Bansheng has always been aloof and withdrawn since childhood, but he has a high IQ and a quick mind, which makes him stand out from the crowd. Bansheng is very popular with teachers at school, and is often compared with other parents' children.
As time went by, no one wanted to be friends with him and began to exclude him in secret.
Although the strong always stay away from the crowd, Ban Sheng doesn't have any friends in school. In addition, Li Yiran and Wu Suan are not in the same school as him, so Ban Sheng feels a little lonely.
Fortunately, Ban Sheng has a very happy family. His parents have a harmonious relationship. They have been in love with each other since college. After graduation, they started a business together. With the help of the girl's family, Ban's father quickly got the first pot of gold for his business. Later, his career became stronger and stronger, and there was no cheating or betrayal between them like in TV dramas.
Every morning before getting up and leaving for work, my father would leave a kiss on my mother's forehead. No matter how late he got off work, he would always remember to bring home a portion of sugar-roasted chestnuts that my mother loved.
The only setback was that his mother suffered from severe bleeding during labor and it took many twists and turns to give birth to him, but the couple loved Ban Sheng even more because of it.
Song Zhili regards this child as everything in her life.
Once at school, Ban Sheng came out of the Mathematical Olympiad class. When he returned to class, he found that there was no one in the class. Later, teachers from other classes told them that the whole class had gone to participate in the starry sky camping under the leadership of the teacher.
No one notified Ban Sheng.
Ban Sheng carried his schoolbag and kicked stones all the way home. The summer in Nanjiang was long and hot, with soft clouds rolling in the sky like cream cakes of different shapes.
Walking on the sidewalk, Ban Sheng met a row of fortune tellers who were waving palm-leaf fans and greeting people - they would read your face, twenty yuan per time.
"Little boy, I think you have a face that indicates bad luck. How about I help you?" An old man said with a smile, waving a fan.
Ban Sheng glanced at him coldly and looked away.
At the end of the palm tree shadows, a forty-year-old man was sitting on the ground. He was very thin, with very yellow skin, wearing a pair of glasses, and looked frail. He was dressed fairly neatly. In front of him was a white sign with a marker writing on it - Play Sudoku with me, ten yuan per time.
The middle-aged man’s is cheaper than others, but no one is interested in it.
Ban Sheng looked at the sky and saw that it was still early, so he stopped and played Sudoku with the middle-aged man. The man was also a quiet person and was only responsible for playing with him.
At the beginning, Ban Sheng lost three games in a row, and then he only won one game. Although frustrated, Ban Sheng was secretly excited, as if he was fighting with a master.
At the end of the game, after playing eight times in total, Ban Sheng pulled out a hundred-yuan bill from his pocket and handed it over. The man took it and pulled out a handful of tattered change from his trouser pocket. The coins bounced to the ground, some of which still smelled fishy, and he was bending down to give him the change.
The middle-aged man was hunched over. Ban Sheng noticed that the back of his blue shirt had a black line worn out in the middle of the collar, and his gray trousers were starched and pale. He felt sympathy for him and said,
Keep the change, please.
"Are you still here on Friday?" Bansheng continued to ask.
The middle-aged man put away the white cardboard and replied: "Come and find me."
Ban Sheng liked this sentence very much, as if the other party had developed a sense of trust in him. He replied calmly, "Okay," and went home.
The days at school were lonely, but Ban Sheng was not worried at all. He often came to Palm Road after school to play Sudoku with the middle-aged man. After playing for a long time, the two slowly became friends.
Ban Sheng saw that he was very thin and often had no food to eat, so every time he went to see him he would bring bread or share his lunch box with him.
After the two became friends, they no longer met at Palm Road. The middle-aged man took Ban Sheng to his home.
The middle-aged man's home is in a low, blue, dilapidated factory building hidden deep at the end of the urban village. He has little source of income and few friends or neighbors.
His house is very small, about 25 square meters, with the living room and bedroom connected together. It is extremely hot and stuffy as soon as you enter. The green rusty fan makes a creaking sound, the white paint on the wall is peeling off, and it is damp and stuffy.
