"You can feel it, which means you can still control it." Luo Lie said, feeling a little excited. This was the first time Shi Xiaonian opened her heart to him since arriving here. This is a good thing.
Is it because Gong Ou is here? Sure enough, all the crux still lies with Gong Ou.
"But I need to look like a normal person, at least for these two days." Shi Xiaonian said, his eyes revealing an extremely persistent gaze.
"Why?" Luo Lie spread his hands, "For so long, I have never suggested that you take medicine for the sake of the baby in your belly. If you do, what will you do if there are any consequences?"
Babies are so fragile, and everyone wants the best for them.
Hearing this, Shi Xiaonian's eyes gradually dimmed, and she looked down at her swollen belly. She held the corners of her clothes with her lowered hands and squeezed them bit by bit, giving herself enough courage, "If I say, I don't Are you ready to have this child?"
"What?"
Luo Lie stared at her in shock and disbelief.
"When my adoptive mother died, I decided that I don't want this child." Shi Xiaonian said each word from her mouth, speaking with great difficulty, each word was like biting her own flesh.
Min Qiujun's death was the last straw that broke Shi Xiaonian's spirit. From then on, she made this decision.
She didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.
"You say no now? You can only induce labor now. Do you know how much harm induction of labor will do to pregnant women?" Luo Lie couldn't understand her thoughts. "This child is a life. You want to selfishly decide his fate?"
“…”
Shi Xiaonian lowered his head and said nothing.
Yes, not having children is also a kind of selfishness. She is very selfish.
Her face was horribly pale. Seeing her like this, Luo Lie softened his attitude, pulled a swivel chair and pushed it to the window, "Mrs. Gong, since you are willing to talk to me, I think we should have a good chat."
"Miyao is waiting for me downstairs. I'll take the medicine and leave."
Shi Xiaonian said that she was afraid that she would not be able to control herself and face Gong Ou, which would make Gong Ou suspicious and make her feel uneasy even when she left. Then her work efficiency would be poor.
It was about his future, his life.
"After talking to me, if you can impress me, I will let you go down." Luo Lie walked to the window, raised his hand and opened the curtains, letting in a large amount of sunlight, which fell on the swivel chair. It was extremely bright. "Sit down."
Shi Xiaonian raised her eyes to look at him, and walked forward without any choice, stepping forward step by step, gradually stepping into the sunshine.
The sunlight illuminated her whole body with a hint of weakness.
She sat down on the swivel chair, and Luo Lie leaned against the window, acting like a doctor. The gray curtains beside him were floating gently. He said, "Go on, convince me."
"I don't deserve to be a mother." Si Xiaonian sat on the swivel chair, like a believer who accepted God's admonitions, telling her sins in detail, "Because of my wrong decision, Xiaokui suffered from gunshots. The sequelae of fear caused Holy to hurt others at a young age, leaving him with a shadow that will never be cleared away for the rest of his life. I can't even take care of my current two children, so how can I take care of this one in my belly?"
Once upon a time, she thought that the child in her belly would be filled with happiness after birth, so she was so persistent that even Gong Ou couldn't hold on to her.
Only now did she understand that if the child was unhappy, it would be her.
"You go on."
Luo Lie decided to listen to her explanation before expressing his opinion.
Shi Xiaonian was sitting on the swivel chair, her whole body in the sunlight, as if all the darkness in her body was illuminated. She clasped her hands again and whispered, "I have killed many people. If I don't fall into the trap, , those people will not die; if I can accurately predict the consequences of every decision I make, my adoptive mother will not die either."
Just like a student doing a question, she read every question carefully, but in the end she could only choose the wrong answer.
There is no chance to repeat this exam paper.
"You are a very typical self-denial. You think all the negative things are caused by yourself, but think about it again." Luo Lie leaned against the window and began to say, "First, your adoptive mother has long been seeking death. She will commit suicide whether you go or not; secondly, many people died in the Hill incident, but the root cause is that Mr. Gong planned all this, in other words, he is the culprit."
"But he did it for me." Shi Xiaonian said clearly, "If he didn't know me and my human shortcomings, he wouldn't plan such a thing; if I was smart and strong enough to reassure him, he wouldn't either plan."
“…”
Luo Lie was speechless, she actually thought so.
After a long silence, Shi Xiaonian raised her head. She looked at his stunned expression and asked, "Doctor Luo, is my logic wrong?"
"I… "
Luo Lie wanted to argue, but he had no words. He felt that her words were full of questions, but he couldn't find anything to refute for the moment.
She was trapped by this set of logic.
