The year he graduated from elementary school, Lin Qile often recorded his nightmares in his diary.
Her little rabbit died, her friends all left, she went to school and came home by herself, and the construction site in the mountains was going to be demolished...
On New Year's Eve of 1924, Lin Qile suddenly woke up from a nightmare.
She sat on the bed with her eyes wide open and her breathing rapid. She dreamed of the Experimental High School Affiliated to the Provincial Capital and the faces of so many people.
Lin Qile was puzzled: Why
Lin Qile has always lived on the construction site, in the power plant primary school and under the protection of his parents.
Perhaps as people grow up and leave home, their nightmares at night also become bigger, and as they leave the mountains, they enter a wider world that Lin Qile has never experienced before.
After returning to Qunshan from the provincial capital, Lin Qile's life was very restless for a while. Because she missed classes for two consecutive days, even though Lin's father begged for mercy, the teacher of Qunshan No. 1 Middle School gave her a warning and notified the whole school. Lin Qile stood in the office with her head down and was criticized. She was away from school for two days, and the class mailbox was filled with letters during the two days. Nine out of ten letters were letters of friendship sent by young readers of "Comic Party" from all over the country to "Lin Qile, the Super Invincible Little Peter Pan of the Universe".
Now all these letters are piled on the head teacher's desk, like a pile of meaningless paper garbage.
"Your goal now is to study hard! You are already in the second year of junior high school, Lin Qile. Look at your grades. How many places are you behind when you first entered the school? You are already at the bottom! Look at other students. Who is not studying hard? You are also going to the Experimental High School Affiliated to the Provincial Capital. Which student in the Experimental High School is not studying hard? Who has the time to care about you! Making friends and writing friendship letters!"
The head teacher threw the stack of letters in her hand on the desk. Perhaps because she saw Lin Qile keeping his head down, choking and not saying a word, she felt helpless.
This little girl, who never studied hard and had no idea what she was thinking all day, could be made to cry by just a few words.
"You are still young," the head teacher raised his head and said to Lin Qile earnestly, "Teacher, let me tell you, life is long. At such a young age, the friends you make will basically be separated in the future. Only studying hard is the right path for you, and it will give you a truly meaningful future. Think about it carefully!"
Lin Qile sat at her desk and turned on the desk lamp. She took out the reader receipt from the latest issue of "Comic Party" and wrote on it with a mechanical pencil: "I'm sorry, I'm Lin Qile from Qunshan No. 1 Middle School. I received a lot of letters from children, but the teacher said that they would not return the letters to me until I graduated from junior high school. Thank you for writing to me. I'm sorry that I can't be a pen pal with you..."
She couldn't imagine whether anyone would be looking forward to her reply as much as she had been looking forward to Jiang Qiaoxi's reply.
Lin Qile opened the drawer again, took out a piece of letter paper and spread it on the table.
She wrote on it:
Jiang Qiaoxi, I didn't write you a love letter. The last one wasn't a love letter, and this one isn't either. It's just that I haven't seen you for a long time. Duchamp and his friends would call me, but you didn't. So I wrote to you. I'm not the person they say I am. I don't like you, and I didn't pester you. Jiang Yuyu has nothing to do with you. I just drew it for you to see.
Lin Qile couldn't help crying again. She wrote very slowly, word by word, and wrote:
"I went to the provincial capital not to look for you, but to look for Yu Qiao and Du Shang and the others, and I just happened to run into you. I won't write to you or call you anymore, and it won't affect your studies."
Lin Qile thought that she would soon receive a call from Du Shang or Qin Yeyun. They would say on the phone, Lin Yingtao, we have all read the letter you wrote to Jiang Qiaoxi. You did not write him a love letter, you did not pester him, and you did not delay his studies.
But a month passed, two months passed... nothing happened. Lin Qile asked casually when Du Shang called her, and Du Shang was stunned: "Jiang Qiaoxi? I don't know. Feilinger and others have not opened the letters in Jiang Qiaoxi's desk recently." Du Shang then realized, "Yingtao, you didn't write to him again, did you?"
Lin Yingtao said: "No, I didn't write it."