His house has only one window, and outside is a pond and a large grove of banana trees. A string of beautiful purple wind chimes hangs by the window, making crisp sounds when the wind blows.
"What a beautiful wind chime." Ban Sheng said.
The middle-aged man laughed and said in a very cryptic way: "That's a sign that I've made a new friend."
At that time, Ban Sheng was only ten years old and did not understand the meaning of this sentence. As he grew older, he recalled this sentence and felt terrified every time.
Ban Sheng has been in Nanjiang for so long and is used to seeing high-rise buildings and office buildings in the CBD. This is the first time he knows that there is such a place in Nanjiang.
Fortunately, the middle-aged man's house was very clean. There were no unwashed dishes in the sink, his quilt was neatly folded, and there were many books on physics and mathematics in the room.
After they got to know each other, they not only played Sudoku, but also played chess together. The middle-aged man taught him a lot of knowledge, although it was profound and difficult for Ban Sheng at his age, but he was willing to take on the challenge.
After playing chess, the two would chat. The middle-aged man taught Ban Sheng to not show his emotions when encountering things. He lit a cigarette, remembered something and continued, his eyes gleaming with ferocity:
"If you encounter injustice, you must pay it back tenfold."
Ban Sheng nodded as if he understood, and finally left.
On Ban Sheng’s birthday, after lunch, he was about to go out with his cake in his hand. His mother called him and asked, “Where are you going?”
"Today is my birthday and I want to share the cake with a friend of mine." Ban Sheng said seriously.
Song Zhili objected as soon as she heard it, frowning: "Ah Sheng, isn't he a homeless man? Why do you always stay with homeless people recently? Don't go today."
When Song Zhili said this about Ban Sheng's friend, he said angrily, "He is not a homeless person, he is my friend, and I feel that he is quite pitiful, without family and friends, so I want to give him a piece of cake today."
Ban Sheng is like this. He has been cold on the outside but warm on the inside since he was a child. He is very kind-hearted and always has compassion for people and small animals. The couple also often taught Ban Sheng to be honest and kind to others.
Song Zhili was refuted and couldn't say a word. She just said: "Then come back early in the evening, mom will pick you up, and when dad is done with his work, we will take you to the movies for your birthday."
"good."
When Ban Sheng came to the middle-aged man's house with the cake, the other party was surprised for a moment, but still received him. The thin man made him a cup of milk tea and wished him a happy birthday with a smile.
As dusk fell, the sky took on a magnificent yet eerie hue. For some reason, Song Zhili felt something was wrong when she saw that her son had not returned home. She was inexplicably worried, so she took the car keys and went out.
Coming to the blue iron gate with peeling paint, Song Zhili knocked on the door. The door creaked open and the thin man pushed his glasses and looked at her without saying a word.
Song Zhili pulled the corners of her lips together and said, "Hello, I'm here to take my son home."
The thin middle-aged man invited him in. Song Zhili was wearing a white fishtail skirt and her long hair was draped over her shoulders. She looked so noble that she was out of place here.
Song Zhili walked in with her handbag and looked around the man's room. Wind blew over, and the purple wind chimes by the window jingled.
The middle-aged man sat at a low table and made her a cup of tea very carefully. He said in a very good manner: "Have some tea."
Song Zhili didn't answer, but walked around and asked coldly, "Where's my son? By the way, please stay away from him in the future, or I will-"
"So what?" A sinister voice sounded.
A cup of scalding tea wiped her ears and splashed straight against the wall.
Song Zhili was startled. She paused with her back to the middle-aged man and calmly reached into her handbag to take out her cell phone to call the police.
A white data cable appeared in front of her eyes, and her pupils contracted violently. Before she could react, the middle-aged man quickly grabbed her neck, tightening it again and again. A blood mark appeared on her neck. Song Zhili struggled hard, breathing weakly, and threw her bag aside with a bang. Her feet kept pressing against the ground, and her arms swung unconsciously, but she could never reach the man behind her.
It was no use. The middle-aged man whispered in her ear, "I hate the way you rich people behave the most!"
After saying this, the struggling hands and feet stopped moving. Wind blew over, and the purple bells in the window made a tinkling sound.
