Weather on Tuesday, December 19: Thunder rolling
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"Peter, it's such a blessing to be surrounded by beautiful women like this." I said.
This morning, I stopped Peter's car on the way. When I got in the car, I saw that Peter's pocket-sized polo was already loaded with four beauties. I cringed and squeezed into the back row, joking with everyone about Peter's great fortune, and wondering how the policeman let go of this severely overloaded car.
"It's the beauty effect. As soon as I saw the beauty, my gesture of pulling over changed to 'beauty, go slow' gesture, so we had a smooth journey." Peter said proudly.
"Look!" As soon as Peter finished speaking, Mia, who was sitting in the passenger seat, screamed.
Peter braked, held his head and shouted: "Uncle, don't blame me, they had to squeeze in, and there's nothing I can do about it. You always think of me as my first offender, let me go!"
Mia glared at Peter: "With your loyalty, you were a traitor during the revolution! There are no police, so I let you look out the window. That's so handsome!"
Peter patted his chest: "What a fuss. It scared me to death. It's not that I'm unloyal. All my points were deducted this year. When I was caught, my book was revoked and I had to go back to the drawing board to start anew."
I looked in the direction mia pointed and found that the car had already arrived at the entrance of the company. In front of the AC building is an open space, followed by a long flight of steps to the door on the first floor. At this time, there was a person standing at the top of the steps, next to the golden door.
Rimless glasses, a dark gray turtleneck sweater, a black cashmere coat, and a long scarf casually draped around his neck. The wind blew by, raising the corners of the clothes, and the unique sunshine in the winter morning sprinkled a layer of gold on his shoulders. Yi Fan, standing casually like that, elegant and calm, and handsome and touching.
"So handsome!" Mia looked at Yi Fan at the top of the stairs and sighed.
My heart skipped a beat, and I couldn't help but smile.
"Tch, look at this handsome guy." Peter turned Mia's nympho face.
Mia's head turned left and right: "Don't tell me, I really discovered the handsome guy after such a comparison."
"Really?" Peter said proudly.
"Well," Mia nodded solemnly, "After a comparison, I realized that the gap between you and the CEO is as big as heaven and earth!"
Peter drove us out of the car depressedly and went to the underground parking lot to park the car.
"Good morning, Mr. Yi." Passing by the handsome CEO, everyone was somewhat excited.
"Well, morning." Yi Fan responded with a smile and nod.
"Morning." I followed the crowd and asked softly.
Yi Fan saw me coming, grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the crowd, saying, "Guan Xiaobei, I've been waiting for you all morning."
When colleagues walking in front heard this, they all turned back to look.
I was confused and asked, "Huh? What are you doing?"
A huge smile that could be called malicious appeared on Yi Fan's handsome face: "Give you a day off and come with me." Without waiting for my reaction, in full view of everyone, Yi Fan pulled me towards the parking lot. In the car next to it.
"What are you doing?" I struggled, "Today there is a legal opinion for a project that needs to be handed over to King Kong."
"I said hello to King Kong. Work will be postponed for one day."
I sat next to Yi Fan and looked at his side face, speculating on his sinister intentions.
Yi Fan just looked ahead intently and said, "Guan Xiaobei, I always want you to accompany me on the blind date, but I have never cared about your personal situation. Therefore, I have a friend to introduce to you."
Want me to skip work and go on a blind date? President, you are so considerate.
I shook my head and rejected Yi Fan's ridiculous request.
"Do you have a man?" Yi Fan narrowed his eyes dangerously, "If you do, blow me off!"
"No. I don't think your friend is a good person." When I heard the word "a friend", I immediately thought of the person who gave him the marriage website. Instinctively, I felt that this kind of person could only be seen from a distance.
Yi Fan glanced at me sharply, and regardless of my resentful look, he drove all the way to Hongzhuangluo.
"Go in." Yi Fan pushed me in without hesitation and took my bag. "Call me when you're done and I'll pick you up. Do you have any cash with you? Bring it all. Don't try to escape." "He took out one dollar and two cents from my coat pocket with deft movements, put it into his pocket with satisfaction, jumped into the car and drove away.
I stood at the door of the coffee shop aggrievedly, thinking: Even if I really come on a blind date, would you please tell me who the other person is
Looking around the coffee shop, I realized that this problem couldn't be called a problem at all. Yes, except for Tongfeng Yifan's friend and me, who would go on a date in a coffee shop before eight o'clock on a weekday morning
"Hi, hello. Are you Yi Fan's friend? I'm Guan Xiaobei, here to meet... Well, I wonder if Yi Fan has mentioned me to you?" I walked to a table and asked the person sitting at the table said a fat man.