Mom and Dad didn't criticize Lin Yingtao for her "trip to the provincial capital". Dad just said that she shouldn't go to such a far place by herself again.
"You are still young, and mom and dad don't know anything. The provincial capital is so big, and before they found you, they were so anxious that they couldn't even eat... In the future, if you want to go somewhere or encounter any difficulties, Cherry, you have to tell mom and dad. Otherwise, how can mom and dad help you? You are still so young, who can you rely on?"
One day, when my mother was washing clothes, she took advantage of the interval between the humming of the washing machine and sat on the steps in the backyard. She suddenly told Lin Yingtao how she and Lin the Electrician met and fell in love on the construction site.
"We were just colleagues back then," Lin's mother held her daughter in her arms. Cherry had grown up and was taller, and was no longer as easy to hold as when she was little. "I never thought of marrying him!"
Lin Yingtao put her forehead against her mother's chest. Her mother's body felt very warm.
"Sometimes, when friends spend too much time together, it's easy to get confused about whether it's friendship or 'love'." Lin Yingtao's body froze when her mother suddenly mentioned this word.
"Sometimes, seeing someone is so special and different, just like suddenly seeing a black rabbit among a group of white rabbits," said my mother. "This kind of freshness is often mistaken for 'love'."
"Mom," Lin Yingtao opened her eyes wide and asked, "Isn't the relationship between Jiang Qiaoxi and I 'love'?"
Mom was silent for a while
Lin Yingtao said: "I am very happy when I am with him. When we are not together, I always miss him. I want to marry him and live with him. Isn't this 'love'?"
"Cherry," Mom sighed with a smile, "You are too young."
"You said before that you wanted to marry Yu Qiao, Chen Minghao, your cousin, and your father." Mom laughed.
"Ah?" Lin Yingtao was completely confused.
"Have you forgotten everything?" her mother asked her with a smile.
There are ten thousand ways to like someone. Some are out of family affection, some are out of friendship, some are out of shared adventures, thrills, and unforgettable joy, and some are out of gratitude, shared hobbies, and a period of companionship... That's why people get together. Only kindergarten kids will use "marriage" to explain everything.
"So... I don't necessarily 'like' Jiang Qiaoxi?" Lin Yingtao asked.
Mother Lin looked down at her daughter. She had seen Cherry's depression since Manager Jiang's son transferred back to the provincial capital, since Yu Qiao and Du Shang had all moved away, and since the construction site in the mountains had been gradually demolished.
Cherries are growing up and are experiencing some setbacks along the way. This is unavoidable.
"Our emotions are like water," Mom held Cherry's hand and spread it out. The sky over the backyard was gradually getting darker. "When a piece of water falls into your hand, you can't tell whether it is dew or rain. Only when you grow up and become an experienced adult, you will slowly be able to tell the difference."
"Mom, am I not grown up yet?"
"You are still young. Do you admit that you are still young?"
In April 1924, news of SARS spread from Beijing. Lin Yingtao celebrated her birthday with her parents by her side, turning fourteen.
She called her aunt in Beijing from the mountains and said she wanted to go to Beijing to visit her aunt, uncle and cousin.
The eldest aunt was overjoyed: "You are an incredible girl. You used to run to the provincial capital by yourself, and now you want to run to Beijing!"
Lin Yingtao said: "My aunt once said I was very brave!"
The eldest aunt said, "Little girl, you don't know how dangerous it is out there. There's a disease outbreak in Beijing right now, don't come!"
In the summer of 1924, when her parents were working on the construction site, Lin Yingtao was alone at home. No children came to play with her, so she talked to Bobby the Elf. She arranged a wedding for Barbie and Evergreen. The wedding was very luxurious and lasted from morning to night. Lin Yingtao sat on a bamboo mat and played the recorder to celebrate the couple. She only knew how to play "Two Tigers", but it seemed very festive.
Summer homework was quickly finished. Lin Yingtao turned on the computer. Almost every game in the computer had Jiang Qiaoxi's archives, and Jiang Qiaoxi's scores were on the leaderboard. Lin Yingtao tried to play several times, but couldn't get rid of his name. She simply turned off the computer.
Just one week into the summer vacation, Lin Yingtao took the initiative to sign up for a cram school. She told her parents that she wanted to study hard.
