Xie Qingcheng finally went to the United States.
Xie Xue found out that her physical condition was not good. She was hit too hard. The doctor said that she had obvious pregnancy anxiety and her symptoms were very serious. If Xie Qingcheng didn't cooperate at this time, she might not be able to support it anymore.
Since the age of fourteen, Xie Qingcheng has never lived for himself.
Even if the case has come to light now, his fate seems to have not changed because of it.
Because the procedures were all handled by the Wei family, it was quick to complete. Soon after Xie Qingcheng was discharged from the hospital, he would be ready to leave the country for treatment. The week before he left, Chen slow asked him to meet.
Chen Slow was also seriously injured in the naval battle and spent more than a month in the hospital before recovering.
The meeting place he originally sent to Xie Qingcheng was the vegetarian restaurant they had been to, but after Xie Qingcheng received the news, a few minutes later, he replied that we should change the place, so he made another appointment with a Zen teahouse. .
Chen slow arrived first, and after waiting in the house for a while, Xie Qing came. Chen slow turned back to see him, although he had been prepared, he was still shocked, and then it was not a good taste.
"elder brother… "
It's just over a month that I haven't seen each other, and Xie Qingcheng looks like he is more than ten years older.
His previous temperament was very sharp, very hard and cold, and there was an icy fierceness in his gestures. And now, the desolation and coldness in his eyes are still there, but the ruthlessness that supported him seems to have disappeared. This made him look very tired and ill, described as withered, and his whole person showed some abnormal pallor, like a ghost that was reluctantly kept in the world.
In the past, when Xie Qingcheng and Chen Gan sat together, although the age difference could be seen, it was not so disparate.
It's very obvious now.
Xie Qingcheng sat down in front of him, Chen slow stared at him for a long time, and before he could speak, the circles of his eyes first turned red, he turned his face to one side, held back his tears, and then looked at him again.
Xie Qingcheng: "It's been a long wait."
"Not too long..."
"Have you been hurt?"
"Um."
"That's good."
The conversation between the two was unusually unfamiliar, as if there was an invisible film blocking them.
In the end, Chen Qian couldn't help it and broke the film - touching the content that was almost taboo for the two of them: "Brother... I'm sorry... If, if I knew that he was not from Duan Wen's side, then I definitely won't…”
"It wasn't you who killed him, not your teammates. It wasn't you. You just acted according to the law." Xie Qingcheng leaned back on the chair, folded his arms, and looked at Chen Wan with his eyes - even though one of them had lost any Focus, nothing can be seen.
"It was me who killed him," he said.
Chen slow: "No, brother... don't think like that... "
Xie Qingcheng lowered his eyelashes, as if he didn't want to continue this topic.
A cup of hot tea was steaming in front of the two of them, silently overflowing with steam.
Chen Gan wiped away his tears: "Brother, your eyes..."
"You are the last person to see him." Xie Qingcheng didn't care about his eyes, but suddenly said this to Chen Man.
Chen slow: "... um."
Another few seconds of silence.
Then Xie Qingcheng asked, "Then what happened to his last... Can you tell me about it?"
Chen slow didn't answer, and after a while, a tear fell on the table in front of him.
He Yu finally laughed up to the sky on the boat, his expression was crazy and sad, anyone could see his despair at that time, and he even asked Chen Gan to shoot him with his own hands. The appearance of Chen Wan made him give up his last desire to survive. He felt that Xie Qingcheng did so decisively to protect Chen Wan.
In the last few seconds, He Yu's eyes were full of sadness and hatred.
But how did Chen slow tell Xie Qingcheng
Xie Qingcheng had already lost an eye and had become so rotten and dilapidated, how could Chen Slow insert a sharp knife into his heart again.
Sometimes silence is also an answer.
Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes.
Chen slow said sadly: "Brother... you are... really like him, don't you?"
"… "
"I used to think that you were forced to be with him, or that you had to be with him for some reason, but..." Chen Gan didn't speak any further, tears falling one by one.
Xie Qingcheng didn't say he liked it, nor did he say he didn't like it.
like what...
Is it the feeling that someone like him who can't give He Yu 100% trust has
He has seen true love, and in that love, he has seen the warmest eyes in the world, heard the most sincere confession in the world, and received the protection that he alone has received in the world.
