He Yu stood there blankly.
He felt that he must have heard it wrong.
"What did you say?"
"… "
But before Xie Qingcheng could speak, He Yu interrupted him immediately, and then stammered as if to escape something, "No no no... You, wait a moment..."
"Chuanbei Sydney is still stewing in the pot, I'll get it for you... I... "
It seems that a cup of Chuanbei Sydney can change everything.
The boy turned around and wanted to run to the kitchen, as if it was his shell, so he would not be stabbed by any sharp weapon when he escaped.
But Xie Qingcheng's voice came, freezing his footsteps.
"No need, He Yu."
"… "
"I should go back."
Xie Qingcheng and He Yu slept many times, and woke up many times, turning their faces and ignoring them.
Only this time, when he punished He Yu, he actually hurt himself.
Every word came out of his throat, and there was a thorn in his heart, so that Xie Qingcheng was already very ill, and his body was shaking slightly when he was struggling.
But He Yu couldn't see it.
After hearing Xie Qingcheng's resolute words, he couldn't help shedding tears, and now his face was full of tears, and he didn't dare to look back.
He felt that Xie Qingcheng was bullying him again.
Every time Xie Qingcheng used him, he didn't want him, and he said anything cruel.
He didn't know what he didn't do well, he had obviously been very attentive, like boiling the rock candy Sydney in that pot, he had boiled all his emotions and simmered them, trying his best to be not difficult to eat, easy to digest, Then, hesitantly, he held it to the man.
But Xie Qingcheng said that it was over.
He will never like him.
He Yu turned his back to Xie Qingcheng and opened his mouth. The first time, he couldn't make a sound. It was not until the second time that he found his voice.
Terribly hoarse.
"...you, you eat the... pear first, we're talking about this, okay?"
"..."
He Yu choked up: "You can eat a little... You can eat a little... OK?... I've been learning for a long time... "
I have been studying for a long time.
Originally, I didn't know how to do housework or peel fruit, and I didn't know how to stew Sydney pear with rock sugar Sichuan shellfish.
I would never have loved anyone so humbly.
You don't take care of someone like that.
Now I will.
I have been studying for a long time, Xie Qingcheng.
Just have a taste.
Just look at me.
He Yu's fingers were still wrapped in Band-Aid, and when he was peeling the pear, he cut his hand and was bleeding. But he didn't care at the time, he just thought that when Xie Qingcheng woke up, he could bring him a bowl of steaming pear paste.
But Xie Qingcheng woke up, and Xie Qingcheng said that he didn't want him.
He Yu's tears kept falling. He cried so sadly, but he suppressed his voice, and he refused to let Xie Qingcheng hear it, and he did not want to turn back and let Xie Qingcheng see it.
He finally walked into the kitchen with his head down and slammed the door.
On the countertop of the kitchen, there are also sugar, Sydney chunks, and a knife for cutting fruit.
He Yu packed up those things little by little, and silently wept as he put them away.
In fact, this apartment has never had a fire since he got the key. He used to come to live by himself, but he was too lazy to cook. He either went out to eat, or let the hotel chef cook it and bring it to his house.
This is the first time he has opened fire here for one person, turning an "apartment" into a "home".
Didn't expect it to end like this.
He Yu suppressed his crying, stood in the kitchen for a long time, tried his best to calm down, and finally washed his face to prevent Xie Qingcheng from seeing that he had shed tears.
After an unknown amount of time, the kitchen door was pushed open.
Xie Qingcheng stood outside the door and had already changed his clothes. He said to him, "He Yu."
"… "
"I didn't make this decision because I think there is something wrong with you."
"… "
"And because of myself. I really can't take a man's liking."
He Yu lowered his eyes and stood helplessly by the sink: "... gender... is that important to you?"
He raised his eyes.
Xie Qingcheng knew at the first moment that this child... had cried.
Those eyes were moist and red, and they looked at him like that.
"Xie Qingcheng, are these important?"
"… "
"It's more important than sincerity, isn't it?"
Xie Qingcheng could not answer.
What can he say? He can't always say, I'm sorry, He Yu, I don't think you are a man, in fact, it's because I don't live long, and I find that I can't change your feelings for me at all, so I have to do it, I hope you Don't waste your youth on me.
He Yu was quiet for a while, watching the small flames of pear soup rolling on the stove.
He had been enduring it all the time, and suddenly he couldn't bear it any longer.
He looked back at Xie Qingcheng, his voice trembling slightly because of his sadness: "Did you know Xie Qingcheng? You can't find a second person in this world who loves you like me."
