"Is it something?" Guan Ze asked.
"You know what I want to say, but just don't do it." Lin Yao sat up nervously.
"Don't tell your family." Guan Ze's voice was low but clear, and his tone was firm.
"Why?" Lin Yao was a little confused. "I just feel that it's too uncomfortable to hide it every day. You don't have to worry about it and say forget it, but I have to give an explanation to my wife."
"Didn't you say before that you didn't have time to think about these things?" Guan Ze took a sip of tea.
"I didn't have time to think about it before. I just wanted to have a good talk with you, hoping to have a beginning without thinking about the ending," Lin Yao sighed, "but now I have to think about it. I can't just keep going like this."
"Then let me ask you, what if your mother accepts it?" Guan Ze asked.
Lin Yao frowned and said nothing. After thinking for a long time, he fell back on the pillow: "I don't know. With my mother's personality, I really can't guess how she will react."
"Where's your dad? Where's your brother?" Guan Ze asked again, and after a pause, he said, "Don't think about it for now. You haven't figured out how to deal with this situation yet."
"Guan Ze," Lin Yao stared at the light on the wall, "Will you regret it?"
"What are you regretting?"
"Regret just following me like a fool."
"I haven't thought about it." Guan Ze didn't let Lin Yao continue. His tone suddenly became a little anxious. "I won't talk to you for now. I think I have diarrhea."
Before Lin Yao could say anything, Guan Ze hung up the phone. Lin Yao held the phone in his hand for a long time.
Diarrhea? Did you get sick from eating noodles
He didn't know if he was a little sensitive. Guan Ze had been acting a little weird today. He couldn't tell what was wrong, but he just felt that he was different from usual. This change made him feel uneasy, but when he thought about it carefully, he felt that it was nothing.
Thinking too much? Lin Yao got up from the bed in annoyance, went to the bathroom to wash his face, walked around the room a few times, opened the door, and planned to go downstairs to watch TV with his mother.
Guan Ze almost bumped into the door frame when he rushed into the bathroom. The splitting headache made him unable to bear it, and the strong nausea in his stomach caused by the headache was also difficult to resist.
When he threw himself on the toilet to vomit, he felt dizzy and his legs could hardly support him. He was shaking so badly that he had to hold on to the wall with his hands to prevent himself from falling.
After a few minutes, there was nothing left in his stomach, so Guan Ze turned on the shower and stood against the wall with the hot water pouring over his head.
"Fuck..." He said softly with his eyes closed. His whole head felt like it exploded and the pain was unbearable. Hot water could not relieve the pain at all.
Finally he turned off the water, walked out of the bathroom dripping wet, picked up his cell phone and made a call.
"Doctor Zhang," Guan Ze sat on the carpet and leaned against the wall, "Are you seeing a private patient?"
Zhang Xing was his classmate and they had a good relationship. It was he who sorted out Guan Ze's previous information, and it was Zhang Xing who handled all the arrangements for the check-up.
"What's wrong?" Zhang Xing's voice came from the other side.
"My headache is terrible, and the painkillers are completely ineffective," Guan Ze tapped his head with his fingers, "Do you have any good prescription to help me?"
"How does it hurt?"
"I can't explain it. There's no place that doesn't hurt. It's fully covered."
"Did you vomit?"
"I vomited," Guan Ze stood up. When he was sitting, he felt that all the blood in his body rushed to his head, and the pain was unbearable. "I have never had such a headache before."
"Why did you vomit?" Zhang Xing asked again.
"Doctor, I just vomited and had a severe headache. I didn't observe how I vomited. I vomited while holding the toilet." Guan Ze took a sip of hot tea.
"Be serious," Zhang Xing said seriously, "Is it a feeling similar to squirting?"
Guan Ze leaned against the table and thought for a while: "Yes, what is your conclusion?"
"Please move up the check-up time. This isn't a cervical spine problem, it's a brain problem." The other end paused, "Are you too excited these past two days? Have you received your year-end bonus?"
"I've never been so excited about my year-end bonus." Guan Ze smiled. He understood what this meant.
"Don't let your emotions fluctuate so much, control yourself. Aren't you very calm in the face of adversity?" Zhang Xing also smiled. "Come over after the New Year's Day holiday. Let's check it out carefully first."
"Okay, tell me what to do with my headache now?"