In that love, he has seen what it means to have no complaints and no regrets, what is a moth to a fire, what is infatuation, and what is unswerving.
None of those things belonged to him.
He had never given He Yu anything, how could he say he liked it
Chen slow looked into his eyes worriedly: "brother... don't do this anymore... after you go to the United States, you have to take good care of your illness... okay? The investigation and pursuit of Duan Wen has not ended, and the biggest black hand has not yet. To be brought to justice, I want... I want you to be able to witness the death of my uncle and aunt, my eldest brother... and... and He Yu's organization, to be able to subdue all members of the law and get the retribution they deserve. "
"I know, it may take a long time, but one day, you can see... as long as you are alive."
Chen slowly paused, then said: "Brother, do you know, in the latest investigation, they discovered the truth of Yi Beihai's murder... Even Yi Beihai was Duan Wen who seized the opportunity and used it to test the latest obedient water. A test of the effect! He went to the casino at that time and drank a glass of wine. He didn't have the determination to kill Qin Lao, but there was something in that glass of wine... That version of obedient water failed to transform. Wei Rong confessed that Duan Wen's original order was to threaten Qin Ciyan when he went to seek revenge for his mother, forcing him to tell the secret of a research report, but Yi Beihai accidentally missed it..."
Xie Qingcheng knew what secret report they wanted.
- The first emperor.
Yi Beihai originally had the idea of killing the doctor, but Duan Wen used him, and others couldn't see the mystery at all.
If it were before, the revelation of this layer of truth would undoubtedly shock Xie Qingcheng, but now he just accepts this fact - it seems that he will no longer be surprised by anything, no longer will be happy for anything, no longer will Anything creates any emotion.
He is a dead tree, and everything in it is empty and rotten.
"Brother, Duan Wen will stand in front of the court and be convicted one day. I hope... you can persist until that day."
"I know you must be very sad to lose He Yu, but... you still have Xie Xue, and your nephew who is about to be born, and you still have..." He looked at him with eyes like a rabbit, hesitating for a while, and summoning his courage Going on, "—you and me. We all need you, and we can't live without you."
Xie Qingcheng finally said, "I understand what you mean."
Chen slow: "... bro..."
Xie Qingcheng said: "Chen slow, I may have never loved anyone in my life. Maybe I have never loved He Yu. Because people like me have no right to say whether I like them or not."
Chen slow: "..."
"But I said that no one can replace his position." Xie Qingcheng said, "It was like this in the past, and it will not change in the future. Life or death, that place will always belong to him. It only belongs to him. ."
"Until the day I leave too."
Chen slow burst into tears.
Xie Qingcheng got up and called the waiter to check out. Before leaving, he said something to Chen slow.
He said: "Chen Yan, I'm not worthy of your nostalgia. Go ahead, you will meet someone much better than me. And I." After a while, "I have already put the one who loves me the most. People were killed by my own hands. These times in the future are the price I should pay."
He left and returned to Moyu Lane alone.
On the way, Xie Qingcheng encountered a stall selling small noodles.
Now that autumn is getting deeper and deeper, and the Mid-Autumn Festival is coming soon, the traditional old craftsmen's walking shops have begun to appear on the streets and alleys, hiding from the urban management.
The old craftsman's stall has already made seven or eight kinds of noodle people with Coke bottles inserted in them, including the most common Monkey King, Chang'e, Pleasant Goat, Doraemon... Xie Qingcheng looked at the noodle stall, as if in Watching a spectacle of phantasmagoria.
"Sir, what do you want to buy?"
He woke up in a trance, and it was the old craftsman who was talking to him.
Xie Qingcheng found that he had walked in front of the other party unconsciously: "...can you pinch the dragon?"
"Okay." The old man smiled kindly, and the wrinkles were filled with the tenderness of the years, "Then what do you want to pinch?"
"Two dragons, one red and one silver. Put them together."
The old man thought thoughtfully: "Someone has mentioned this to me before..."
Xie Qingcheng's hand in the pocket of the trench coat was slightly curled up. He didn't even need to ask, he already knew who had mentioned the same wishes with a smile in front of this stall.
He controlled the trembling in his voice and said, "Really..."
"It's New Year's Eve..." The old man remembered and smiled, "He's a very handsome young man."
Xie Qingcheng's voice was a little choked for the first time, he said, "please do as you were then, because..."
