Silence, endless silence. Since getting in the car, embarrassment and speechlessness have spread between them. Lorraine is far from being such a sensitive person. If he had been sensitive, he would not have survived seven years ago.
He thinks he has a big heart, but he is not big enough to be in such a private environment in the car with his ex who has been away for many years, and he can still be leisurely.
What's more, they had only met again for less than two days, and they knew nothing about each other.
Not counting, Yu Han knew his job, he knew Yu Han's phone number and he had a child. It's not that they don't know anything, it's just that they... really don't know what to talk about.
After a while, Lorraine held back the first sentence of the awkward chat: "Your car is not bad."
Yu Han turned on the music and replied that it was okay. Lorraine was far from having anything to say, and the sound of music flowed quietly between them.
Most of the playlists are light music and piano pieces, which made Lorraine look forward to hearing that piece. But no, one song has passed, and he still hasn't waited for a starry sky.
His home is not far from Huiyuan, half an hour's drive away. Even in embarrassment, he always wanted to stay with Yu Han, for a longer time.
The smell of Yu Han filled the car, slowly wrapping him up. He smelled an ambiguous breath from it, and was afraid that he would think too much.
He thought that the relationship back then was heart-rending and unforgettable to this day, but he didn't dare to speculate whether the other party was the same as himself.
It must have been different, otherwise Yu Yuan wouldn't exist.
From the moment he chose to break up, he and Yu Han walked on different paths.
Lin Shu once told him that no matter how strong the feelings are, they can be erased by time. Like a wound, it always heals. How can there be so many fairy tales in the human world? Going around, it turns out that you are still here.
In fact, what Lin Shu said was not wrong. When he stayed in the United States for the second year, he thought his heartache would never heal. Over time, a thin layer of scab gradually covered it. The longer the time, the thicker the scab became, so thick that he thought his heart had returned to its original state.
He has a box of sketchbooks, all of which are drawn by Yu Han. From sketching from photos to copying to dictation, the first sketchbook was wet with tears and full of pits.
Later, he learned not to cry.
Year after year, he thought of Yu Han less and less. After graduation, he followed Lin Shu's arrangement and entered the gallery, where he saw more things and more people.
He thought his heart had gradually calmed down, or in other words, had become numb, and he mistook it for he was healed.
Until he was carrying a painting tool on a snowy night, passing by a street performer, the familiar tune reached his ears, and the starry sky performed by the guitar was like a sharp knife, piercing the thick scab in his heart.
At that moment, the past swept out, and fresh blood flowed out of the unhealed wound again. Holding his painting tools, he couldn't help crying like a child on the street.
It turned out that the miss had never stopped, but he thought that if he stopped thinking about it, the pain would stop.
So he returned to the country regardless of everything, but the moment he actually landed in City C, he was shocked by the changes in City C. He returned to No. 3 Middle School, only to find that No. 3 Middle School had already changed its name and merged.
Things are like this, so what about people.
After all, it was his choice, and who could be blamed.
Those who are desperate are splashed with cold water by reality, most of their blood is extinguished, and only a little courage is left, and they dare not even look for it, because others may already have their own lives, so it is better to keep some thoughts and hope.
Now it seems that he guessed quite accurately.
Yu Han came out earlier than he thought, he was happy and sad. Missing someone is too bitter, and he doesn't want Yu Han to suffer. It's also sad that in the end of this relationship, he is the only one left in the same place, and the ground is a prison, and he doesn't know when the ban will be lifted.
And Yu Han already had other ties, such as the child, or the child's mother.
Now that he is on the right track, why bother to walk the thorny and thorny astray with him like he did back then.
Luo Linyuan's full of melancholy was aroused by light music, and he couldn't calm down for a long time, and needed a starry sky to stabilize it.
Xingkong didn't, Yu Han asked several times, but didn't listen to him.
When the car stopped at a red light, Yu Han turned off the music and called him by name: "Lorraine Yuan!"
Lorraine was awakened, and stuffed his embarrassment back into his stomach, but unfortunately he couldn't hide his eyes, showing a little. He averted his eyes: "what's the matter?"
Yu Han said, "Besides these, don't you have anything else to ask?"
Luo Linyuan cheered up and found a topic to talk about: "What are you doing now?"
Yu Han: "Software development."
Lorraine Yuan was surprised: "Does C University have this major?"
When the light turned green, Yu Han turned his head to look at the road: "I didn't go to C major."
These words aroused Lorraine's endless curiosity. He seemed to vaguely remember that Guan Shuofeng inherited the family business and operated a chain store, which had nothing to do with software development.