"Just bear with it."
Guan Ze took off all his wet clothes and lay naked on the bed. The heating in the house was sufficient, and he turned on the air conditioner. The room was warm and cozy. At this time, he needed to completely relax.
It's okay to endure the pain. For Guan Ze, pain is not something that is too unbearable. The main reason is that this headache is different from all the pains he has experienced. There is not even a second of gap.
No matter what he did, he couldn't divert his attention from the pain. Finally, he had to open the drawer and take out a bottle of sleeping pills. These were given to him by the great Doctor Zhang Xing. He occasionally suffered from insomnia, and now he had such a headache. He didn't know if this medicine could make him sleep.
In order to ensure he could fall asleep, Guan Ze ate three times more than usual and then lay down on the bed.
As soon as the body lies down, blood will rush to the head, which makes the head that has become very sensitive due to the pain immediately feel like being hit by a hammer. Guan Ze had no choice but to sit up again, pile the quilt behind him, lean against it and close his eyes.
The medicine was of no use. Guan Ze closed his eyes and endured it for almost an hour, but the pain did not subside and he did not feel sleepy at all.
He sighed, took out his phone and clicked on it, flipping through the text messages sent by Lin Yao. He really wanted to call Lin Yao now, and he would feel much better if he could make Lin Yao laugh a little, but he probably couldn't concentrate on talking now. Lin Yao was very sensitive in some aspects, and he didn't want Lin Yao to notice anything.
He considered Lin Zong's words carefully. No matter what, he didn't want to hurt Lin Yao's family, nor did he want to destroy such a warm home. He had originally planned to tell Lin Yao the results of the examination truthfully, but now he changed his mind. In this situation, if Lin Yao knew the not-so-good results, things would only develop in a direction of no return.
Lin Yao and Lin Zong were sitting on the sofa with their mother, watching TV. Lin Yao was not interested in the content of the TV show, which was nothing more than the hero and heroine "you love me, I don't love you, I love you, you don't love me". Their mother was watching with great interest. Lin Yao glanced at the show from time to time, and in his heart he was uncontrollably wondering about Guan Ze's changes.
"You're not in a good mood today," Mom patted his face, "What's wrong?"
"No, there's too much work at the company," Lin Yao didn't look at his mother, but looked down at his fingers, "Maybe I'm a little tired."
"Then go to bed," my mother frowned distressedly, "You said you had to go to work in a certain company. You are so tired. You can go to your brother's place. If you want to go, go ahead. If you don't want to go, just rest at home. He can't do anything to you."
"What's the point of that?" Lin Yao smiled and glanced at Lin Zong, who was watching TV while peeling an orange, and he looked quite serious. "Besides, my brother is not that easy to talk to."
"Your brother, sooner or later someone will take care of him," the mother glanced at Lin Zong, "I'm waiting to see."
"Do you want to see it?" Lin Zong suddenly turned around and looked at his mother. "I'll bring one back in a couple of days for you to see."
Lin Yao was a little surprised. Lin Zong had just claimed to be heartbroken not long ago, and now he could bring another one back? He couldn't help but reply, "You were heartbroken, weren't you?"
"Can you keep losing?" Lin Zong glanced at him, "I've known this for a long time, mom should know."
"I know?" Mom was stunned for a moment, then slapped Lin Zong on the back. "Ah, isn't it Ye Xiaoling? The one with the big eyes? Your college classmate? She came to our house for dinner!"
"Yeah," Lin Zong nodded, "My mother has a good memory."
"Of course I remember her. This girl is nice, gentle and sensible. I like her very much," the mother was very excited. She shouted for a while and then stopped, frowning at Lin Zong, "She's not married yet? I know she likes you, but you have always ignored her, haven't you? Oh, do you think you are such a hot commodity that you go back to look for her now?"
My mother clicked her tongue for a long time, but Lin Zong didn't smile or say anything. He waited until my mother finished clicking her tongue before he spoke: "I didn't say I didn't like her. Ye Xiaoling is so nice. I don't dare to mess with a girl like her until I make up my mind. I have to be serious."
"So you mean you've made up your mind now? You won't change one today and one tomorrow?" Mom seemed unconvinced.
"When did I change one today and one tomorrow?" Lin Zong couldn't help but raise his voice, "Don't make me sound like a nobody..."