He sorted out his emotions before saying the second half of the sentence: "Because that pair of little dragons were given to me."
The old man was surprised and happy: "Then is it still there?"
Xie Qingcheng seemed to have a bitter olive in his throat, and he said softly, "...I lost it."
Xiaolong was ready, exactly the same as what He Yu gave him on New Year's Eve. Xie Qingcheng took the bamboo stick, and the hand holding the bamboo stick trembled slightly.
In the end, he solemnly thanked the old man, and put the little face man in the pocket of his windbreaker, the position closest to his heart—he took it home.
The day before leaving the country, Xie Qing went to complete the last thing in the country.
He went to the cemetery alone.
He Yu has no relatives in China, and no one will erect a monument for him, except Xie Qingcheng.
The monument has been placed, and on this day, the undertaker is waiting for the customer to place the remains of the deceased.
But Xie Qingcheng did not have the remains of He Yu.
The relics found by the police are only broken limbs and flesh, and they will not be handed over to him. He is not anyone from He Yu. Not relatives, not friends... not lovers.
All he had was that pair of tiny mud dragons.
He put it in a nanmu box and put it gently into the tomb. The undertaker had seen all kinds of strange widowhood, so he did not ask any further questions, and cooperated with him to seal the tomb.
"Sir, this is the tool you want." After sealing the tomb, the undertaker handed the engraved knife to Xie Qingcheng.
There are no words on the tombstone, it is empty.
The guests who ordered the monument said from the beginning that they did not need them to carve anything, and only asked them to bring the stone chisel to him.
Such a request is not an isolated case. Some people would like to engrave the name of the deceased on the tablet, as if they could enter the heart of a living person at this moment.
Xie Qingcheng took the knife.
"thanks."
The undertaker bowed slightly and left, leaving the last time to the pair of people separated by life and death.
Xie Qingcheng slowly knelt down in front of the cold tombstone and stroked the blank piece of white jade with his fingers. He didn't cry, and his eyes that had lost their light seemed to be unable to shed any more tears.
He said, "Little devil."
"I'm leaving."
"I know you blame me. It's my fault... I've been cruel to you... I always hope that you can do well by yourself and walk out of the shadows alone, but I forgot that you need a bridge... And I didn't put that bridge for you."
"You hate me. You should blame me too."
His forehead pressed against the bone-chilling monument.
Xie Qingcheng whispered softly, his voice scattered in the wind: "I'm sorry. You told me that you liked it so many times, but I never told you once, kid, in fact, I also... "
He stopped.
me what
It seemed that he was no longer qualified to speak.
Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes. After a long time, he swallowed the words that could not be spoken. Those invisible words seemed to cut his throat. He coughed, and the smell of blood was faint in his lungs.
"...I won't live too long." He said softly, "In the last few years, after finishing the teacher's books, it's time for me to come and see you."
"I don't know if you still want to see me at that time."
Xie Qingcheng's fingers caressed the stone tablet, as if he had caressed He Yu's forehead.
"I'm sorry... for making you fall in love with someone like me... "
"At the end of the day, I can't give you anything..."
"I'm making you sad..."
He slowly sat up straight and held the knife. He saw that the stone tablet was empty. He was about to chisel He Yu's name... But at the moment when the knife was dropped, for some reason, he suddenly thought of He Yu. Yu secretly carried him to get a tattoo when he was a child, and then was discovered.
At that time, He Yu shouted, "I didn't learn from you! I don't like you at all! I don't worship you at all!"
In fact, he was never worthy of He Yu's admiration.
He Yu did better than him.
He's way better than all of them....
Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes, touched the stone tablet with his pale and long fingers, and chiseled the first stroke...
The sun was setting, and when the distant bell rang, he was kneeling in the dust and dust on the ground. His arms were already half-crippled, and only one could use all his strength. It was very difficult to write letters, and the fingers were colorful and bloody. .
He didn't care, just looked at the newly engraved words line by line.
Nothgofhithatdothfade.
Butdothsufferasea-ge.
Intosothgridstrange.
Wrapping the hand of Keats' epitaph, he engraved Shelley's suicide note that could not be left on his wrist during his lifetime, as if to let go of a bad fate and regret that had been planted since childhood.
