After He Jiwei calmed down, the first sentence he said was with a sigh: "If only the photo by your bed was still there."
"I don't know how much you remember that picture. It's one of the few pictures of your mother when she was young. When you were four years old, she still looked like a girl, not like now... "
"She doesn't like seeing herself as she was before she was married. Almost all the old photos of our family have been cleaned up by her. But from that group photo, you should vaguely know that she was very beautiful when she was in her twenties— Even though she was a little out of shape in that group photo, the handsome outline between her eyebrows is still there."
When He Jiwei said this, his eyes unconsciously showed some affection, but that affection came from the past, and it was sent to the lover of the cardamom age, just like an old photo, it has turned yellow slightly.
He closed his eyes for a moment, sighed, opened them again, looked at the carpet, and continued to speak in a low voice.
"I don't know, have you ever thought about why your mother became what she is now. Business entertainment, business dealings—these are exhausting, and they can make many people go from pretty to fat. But that Not absolutely, at least you can see that I haven't changed too much over the years."
"The first time I saw her, she was wearing a long red dress, she smiled innocently, it was really beautiful, and her almond eyes were clear and bright, just like yours. She was also very kind, not so Be more competitive, what I like most is to keep cats and dogs, grow flowers and vegetables, and read books - at that time, whoever saw her would love her from the bottom of their hearts. She and now..." He Jiwei sighed. Heavier, raised his hands, folded his hands, and touched his forehead with his fingertips, "It's really completely different."
"There were many people chasing her at that time, but she finally chose me. Not long after we got married, she had you."
"… "
"But it didn't last long."
"Our family's main business is biopharmaceuticals, as you know. Your mother was afraid of my hard work at that time. She would help me when I went to the laboratory and stared at the equipment. But I never knew what went wrong... Which one? There was a mistake in the link. When your mother was pregnant with you, she was exposed to the virus leaked by the laboratory. Obviously every check is very strict, and there has never been a single mistake in so many years. "
Even if He Jiwei was talking about this matter with his eyes closed, he could see his pain through his knitted brows.
"She was several months pregnant at the time, and our family's personal doctor said she had to undergo treatment, and that treatment would lead to the death of the fetus, and they wanted her to induce labor early. She wouldn't—her My physique is not very good. The doctor said before pregnancy that it is difficult for her to conceive a second child, so she cherishes your presence, and she thinks that she will not have a second child. And in the past few months, She looks forward to your birth with infinite anticipation every day, and she talks to you more than she talks to me - they want you to leave her body, they want you to die, and she refuses."
"Everyone doesn't treat you as a living person, but only as an embryo, a seed, only because she is pregnant with you, she is connected with your flesh and blood every second, so she has not yet differentiated from your fetal heart. She already loved you when she was there, she said that you were the best gift God gave her, so she named you early and called you Heyu."
"We persuaded her for a long time, including me. I'm sorry." He Jiwei said, "I admit that I loved her more than you at that time. I didn't want her to have any accidents. I also kept begging her to induce labor, and there will be no children in the future. , or adopt a child, either. I don't want to lose her."
"But she didn't let go. She seemed to talk well, but once she made up her mind, ten cows couldn't pull it back. She cried every time and said not to hurt He Yu, she said you were afraid, she You can feel that only she can protect you - she thinks it's her fault, she's too negligent to cause the infection accident."
The girl, the woman, the mother, the wife, her hoarse cries seemed to be still in her ears—
"Don't kill him...I can feel him...that's my son..."
"Don't touch him... Can you please don't touch him... You can hurt me, you can do anything, it's my fault, I hurt him, I want him to live... He's so young... Don't kill him, okay... "
He Jiwei had not recalled this memory so carefully for a long time, which was too painful for him.
He suppressed it for a while before trying to calmly recount the past.
"She was about to break down at that time. It's hard to imagine the consequences if she was forced to induce labor. My prediction is that she can't bear it at all. If you die, she will lose her life along with it. The enthusiasm for going on. Every mother is different. She is the kind of woman with a strong motherhood. She can't accept your death because of her mistakes." He Jiwei said, "What's more, she is likely to never die again. I can't be a mother anymore."
