Xie Qingcheng didn't know how he fell asleep.
If it was in the past, his heart was so chaotic and the things he experienced were so messy, he would never have been able to fall asleep anyway.
But his health was getting worse and worse, and he had just undergone RN-13 treatment, which was a thousand times more painful than chemotherapy.
He didn't want to sleep, he felt that he needed to calm down and think about the reason for the increasingly obvious inner tremor when he faced He Yu.
He looked at He Yu's closed door.
He was outside the door, He Yu was inside, and the door was not opened...
The more Xie Qingcheng thought about it, the more he couldn't understand. He thought about what happened just now, especially the repressed choking sound of He Yu at the end, which made him feel more and more uncomfortable.
In the end, he scolded himself in a low voice, and fell back on the sofa in a dejected manner.
Tired and painful, Xie Qingcheng, who finally fell asleep, had a dream.
He dreamed that he was trapped in a tattered puppet bear, standing in front of the Ferris wheel in the amusement park, as if waiting for someone.
He didn't know who he was waiting for, he just stood clumsily and shabby with a handful of amusement park hydrogen balloons in his hand.
The Ferris wheel was turning slowly, the neon lights changed, and the tourists who had finished riding walked down laughing and talking, and no one paid attention to the corner where he was standing.
Tourists come in groups.
They laughed happily and contentedly, and Ragbear and his toy balloon were superfluous to them. So they can't see him.
After a while, Xie Qingcheng realized that he seemed to be waiting for someone who needed him and wanted to take the balloon from his hand.
But he seems to be under some kind of magic, can't speak, can't treat each other with his true face, can only stand like this, wait... wait...
In the sound of the dreamlike playground music, a couple came down, Xie Qingcheng suddenly realized that they were his own parents, and he wanted to move his body and walk over.
But his father waved his hand and took down a white-horse carriage in the paradise. Zhou Muying followed him, and the two of them were gradually blinded by the white horse.
Xie Qingcheng stopped in a daze.
He knew that they had already left, and there was no turning back.
The second person to get off the Ferris wheel was Qin Ciyan.
Lao Qin was alone, wearing the white coat he had worn all his life, looking around with a smile, Xie Qingcheng wanted to make him stop, but suddenly a child ran in the distance - a boy of six or seven years old, holding a sweet He raised his head and shouted something to Lao Qin, but Xie Qingcheng couldn't hear it.
But he already knew who that kid was.
Lao Qin stretched out his hand and held the palm of the little boy. The man and the boy gradually disappeared in the colorful lights of the paradise. They looked very happy.
It's a happiness I've never had before.
Only Xie Qingcheng stayed where he was.
It's already dark.
The third person who came down was Xie Xue. Xie Xue was jumping up and down. When she was running from a distance, her figure changed from a five- or six-year-old girl to what she is now.
When Xie Xue passed by him, he was stunned for a moment.
, she stared at the rag doll, and seemed to think he was familiar. After a few seconds, she walked up to him, laughed, and was about to speak—
Suddenly someone was calling her name in the distance.
Xie Qingcheng couldn't see the person's appearance, but he knew that it was a man, the one Xie Xue wanted to spend the rest of his life with in the end.
Xie Xue heard that person's voice, turned her head and thought about it, she was not a child after all, whether it was a doll or a colorful balloon, it should not belong to her anymore.
So she smiled at him one last time, waved her childhood favorite bear puppet toy, stepped on the small white high heels, and walked briskly towards her bright future.
God, it's totally dark.
On the Ferris wheel, many people came down one after another.
There is Chen Man, Aunt Li, and Li Rouqiu... But they all have their own direction to go, no one... No one needs the hug of the broken bear puppet, no one needs the broken bear puppet to hold tightly. Colorful balloons in hands.
The amusement park is about to close, and everyone is leaving.
He stood alone in the slump of interest, blinking slowly in the bear puppet, he gradually closed his eyes, and gradually let go of his hands, and let those balloons that could not cheer anyone else flutteringly returned to the sky...
However-
"Thank you doctor."
