After the letter of belief was finished, there was no sound in the arena.
No one spoke, and many people fell into the emotion of this letter, more or less thinking of the person they liked in high school, like the summer wind, the piles of test papers on the table, and the figure they were chasing while running.
Suddenly, Xu Sui's cell phone rang sharply, breaking the silence. Xu Sui felt relieved, stood up and was about to walk.
She forced a smile and said, "I still have something to do, so let's go first."
Xu Sui is like this, she will subconsciously avoid things that she doesn't want or dare to face.
Hu Qianxi also commented on her before: "There is nothing difficult in the world, as long as you are willing to escape."
Xu Sui picked up the handbag and hurriedly unzipped it to put things away, the sound was especially loud in the silence.
She walked out of the sofa with a sideways body, and suddenly in front of everyone, she asked in a sharp voice:
"So you've been chasing after Zhou Jingze?"
Xu Sui's body froze, and then he raised his feet and walked forward. The sofa was in a big semi-curved shape, and when he passed by the left hand side.
The man was lying on the sofa with his jacket open, holding a half can of beer in his left hand, and resting his middle finger on the pull ring. His face was dark and unclear, and there was a red light swimming on his face.
Silent, dark, with a layer of shadows under the eyelids, it seems that it is enduring something, like a beast that has been dormant for a long time.
His long legs overlapped just enough to block the aisle. Xu Sui's palms were sweating a little, he didn't dare to look at him, his eyes fell on his trousers, where the kneecaps protruded.
"Leave it alone," she said.
The legs in sight really turned sideways, Xu Sui walked over, his calf brushed past his knee, making a slight rubbing sound.
Walking out, Xu Sui breathed a sigh of relief.
She was just about to leave, but the next second, the man directly raised his hand and grabbed her arm, Xu Sui couldn't break free no matter how hard he tried.
Zhou Jingze's hand directly climbed onto her neck, and pushed down hard.
Xu Sui was forced to stagger and lean over, Zhou Jingze kissed him.
In front of everyone.
Moist lips blocked hers, and the breath of peppermint mixed in.
The temperature on Xu Sui's face rose sharply, and he felt his breath between his lips and teeth, mixed with the smell of beer foam.
Fortunately, Zhou Jingze let go of her with one kiss, put his thumb against the hair on her cheek, and hooked it behind her ear.
"I'm the one chasing her." Zhou Jingze announced in front of everyone.
The situation took a turn for the worse.
The old classmates looked surprised, the monitor's mouth became an O shape directly, and the expression on Cong Yurong's face was the most exciting, as wonderful as knocking over a paint tray.
"Let's go first, she is more likely to be shy." Zhou Jingze got up, and left with Xu Sui in front of everyone.
Going out, Zhou Jingze closed the door of the box to isolate the curious, various discussions and surprises inside.
Zhou Jingze held her hand tightly, Xu Sui tried hard to break free, but unexpectedly there was a violent attack, a stumble, she bumped into the man's hard chest, her jaw hurt a little, her breathing was opposite, and they were so close that they could see each other's eyelashes clearly.
"Where are you going to hide?" Zhou Jingze's expression darkened.
Xu Suixin flinched, and she discussed in a tone of voice: "No, let me go first."
Zhou Jingze led her to the door of the elevator, and pressed the button slowly, with a firm tone:
"Don't let go."
"According to my experience, you want to run away now," Zhou Jingze rolled his eyelids and looked her up and down, "If you don't mind me making a mess in public."
He always said one thing.
Xu Sui immediately stopped struggling and let him lead him into the car.
Zhou Jingze sat in the driver's seat with a cold face, driving with one hand, still holding her hand.
Along the way, he didn't smoke, and he didn't answer the phone when it rang.
After getting out of the car, the man directly carried Xu Sui on his shoulders, put his hands on her hips, and strode towards home.
The key failed to go in after inserting it several times, and finally twisted it with trembling hands, and the door opened.
With a "bang", Xu Sui was pushed against the door as the world spun.
His chest heaved violently, and it was hard to tell who was breathing.
Zhou Jingze stared at her with his dark eyes, and his gaze swept over every inch of her body.
Xu Sui felt restless when he was seen.
Zhou Jingze pressed her forehead with his thumb, tilted his head and kissed her.
To be precise, bite.
Xu Sui raised his head and let out a "hiss". He buried himself in the hollow of her shoulder, sucking the white and tender piece of neck.
There was an itchy, numb pain in the neck, and it didn't take long for it to turn red.
There was no light inside, it was very dark, when the light came from the opposite side, Xu Sui saw that his eyes were bright, and a cluster of fires danced faintly inside.
The curtain swayed, he hugged her and continued to kiss her, it became more and more intense, and the love was unbearable.
Xu Sui's waist was slammed into the corner of the table, and the wound from the old injury affected her nerves. She frowned, and with tears in her painful eyes, she put her hand on his head and said with restraint, "It hurts."
Zhou Jingze's movements stopped.
With a "snap", the switch on the wall was turned on, and the room was filled with warm yellow.
Zhou Jingze squatted in front of Xu Sui, carrying a medicine box.