"At that time, she washed her face in tears all day long, and she lost shape. Anxiety and fear made her mental state a little abnormal, not to mention that her organs began to decline after she contracted the virus. She ran from home several times. Go... She thinks we're going to kill you while she's asleep, she wants to wait until nine months to give birth, and then no one can stop her."
He Jiwei sighed again: "There's really no way... If it goes on like this, she will torture herself to death. So after getting her back for the last time, I went to a researcher in a laboratory. I asked him Is there any way to deal with the damage that the virus caused her, and at the same time try to protect you as much as possible, so that you can spend the last month safely. - They finally provided me with a drug."
"RN13."
"It's a lab-made cell regeneration drug that perfectly repairs damaged cells."
He Yu was angry and felt that he was perfunctory: "How can there be anything in the world that can completely repair cells!"
"Yes. He Yu, calm down. Yes." He Jiwei said, "but you are right, the cell repair of RN-13 is not complete, it is still in the very early stage of research, and there is still a long way to go. Road. But from the data of the first emperor later... "
He Yu said fiercely, "What is the data of the first emperor?"
"Have you seen "Resident Evil", do you remember the Red Queen in it?"
"The first emperor, like redqueen, is not a real person. Because no one can withstand the full treatment of RN-13 without being tortured to death. It is a simulated data, which symbolizes a human being who has undergone cell regeneration. And The so-called data of the first emperor is calculated from this, and the self-healing ability of human beings against various diseases in this situation."
"I can't explain too much to you specifically, but RN-13 was our best hope at the time. So even though it was dangerous, it wasn't tested on humans, and it was a completely illegal drug, we used it. It's the only possible solution to the worst of all possibilities."
"...I admit that I was sloppy at the time." He Jiwei said, "but I couldn't help it. Pregnancy anxiety, paranoia, depression... superimposed, her mental state was completely chaotic, instead of watching her helplessly Torture myself to death...then I'd rather take a gamble."
The curtains fluttered gently, as if sighing at what happened yesterday.
"It turned out that RN13 did defeat the virus in her body, regenerating her damaged cells at an astonishing rate. She calmed down and gave birth to you."
"But RN13 is destined to be an immature drug, and its ambition is too great. The proposition of cell regeneration is the ultimate challenge to human diseases. With current medical technology, it is impossible to achieve. Chuhuang is just a perfect Just imagined. This drug does have a strong repair effect, and even the failing organ can be reversed and the patient can be saved. But its side effects are also revealed in you and your mother."
"Even though the pharmacists at the time gave you very small doses and careful usage, it all happened inevitably."
"Your mother's hormone secretion began to become abnormal, and her appearance began to become... not so good-looking." It seems that He Jiwei still finds it difficult to use the word "ugly" on his wife to this day, even though this is already visible to a discerning person fact.
But he couldn't speak.
It was his wife, the girl who had chosen him among his many admirers, and he could still remember her most beautiful.
He Jiwei said with difficulty: "Your figure is starting to get out of shape... You barely had a shadow of the past when you were four years old, not like you are now."
Anyone who looks at it looks like a greedy and fat spider.
It is actually a very cruel and painful thing for a beauty to lose her gorgeous face when she is young.
Lu Zhishu didn't notice it at first, but slowly, she felt it - it was a kind of "organ failure" in social status.
A beautiful appearance can bring infinite kindness and convenience to people.
She was accustomed to accepting those envious, admiring and admiring glances since she was a child.
People were always kind to her, and she didn't know what the world was like for a different kind of woman.
At first, she was still immersed in the joy of being a mother, ignoring herself gradually looking like a melting ice cream in the mirror. But then...
"Sorry, this seat is occupied."
"No, it can't be accommodated."
"Aunt, this dress is too small for you, how about I get you another one that suits you better?"
When she was walking in the society, everything suddenly became so unfamiliar. No one is eager to please her anymore, men will not be flattered and blushed because they talk to her, she is called aunt, and beautiful girls laugh at her obese body and loose body behind their backs.
She was in a panic, like a cat whose whiskers had been cut off, she didn't even know how to walk.
What's even more sad is the shocked look that every old acquaintance will show when they see her now for the first time—whether it's hidden or not, that look is too sharp and pierces her into a bloody mess. .
She's getting more and more depressed, losing her temper, smashing things...
One day when He Jiwei came home, he found that she had made a fire in the yard. The servants stood beside her in a bewildered way, watching her burn all the clothes, shoes, and photos from when she was a girl.