"Thank you doctor."
He heard someone calling him.
He opened his eyes vaguely, but there was no one in sight.
"Look at me, I'm here."
He lowered his head and saw a neatly groomed and beautiful child, seven or eight years old, looking up at him.
That was the first time he saw He Yu...
"Doctor Xie, why don't you go home?"
"..." He couldn't answer, he was in the puppet, in the magic.
And even if he could answer, what would he say
He has no home.
"By the way, Dr. Xie..." Xiao Heyu stretched out his hand, he held up a small face man in the shape of a dragon, "This is what I made at the playground today... I'll give it to you..."
He put the little dragon masked man in the pocket of Xie Qingcheng's doll suit.
The child laughed: "Can you praise me?"
"Can you give me a hug?"
"… "
can you give me a hug...
It seems that he has heard what He Yu said countless times.
Sad, impulsive, coquettish, earnest, pleading, desperate—
He Yu's voice.
told him over and over again.
This is a lonely child, stubbornly begging for a little response from him.
Can you give me a hug? Xie Qingcheng
Just like when I hug you.
The child has been waiting, waiting...
But Xie Qingcheng couldn't move. Xie Qingcheng was in the bear puppet, unable to speak or bend down to give him any reaction.
He Yu looked into his eyes, and slowly, from anticipation, to blankness, from blankness to confusion, from confusion to disappointment...
He just silently looked at Xie Qingcheng in despair.
Then - his body gradually became transparent - he too - he also disappeared.
He's going to disappear...
Xie Qingcheng suddenly felt very uncomfortable. In his dream, he tried his best to break free from the shackles of magic. He wanted to give him the colored balls in his hand. He wanted to ask him, can you see me? do you know i'm in there? He wanted to reach out-
Suddenly.
The surroundings seemed to have become white all of a sudden. The colorful lights, Ferris wheel, and the masonry streets where the floats were parading, all faded, and it became a scene like in a colored lead painting.
Xie Qingcheng opened his eyes wide.
Someone hugged him from behind.
He didn't turn his head, but his heart was already calm, and gradually he was racing to catch up with the body's reaction. There was a great tremor in his chest, and he could feel the familiar body temperature and smell...
The childhood He Yu disappeared in front of his eyes, and the grown up He Yu hugged him behind him.
Xie Qingcheng could feel his hot tears streaming down and falling on his shoulders... The tattered puppet bear was hugged tightly by the tall and handsome young man, He Yu burst into tears and said softly, "I know you are inside. .do not go."
"I also need a puppet bear."
"I still want the colored balls in your hand..."
"Xie Qingcheng, give me your balloons and dolls. Will you?"
"You... you turn around and give me a hug, okay... "
That moment.
It was at that moment that Xie Qingcheng's heart seemed to be hit by the heaviest and heaviest hit. The hit destroyed the magic tied to him and broke the shackles that made him unable to move himself.
The broken bear puppet turned around awkwardly, and looked at him silently for a long time with eyes like chocolate beans—
Then it stretched out its dilapidated arms that no one needed to rely on, and slowly... slowly... slowly... Finally, it hugged the young man standing in front of him wiping tears...
"do not Cry."
The hoarse voice could finally be unsealed from the puppet, and with difficulty, flowed out from his voice that had been unable to speak for a long time.
"Don't cry, He Yu..."
"Do not cry… "
Withered lips murmured, eyelids rolled - Xie Qingcheng woke up abruptly from the dream.
His eyes were still scattered, and the afterglow of the dream hadn't disappeared.
He raised his hand, trembling, and touched his eyelid lightly.
He is...
What did you dream about
The earthquake of the heart continued, affecting the limbs, and even the fingertips could not calm down.
He wiped his eyes in disbelief—the damp heat.
There were real tears.
"..." Xie Qingcheng was lying on the sofa, his chest rising and falling more rapidly than usual. He still had those neon lights in his eyes, and there seemed to be the ethereal singing of the playground in his ears.
He didn't want to believe what he dreamed, the response and vulnerability in his dream.