It was winter, and the fat man only wore a half-sleeved T-shirt with Che Guevara's face printed on it, a pair of camouflage trousers and a pair of shiny military boots. This fat man with a very post-modern appearance seemed not to have heard my words. He lowered his head and stared blankly at the coffee cup in front of him without making any movement for a while.
"Are you... okay?" I asked tentatively again.
When I almost thought the fat man was petrified, he finally raised his head, looked me up and down with a pair of long, narrow and deep eyes that were as embedded in dough, and squeezed out one word from between his teeth: "Sit."
I sat down as if I had been forgiven, took a few sips of the lemonade brought by the waiter to calm down.
"My name is Guan Xiaobei, what's your surname?" I said politely.
But the fat man ignored me and just looked at the wall behind me at an angle of 45 degrees with open eyes.
I turned around and found nothing, so I could only turn back to look at the fat man and laugh.
After ten minutes of silence, the fat man suddenly spoke and asked quietly: "Do you know about Bernard Shaw's dog?"
I was stunned: "Well... I've heard of Schrödinger's cat."
"Do you know Newton's God Trilogy?" he asked again.
"Dante seems to have written the Divine Comedy..."
"Do you know how Little Match died?"
I choked on a mouthful of water and coughed violently for a long time. Brother, I know how I died because you were speechless.
"Little Match was walking and suddenly felt an itch on his head. When he stretched out his hand to scratch it, it caught on and burned himself to death." After saying this, he laughed like a panting little pug.
Suddenly he stopped without warning: "I'm telling a joke, you should laugh."
I choked again.
Brother, you have to freeze to death like a polar bear.
Just when I was coughing and out of breath, the phone rang. As soon as I answered it, Yi Fan's gloating voice came from the other side: "Guan Xiaobei, my friend is pretty nice."
I hid aside and said through gritted teeth: "Brother Lei! How did I offend you? You don't have to do it so cruelly, right?"
"You said I'm gay..."
"Brother Lei, that's not what I said, it's expert opinion!"
"Guan Xiaobei, since you are stubborn, you will have to suffer the consequences!" Yi Fan hung up the phone angrily.
You don’t know a good person’s heart! I mumbled and put away my phone, feeling someone tapping my shoulder from behind. I turned around and saw the fat man standing not far from me, holding up his mobile phone.
"What?" I asked muffledly.
The fat man said nothing, smiled strangely, and shook the phone in his hand to me as if to take credit. I took a closer look and found that Fatty's cell phone was on the page of the phone book. I saw four words written under Yi Fan's handsome and somewhat narcissistic headshot - "Tian Lei Baby".
The fat man nodded to me, and his eyes suddenly burst into flames of extreme despicableness... I thought, I was the same.
"Is that okay?" I asked eagerly.
"Just what I want!" The fat man smiled evilly.
While dialing the phone, I patted the fat man on the shoulder and said, "It's hard to find a confidant, it's hard to find a confidant!"
The phone was connected, and Yi Fan's excited voice came from the other side: "How are you, Fatty? You're not scared by the beauty, are you?"
I held the phone in eerie silence.
Yi Fan probably noticed something unusual, so he paused and asked, "Hey, damn fat man, you didn't do anything to the little beauty, did you? Did you dismember the body? Did you make it into a specimen?"
I suddenly threw a violent and sharp laugh: "Hahahahahahahahahahaha..."
"Guan, Xiao, Bei!" Yi Fan's voice squeezed out from between his teeth made me feel refreshed.
Then, in an extremely disgusting and ethereal voice, I shouted word by word: "Heaven~~Thunder~~Bao~~Bao~~!"
From the moment I was kicked out of the café for banging the table, Fatty and I formed an unbreakable class brotherhood.
Later I found out that the fat man’s name was Chen Xiang, and he was truly a top-notch sultry man. It is said that he graduated with excellent grades from the astrophysics department of a certain university in the United States, then sternly rejected invitations from many famous foreign laboratories and resolutely returned to China to resell adult products.
"This is also a contribution to physics. The physics of human movement is still popular science." Fatty said.
"So you told Brother Lei about those matchmaking websites?" I asked.
"Yes, ready-made, and a website I built myself. I tried to trick that silly boy, but he actually believed it!"
"He also paid a lot of membership fees. It's so expensive. I feel bad for the money just looking at it."
"Oh, do you really pay? Just put it in your own card."
