six years ago.
A lonely house.
No laughter, no company.
Although the servants at home prepared cakes for He Yu according to the instructions of He Jiwei and Lu Zhishu, but He Yu did not eat them. On his birthday, his parents were away, and he was in Yanzhou with his younger brother. They said that there was a very important client to talk about today, and they could only see if there was time to catch a flight back after the talk was over.
He also doesn't have many friends, and most of his classmates are polite and distant. It would be too tense to invite them to the birthday party.
On that day, Xie Qingcheng was not in Shanghai either. He had a meeting, and he went on a business trip as Xie Xue asked in his text message.
Even the God of Heaven is not beautiful. It was pouring rain outside, and the wind was blowing. He Yu was standing in the living room. .
when-when-when-
The big clock in the villa rang every hour, and every time it struck the time on the clock face with precision.
From afternoon, to dusk, to nightfall.
"Master... Don't wait, Mr. He and Mr. Lu said that he won't be back today..." The housekeeper couldn't bear it, he stepped forward cautiously, and put on a dress for He Yu, "Go to bed earlier."
"It doesn't matter, in fact, today is not an official day." He Yu turned around, still smiling, "Go ahead, I'll rest in a while. I'll watch the rain later."
The butler sighed softly and went down.
It really doesn't matter, does it matter
Not at all, he was just waiting—
He felt that in this world, there should always be a person who can brave the wind and rain to come to him, think of him, read him, and accompany him in the dark.
He's not that bad either, he's not going to be punished like that, he's so lonely, is he
He waited.
wait...
"He Yu! He Yu!!"
I don't know how long it took, it seemed that just as the clock was about to strike at midnight, he heard someone knocking on the door outside, and the girl's weak voice seemed very faint in the wind and rain, like an illusion.
He opened his eyes slightly, hurried over, and opened the door.
Standing outside was the panting Xie Xue—the only one of the opposite sex who was familiar with him. The only one, a playmate who has been with him for many years.
Xie Xue was wearing a raincoat, and there was water on his face and forehead. It was cold and had no temperature, but when he looked up at him, it was warm.
She sniffed and smiled while taking off her raincoat, revealing the carefully guarded birthday cake underneath.
"Finally caught up, didn't you?"
"… How did you come… "
"I don't want you to celebrate your birthday alone, it's so pitiful." Xie Xue wiped the water that was still running down her hair, "I made you your favorite chocolate-flavored cake. Drenched to death, such a heavy rain, living a ghost..."
At that moment, He Yu's resentment seemed to dissipate, and the vacancies were filled.
He grabbed Xie Xue's cold hand and pulled her in. He felt that his voice was hoarse. He said, "I think, I shouldn't be alone..."
"How is that possible. How can you be alone? You and me, I will always be by your side."
"… "
"Happy thirteenth birthday, He Yu." The girl smiled and became the brightest ray of light in the dim villa.
After a long time, He Yu can't remember clearly.
All he remembered was that later he went to the refrigerator to look for the unfinished chocolate cake, but it was gone.
Of course, along with the cake were the untouched treats that the nanny had baked for him.
Seeing his gloomy face, the nanny didn't wait for him to get angry, and explained: "Those things are not fresh, they will eat badly, so they are poured... If you still want to eat, we will do it tonight."
But it won't be the cake that Xie Xueyuye brought.
He Yu said, "It's okay, forget it."
…
He Yu looked at the projection in front of him, like falling into an ice cave. He clearly remembered that Xie Xue had been here that day.
On that day... it was... someone accompanied him, someone remembered him...
But-
The information on the projection was retrieved and deciphered by He Yu himself, and the cloud storage traces were backed up, which would never be fake.
"Brother, Aunt Li is sick. I'm hanging out with her. When will you come back from a business trip? The procedures in the hospital are in a mess. My head is big. If only you were here..."
How could this be
how so! !
He turned out the computer, turned his fingers like flying, his expression was almost distorted, and his eyes were close to madness, as if he wanted to dig the grave of information, open the coffin and expose the corpse, and find the truth that had been buried for a long time.
He retrieved the information of those days very quickly.
Xie Xue, Xie Qingcheng, He Jiwei, Lu Zhishu.
The truth is like an incorrupt corpse, and in the cloud information library, a sneer and sneer appeared at him.
fake…
fake…
fake! ! !
Because it's been a long time, a lot of chat records can no longer be captured, but the information successfully restored is enough to prove that Xie Xue that night, the night he needed her the most, she—
Never been there at all.
He Yu even saw the message she sent to Xie Qingcheng the next day: "Brother, He Yu asked me if I would go to his house and celebrate his birthday, but Aunt Li was so sick yesterday, I was really busy. I'm dizzy, I forgot to answer him, I'm really sorry, can you apologize for me and him... I dare not explain to him... "
Xie Qingcheng: "You don't need to be so close to him."
…
Search again.
The time line moves forward little by little...
Even more startling.
He turned to a record.
It was a dialogue between Xie Qingcheng and He Jiwei.