"That's right, right? I've been thinking about it for a long time. No matter how I think about it, it's all my problem." Shi Xiaonian said bitterly, "Instead of doing this, I might as well do something more absolute. The baby is in my belly, and he is still Without consciousness, he doesn't have to come to this world and be implicated by me like Xiaokui and the others."
Children should be the most carefree in the world, but what are her children going through
"Mrs. Gong." Luo Lie's head hurt. "If you lose your child, Mr. Gong will also be hurt. I don't think you want him to be sad."
"You can call it an accident, so the damage can be minimized."
Shi Xiaonian said.
She actually even thought about this. It seemed that she had not thought about abortion for a day or two.
Luo Lie looked at her. She was bathed in the sun and looked particularly weak. Her soft lips moved slightly, "Give me the medicine, Doctor Luo."
If you go slower, I'm afraid Gong Ou will come looking for her. He is impatient and can't wait for her for too long.
"Mrs. Gong, children need to be cared for and protected by both parents. If you think you are not capable enough, you still have Mr. Gong, right?" Luo Lie said, "I can see that you love Mr. Gong very much and admire him to a certain extent. You should believe him."
Hearing this, Shi Xiaonian's eyes became darker and her lips pursed.
"Mrs. Gong..."
"Gong Ou has paranoid personality disorder. Although he has gotten better over the years, he is still paranoid and crazy about many things." Shi Xiaonian whispered, "I originally thought that adults should not treat children no matter what. It’s involved, but Gong Ou won’t think so, he’s too paranoid about me.”
“…”
"In the Hill incident, he could have completely avoided putting the two children in danger, but he was worried that I would do something stupid after being kidnapped, so he would rather arrange for the two young children to stay with me to make me worry and give me something to do. The will to survive." Shi Xiaonian lowered his eyes and said, his voice becoming increasingly bitter, "I am not a good mother, and he is not a 100% father."
“…”
"Dr. Luo, I don't want to feel indebted to my child anymore." Shi Xiaonian said, raising her eyes to look at him pleadingly, "Give me the medicine, let me calm down, at least I can't let Gong Ou dare to make crazy choices for me. Leave in worry.”
If that's the case, who knows what Miyao will do
Luo Lie wanted to persuade her, but somehow he seemed to be persuaded by her. She was mentally unstable, but her condition was not as bad as he imagined.
Because she thought a lot, considered a lot, and responded accordingly.
A completely broken person couldn't do this, she was much stronger than he gave her credit for.
"Have you really thought about it?" Luo Lie asked, "Or you can have a chat with Mr. Gong and let him choose to change appropriately. He doesn't have to do everything to protect you. Let him understand that it's the same if he hurts the people you care about. It’s hurting you.”
"That's paranoid personality disorder."
That is Gong Ou. If he could completely change it, he would have changed it long ago.
“…”
Luo Lie was completely defeated. He couldn't do anything to persuade Shi Xiaonian because she had already thought a lot and was very thoughtful.
When Xiaonian looked at him, Luo Lie sighed, walked to the shelf by the wall, and took down a bottle of medicine from it.
"Thanks."
Shi Xiaonian walked up to him.
Luo Lie held the medicine bottle tightly and looked at her hesitantly, "Have you really thought about it? This is your child, and that is a life."
"I've really thought about it." Shi Xiaonian nodded firmly, "When Gong Ou is sent away and he can handle things in the UK with peace of mind, I will choose to get rid of the child."
"Maybe when Mr. Gong comes back, everything will be fine, and this difficult situation will not happen again." Luo Lie still hesitated while holding the medicine bottle.
"As long as people live, there will always be trouble. I can't afford to hurt the people around me." Shi Xiaonian said, his eyes clean but gray, "And I don't dare to predict the outcome of Gong Ou's trip. I didn't expect the worst, and I didn't want him to leave worried."
She doesn't want Gong Ou to be outside and is always thinking about whether my Shi Xiaonian is good at home, whether her mood is stable, whether she will be safe, and whether she will be obedient.
She slowly extended her hand towards him.
"Perhaps, after this incident, you can choose to leave Mr. Gong for a while to calm down your mood. Maybe then you won't think so and you don't have to abort this child." Luo Lie still wanted to persuade her. .
If she just wants to avoid the harm she brings to others, she can choose to leave alone.
Shi Xiaonian shook his head, "I can't leave Gong Ou."
unable.
She couldn't do it, Gong Ou had paid too much for her.
"..." Luo Lie had nothing to say. After hesitating for a long time, he finally put the medicine bottle into her palm, "Mrs. Gong, I misjudged you before. Your mental state was not very good, but you are The strongest woman I’ve ever met.”
"Thanks."
Shi Xiaonian looked down at her palm, which was a small white medicine bottle without any writing on it. She held the medicine bottle tightly and walked out. (To be continued)