"Anyway, we've changed quite a lot," my mother waved her hand, "get to the point, will they pay attention to you?"
"Well, if you're willing, I'll marry her after the New Year," Lin Zong stood up and walked to the kitchen, "Is there any more milk?"
"It's in the refrigerator," my mother was stunned for a moment before she shouted again, "I do, of course I do!"
"Okay then." Lin Zong entered the kitchen.
"Did your brother say that he's going to marry Ye Xiaoling?" Mom turned around and patted Lin Yao on the shoulder.
"Ah," Lin Yao finally came back to his senses after being slapped, but he was still very surprised, "That's what you mean."
"Go get me some juice," Mom patted him again, her face full of smiles, "I need to calm down."
"Oh." Lin Yao stood up and ran into the kitchen.
Lin Zong was pouring milk. After Lin Yao took out the juice from the refrigerator, he hesitated for a while and walked to Lin Zong: "Brother."
"Hmm?" Lin Zong responded and put the cup of milk into the microwave to heat it up.
"Why do you suddenly want to get married? And with Ye Xiaoling?" Lin Yao couldn't understand what was going on with Lin Zong. Lin Zong didn't actually have that many girlfriends, and he didn't seem to have any thoughts of getting married. He was surprised to hear that he suddenly wanted to get married. The most important thing was that he and Ye Xiaoling had basically never dated.
"What's wrong?" Lin Zong turned around and folded his arms to look at him, "I've always liked her."
“…Nothing, it just happened suddenly.” Lin Yao scratched his hair.
"Mom has been missing my daughter-in-law for a long time," Lin Zong opened the microwave and took out the milk, then patted him on the back. "I can't count on you for now, and I don't want to delay it any longer. Let her feel at ease."
Lin Yao looked at Lin Zong's back as he walked out of the kitchen, and his heart sank. Lin Zong's words made his hands feel a little cold.
Lin Zong must know something. He followed slowly behind with the juice in his hand. Lin Zong seldom spoke in this tone. He must know something!
Lin Yao was restless the whole night. His mother was very excited to confirm his marriage with Lin Zong, but he curled up on the sofa and didn't hear a word she said. His mind was a mess and he didn't know what he was thinking. One moment he was thinking about Guan Ze, the next he was thinking about whether he should come out, and then he suddenly thought of Lin Zong, and he was so scared that he broke out in a cold sweat.
He waited until the discussion between his mother and Lin Zong finally came to an end. His mother poked him on the forehead and told him to take a shower and go to bed. Then he looked at the time. It was almost eleven o'clock.
He responded, went upstairs to his room, walked around aimlessly twice, picked up the phone and dialed Guan Ze's number.
The phone rang for a long time, but Guan Ze didn't answer it, so he had to hang up and continue walking around the room. After walking around for almost half an hour, he slapped the wall hard, opened the door and walked out.
The door of Lin Zong's room was not closed. He was playing games in the room, having a great time.
"Brother," Lin Yao stood at the door, holding onto the door frame, trying to control his urge to turn around and run back to his room, "Are you free?"
"Yes," Lin Zong turned around and looked at him, then forced himself to quit the game. "What's wrong?"
Lin Yao walked into the room without saying anything and closed the door. It was only a few steps from the door to the chair next to Lin Zong, but Lin Yao walked with great difficulty, almost using his hands to pull his legs forward.
"Brother," Lin Yao finally managed to sit on the chair. He gritted his teeth and said, "Let's get this out of the way. I really can't stand it anymore."
Lin Zong glanced at him, stood up and opened a window, threw a cigarette into his hand, lit one for himself, then sat back in his chair and said, "You start."
When Lin Yao heard this, he wanted to put the cigarette in his hand into his mouth, chew it and swallow it. He originally still had a last glimmer of hope and wanted to hear what Lin Zong had to say first, but the first thing he said was this. Lin Yao gritted his teeth and cursed viciously in his heart, "Fox!"
However, he did not think there was any room for turning back. Lin Zong had looked at him as if he was transparent since he was a child. He had no doubts about what Lin Zong already knew. He was just wondering how much Lin Zong knew.
"I..." Lin Yao took a few deep breaths, put the cigarette in his mouth and lit it, took a puff and then held the cigarette in his hand and stared at the butt, "I fell in love with someone."
