail, and then the whole army will be wiped out, and everything will return to zero.
Tao Zhi stayed at home for a weekend.
Aunt Zhang stewed various nutritious soups for her in different ways every day, wishing she could have all three meals upstairs to keep her from getting out of bed, and she had to watch her drink them all.
The battle was so serious that Tao Zhi almost thought he had a comminuted fracture all over his body.
She was already fine, except for the deepest wound behind the ear, which was slowly healing after the stitches were removed.
On Monday, she couldn't wait to rush to school.
I didn't come to school for a week, and nothing seemed to change.
Except that the winter vacation is approaching, because the preparation for the final exam, the study atmosphere is more intense than usual.
In the last two rows of the first group of the classroom, someone finally came. Fu Xiling, who didn't have to look at the three empty seats alone, was about to cry with joy. The moment she saw Tao Zhi, the little girl rushed up and hugged her : "Zhizhi."
It was the first time Tao Zhi felt such a straightforward welcome, and she was at a loss for what to do. She patted her on the back hastily: "Hey, I'm here."
Fu Xiling didn't let go of anything: "Zhizhi."
Tao Zhi responded patiently: "I'm back, I'm back."
Fu Xiling rubbed her head and whispered, "Your chest is so soft."
Tao Zhi: "..."
Empty seats The one-person team turned into a three-person team of a cadre, a half-baked guy, and a trash, and Jiang Qihuai's seat was always empty.
If it was before, after she was discharged from the hospital and escaped from Tao Xiuping's sight, the first thing she would do would be to coerce and lure Ji Fan to tell Jiang Qihuai about Grandpa Jiang's ward, but now, she is somewhat hesitant.
Her greedy snake was wandering aimlessly in the cage, hitting the hard wall until it was bloody, but still couldn't find a way forward.
For the first time in a whole week, she didn't send Jiang Qihuai any more WeChat messages.
On Saturday morning, Tao Xiuping went to the company for a meeting. Tao Zhi's tutoring classes for the past two weeks were temporarily suspended. She got dressed and ran to the door to put on her shoes, ready to go out.
Ji Fan just woke up, when he went downstairs, he saw her standing at the door wearing gloves.
The boy stopped scratching his hair: "Are you going to the hospital?"
Tao Zhi lowered his head, silently put his hand into the soft woolen glove, spread his fingers apart, and propped them up.
Ji Fan didn't say anything else, he walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen, and when he passed the entrance, he only left one sentence: "603."
Tao Zhi was stunned for a moment, then raised his head to look over.
The boy didn't turn his head back, and waved his hand handsomely with his back turned to her: "Be careful yourself."
Tao Zhi pursed his lips and went out the door.
It was close to noon when he arrived at the hospital, so Tao Zhi first went to the inpatient department of the radiology department.
She stood at the door of the ward and looked in. Ji Jin was not there, and the ward was empty. There were two small pots of unknown plants on the window sill, and the tender leaves slowly stretched out their waists and climbed along the window sill.
Tao Zhi waited for a while, when soft footsteps came from the corridor.
She turned around.
Ji Jin walked forward alone with her head down. Tao Zhi didn't know if chemotherapy would lead to hair loss, but her hair didn't seem to be falling out, it was still long and black, tied neatly behind her head, making her look pale face is smaller.
She was so thin that she could hardly support the large white clothes in the hospital. She looked very tired and walked forward very slowly.
As if sensing her gaze, Ji Jin suddenly raised his head.
She looked at her, first in a daze, then slowly came back to her senses, and called her uncertainly: "Zhizhi?"
Tao Zhi opened his mouth, but before he could make a sound, tears started to fall down.
She suppressed her sobs and said softly, "Mom."
Ji Jin closed her eyes and shook her whole body.
Tao Zhi hurriedly wiped away her tears, she ran over in panic, and supported her, the moment Tao Zhi touched her arm, Tao Zhi felt her fragility intuitively and vividly.
Her fingertips were separated by the material, as if she could directly touch the outline of her bones.
Tao Zhi lowered his head, bit his lips firmly, and tears fell on the back of the woman's pale hands.
Ji Jin sighed and hugged her.
"Why are you crying?" Her voice was weak, but still soft and gentle, "Mom is actually very happy to see Zhizhi here."
"Although I've been hiding it from you, I don't tell you, I don't want to worry you, and make you unhappy, but now I really see you here, and my mother is very, very happy."