She turned back with a smile, some drooping cheeks shaking, shaking off some hideous pleasure.
- She has nothing to do with the past.
She came out of a cocoon, a mutant.
"Your mother has changed." He Jiwei said, "Slowly, she has become more and more powerful... Not to mention you, even I sometimes don't recognize that it was her."
"She loves you, but she's too afraid to see her past in you—to remind her of the days she'll never go back to. She's been trying to forget those things herself."
"She no longer likes cats and dogs, she grows flowers, she even becomes absolutely independent from me, she does business and makes money by herself. In the respect, I vaguely remembered the gentle attitude of everyone towards her when she was young and beautiful."
He Jiwei's voice was somewhat sad: "He Yu, she is actually really pitiful."
"...Don't blame her too much. She can't face you properly. Even I feel extremely guilty. Most of the time, I'm taking care of her mind."
"It's not that she only likes He Li, but He Li is more like her current appearance. She doesn't have to think about the darkest and darkest past for her."
"Your illness... is also caused by RN13, and she has always felt guilty. Every time you get sick, it is also a torture for her. Until now, she is still living in that pain, she sometimes falls asleep, I I can still hear her saying..."
He Jiwei paused.
I don't know if it was because of the light in the room, his eyes seemed to be a little wet.
He Yu listened numbly for a long time, and then asked softly, "...What did she say?"
He Jiwei lowered his head like a puppet whose thread had been cut.
"She said it was her fault."
—
The woman murmured in her sleep:
"It's mom's fault."
"It's your mother who didn't protect you."
"… "
He Jiwei's voice was a little hoarse, he cleared his throat, but it was still very dull: "... After she finished speaking, she laughed again in her dream, like a madman... I don't think she has ever really gotten out of there over the years. Relief from the past."
"Especially after she gave birth to He Li, she found out that she could still be pregnant with a second child. I don't know if she ever regretted it in her heart, but she did become stronger, and many times I didn't even have any regrets. There is a way to communicate well with her, and she no longer seems willing to trust anyone but herself."
"Your mother's inner thoughts, no one can fully know now. But He Yu, what I can be sure of is." He Jiwei turned his head and looked at the one who had been lying on the bed and had listened to the whole content without saying a word. juvenile.
"... She used to love you with her life."
"… "
"Even if... even if she has changed beyond recognition now... I think in the deepest part of her heart, she should still have the same love for you as before."
It wasn't because of the light that He Jiwei's eyes were really red.
For the first time in so many years, he has completely peeled off that painful scar to a person.
"So, no matter what... I think... you should somehow... have a little bit of kindness towards her... When she wants to care about you again, she is going to step on the blade of the past and walk towards you. He Yu, since she was the only one, I want you to survive even if you don't want your life."
He Jiwei's voice became even more hoarse: "Can you be nice to her..."
He Yu didn't speak.
After a long time, He Jiwei seemed to see a drop of water, disappearing from the hair on the temple of He Yu's arm, which had been covering his face.
And He Yu turned over, no longer lying on his back, but turned his back to him.
"You go out," he said softly. "I want to be alone for a while. Okay?"
·
RN13, the drug, is the culprit behind psychiatric Ebola.
When He Jiwei used it, it was an emergency medical treatment. In addition, the foreign pharmaceutical company he cooperated with was not so formal. It seems that they brought this medicine from a scientific research institution in the United States. They could not tell him all the secrets. . Therefore, He Jiwei does not fully understand the situation that RN13 may cause mental stimulation to the recipient.
By the time he knew that there had been some documented cases of human subjects with similar diseases, it was too late.
Lu Zhishu is not sick, but her personality has changed suddenly, her appearance is out of shape, and it is not much different from being mentally ill. He Yu was not so lucky. He became the No. 4 case of mental Ebola.
After He Jiwei found out that his son had these symptoms, he had confronted the foreign pharmaceutical company, but the internal changes of the pharmaceutical company, the change of ownership, and the brutal killing of the original boss. The new president knew very little about it, and he didn't want to help.
Later, He Jiwei no longer had any cooperation or contact with that foreign pharmaceutical company.
But the established fact cannot be changed.
He Yu lay on the bed for a long time, because the heavy curtains were drawn, it was difficult to distinguish between morning and evening, only the sound of the pendulum clock always echoed in this quiet bedroom.