"How could I, an innocent girl like me, know this?"
"Hehe, but thanks to this silly boy's money, I bought a lot of good things. Come on, I will take you to see them."
The fat man stepped on the accelerator, and twenty minutes later, we appeared in front of his suburban home.
I once said that a poor person can live his life as elegantly and grandly as a noble. I have also seen rich people make themselves miserable and shabby, but I have never seen a person who can make his life... so chaotic and wretched. .
"Ah, be careful about my goldfish tank!" "Look at your feet. I haven't caught the scorpion I lost last month." "Slow down! Don't put down your right foot and take half a step forward. Well, that's my scorpion." Terman small model." Being reminded by the fat man all the way, I walked through the two-meter-long corridor with great difficulty and came to the living room.
"Xiaobei, sit down." The fat man dug out a sofa from a pile of objects. "I'll make you tea. Oops, the house is a bit messy since no one has been here for a long time." The fat man cheered.
It's a bit messy... Actually, I want to say: Brother, the only place that's messier than you is the scrap collection station.
I sat down carefully and heard a woman's wanton and delicate "Hmm~~~" coming from under my butt.
There was a clanking sound from the direction of the kitchen, and the fat man rushed out: "Oh, be careful about my Monroe." He reached out again, fished out an inflatable doll from under the seat cushion, and put it under his arm without any care. Clip: "Haha, I've been looking for it for a long time. Just sit back and relax this time."
I sat down awkwardly, looked around, and found that Fatty's room was filled with all kinds of dolls and weird things.
After a while, the fat man brought out a cup from the kitchen: "Try it, Chen's unique secret recipe."
I shook the cup and looked at the thick dark green mucus-like object. I thought it was better not to touch it for the sake of my own safety. "Well... what are you going to show me? You said you bought it with Yi Fan's money from registering on a blind date website."
"Oh, yes, here." The fat man excitedly opened the cabinet opposite the sofa and pulled down the curtain blocking it. "Ta-da! Please take a look!"
I subconsciously took a sip of the green liquid and sprayed it all over the table.
What is all this
Five life-size Fuwa dolls made into women! He's even wearing a sailor uniform!
"This is the Olympic limited edition inflatable doll that I customized at a high price! I made the clothes myself. High-resolution Sailor Moon battle suit. How about it? It's beautiful!" The fat man's eyes were shining, and his excitement was palpable.
Fatty, you are worthy of being Yi Fan’s friend.
Half an hour later, when I couldn't stand the fat man's prayers and finally overcame my mental barriers, I agreed to experience the inflatable doll's "skin as delicate as milk" and the sailor suit's "exquisite workmanship comparable to that of Milan's fashion masters". Fan called.
"Yi Fan! Come and see, Fatty is so skillful!" I shouted excitedly.
"What are you doing? I went to the coffee shop to pick you up, why aren't you here?" Yi Fan asked.
"I'm at Fatty's house. Come here, come here. I just discovered that the workmanship of this inflatable doll is really not good. It feels better than real skin."
"Who asked you to go to his house?" Yi Fan complained.
"Didn't you want me to go on a blind date? Now that we're together, I like Fatty very much. He's really vulgar and interesting. You should be happy for me." I said deliberately.
"Guan Xiaobei, can't you make me worry less!" Yi Fan said with a helpless tone, "Wait for me there, I will pick you up. Don't touch any of the food or things the fat man gives you."
After hanging up the phone, I stared blankly at the empty cup in my hand. Unknowingly, I had drank that cup of weird stuff. It tasted pretty good.
After a while, Yi Fan appeared in a hurry, and I was watching with great pleasure as the fat man showed me how many ejaculation sounds his Superman figure could make. Yi Fan pulled me up and walked out with a dark face.
"Hey, what are you doing?! Xiaobei had a good time. I haven't shown her the sexy Batman suit yet." The fat man stopped Yi Fan.
"She needs to go back to work!"
"Didn't you give me special permission to have a rest today?" I asked.
"Shut up! If you don't go back today, believe it or not, I will fire you immediately!"
"Baby, you are so cruel! Just treat me, but you can also be cruel to my little sister." The fat man sighed.
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"Shut up! If you call me baby again, you will die miserably." Yi Fan threatened. After that, he put me in the car, started the car, turned, and accelerated in one go.
By the time I came to my senses and stuck my head out the window to say goodbye to the fat man, the car was already a hundred meters away.
The fat man took out a small handkerchief resentfully and waved it in the wind. On the way, several little creatures that screamed "squeak" broke out of the handkerchief and flew in the wind.