He Yu is a very smart person.
But sometimes, he's too stubborn to turn easily.
For example, if he once believed that he was a straight man, then he would stubbornly think that the answer was correct, and Xie Qingcheng was just a small mistake in his path to the correct answer.
Only now did he realize that maybe Xie Qingcheng was the correct answer.
The fault was himself.
He Yuzheng froze on the bed because of his surprising discovery, and was so shocked that Xie Qingcheng had already threw his clothes on him.
"Get up quickly."
"..." He Yu didn't return to his senses at all, and obediently dressed according to his request, his eyes were completely empty.
After he got dressed, got out of bed and stared at Xie Qingcheng for a while, and when he saw that Xie Qingcheng was hairy, he murmured, "Brother Xie... I... Can I stay for a while... "
Xie Qingcheng didn't know that his heart was falling apart at this moment, and he took He Yuzhen's flustered plea as willful.
So he said, "No."
"Xie Qingcheng..."
Xie Qingcheng didn't want to admit or recall the bad things they did on New Year's Eve. He insisted on driving him away. He persisted until the end, his face turned pale and his lips were slightly blue.
"If you really want me to have a good rest, just leave."
"He Yu, you are torturing me by staying here."
"You go."
"But..." He Yu didn't know what he wanted to say, he wanted to grab Xie Qingcheng's hand in a hurry, as if this would make it easier to figure out the key to the problem.
However, as soon as Xie Qingcheng's hot fingers were touched by him, he instinctively pulled them back.
He Yu: "… "
Because Xie Qingcheng endured the discomfort and heat in his body, when he looked at He Yu, his peach blossom eyes were slightly dyed a morbid red.
He pushed He Yu out.
"This kind of thing can't happen again between us. You go back and be quiet."
"But Xie Qingcheng, I want to be with you..."
"Let me be quiet too."
After Xie Qingcheng said this to him, he was about to close the door when Aunt Li just came out.
"Xie Xie, it's the first day of the new year, wow you wake up so early with your friends?"
Xie Qingcheng subconsciously tugged at his collar.
However, the marks on his neck were still too obvious, and there were still several spots of pale red exposed.
Seeing Li Miaoqing approaching, He Yu suddenly raised his hand, took off the cream-colored scarf that was sloping around his neck, and put it around Xie Qingcheng's neck. The cashmere scarf was very soft and immediately wrapped Xie Qingcheng's exposed position.
Xie Qingcheng didn't know the situation, and just wanted to break free, He Yu dragged him over with a scarf.
"Don't pick it. I'll cover you with the hickey."
Xie Qingcheng listened, and only then did he know that he even had traces on such a high position. I don't know if he was angry or helpless, but he could only wrap around He Yu's scarf and didn't move.
Li Miaoqing stopped in front of them and said sleepily: "Hey, did you two quarrel last night? Everyone is listening to the sound of smashing things."
"...No." Xie Qingcheng said.
He Yu: "Auntie, let's watch a video. A war movie."
"Oh..." Li Miaoqing yawned after hearing what they said.
Xie Qingcheng: "You got up so early today."
"Yeah, I don't know what happened last night. I always dreamed of your house decoration, bang bang bang bang bang bang, the sound was very real... I woke up early."
He Yu: "… "
Xie Qingcheng: "…"
"We're up, let's come to Auntie's house for breakfast, shall we?"
"No." Xie Qingcheng said, he is in a terrible pain now, to be honest, he only had time to take a shower this morning, some things were not completely cleaned, and he still had a fever, and his body was lazy and hot , I just want to let He Yu go quickly, while Xie Xue is still with Li Rouqiu, I can take a good shower, and then take the medicine and sleep.
So he said to Aunt Li, "he has something urgent and has to go home."
Aunt Li: "Oh, Xiao He is leaving now?"
He Yu didn't want to leave.
Xie Qingcheng said, "Yes."