He was even more reluctant to believe the feelings he showed at that moment...
He really responded to He Yu.
He was paralyzed on the sofa, with no strength in his body, his Adam's apple rolling, and his eyes were wide open, thinking about all this.
Think of the last hug in my dream
, the heart is still trembling.
It took Xie Qingcheng a long time to restrain his emotions. He wiped the wetness from the end of his eyes and raised his hand to look at his watch - it was already past two in the morning, did He Yu leave
He turned to look at the study door, which was still closed.
Xie Qingcheng calmed down for a while, got up in a rustling manner, and just walked to the door of the study to knock on the door, when he heard the kitchen door open - He Yu was originally in the kitchen.
"Are you awake?" He Yu seemed to be still embarrassed by what happened to the two of them before going to bed. For a while, he didn't want to look directly at Xie Qingcheng. Instead, he folded his hand and coughed to cover up, and whispered, "Well, I cooked a late-night snack, and you haven't eaten yet, right? I wanted to wake you up later. It will be soon... You are waiting for me for five minutes."
Although He Yu didn't want Xie Qingcheng into the kitchen and wanted to bring out the dishes directly, Xie Qingcheng went in anyway.
A casserole was simmered on the stovetop over low heat, steaming hot, and a smell that was definitely not unfamiliar to the old Huzhou people wafted out of it.
Xie Qingcheng walked over and saw He Yu's mobile phone still placed in front of the stove.
The young master is not very good at cooking. This is what he learned and sold according to the online recipe. The title of the recipe was also displayed on the screen, and the title was cliché and straightforward—
Make a pot of soup for your baby.
Xie Qingcheng looked away from the title, as if avoiding something.
He took the insulated wet towel, lifted the lid of the casserole, and the steam inside was bubbling out, blurring his resolute face.
The stew in the pot is really pickled.
Xie Qingcheng likes this dish very much. Aunt Li can cook it, and he can do it himself, but it's not as good as his mother's cooking.
Pickled Duxian is a typical southern dish, which requires the use of young bamboo shoots, ham spare ribs and Qianzhangjie, but cooking this dish also requires an invisible ingredient, which is patience.
The pickled tuk-tuk is made from the gurgling sound of the soup head when it is simmering slowly. During the long and patient stewing process, the freshness of bamboo shoots, the freshness and saltiness of ham, and the fragrance of spare ribs have all turned into the essence of the pot, and have been cooked into the thousand knots of Bona's various flavors.
He Yu is so thick-skinned, he can't hang up now, he wants to rush Xie Qingcheng out again: "Don't stand here, I can't play well if you stand here, you, you go out first."
"..."
—
"Don't stand in the kitchen and distract me, go out." Zhou Muying said this to Xie Qingcheng before.
He Yu was just like her in this respect.
Xie Qingcheng wanted to say something, but in the end he didn't say anything, he went out.
As he sat in the living room and waited, he kept thinking about his dreams and everything that had happened before.
He knew that He Yu had dug out a heart and wanted to give it to himself.
He had never seen love so intense before, so at first he thought it was just a teenage whim. Not really.
He was like a king who couldn't recognize He's jade, and He Yu was a person from Huaibi who was wronged by him. He Yu has proven time and time again that his heart is true. He told Xie Qingcheng that you are irreplaceable. If you think that it is wrong for me to love you, I will be wrong for the rest of my life, until the day I die, It also proves that I am right.
He said, every day I live, I will accompany you, every hour, every minute
clock, every second. I love you, I will protect you, and I will be with you.
Xie Qingcheng is not a heart of stone, and it is false to say that it has not been touched. But what made him unable to break free was actually He Yu's need for him.
Xie Qingcheng is always a macho man. What he does most often and is used to doing is to take care of others. As if that was the meaning of his existence.
Xie Qingcheng thought carefully, if one day, he is gone, how will everyone around them live
He knew that Aunt Li, Chen Nan, Xie Xue... They would definitely be very sad, but he also believed that they could support each other and slowly come out of that sadness.
There are many bridges between them and the society. It is painful to lose one of them, but it will not be impossible to get out.