When Ban Sheng was taken out of the sealed closet, his consciousness was scattered and he was constantly woken up. He opened his eyes with great effort and his vision was blurry, as if he was in a factory. Then he saw the purple wind chimes hanging on the window swaying in the wind.
Purple wind chimes with blood.
His pupils dilated violently, his whole body trembled, and then he fainted.
Ban Sheng woke up again and found himself lying in the hospital. Countless people came to him to care about his condition, including police, doctors, nurses, and relatives.
Ban Sheng looked around, but his parents were not there. He felt panic for no reason, and then the police questioned him, with the nurse assisting in the questioning.
He couldn't hear clearly but was forced to hear. Ban Sheng only knew that he lost his memory after drinking a cup of milk tea in the hot factory. The police told him that the milk tea he drank contained a large amount of sleeping pills. He was found in time and sent to the hospital for gastric lavage, which saved his life.
"What about my parents?" Ban Sheng asked subconsciously.
The police hesitated and looked at the doctor without saying anything. Then a relative nearby spoke up: "Your mother is dead. She went to look for you but was killed by that pervert."
The police investigation told Ban Sheng that the middle-aged man was a pervert. He was expelled from the university after his colleagues reported him for academic fraud. Later, the man made a comeback, but the company he founded was framed and acquired again, and his life fell into darkness again. He owed a huge amount of debt, and because he had enough of hiding, his wife and daughter jumped off the building and died. In the end, he had an anti-personality mentality to take revenge on society, and Ban Sheng was his first target.
Ban Sheng was completely stunned, and then he couldn't stop shaking. He began to roar angrily: "You are lying! Today is my birthday. My mother said she would take me to the movies. After the movie, she will take me to the pizza restaurant that I have wanted to eat for a long time. I want to find her..."
Today is his birthday.
After saying this, Ban Sheng was about to pull out the needle but was held down by a group of people, and then he fainted again.
Since then, Ban Sheng suffered from psychological trauma. He was young at that time and didn't know that he was sick.
Everyone said that Ban Sheng was a pitiful child. When they expressed their sympathy, they whispered in his ear: "His mother was so miserable. She went to look for her son, but was strangled to death with a data cable. That was not enough. I heard that the pervert stabbed him twice more."
"You killed your mother."
He might really be like what the fortune teller said, a person born under the spell of an unlucky star, who killed the person who loved him the most.
Ban Sheng never dared to celebrate his birthday again. He always felt that his birth into this world was a curse. He lost his beloved mother, and his family was torn apart.
What caused Ban Sheng to suffer repeated psychological torture was his father. Because he missed his deceased wife too much, he was subjected to cold violence and resentment for more than ten years.
Although Ban's father didn't say anything, his every move seemed to regard Ban Sheng as a murderer. As a father, Ban's father never celebrated his birthday, never went to the school for a parent-teacher meeting, didn't care about anything about him, and didn't even know how tall Ban Sheng was or what size shoes he wore.
He grew up alone.
Because he carries the cross of sin and nothingness on his back, Ban Sheng has never had a full night's sleep, often suffers from insomnia and depression, and needs to rely on long-term use of diazepam to survive. But as soon as he closes his eyes, he thinks of the scene of his mother being strangled to death.
Bensheng has a tattoo of a black lily on his ankle, which is his mother's favorite flower.
Ban Sheng didn't dare to express his kindness in front of others. He didn't know whether being kind was right or wrong. It seemed wrong because he had killed his mother.
Later, Ban Sheng found that pretending to be malicious could protect himself. So at school, he always had a cool face, didn't interfere with anyone's affairs, had a look of world-weariness in his eyes, and didn't care whether others lived or died.
As for Liang Jiashu, Lin Weixia had guessed it without Wu Suan saying anything.
"Why—why—" Lin Weixia couldn't help but squat down, still holding the mobile phone in her hand, and her tears kept falling down, mixing with the sand. She felt her heart aching.
It was as if she could get some kind of answer from the world by shouting into the phone, and then all she got in response was silence.