Seeing that He Yu was still standing there, he was stunned and had no plans to leave, so he simply gritted his teeth: "I'll send him off."
After speaking, he took the car keys, pulled He Yu out of Moyu Lane, stuffed He Yu into his car, and got into the driver's seat by himself.
He Yu regained his senses a little, and looked at him with reddish eyes: "Brother Xie, you're not feeling well, I'll do it..."
"Stop talking nonsense."
Xie Qingcheng buckled his seat belt, started the engine, and silently drove He Yu to a nearby three-dimensional parking lot.
Parking is not easy in the old city. If He Yu parks for a long time, he will usually park here.
Xie Qingcheng: "Get off."
If it was in the past, He Yu would definitely not take into account how Xie Qingcheng felt. He would stay if he wanted to stay, and leave if he wanted to. His own emotions and anger were the most important things.
But at this moment, he was apprehensive.
He Yu's mind was buzzing, and he finally got out of the car under Xie Qingcheng's tired and tough gaze.
Xie Qingcheng: "Wait a minute."
He Yu's eyes lit up slightly, like a beacon of hope lit in his eyes.
Xie Qingcheng: "I'll give you the scarf."
"… "
The light in He Yu's eyes went out again.
He opened his mouth and wanted to say something, but before he could say anything, Xie Qingcheng had already threw the scarf to him, then closed the car window, pushed the accelerator violently, endured his abdomen, waist... Feeling uncomfortable, he turned around and went back, leaving Heyu standing alone in a daze.
He Yu pestered for a long time before he silently found his car and got in.
Very beautiful and comfortable Rambo, but sitting in it, not the co-pilot of Xie Qingcheng, has a real feeling.
He didn't want to go home at all... He didn't want to go back to that grave... So he just walked around the streets of the old town in a daze.
He kept thinking about what happened last night, about what happened before, about the giant beast in his chest that just learned his name, and about the "like" that he couldn't digest for a while.
His whole heart was messed up.
At the beginning of the year, there was no one on the way. He Yu drove the car from day to night. Finally, he parked the car on the side of the inaccessible road, turned on the stereo, and lay on the seat with his eyes open in the eternity of my heart, thinking about the past. Piece by piece, the past is like a tidal wave, rising beyond his heart.
Does he really like Xie Qingcheng
Since when
Does he love him
But where did that love come from
Are you in love with his body? Is it because like attracts? Or has he unknowingly fallen in love with Xie Qingcheng's body and mind
He Yu was troubled, confused, and confused, and wanted to carefully review what happened in the past.
—
He thought of Xie Qingcheng who took the initiative to press him and kiss him on the bed last night.
He thought of Xie Qingcheng who was lying on his back on the water in the reservoir, telling him all the truth in his singing.
He thought of Xie Qingcheng, who could only take the opportunity of acting under the flower tree to wear a police uniform that he could never really put on.
He thought of Xie Qingcheng who lit a cigarette in the cave of Neverland and said lightly that he didn't remember what his dream was.
He Yu thought about Xie Qingcheng's stubborn eyes in the clubhouse, and after the drug alcohol attack, he still held on, looking at him stubbornly. He said-
"He Yu, go back with me. I can tell you anything you want to know."
But it was on that day... the night when he and Xie Qingcheng forged love and hatred for the first time, the night Xie Qingcheng struggled to get him back... He poured a glass of red wine, humiliatingly, and poured it all down. Xie Qing was on the snow-white placket.
He Yu remembered that he put the wine glass down, and across the dim light, the room was wide. He tricked him into pulling the hook and touched his face with a smile.
Then he said, "You deceived me so badly, do you think I will believe you?"
Yes, Xie Qingcheng lied to him and abandoned him.
But he didn't know that Xie Qingcheng's body was so broken that he couldn't even bear his own joys, sorrows and sorrows... But he gave him the last light.