Then he thought of He Yu.
If he was gone, would He Yu still be obediently cooking soup in the kitchen? Will he still keep a fire in front of a recipe and cook a meal seriously
If he is gone, will He Yu still find someone to talk to, try his best to see a doctor, try his best to restrain himself, so as not to be swallowed up by his inner demons, he will follow another person and tell them about the trivial things that happened today, and then Seeking a hug from that person
Xie Qingcheng knew that it was difficult.
He Yu was too stubborn.
He can bleed his head, burn jade and stone, and fall into madness, but he doesn't know how to turn back.
Even if he knows that a road is dead and dark, as long as he steps on it, he will keep going.
Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes.
He didn't expect that at the end, the remaining person who made him unpredictable in his subsequent life, and the person who made him the most worried, would be He Yu.
"It's ready, try it!"
He Yu came out of the kitchen, brought a steaming bowl, and put it in front of Xie Qingcheng.
"I'm very smart, it should taste good."
Xie Qingcheng took a look and found that it wasn't salted duxian.
It was a bowl of noodles, the soup color was creamy and mellow, the noodles were smooth and delicate, with the tender green Shanghai green simmered in hot water on it, a golden poached egg laying on it, and fried shiitake mushrooms with fragrant minced meat. The toppings covered the soup noodles, and finally several thousand knots of umami were boiled on the top, sprinkled with a handful of white sesame seeds.
The essence of pickled duxian lies in the soup and thousand knots, because the umami of bamboo shoots, ham and meat has been completely given to them.
Xie Qingcheng looked at this bowl of noodles made with pickled and fresh soup, as if He Yu had exhausted all his enthusiasm, love, and kindness, and then eagerly held it in front of him. He knew something was breaking down in his heart.
"He Yu."
The teenager raised his almond eyes: "Huh?"
"… "
Xie Qingcheng found that he wanted to apologize for his cruelty to him before.
He was so mad at him for no reason, and a few hours later, he returned him a warm pot of soup...
Xie Qingcheng felt very uncomfortable. He really wanted to reach out and give this lonely dragon a hug.
Just like in a dream, He Yu hugged him, who was trapped in a worn-out puppet bear.
But in the end, he endured the slight trembling of his fingertips and did not do that.
If a bridge is going to be demolished eventually, it shouldn't
Let it be the road that teenagers are used to walking.
Xie Qingcheng was still very rational in the end, and looked away restrainedly.
"Let's eat some together too."
"I'm fine with meat, I like meat."
"..." Who doesn't know that the marinated meat has already boiled the essence into the soup, so what flavor is left
But He Yu, a picky eater who is more picky than anything else, really went to scoop up some meat and bones, and sat opposite Xie Qingcheng to eat.
canine-like.
Xie Qingcheng thought about it for a long time, and finally made up his mind and said, "... He Yu. Come to me on the weekend and I will cook you what you want to eat. Then... "
Before he could finish speaking, He Yu's joy and frustration overflowed in an instant: "Is it the weekend? ... I'm going to the sports meeting on the weekend, and the school reported it to me."
Xie Qingcheng thought for a while: "Then let's play well. I'll talk about it next time."
"Then will you come to see me play?"
"… "
"can you?"
"I have classes on weekend mornings, I will try my best."
Xie Qingcheng said, as if he felt that the boy's eyes were too hot, so he lowered his eyes and ate the noodles.
The boy was happy again.
And at that moment, Xie Qingcheng felt so much pain in his heart...
He finally knew that he also cared about He Yu that much, but so what
His lifespan is short, if he can't let go of the warmth He Yu gave him, if they keep going like this, then in the end, he will die by himself. Although he enjoys all the love of the young man, he only leaves the young man with a long sadness. Selfish and irresponsible.
Long-term pain is worse than short-term pain. After procrastinating for so long, it turned out to be because he had him in his heart, and it was difficult to remove it...
However, now is also the time, it is time to completely cut off the heart-
It was time for him to let go of the child who wanted to hug the bear doll.