Guan Shuofeng forced him and Yu Han like that back then, why did Yu Han still not change his surname in the end, and even his job has nothing to do with Guan Shuofeng
He fell into deep thought, but Yu Han couldn't bear the silence any longer: "What else?"
Lorraine asked in a daze, "What else?"
Yu Han said in a calm tone, as if calm and breezy: "Is there anything else you want to know about me?"
Luo Linyuan: "Then... how is grandma?"
Yu Han didn't answer right away, Luo Linyuan's heart twitched. Yu Han said, "She passed away."
Lorraine said repeatedly: "I'm sorry, I didn't expect..."
Yu Han: "It's okay."
At this time, the community where Lorraine lived was getting closer and closer, and the two fell silent at the same time. Yu Han didn't want to speak, but Luo Linyuan didn't dare to speak.
The car stopped slowly and pulled over. Luo Linyuan unbuttoned his seat belt, and at the same time he heard the sound of the handbrake being pulled and the engine turned off, Yu Han said, "I'll see you off."
Luo Linyuan: "It's okay, it's enough for you to send me to the gate of the community."
Yu Han: "Aren't you afraid of the dark?"
When Luo Linyuan left the gate of a community, Yu Han had to send it off, because he was afraid of the dark and also because of night blindness.
Lorraine didn't refuse anymore, he got out of the car, and the night wind blew over, and it was so cold that it hit his arms that he forgot to put on his coat, and he couldn't help shivering.
It's so dark, Yu Han also noticed: "Wait a minute." He unlocked, opened the car door, and took out a thin coat from the back seat. The color was very light, and it didn't look like Yu Han's clothes.
Yu Han handed it to him: "Put it on."
Lorraine was far from refusing, and took it over and put it on. When he was busy in the past, he always felt that his home was too far away from the gate of the community, and it was too long. I walked with Yu Han today, but felt that it was too short, why did I arrive in a while.
Arriving at the downstairs of the unit, Lorraine stopped in his tracks, reluctantly said: "I'm here," he pointed to one of the buildings, "I live here on the eleventh floor."
Yu Han glanced at the building, and said yes, Luo Linyuan was a little confused, what's the matter, is Yu Han still coming to visit
Yu Han repeated that sentence for the third time tonight, and he said, "Is there anything else you want to know about me?"
Lorraine stayed silent for a while in the dark: "Will you tell me everything I want to know?"
Yu Han: "Yes."
Lorraine Yuan: "Why?"
Yu Han didn't answer.
Luo Linyuan suddenly smiled and said: "Yu Han, you already have your own life. You have children, and you are living a very good life now."
Yu Han's voice was suppressed, and Luo Linyuan couldn't see his expression clearly. Yu Han said, "Then you don't want to ask about the child, or the child's mother..."
Lorraine Yuan interrupted him: "I don't want to know!" The jealousy in his heart almost grew sharp thorns, and it was hard enough just to suppress it.
Luo Linyuan felt pain from the back of his tongue, he said: "In the final analysis, it has nothing to do with me." It is not a life he participated in, and he has no way to participate, so it does not matter.
He heard Yu Han say: "It has nothing to do with you..."
Luo Linyuan clenched the corner of the jacket, Yu Han's breathing became heavier and heavier, but at a certain moment, he took it all back, together with those strange feelings, together with the ambiguity that Luo Linyuan had noticed, disappeared in the air clean.
Yu Han said: "Then goodbye, Luo Linyuan."
Luo Linyuan suddenly understood why Yu Han had such an expression when he said goodbye.
Goodbye to this vocabulary, it is really ugly. It's ugly and harsh.
His heartbeat went from slow to fast. Although the lights in the community were not on, they were not dim either. Even if he is night-blind, he can see the way clearly, so why send someone to see him off.
He is no longer the arrogant young master Luo he was back then, and he doesn't need help from personnel.
He even helped to copy everything from big to small in the painting garden, and he even knew how to do simple decorations. Nail the wall to hang pictures, disassemble and assemble furniture.
Someone's dog barked and turned on all the responding lights. At the same time, what was clear was his vision, what he saw was Yu Han's receding back.
He couldn't help the burning of his eyes, as if he had forgotten all the strength he had learned. Yu Han became his low-pitched teardrop, and he could store tears in his eyes just by poking it.
He chased after a few steps and raised his voice, "Are you coming tomorrow?"
Yu Han stopped in his tracks, neither spoke nor turned his head.
Lorraine softened his tone, mixed with an inaudible vibrato: "Come on."
Lorraine Yuan: "Don't stop coming because you hate me."
Do you hate me yet
I like you very much.