Tick, tick.
I don't know how long it took before He Yu got up. He walked to the bookcase and took out an old photo from a dilapidated copy of "One Hundred Years of Solitude".
The photo is of the geyser in Yellowstone Park. It was the only photo taken by him and his parents on a three-person trip. In the photo, he was still very young and was held in his arms by the young He Jiwei. Next to him was a middle-aged man with a vague appearance. Beautiful woman, smiling, black curly hair falling over her shoulders, wearing a black lace dress and fisherman hat, snuggling beside her husband.
He rubs the face of the woman in the photo—
After a long, long time, He Yu slowly closed his eyes.
the next day.
When Lu Zhishu was preparing breakfast in the western kitchen, he saw He Yu go downstairs for the first time and came to the dining table.
He Jiwei still retains his habit. Although it is no longer the era of paper media, he still likes to drink morning tea while reading a whole newspaper in the early morning.
"Wake up so early?" He Jiwei looked up from the newspaper.
When Lu Zhishu heard the movement, he turned around and saw that his son, whom he had been courting for so long, was willing to have breakfast with them today. He couldn't even hold the frying pan for a while, and almost fell to the ground.
Although He Yu's expression was still pale, she still felt that this was a great improvement.
"What does He Yu want? Coffee? Tea?"
He Yu said calmly, "It's okay, thank you."
After a breakfast, Lu Zhishu was able to keenly receive the signal from He Yu - freezing three feet is not a day's cold, and he couldn't get too close to them.
But at least he is not the attitude of high fortification.
He's trying to get in touch with them.
Lu Zhishu was inspired by this.
"He Yu..."
"Ok?"
"Mom has found a new doctor for you. He is also very young and can easily communicate with you. You are not in a good condition these days. If you don't think about it, let him come and see a doctor for you."
"… "
new doctor...
For some reason, He Yu thought of Xie Qingcheng, who came to his house for the first time with a bouquet of hydrangeas that year.
He closed his eyes and was silent for a long time.
Finally, he tapped three words and said, "It's all up to you."
The author has something to say: Warm reminder, you can still scold He Yu's family, (otherwise it seems that no one can scold)... Don't worry about scolding the wrong person...
Thanks to the little angel who voted or irrigated nutrient solution for me during 2021-10-21 17:00:00~2021-10-2217:00:00~
Thanks to the little angel who threw the shallow water bomb: 3 Xun Geqiao;
Thanks to the little angel who cast the rocket launcher: 5 Xunluoqiao; 2 みかん畑のひと, みけねこ; der sister, saji, ariyaa, Xue Luo, Hou Yehou, かまぼこ, and 1 pau;
Thanks to the little angel who threw the grenade: えこ 3; おみつ, しもは 2; Jerry Eleven, Li Bao, Sister Der, もつ, やまだ, ねここ, Quantu, Kirin, the person who reported it is a good dog , Wind Dance World, Z An, あっくん, Xia I, Wei Wanxieyu, 48002761, Blue Leaf Blue Night, あみ, Moli under the tree 1;
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Thanks to the little angel who irrigated the nutrient solution: 99 bottles of Yiyi Yiyi; an unnamed xx, 30 bottles of a ball; 20 bottles of La La La Lucky., Jiang Min; 11 bottles of Sister De; 10 bottles of Jerry 1. Nan Qiao Beimu, Gu Xuyuan, Jiang Tian, 45672971, 10 bottles of the bottom members of the Wandering Circus; 6 bottles of Ranran, Hehe Wants to Sleep, and Sansijiu Pavilion; when the roses are in bloom, I just want to eat and tree sky 5 bottles of Xian Sen, butter scrambled eggs; 4 bottles of Cool honey; 3 bottles of children's sack, Superman, Yin Delexi's moon, Shuang Wan, CCJJ; serendipity custard bag, 2 bottles of Luobei; Xia, the big face with eye mucus, feeding the fish in the evening, chasing after the young third master, the shark's heart-pounding boy of spades K, Qingcheng's Auntie He, Qing Ruxu, apple16429, 54298975, a flower in the northwest, 53135937, Iynaix , 1 bottle of Si Yun You You, Xiao Xiao Wen;
Thank you Baobei, I will continue to do things~