The woman's embrace was still warm and soft, with a familiar smell that couldn't be concealed by the smell of medicine or hospital disinfectant.
It seems like everything has changed, and it seems like nothing has changed.
At that moment, Tao Zhi couldn't remember all the past events, those lonely and cold nights and the awkward estrangement, only the warm bits and pieces of being accompanied by her once flooded into her mind.
The mother who smiled gently, pinched her nose worriedly, sang to her softly, helped her cover the quilt, touched her hair, said that Zhizhi is the most sensible child, loves her Mother.
Tao Zhi hugged her, almost crying, she sobbed and said vaguely: "I don't know anything, I've always left you alone, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
Ji Jin also cried, and she hugged her tightly: "Zhizhi didn't feel sorry for mom, it was mom who was sorry for you, Zhizhi is very well-behaved, and took care of dad by herself. It's mom who didn't fulfill her responsibilities, didn't take good care of you, didn't Caring about you, not watching you grow up."
The little boy in the next ward heard the sound and ran out. He tilted his head and looked at them. He seemed a little scared and didn't dare to go over. He just stood there and called out cautiously: "Aunt Ji?"
Tao Zhi let go of his arms, sniffed and turned around slowly.
The little boy pursed his lips, walked over slowly, and then comforted her in a low voice: "Auntie went to illuminate the lamp, and the lamp hurt, but it's all right, the disease will be cured after the illumination."
Tao Zhi wiped away tears indiscriminately, while nodding.
She helped Ji Jin back to the ward, and the little boy followed step by step with his little drawing book, and was called back by his mother.
He was a little reluctant, and reluctantly said: "Then sister will play with Auntie first, and Ah Li will be back in a while."
Ji Jin answered him with a smile.
Tao Zhi ran to the small washroom in the ward to wash her face, patted cold water on her cheeks, and calmed down a lot, she looked at herself in the mirror, then splashed cold water on her eyes again.
You can't be unhappy, she is the little pistachio in the family.
She took a deep breath before walking out.
Ji Jin was already lying on the bed, Tao Zhi picked a big apple from the table, and sat by the bed awkwardly peeling her one by one.
She peeled an apple like a potato, and the peel and large pieces of flesh fell into the trash can. Ji Jin didn't say anything, just looked at her, and suddenly asked: "Your father said, you have a crush on someone recently." boy?"
Tao Zhi shook her hand, and with a click, she peeled off a large piece of the apple.
Ji Jin smiled: "Our Zhizhi has indeed grown up, and we will have a boy we like, what kind of child is it?"
Tao Zhi lowered her head, she was still a little depressed, and said in a low voice: "Yes, very good person."
"It's amazing. Every exam is the first in our school. I can always get full marks in mathematics and work hard in life."
"Are the conditions at home normal?" Hearing what she said, Ji Jin asked.
Tao Zhi nodded sullenly: "His father...is not very well."
Ji Jin sighed: "When I first met your father, his family's conditions were not good. He was a poor boy, but he worked very hard. At that time, I just thought he had a kind of drive and was very attractive."
"Later the two of us got together, got married, and had you and A Fan. Although we were not at the same pace, the gap between the life I wanted and the life he wanted was too great, and they couldn't be reconciled. The two were still separated. But thinking about it now, I still don’t regret choosing to be with him at that time.”
Ji Jin turned her head and looked at her: "Zhizhi is the same, just do what you want to do, even if it has been a few years or decades to do that kind of thing, when you look back, you still feel that the original choice was Well worth it, that kind of thing."
Probably because the treatment consumed too much energy, and when she finished peeling an apple, Ji Jin had already fallen asleep.
Tao Zhi put the first apple he peeled in his life into a small bowl, got up and washed his hands, covered her with the quilt, and closed the door of the ward.
When I came out of the inpatient department of the Radiology Department, the sun was in full bloom, and it was about lunch time. The small trolley in the canteen of the inpatient department was parked by the wall of the lobby of the main building, and the auntie in the canteen stood behind the trolley and served bowls of bowls to people in line. With porridge.
Tao Zhi walked to the elevator room and pressed the button for the sixth floor.
She found 603, the door was ajar, she stood at the door, pursed her lips and knocked lightly.
After waiting for a few seconds or several minutes, the door was pulled open from the inside.
Jiang Qihuai stood at the door, holding a small thermos bottle in his hand, when he saw her, his eyes stopped.