"Yeah." Lin Zong didn't say anything else.
"This person..." Lin Yao continued with great difficulty, his hands almost breaking the armrest of the chair, "It's a man."
After saying this, Lin Yao leaned back in his chair. He felt as if he was exhausted. He could hardly hold the cigarette. His hands were shaking so much that he had to hold it in his mouth and bite it with his teeth.
This is good, and it can also effectively prevent teeth from chattering due to excessive tension.
"Lin Yao, I really didn't expect that," Lin Zong reached forward and touched his head, "you actually dared to tell me this."
"You already know, right?" Lin Yao didn't bother to smoke the cigarette he was smoking. The ash fell on his pants while he was talking. "How much do you know, brother? You didn't tell me anything. I'm going crazy. I really..."
"What difference does it make whether I tell you or not?" Lin Zong sighed, took the cigarette from his mouth, flicked the ash and put it back in his mouth.
"Is this the reason you want to get married?" He looked at Lin Zong. "Because of my condition, you are in a hurry to get married to make mom feel at ease?"
"Not entirely." Lin Zong stood up and walked to the window. "But I won't stand on your side this time. From childhood to adulthood, I will protect you no matter what happens. But not this time. This matter is different from others."
"I see." Lin Yao felt his whole body aching with cold, and the muscles on his back were stiff. "If you could stand on my side, you would have told me a long time ago."
"How are you going to deal with this?" Lin Zong put out his cigarette and stood next to Lin Yao. "If you think I don't know about this, how will you deal with it?"
"I won't say it so early," Lin Yao replied in a muffled voice, "I admit that I haven't considered these things enough, but at least it's a fact that I like men. Brother, I have never been attracted to girls, never... I will never marry any girl in my life."
"I don't care whether you get married or not. You're only 24 and no one is going to force you to get married," Lin Zong leaned on the armrest of the chair and looked down at him, "but this is different from you and a girl dating. I just want you to think carefully about what you really want. Your parents can't accept this kind of thing. If you insist on doing this, you have to bear all the consequences. If you haven't thought of what to do and you're not sure if you can handle it, don't say it."
"Brother..." Lin Yao was silent for a long time, then asked softly, "Will you hate me?"
"No." Lin Zong bent down and hugged him.
Lin Yao bit his lip, pressed his eyes on Lin Zong's shoulder, and said in a trembling voice: "I have always been very scared. I am afraid that my parents will feel bad, I am afraid that they will be disappointed, I am afraid that our family will become unhappy because of me, but I am also afraid that I will spend my life alone. I have a lot of things to say to no one, and I dare not tell anyone..."
Lin Zong said nothing and patted him on the back.
"I really didn't think so much before I met him. I've never been in a relationship, and I've never received a response from anyone I liked," Lin Yao sniffed. "One day, I suddenly got a response. You don't know how happy I was. There was someone who was just like me, and I was in a relationship. This feeling was really good. I just wanted to stay like this forever. I also know that I was too naive and thought things were too simple. I just wanted to say that I didn't mean to hurt anyone..."
"I know," Lin Zong took a tissue from the table and pressed it on Lin Yao's face, "I know."
"I didn't dare tell my parents. I was afraid they couldn't bear it," Lin Yao pressed the tissue, "I..."
"Celebrate the New Year first, and then talk about other things," Lin Zong patted him, "Go to sleep, I want to be quiet."
Lin Yao returned to his room, went into the bathroom, looked at his red eyes in the mirror, turned on the hot water and stood under the shower.
As the water flowed down his hair and onto his face, he leaned against the wall and began to cry.
He felt that he was facing an unprecedented dilemma, like an unsolvable deadlock. No matter which direction he turned, he would encounter a cold wall.
He wanted to be with Guan Ze, forever, but when he thought of his parents' painful expressions, he felt as if something had pierced his heart.
After showering in the bathroom for more than half an hour, he slowly put on his pajamas and walked out.
Seeing the cell phone quietly placed on the bedside, he couldn't help but pick it up and look at it. There was no call or text message. He hesitated for a while and dialed Guan Ze's number again.
There was still a long dial tone on the other end, and Guan Ze still didn't answer the phone.
"Guan Ze," Lin Yao threw himself on the bed, listening to the dial tone, "What should I do?"