He Yu remembered that Xie Qingcheng had been telling him all along, to be calm, to overcome his inner demons, and to rely on himself to get out of his inner shadow.
This is the only gift that Xie Qingcheng can give to the same kind as the first number of spiritual Ebola, and it is also the last gift.
It was he who told He Yu that the mentally ill should be treated equally.
It was he who told He Yu to find a bridge to reconnect with society.
It was he who said to He Yu, kid, you have to be strong.
Therefore, He Yu tried his best to grow up to be a teenager who does not seem to be much different from ordinary people. He even wanted to convey this idea to every patient who was in deep pain.
Just because Xie Qingcheng once said that the life of a mentally ill person is no different from that of a normal person.
The He family has a sanatorium, and it's just a small piece of meat from a big consortium. He Jiwei doesn't care and leaves it to He Yu to practice. He Yu made the sanatorium into a semi-charity, giving the greatest help to the many people with psychological problems who came to seek help.
Just because Xie Qingcheng once said that cages are reserved for prisoners, not patients who have suffered too much.
After Xie Qingcheng left, he was shaky, and then staggered to stand up again, insisting that he wanted to return to a normal social group. He didn't hurt himself for a long time. He tried to restrain his emotions. The utility knife attached to his wrist was discarded by him in the old days.
Just because Xie Qingcheng once asked him, kid, don't you feel pain...
you…
doesn't it hurt...
Was the seed of admiration planted from then on
Did he not only love Xie Qingcheng's body, but also the soul of that person
What is that person's soul like... He just listened to it before, but he didn't fully understand it.
At this moment, He Yu was breathing heavily, and the tattoo on his wrist was imitated by Xie Qingcheng, as if it had turned into a black ribbon that led the way at this moment, guiding him to keep moving forward... He followed the ribbon forward.
The ribbon fluttered, the fog dissipated, and Xie Qingcheng was in front of him. He Yu could see it better than anyone else at this moment.
The long-sleeping here, the famous water book...
The teenager finally tried to empathize with the man, and he finally found Xie Qingcheng's back in his heart... He saw such a person, one gave him faith, gave him help, and gave him all the blood People who have overcome mental Ebola experience.
He saw the man suppressed the pain, and said calmly, ruthlessly, and decisively: "The life of a mental patient is not as important as a doctor."
Is it a double-edged sword
No.
no.
He Yu already understood that it was the deepest despair.
deepest guilt.
He Yu finally knew that Xie Qingcheng, who had hated him so deeply in the clubhouse, was actually asking Qin Ciyan, teacher, why is my life more important than yours.
He seemed to hear Xie Qingcheng say—
I am a patient.
I am a corpse you pieced together from a pool of blood.
You are the unparalleled scholar of the country, the holy hand of Xinglin, you have a wife, you have a daughter, you have unfinished writings, and you have unfinished dreams.
Why do you tell those people that they will come to you first if something goes wrong
Why are you standing in front of me
He Yu suddenly understood everything and could see everything...
From the perspective of a third person, he saw the old man looking at Xie Qingcheng, and when he saw that the old man did not speak, he smiled, just like every time he saw Xie Qingcheng expressing doubts and confusion, he silently and tolerantly looked at him .
He Yu remembered that Xie Qingcheng once told him in the studio reservoir that the old man was getting older, his heart was getting softer and his temper was getting better and better.
If it wasn't for Elbehai's knife stabbing his flesh and blood, he should have spent his old age with his wife in peace, and Xie Qingcheng could bring him a bunch of lilies and put them in the rattan basket in the study when he visited him.
But later, Xie Qingcheng was no longer qualified to present a bouquet of flowers in front of the old man's grave.
Xie Qingcheng looked at his monument from a distance, and he was about to be chased away by his younger brothers and sisters.
But He Yu knew that he had no regrets.
- This is Xie Qingcheng's soul.
When the man mechanically uttered those musculoskeletal sentences, he was pushing himself into the abyss.