Her deskmate Geng Xiaoqing often pestered Lin Yingtao to ask about the boys: Yu Qiao, Du Shang, Cai Fangyuan... Especially Yu Qiao's story, she always wanted to hear it.
Lin Yingtao was concentrating on doing her homework and was not disturbed during class breaks.
Only in physical education class would Lin Yingtao tell Geng Xiaoqing a few words. She didn't have much to say about Yu Qiao anymore. She had been telling stories for three years and she had to finish telling all the stories.
Geng Xiaoqing held the volleyball and said, "Yingtao, are you going to the provincial capital to attend high school?"
Lin Yingtao said: "I don't know."
"Then do you know which high school Yu Qiao will go to?" Geng Xiaoqing asked.
Lin Yingtao shook her head: "I don't know."
Geng Xiaoqing said: "My parents agreed to my moving to the provincial capital!"
Lin Yingtao said slowly: "Ah?"
Geng Xiaoqing said: "I won't go now, I will go when I am in high school."
Lin Yingtao lowered her head.
Lin Yingtao is no longer afraid of the word "provincial capital".
"I'll call Yu Qiao when the time comes. It would be great if you were in the same school!" said Lin Yingtao.
Geng Xiaoqing asked, Cherry, do you have a boy you like
Lin Yingtao finished her physical education class and washed her face under the water pipe. She shook her head and wanted to go back to the classroom to continue doing her homework.
Geng Xiaoqing wondered, "Why do you only care about studying?"
At the end of 1924, Lin Qile asked for three days off from school and went back to her hometown with her parents.
My eldest aunt and her family also hurried over from Beijing.
At the age of fourteen, Lin Qile attended a funeral for the first time.
Her grandfather passed away.
People in his hometown said that Mr. Lin had lived a peaceful and smooth life, his children were very filial, and he had never suffered any serious illness or pain. This was a happy funeral. But Lin Yingtao didn't understand, how could there be joy when someone passed away
Electrician Lin did not show much grief. In Lin Yingtao's memory, her father always seemed to be a very calm person. Any disaster that seemed like the sky falling down to Lin Yingtao was nothing to her father. Her father would always smile and face all difficulties.
On the contrary, the eldest aunt was more emotional, and Lin the electrician, the younger brother, had been taking care of his sister. When they were kneeling in front of the coffin, the siblings had been supporting each other.
On the train from his hometown back to the mountains, Electrician Lin suddenly said to Lin Yingtao.
"Dad is a fatherless man," Lin the electrician held Yingtao's hand and said, "Yingtao is still young, and there is still a lot of happiness... Dad can always take care of you..."
The scenery outside the window was left behind by the speeding train, leaving no chance for people to stop or breathe. Lin Yingtao didn't even fully hear what her father said.
My father said that when people live, they are like silkworms, snakes, and crabs. When the time comes, they must begin to shed their shells. Only by letting go of some things and forgetting them can we travel light and continue to live a better life.
Lin Qile thought, is there no one who doesn't need to shed his shell? She sat in class, looking at the photos of amber specimens in the biology textbook.
The insect, which lived millions of years ago, was tightly wrapped in pale yellow resin in the center.
If a person does not shed his shell, he will not be able to fly. If he stays where he is, he will be like this insect, slowly suffocating to death.
People should be flowing, and human emotions should also be flowing. Only the ever-flowing living water can nourish the human soul bit by bit.
Lin Qile stood on the edge of the cliff. Some small stones rubbed off the soles of her shoes and fell far down the cliff.
Looking down, there was a deep, dark valley. Looking forward, there was the other side of the cliff, which Lin Qile had never reached in all these years.
Lin Qile was fifteen years old. She raised her head and looked upward.
She stepped on the thick pine needles under her feet and felt the high sunlight shining through the dense forest canopy and onto her face.
When she was nine years old, Lin Qile solemnly told her friends here: "If we make up our minds and muster up the courage to jump, wings will grow from our backs and we can fly!"
Lin Qile looked at the path across the cliff, she turned around and walked down the mountain alone. The Qunshan construction site was about to start the final demolition, Lin Qile wanted to pick a sunflower and go to the provincial capital with her.