The boy, whom he hadn't seen for nearly half a month, didn't seem to have changed, except that he was a little thinner, and the edges and corners of his jaw became more pronounced.
He stared at her steadfastly, motionless, Tao Zhi only glanced at him, then lowered his eyes, fingers tightly together.
This is the first time, when she saw him, she was unable to say a single gag as if she had suddenly suffered from aphasia.
After a while, Jiang Qihuai turned sideways and said in a low voice, "Come in."
Tao Zhi walked in.
Ji Fan told her about Grandpa Jiang's situation. Tao Xiuping originally said that he would have to pay all the expenses for hospitalization and treatment, which was not a small amount.
Fortunately, there was no shortage of wards at this time. Jiang Hesheng's father was also the director of the orthopedics department, so he arranged a ward for two people. Another patient was discharged last week, so only Grandpa Jiang was left in the ward.
The old man was sleeping. Apart from the plaster cast on his arm, there seemed to be no other injuries. Tao Zhi heaved a sigh of relief and asked in a low voice, "How is Grandpa Jiang?"
"It's good." Jiang Qihuai poured the hot water into the thermos. "I played cards with the old lady next door in the morning. I might be a little tired now."
Tao Zhi sat on the empty bed, dangling his legs, and didn't know what to say.
Actually know.
It's just that she didn't dare to ask.
Originally, she didn't wait until Jiang Qihuai came to see her in the hospital. Tao Zhi didn't think of this, but after a long time, she felt that she understood his thoughts a little bit.
So I dare not send him WeChat again.
So I dare not look for him again.
But she didn't want to make herself regret it.
Are you scared.
Are you sorry.
Do you feel sorry for me, so you want to leave me.
Are you, don't want me anymore.
She has a basket of things she wants to ask him, she wants to get a clear answer, and wants to know his thoughts.
She wanted to tell him that it was okay, that she was not hurt, that she was a little hero now, that she was brave. She is willing to accompany him, and can also overcome all difficulties with him.
That's how growing up is.
Growing up means suffering a lot, getting hurt all the time, doing the impossible under the eyes of everyone questioning, desperately getting rid of all kinds of shackles and cocoons that entangle you so hard that you can hardly breathe, and then rush to the sky.
Tao Zhi grabbed the snow-white bed sheet, bit his lip, and asked him with difficulty: "Why don't you come to see me?"
Probably because someone was sleeping in the room, the little girl's voice was soft, with an undisguised depression.
Jiang Qihuai put the kettle on the small table between the two beds, and turned to look at her.
Her arms were stiff and tight, her fingertips were pale from grasping, her eyelashes drooped and trembled, and the corners of her lips were tightly pursed.
The sunlight in winter is indifferent and gentle, and the hot water that has just been boiled is still steaming in the kettle, leaving only the quiet and gentle sound of breathing in the ward.
Jiang Qihuai didn't speak, he just looked at her silently and intently for a long time.
Jiang Qihuai couldn't tell when the first feeling started.
It may be when the girl awkwardly held a bag full of brand-new books and test papers to him, then passed a piece of gingerbread man from the front, pressed it on the table and urged him to read it.
Or he was standing on the playground, watching her standing in front of the flag raising platform, under the shroud of the morning sun, blatantly and domineeringly saying such childish and arrogant words that the messengers of justice are everywhere.
At that time Jiang Qihuai realized that this was a completely different person from him.
Different growth paths, different fates, different personalities, and different worlds.
She did things he would never do in this life, said things he would not say, thought things he did not dare to think about, and then kept moving forward.
The huge and extreme difference between the two people made him attracted by the fire like an insect, wanting to find out.
While wanting to stay away, I couldn't help but keep getting closer little by little.
It wasn't until he flew to the edge of the burning fire that he really felt that in this world, he had always hoped to have such a temperature.
Jiang Qihuai moved his drooping fingers, then slowly raised them to cover her neck.
He lightly touched the back of her ear with his thumb, where there was a slow-healing wound.
With just a light touch, he moved his hand away.
He put his warm palm on the back of her neck, and called her: "Zhizhi."
Tao Zhi raised his head.
Covered by shadows, Jiang Qihuai bowed his neck and pressed his lips against her soft lips.
Cold, delicate, careful and gentle touch.
Tao Zhi opened his eyes wide.
His breath and smell were overwhelming, flowing through his body, his lips pressed against hers in a blank space, his voice was low and hoarse, like sand crushed by a swift river and slowly sinking into the river bed: " Don't come again."
she heard him say.