Where is the answer
Ban Sheng's condition was not very good, so the doctor decided to start MECT therapy and electroacupuncture to intervene in the negative concepts and pessimistic thoughts in his mind.
Lin Weixia knew about this treatment. It used anesthetic needles, muscle relaxants and electrodes to stimulate the brain with an appropriate amount of short pulse electric current, causing the patient to lose consciousness, thereby controlling depression and suicidal thoughts.
When Ban Sheng was pushed into the operating room, Lin Weixia was standing outside the door and felt cold all over. She didn't know how long she had been waiting. When Ban Sheng was pushed out, his face was pale. He lay there with dark eyelashes, like a lifeless beautiful statue.
Lin Weixia felt her heart was tightened.
After the treatment, Ban Sheng felt much better, but his memory had declined a lot. He often forgot small things recently, but remembered things in the past more clearly.
During a lunch break, Ban Sheng opened the French window and sat there to bask in the sun. Lin Weixia sat next to him and peeled an apple. Ban Sheng raised his fingers and rubbed his eyelids. He leaned back in his chair, looking tired, and spoke slowly:
"I've been dreaming about Liang Jiashu recently."
The blade scraped the green peel and the action paused. Seeing her reaction, Ban Sheng raised his eyebrows and said, "Are you curious about why I mentioned him?"
Lin Weixia put the apple and knife aside, raised her eyes and met his. When she opened her mouth, she found that her voice was hoarse: "Ah Sheng, I know everything."
Knowing what he has been through over the years and how he has survived.
Liang Jiashu has been subjected to endless bullying at school. As his deskmate, Ban Sheng has always been superficially permissive and an indifferent bystander towards him. But it is only on the surface, because he is kind and compassionate in his bones, and he has secretly helped Liang Jiashu several times.
That day at the swimming pool, after Ban Sheng rescued Liang Jiashu from the pool, Liang Jiashu's body was covered with blood and bruises. He subconsciously covered the wounds with his clothes, and because of the pain, he wiped the mud and blood off his face extremely slowly.
After everything was done, Liang Jiashu sobbed carefully, then wiped away his tears, his innocent eyes showing sincerity. Because a tooth was knocked out, he leaned against the wall weakly and stammered, "Ban... Sheng, thank you."
Ban Sheng had just been scolded by his father that day, and he was not in a good mood. He said with a bit of boredom:
"Don't let me see you again."
As it turned out, his words came true and Liang Jiashu had an accident.
He just didn't reach out once, but he lost Liang Jiashu.
He has never been a lucky man.
So he deliberately portrayed himself as a bad guy because of guilt and self-blame.
Ban Sheng coughed so violently that his chest vibrated violently, his eyes were red, and his breath was unstable: "If... I hadn't said that to him at the beginning, if I had been responsible for sending him home safely afterwards."
The ending is different.
Ban Sheng's family is very complicated. Later, Ban's father found a new woman. When Ban Sheng was in high school, he often found ways to annoy that aunt. He did this just because he didn't want his father to get married.
Ban Sheng always felt that if his father got married, he would be the only one left in the world.
During the college entrance examination period, after the bullying incident, Ban's father took the opportunity to send him abroad, and the reason he gave was very direct: "Your aunt is pregnant."
The boy's black figure was shocked, and the air was silent. He didn't know how to respond, so he smiled cynically: "Congratulations."
He was completely homeless.
At this point, Ban Sheng was exiled abroad for nearly three years. During these years, he suffered from emotional torture and lived with guilt for the consecutive deaths of two people because of him.
No one loves him either.
He is a speck of dust in the universe that no one cares about; he is a piece of debris that is blown into the railroad track by the wind and then turns to ashes; he is a green apple that is wrinkled and slowly rots in the refrigerator and is completely forgotten; he is a piece of chewing gum stuck on the carpet that people urgently want to throw into the trash can.
I want to die all the time.
No one at home called him. On Christmas Day, Ban Sheng called and found out that his father had changed his phone number.
Maybe Ban Sheng is already dead in their eyes.
Why why, Lin Weixia kept thinking.
She had a bright future as a young girl, but she had to endure so much.