He hated the so-called weak people who kidnapped doctors and asked them to die for their patients. He worried that those naive, reckless, and overly kind juniors didn't know how to protect themselves.
In other words, they dare not say, "Can doctors be protected, because doctors' lives are also lives, doctors are people, they have families, they have wives and children, daughters are mothers. Can you not praise us, but force us to This praise is worth it with blood."
He felt that things should not be like this.
So he sacrificed his reputation and buried his career.
- This is Xie Qingcheng's soul.
He paid the price, like Qin Ciyan protecting him, protecting those people behind who were wearing white clothes, tired, busy, full of enthusiasm, and idealistic.
He Yu had always thought that Xie Qingcheng hated and feared patients.
But what he hated was actually himself.
He Yu didn't know that he had always respected the mentally ill and protected those who were psychologically and physically tortured, and Xie Qingcheng was one of them.
The one closest to him.
- This is Xie Qingcheng's soul.
Like it…
Like it…
Such a person, such a heart, such a soul...
The giant beast in his chest has a name and is circling frantically in his heart.
Through the eyes of this strange beast, he looked down at the man who was in the hospital with his eyebrows sullen and his fingers crossed. He saw the man and Qin Ciyan's transparent soul staring at each other, surrounded by ancient water spirits floating around. , from the years in Brooklyn to the present.
Then Qin Ciyan turned around, the old man put his hands in the pockets of his white coat, and walked slowly away, his back changed from the stumbling of an old man, to the calmness of a mature man, and finally to his youth, a young scholar studying in the United States, with a tucked arm under his arm With a thick stack of books, he smiled and looked at the water elves flying in the sky, and finally turned his head and smiled brightly at Xie Qingcheng, who couldn't catch up with him.
"Xiao Xie, I don't need any reason to save you, because I know you will do what I want to do. If you live, I will live too."
"You are my sustenance, my child, my apprentice, my comrade-in-arms, you are the hope I leave behind. I am old, old people always have to leave, and the old leaves should be protected New leaves fall. My masters in the past also sacrificed their time, their hard work, and then I came to be."
The sunset in Brooklyn fell and shone on the young man. The smiling young man in a European-style suit waved to him and disappeared into a splendor of gold.
He Yu saw Xie Qingcheng stop.
Do not catch up.
Xie Qingcheng stopped in his footsteps.
Dr. Xie watched Dr. Qin disappear little by little, just like watching the icy corpses of his parents in the rainy night. The light of the sky was like arrowheads, like rainstorms, like fireworks, like the light cast by that person in his life. At this moment, it shone on his face, His expression shattered in an instant, and he stood stiffly. Standing for a long time.
He Yu knew that Xie Qingcheng could not go to Brooklyn.
He must go back. He has to look back.
So, Doctor Xie raised his hand, silently and ruthlessly, put on the mask called "Betrayer", called "Coward" and called "Desire". Turn around and look back at the others. Sad, resolute, resolute eyes, revealed from behind the mask.
He walked back, in the opposite direction to Qin Ciyan.
He walked into the unfinished night.
Burning his body by the fire, slaying his heart by the blade, he walked step by step, with great determination.
He Yu looked at... Through the eyes of the strange beast, he finally saw everything so clearly, every step of Xie Qingcheng seemed to be hitting his heart.
- This is the real Xie Qingcheng.
What He Yu knew was Xie Qingcheng.
like. like.
He likes this person's body, this person's heart, he likes this person's scars, and he loves his sick body.
like.
like…
This giant beast, let him see everything, everything about himself, everything Xie Qing presented so clearly—
So, in the middle of the long night, before dawn.
The teenager finally hoarse, facing the fragile, light morning.
After realizing it, he murmured and said, "Xie Qingcheng..."
"You... don't you feel pain... "
Xie Qingcheng, don't you feel pain...
these years.
You, does it hurt
you... not alone...