Xie Qingcheng looked at him for a long time, and at this moment he wanted to stretch out his arms to comfort this clumsy, embarrassed, humble but proud young dragon.
His feelings for He Yu, from the initial shock, to the later doubts, from the later doubts, to the current heartbreak.
When Xie Qingcheng and Li Rouqiu divorced, he said that he had never seen them before, and he would not believe in that kind of love that flies into a flame and doesn't care.
It was He Yu who let him see it.
The more clearly he saw this love, the more painful it was in his heart. He Yu was like a puppy he accidentally saw on the road. Because he felt so pitiful, he threw some food for him. He originally just wanted to maintain such a simple relationship, and never thought about adopting this puppy or establishing any unnecessary closeness with it.
But the puppy didn't think so.
It waits for him obediently in that position every day, and when it sees him, it will happily run over and rub against his legs, and it has been tamed by him inadvertently - but he knows that he will not be in the near future. It will take this road, and it will not wait for the person passing by.
What option did he have other than not feeding it any food, or even pretending he couldn't see it
But the puppy didn't know, the puppy chased after him whimpering, and didn't understand why he suddenly ignored it, was it too dirty? Or too ugly? Or because it's a little sick dog? So he will always just feed it a few mouthfuls of food, but he is unwilling to hold it, nor can he like it.
Xie Qingcheng finally lowered his hand.
He didn't give He Yu that hug.
"I knew I couldn't meet someone who liked me like you did," he said.
He Yu opened his eyes slightly, and some vague hope flashed in them.
Xie Qingcheng did not deny his feelings.
Having experienced the separation at the age of fourteen, Xie Qingcheng knew that he should not deny any He Yu's sincerity. This is the last respect and protection he can give He Yu.
"He Yu, I am thirty-three years old. I have been married and divorced. I have kissed many times and met countless people." Xie Qingcheng leaned against the warm stove, weakly and quietly, Almost gently, he told He Yu what really came from the bottom of his heart, "Actually, my conditions are not very good, I am old, in poor health, I don't understand style, I am still busy with work, and I can't give others materially. Too much satisfaction. I have self-awareness."
He Yu's tears were about to fall again, and he shook his head.
Xie Qingcheng is a person who almost never underestimates himself.
He is confident and strong.
But at this moment, Xie Qingcheng was in front of him, almost sighing and showing his shabby one by one. The way of watching him soberly and calmly admit how bad he was was even more painful than Xie Qingcheng's rejection of him. .
He Yu choked and said, "No..."
"What I said is the truth." Xie Qingcheng was very calm, facing a person who treated him with sincerity, he could also show him his embarrassment, "Actually, I know that a person like me , the most suitable ending is loneliness - I know that I am good looking and will attract some girls' liking, but liking and love are different, and love and true feelings are different. After Li Rouqiu and I divorced, I have given up my heart, thinking that I will never get a true love."
"But you gave me your feelings."
"He Yu, I'm sorry, I didn't believe you really liked me from the beginning. Because you are too young and a boy, I thought you were wrong about your feelings, and even wanted to guide you. You, let you admit that it's just a dependence." Xie Qingcheng paused, coughed lightly, and continued, "I know I hurt your heart."
"Thank you bro..."
"Listen to me." Xie Qingcheng's lips were pale, and at this moment, it was even more morbidly white, "... I know that you are the best, and you are the best to me. You almost want to put your heart Dig it out and show it to me, so that I can understand your intentions."
"I've seen it all now. He Yu. I've understood it all."
This time the kid couldn't bear it anymore, the moisture in his eyes became heavier and heavier, he turned his head to one side, stopped for a while, and raised his hand to wipe his eyes.
He was really aggrieved.
The feeling of being constantly denied, suppressed, misunderstood, and finally recognized one day, as long as anyone who has experienced it, may be able to understand the bitterness and bitterness that came to their hearts at that moment.
"It's my fault. I'm too self-righteous. I think I'm older than you and know more than you. It's because I don't respect your feelings."
With red almond eyes, He Yu whispered, "Brother Xie..."
Xie Qingcheng: "He Yu, I have never met anyone before and liked me as much as you did. I know that I will never meet someone who likes me as much as you do. You have given me a lot of hardships. Alternative memories and feelings."
"… "
"Thank you very much."
"… "
"real."
When Xie Qingcheng said this, he sighed softly.
He closed his eyes, his Adam's apple rolled.
The apology that should be apologized, the acknowledgement that should be given, he finally congratulated him.
The rest is cruelty that must be spoken.
He expressed all the warmth in his heart, and his chest was about to freeze the city... He slowly opened his eyes and said to He Yu: "But I still can't accept you. I can't do it."
He Yu: "Why, why are you..."