If possible, she would rather he was just an ordinary teenager, who could have dinner with his family when he came home from playing ball, have people send him birthday wishes, and celebrate with beer for discovering a star.
Instead, fall into a dark tunnel.
Walk alone.
Lin Weixia squatted down and buried her face in his waist. She smelled a light, clean scent on him, so soft that it made her want to cry. Her tears soaked his clothes. She kept crying and whimpered in a struggling voice: "I'm sorry, Ah Sheng, I'm sorry, it's all my fault."
If she had not exposed Zheng Zhaoxing and posted the video online, would these things have not happened
Ban Sheng put his hand on her long black hair and said in a hoarse voice: "Silly girl, what's wrong with you?"
Without this incident, he would have had other excuses to send him abroad.
"You did nothing wrong, those were all accidents." Lin Weixia quickly wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes and looked up at him, "God sometimes forgets kind people, like you."
"Lin Weixia, no one loves me anymore." Ban Sheng said softly.
"My favorite person in the world is Ban Sheng." Lin Weixia sniffed, and a tear fell on Ban Sheng's arm full of needles.
Ban Sheng was the boy who took Lin Weixia to the beach when she was depressed and said that he could take care of everything about her. He was the one who accompanied her to Nanjiang to see the snow. When it was cold in winter, he would warm her hands and cold feet with his hands. He was the one who changed his major regardless of everything after they broke up and silently protected her without saying a word.
Ban Sheng turned his head and reached out to wipe the tears from her cheek. The two of them put their foreheads together, looked at each other with red eyes, and then kissed, their lips and tongues entangled together. Lin Weixia tasted the salty and wet tears, the bitter and desperate taste.
Lin Weixia thought that Ban Sheng's condition would be better after electrotherapy, but his spirit was very bad, with symptoms of hand tremors and palpitations. He would either sleep all day due to the medication or start to disappear.
Bansheng refused MECT treatment and electroacupuncture. He would sneak out when the doctors and nurses were not paying attention, buy a pack of cigarettes and two cans of cold beer when passing by a convenience store, and then drive to a certain place alone.
Every time, Lin Weixia would borrow someone's car and drive out alone to find him. The worst time was when Ban Sheng parked his car on the edge of a cliff.
If you look a little further ahead, you will see a bottomless abyss, and you can't even see the clouds and fog below. Lin Weixia's legs felt weak just by approaching. She didn't understand why Ban Sheng could stay there for three hours. His back looked lonely and forlorn.
But Lin Weixia was even more frightened, her face was even paler than Ban Sheng's. She was afraid that Ban Sheng would do something stupid.
She walked to Ban Sheng's car, opened the door and got in. The car was quiet. She put her hand on his and looked at him with clear eyes: "Ah Sheng, I'm scared. Can you take me back?"
Ban Sheng's smoking posture froze, and his bony hands trembled.
Ban Sheng was sitting in the driver's seat smoking alone. He looked sleepy, his skin was sickly pale, the tobacco was about to burn his wet hands, and the white smoke was lingering around his slender neck.
Like a disappearing star.
A very weird and punk rock song was playing in the car. The brisk ticking tune sounded, and a lifeless male voice rang out:
"I've seen this world. It's not very pretty, it's just very average."
With a "click", Lin Weixia leaned over and turned off the music. Everything was silent. It was just after five in the morning, with only the sounds of larks and wind.
"Then can you please take a look at me!" Lin Weixia leaned over and turned his face, her tone stubborn and her voice filled with tears.
Ban Sheng was forced to turn his head and look at Lin Weixia. Their eyes met. She had a simple and beautiful face. Behind her, the sun jumped up from the dark sea, broke through the clouds, and rushed out. The dark blue color disappeared. At that moment, there was golden light and the sun sprinkled on every inch of land.
The night disappeared, and the kind, soft, hot sunlight fell on him, wrapping him completely.
It's so warm that it makes people want to cry.
He saw daylight in Lin Weixia's eyes.
Everything in this world is new.
"Okay." Ban Sheng threw away the cigarette and moved forward. Their foreheads touched. His eyes were red and his voice was shaking.