"He Yu seems to have some kind of imagination when he is helpless. The object of his imagination is your little sister." He Jiwei said, "I recently discovered by accident that some of the things he told me never happened at all. , Doctor Xie, this situation... "
"It's normal for him." Xie Qingcheng replied, "I've always been aware of his behavior."
"how so… "
"He Yu lacks a friend who is about the same age as him, but he refuses to really open his heart to anyone of his age. His thinking is special and precocious, and most of those who are about his age do not. I can understand him too well. The long-term closure has caused him to need an outlet for emotional catharsis. At this time, the closest peers to him can easily become his own reflection."
"Your own reflection?"
"Yes, some children with autism or other psychological problems will imagine a friend in the growth process, and in front of that friend, they can hand over their hearts without reservation. That friend may be completely They don't exist, or maybe they do. The meaning they imagined by the patient is to fulfill the strong desire in the patient's heart."
Xie Qingcheng explained one more thing to He Jiwei: "In fact, not only children with mental illnesses, but even normal children will have some unrealistic fantasies when they are lonely, such as being excluded from the class and having no friends. Sometimes I imagine a friend for myself, thinking that only I can see that friend, and only I can communicate with it. This is a child's instinct for self-protection."
"It's just that people who don't get sick can tell that it's their imagination, an illusion, and not reality. They know it's a sense of comfort they long for. But a child like He Yu. He actually finds it hard to recognize. Know that—especially when he's still partially imagining."
He Jiwei: "Part of the imagination means...?"
"Xie Xue does exist. She is my younger sister. She is the closest friend to him among his friends. She is also very good to him." Xie Qingcheng said, "But I know my sister. , She has always been very enthusiastic in dealing with people. Although He Yu is a close friend of hers, she has not yet reached the level of a close friend, and there are some things she will not do like that."
"However, for He Yu, his spirit needs to be supported, and what Xie Xue does not do, but what he hopes she can do, will be complemented by his own imagination. He only has this one friend, and he does not want to do it. Disappointed with this friend, his subconscious will convince himself repeatedly, making him fully believe that those things happened and that Xie Xue really did it."
"But it's so mysterious, it's hard for me to believe—"
"This is not mysterious at all. The human brain is a very complex and sophisticated instrument. If a person's memory is deviated, and it is repeatedly emphasized and repeated, such a phenomenon will occur."
"Just like some people sometimes confuse reality and dreams, like the so-called Mandela effect."
"The Mandela effect?"
"This is not a rigorous academic concept, but it is suitable for explanation. Mr. He can understand it as a group memory error event. If you search the Internet, you can see many cases. For example... Did Mickey Mouse wear suspenders?"
This time, He Jiwei took a long time to reply to the news. It seemed that he was confused by Xie Qingcheng suddenly asking such a cute question in such a serious conversation.
"Wear it."
"No. But a lot of people believe it's been wearing a pair of bibs all the time. It's the Mandela effect. It's an inherent impression of a false memory that is constantly deepened by the human brain."
"Mr. He can think so, Mickey Mouse is equal to my sister, and it does exist, but she actually has no overalls at all. And He Yu, relying on his own imagination, completed the two non-existent belts, and he was determined not to. I believe that this is how things really look like.”
He Jiwei: "...Then, is this paranoia?"
"It can't be defined that way. For He Yu, this is just his self-protection, self-relief, and self-redemption." After Xie Qing submitted this news, it took a long time before the latter one-
"Mr. He, with all due respect, you and Mr. Lu have given him too little company. Even a child with a healthy heart can rarely tolerate such neglect, not to mention that he is a patient himself."
"He can't get love, but he is strong, maybe it can't be said to be strong, but he knows that it is useless for him to cry, it is useless for him to plead, and there is no way for him to get the response he needs, so he has already He is used to internal friction and self-defense. The Xie Xue he projected has always been his own reflection. It is his heart that comforts himself, and it is he who uses Xie Xue's mouth to tell himself those who want to heard."
"… "
Looking at the dusty information, He Yu thought about the longings in his heart...
For example, I will always be with you.
For example, what he has been waiting for, a face-to-face, happy birthday to you.
Aren't these words what he deeply hopes someone will appeal to him
But he can't wait...
Xie Qingcheng's news: "Because no one told him, and he is a person with high self-esteem, it is impossible for him to tell himself, his brain can only rely on part of his imagination, which satisfies his wishes, It also maintains his dignity. This is a psychological protection mechanism for people, and you don't have to worry too much."
He Jiwei's message: "You already know this?"
"I've been watching it for a while. I can't tell him about it. It hit him too hard."
Xie Qingcheng said: "But I have always told Xie Xue to stay away from him. Xie Xue is not the one he should have emotional dependence on. Neither she nor I, Mr. He. We will leave sooner or later."
"I'm a doctor, I'm not He Yu's relative. I can't spend my whole life on a medical case, especially Xie Xue. I can only help him, and what he lacks, the kind of love he wants, I give Not him. My sister too."
"… "
He Yu did not read the following news, and it was no longer important information.