"Because I feel ashamed, I feel so guilty when I'm with you, and I feel like all these things I did, all the things we did last night...were...so immoral, so counterintuitive. It should not have happened. "Xie Qingcheng forced himself to say all these words, "...Can you think about what you were doing when I was twenty? I was twenty and you were only seven. It was the first time I saw you. , you're so young, you're just a kid. When I was in high school, you were just born... The more I think about it, the more ridiculous it gets... We'll be the laughing stock of others together, you understand?"
He Yu looked at him with red eyes and shook his head: "I don't understand."
"… "
"Why are we together, you have to take care of others? I can ignore everything, and it doesn't matter what others say about me."
"He Yu... You shouldn't suffer that kind of torture, that feeling of being constantly talked about is very painful, you can't... "
"I'm not afraid." He Yu said, "and you have been suffering from those things all the time. From the moment you left the hospital, you have been suffering from this kind of torture. Why can't I bear it?"
"… "
"I know you are afraid that I will be hurt the same way, that people will laugh at me like the men of my uncle... But I don't care about them at all! I don't care what other people say about me, because I know I'm not! I just If I love someone, no matter how others criticize me, I will not change."
The boy's expression is very stubborn, his eyes are so stubborn.
"I don't care about them, I don't care about their eyes and their mouths, Xie Qingcheng, I don't care about anyone in this world, except you."
"… "
Xie Qingcheng's heart door was trying his best to seal it, but He Yu wanted to break in again and again, and wanted to stop the closing of the ice city's door with his flesh and blood before that.
Xie Qingcheng felt even more uncomfortable.
I'm in hell, will you come too
Come, the sea of fire can turn into a galaxy, and the mountain of swords can become a forest...
He closed his eyes and said, "But I care."
He Yu: "… "
"I can't stand being with my sister's students."
He Yu refused to give up, and said like a madman: "If you must care, then I can drop out of school."
"... It's useless for you to drop out. I can't stand being with a boy thirteen years younger than me."
"Then I can find a way to change my ID."
"I can't stand being with your dad - with He Jiwei's son."
He Yu became more and more anxious: "Then I-then I-"
Xie Qingcheng raised his hand and gently touched He Yu's head. He didn't let He Yu say the second half of the sentence, Xie Qingcheng knew that every sentence he said seemed crazy, but it was true. He said to He Yu, "I understand all your sincerity, but... I'm sorry."
"… "
"This is my final decision."
Xie Qingcheng felt that he couldn't face He Yu like this. He put his hand down and wanted to say something, but he didn't say it after all. He turned around and left...
That is at this moment.
He Yu chased after him and hugged him from behind.
The hot tears that the boy had been holding back fell on the back of Xie Qingcheng's neck, on the cinnabar mole, after a few seconds, it slid down.
"Thank you bro..."
"… "
"Thank you doctor..."
"… "
"Xie Qingcheng...!!"
"Are you leaving again..." He Yu's voice was clearly choked, "Are you leaving me again...?!"
It was a cloudy day, and the light seemed so dim, pouring in through the heavy window glass, there was no warmth at all. The silver-like light that was like frost lightly outlined the sides of He Yu and Xie Qingcheng's figures. It was as fragile as the dew on the branches in early spring, and it melted at the touch of a fingertip.
Xie Qingcheng was hugged tightly by him from behind, the back was hot, the back of his neck was hot, the steam in the kitchen was hot, the boy's heart, the boy's tears, the cup of pears that the boy cooked for him clumsily was sweet. The soup is all hot.
His heart couldn't condense in such a temperature, it was like an ocean, and it actually blurred his own vision.
"Don't want me, okay, Xie Qingcheng... You don't want me... "
"… "
"I can't love anyone else anymore. I've already given you my heart. Don't leave... Xie Qingcheng..."
"do not go… "
Xie Qingcheng wanted to turn around and hug him more than ever.
But he knew better than ever that if he hugged him today, everything would never be able to turn back, then when his organs failed and he died of exhaustion, He Yu would suffer more pain than now.
The little milk dog on the side of the road was chasing the human being. He didn't understand why the human being didn't look at him, why he didn't stop. It hurt his heart, and the whimpering sound also drilled deep into the human heart.
pain.
It hurts.
Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes, and a tear finally fell from the end of Canglong's eyes - it was the last drop of warmth before his heart city fell into ice and snow.
Tears fell on the ground, but He Yu never noticed it.
Xie Qingcheng didn't say anything, he raised his cool hand and gently patted He Yu's hand around his waist. And then—he still broke away from his warmth, pushed out the door, and walked towards the frosty road.
There is no turning back.