Xie Qingcheng lowered his eyelashes, his jet-black eyelashes like withered butterfly wings, which could no longer be lifted in the twilight blood.
He raised his hand and put on the icy tablet.
"Little devil... let me hug you again..."
"The last time."
I beg you, let me give you that hug you longed for before, okay... He Yu... I'll give you a hug, okay
The hard and cold stone tablet was pasted on his heart. The moment he closed his eyes completely, he thought of the back of the Ferris wheel that never looked back...
Really cold.
But he touched his forehead lightly and hugged for a long time.
He was wondering, when He Yu held him in the past, it was like holding a piece of ice or stone that would never respond, kissing frost and snow.
It was so cold, and now it was finally his turn to experience it. He only held it for such a limited time, and his limbs felt numb and his chest was cold.
How did He Yu persist for so long, persisting in the wait that never got a response, day after day, until the day of death...
Xie Qingcheng wanted to ask the boy why.
He really wanted to catch up with He Yu's footsteps in front of the Ferris wheel, catch up, and prevent him from disappearing. catch up -
Ask if it's worth it.
Just ask, kid, how sad you were when you begged me again and again and couldn't get a response.
I ask why you still stagger to get up, and then follow me forward, until the end of the blood is broken, and the lamp runs out.
Let me ask, He Yu... He Yu... Why are you so persistently refusing to stop
why…
To do this for someone like me...
But the young man is no longer there, and that passion for worship will never come back.
Only this nameless monument, accompanied by him in the gradually sinking sunset, faced death with silence.
Yes, the monument is nameless, except for that poem, Xie Qingcheng left nothing behind.
Just like the relationship between them, life and death are entangled, but they are always nameless.
The last thing Xie Qingcheng left behind was only a little mottled blood on his fingertips, but he wiped it carefully before leaving, and even this redness disappeared.
Tombstones are clean.
Just like the gentle and beautiful eyes when the young man laughed.
Those eyes seem to be saying, Xie Qingcheng, Dr. Xie... Brother Xie, give me a hug, okay
I'm young, but I really love you, please believe me.
I did not lie to you…
Xie Qingcheng knelt in front of the tomb, the setting sun finally completely sank from the horizon, he stooped in the last blood, and slowly closed his eyes.
In the sky, there were faint crows mocking and choking like sobbing, and the last trace of light also shivered and slipped down into the clouds in this blood-like mourning sound.
.
The next day, Xie Qingcheng was leaving.
A lot of people came to see him off at the airport, Chen Man, Aunt Li, the dean, the Wei family... Even Li Rouqiu came. She had divorced her later husband, and now she opened a very romantic tavern by herself , She saw the news on the TV in the tavern, and Xie Qing told them about them, just like the general public, she didn't know too much, but combined with various past events, she also guessed a little.
Li Rouqiu was the last one to say goodbye to Xie Qing.
She didn't say anything, just looked at his face and shed a line of tears. In such a short year, Xie Qingcheng lost the light of his left eye, his healthy arm, his spirit, and an irreplaceable person...
But he still had to live.
She looked at him and could hardly recognize him. He was still the same Xie Qingcheng, but he was already damaged beyond recognition.
She choked and said, "Brother Xie, I hope you will be fine in the future..."
He looked at her and said, "So are you. Hope you are all well too."
Li Rouqiu: "What I did in the past was too naive, I hope you can forgive me."
"You just want a normal relationship, but I didn't give it to you." Xie Qingcheng said, "I did something bad. I hope you can forgive me."
Li Rouqiu looked at him with tears in her eyes. She felt that the way he said these things made her sad. In fact, his life was almost exhausted, and the effect of going to the United States for treatment was unknown. Maybe he could not achieve the desired results. With the thought that we might not see each other in the future, I had the last word with her.
Xie Qingcheng said goodbye to them, and after entering the customs, he went abroad, but he packed less luggage than the simplest trip. There was only one box with some clothes and some unfinished notes...
As for the little fire dragon that He Yu had given him, he glued it again and put it in his trench coat pocket.
At the moment when the plane rushed into the sky, he closed his eyes, raised his hand and lightly touched the position of his heart, touching the lifeless little dragon.
He opened his eyes and looked out the window. Clouds flowed past the cabin like a river flowing into the sea—everything about his past, all his obsessions...
In the end, it all went with the wind.