He knew this, and it was enough.
Enough.
Xie Qingcheng has been lying to him, Xie Xue is also fake, one of them has given him the most powerful creed encouragement, making him believe that he can return to normal society one day, and the other gave him His most gentle companion, she would come to him in time every time he was desperate and helpless.
Like that night when it was pouring rain, she knocked on his door, called his name in the wind and rain, took off her raincoat, and held out the piece of chocolate cake he wanted.
He never thought that maybe that piece of cake, that Xie Xue... didn't exist at all.
And his poor, weak self-comfort, all fell into Xie Qingcheng's eyes, and was looked down on and held by the man.
No one has ever loved him.
It's him like a fool! He was too stupid, too idiotic, too eager to walk into the warmth of the crowd, in order to be a normal person, in order to put away his ugly blue-faced fangs, he produced that faint light from his bloody skull.
Xie Qingcheng saw it, but he said—
"It's impossible for me to spend my whole life on a medical case, especially Xie Xue. I can only help him, and I can't give him the kind of love he lacks and wants. The same is true for my sister."
But if a person has love in himself, why should he lie to himself
What kind of liar will deceive the world and deceive others, but finally deceive himself the most.
Only the poorest and poorest liars do this.
He had too few, and shed too many tears. He had to rely on imagination to get even a happy birthday sentence. If he didn't deceive himself, how could he live by smiling like this
So even in front of him, he was wearing a smiling mask, which he held tightly and refused to take it off. He even lied to himself.
Xie Qingcheng is right, he is dignified.
He doesn't want to be seen as a sick man, he doesn't want to be seen as a lunatic, he knows the location of the Yihe family, and I don't know how many people are waiting for him to fall down to see his ugliness and watch his corpse revel in his blood , Because of this, he is getting stronger and stronger, and he doesn't want to show his scars to anyone for mercy.
He Yu stood for a long time in the empty living room.
After a long time, it seems to have become a little blurry. His eyes are thin and sharp, passing over and over the icy tide of information in front of him, and finally his sharp eyes seem to be eroded by the tide, becoming disjointed and dazed.
He closed his eyes slowly.
A mask, coexisting with flesh and blood, was brutally torn down by Xie Qingcheng at this moment, he raised his hand and touched his face silently.
pain.
It hurts…
It hurt so much that his heart was shaking and his whole body was shaking.
He seemed to have nothing left in the middle of the night.
Xie Qingcheng's creed was false, Xie Xue's intimacy was false, the comfort he gave to himself was false, and in the end, even his self-esteem, and even the hard shell he used to protect himself, the mask was broken. . It was only now that he realized that his ridiculous clown-like face had been exposed in front of Xie Qingcheng for so many years.
So what is he holding on to
Why is he so stupid! Risking his life to accompany that person, perhaps just for a word of recognition, in order to repay the glimmer of hope that Xie Qing had given him in the past...
He didn't even want his life, but to please a liar, to please a gigantic lie!
He Yu laughed lightly, bowed his body, leaned against the wall, the laughter grew louder, more and more mad, like a ghost in a tomb who revives a corpse, and the inner disease puts on a cloak and swims in the dark night. Pulling out, he raised his forehead with his hand, and his laughter was almost crazy, like anger, resentment, sadness and madness, tears streaming down his face...
It was so painful.
He saw Xie Qingcheng open his hand to him in front of him, but there was a cold scalpel lying in the center of his palm.
This is the truth.
He saw Xie Xue smiling and handing him the chocolate, and in a blink of an eye she just looked at him from a distance.
This is the truth...
He sees again...
He saw him standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows again, it was a violent storm outside, the antique clock in the old house struck twelve times, it was late at night, and the surroundings were endless darkness.
But no one knocked on the door.
No one ever knocked on the door.
He just waited like that, from dark to dawn, the wind and rain stopped, and the long night was over, but he couldn't wait for a sincere happy birthday.
This is the truth.
He saw him lying on the restraint bed again, stabbed by the injection, his nose and mouth covered, he was struggling and crying like a dying beast, but he couldn't call anyone's name.
He is an island.
There is no bridge.
This is the fucking truth! the truth! ! !
A child who can't get love, in order to fight against the disease deep in his heart, in order to live hard, he deceived the sky and the earth, deceived himself for many years...
this moment.
He Yu leaned against the wall, the bandages on his shoulders had been torn off by him in revenge, and he let his wounds burst with blood, only blood could make him feel happy and feel that he was indeed alive! He's got a skin, the blood is warm when it comes out, he's alive, he's alive... he's alive...
He tugged at his hair tightly, his fingers turned white, and his veins protruded from the roots. He was like a dragon with blind eyes and broken claws. He lost the treasures he treated with tenderness and the caves in which he hid. He was forced to expose himself in the Under the blue sky and daylight, every ugly scar on his body can be inspected and ridiculed at will.
The dream finally woke up.
He struggled for nearly two decades, and he was still a lunatic.
No one has ever loved him, no one has ever cared about him.
He has nothing but a botched lie.
He got nothing.