With his head down and a cotton swab in his mouth, he unscrewed the iodine cap, and with the other hand rolled up the green sweater she was wearing.
Zhou Jingze lowered his head, his eyelashes were long and black, and his profile was sharp. He dipped a cotton swab in iodine and gently applied it to the wound.
"Why didn't you tell me that you liked me from the beginning when you were in college?" Zhou Jingze suddenly asked.
Xu Sui lowered his eyes and said, "Because I think it's my business alone."
The secret love has always been her own business, all the joys, sorrows, joys and sorrows, rain and shine, are all hidden in her heart.
"Then after the reunion, why are you so...hesitant?" Zhou Jingze looked at her.
Every time he takes a step forward, she takes a step back.
Zhou Jingze's tone was clearly inquiring, but when he said it, it seemed that Xu Sui's question had always been his.
It was he who made the accusation.
Xu Sui's eyes immediately turned red.
"I'm scared, I'm really scared," Xu Sui sobbed slightly, and then, as if he couldn't hold it anymore, big tears fell down, with red eyes, "If there is another Yesenin what to do?"
From the age of sixteen, Xu Sui fell in love with him. It took three years, trying to get close to her in college, and then the two were together, broke up and entangled again.
She seemed unable to escape the word Zhou Jingze.
"After the breakup, I tried to move forward," Xu Sui wiped away tears with his hand, and said softly, "But the only two paragraphs failed."
Zhou Jingze squatted halfway, lowered his eyes and listened to her, and felt his heart ache.
The first period of being together was only a week, and the other party felt that Xu Sui was not proactive and enthusiastic, and the two of them were dating like colleagues, so she was dumped.
The second relationship lasted for two months. Xu Sui tried to change himself, take the initiative, contact and care about the other party, so everything went smoothly until that winter, the other party took off the scarf for her to wear. , the last time I hugged her.
Lin Jiafeng said that she was very stiff all over, and she was very resistant to the intimate touch between lovers.
And it's not the first time.
"There is someone in your heart that you can't forget, and I quite envy him," Lin Jiafeng said with a wry smile, "but I can't make you forget him, sorry."
"I didn't either... I insisted that I must be with you," Xu Sui said, "so I'm going to fall in love."
But I can't forget him every moment.
Zhou Jingze's three words are like the Heart Sutra, since she was sixteen years old, it has been a girl's heart that she can't tell others.
When the two entangled again, Xu Sui deliberately acted indifferent, not jealous, and didn't like him that much. She was more free and easy than before. Only she knew that loving someone was repeated and cowardly. She does this because she loves it so much.
Because I like it so much, I am afraid of losing it.
Even if he agreed to the two of them to be together in the end, Xu Sui hoped that he would like him more from the bottom of his heart.
A person like Zhou Jingze is sometimes like a hot sun, and sometimes like an unpredictable wind.
His ability to love is getting better and better, but Xu Sui is still afraid, afraid that his love will disappear.
The next second you say you don't like it, you don't like it.
Zhou Jingze squatted in front of her, and after knowing her thoughts, he only felt distressed.
He is used to wandering, influenced by his family since he was a child, and has witnessed too many joys and sorrows.
Zhou Jingze subconsciously believes that love will not last long, it is desire, sensory hunger, emotional possession, freshly baked bread, but it will not last forever.
It wasn't until he met Xu Sui that he gradually changed his mind.
It turned out that in many moments that he didn't know, he was loved for a long time.
Zhou Jingze raised his hand to wipe away her tears, his movements were gentle, looked at her, and pulled the corners of his lips:
"I'm most afraid of you crying."
"I didn't want to mention that at first," Zhou Jingze continued to wipe her wound with a cotton swab, and paused, "but I have to explain it to you now."
When I met Ye Saining, Zhou Jingze's mother committed suicide by burning charcoal at home. As soon as her head passed, Zhou Zhengguo brought Zhu Ling's mother and son into the house.
At that time, it was Zhou Jingze's most rebellious period, and it was also a stage of confusion and despair in his life.
Zhou Jingze barely went to school during that time, skipping classes and fighting all day long, either going to the Internet cafe or puffing clouds with others in the billiard room.
He also had lip studs and tattoos all over his body.
From a good student to a depraved trash student.
As if resisting something.
Zhou Jingze also met Peng Zi in a gang fight at that time.
He is the real street gangster, who has made a living by collecting rent and boxing for the boss since he was a child.
At that time, Peng Zi was very kind to Zhou Jingze, stood up for him, took him with him as soon as he had any fun, and was injured because of him.
Fifteen or sixteen years old is a period of enthusiasm and blindness.
Zhou Jingze thought he had handed over his dead brother.
It is also because of Peng Zi that he spends all day in bars and dies in dusty places, because the blurred and illusory lights can make people forget all the pain for a short time.
Zhou Jingze skipped an exam because Peng Zi said he had something good to show him tonight.
On Wednesday, at Zero Bar, Zhou Jingze stuffed his school uniform jacket into his schoolbag and went straight to Peng Zi.
When he opened the door and went in, Peng Zi threw a cigarette to him.
Zhou Jingze took it, and looked up to find that there were people he didn't know sitting inside, all adults about thirty-four years old.
Peng Zi met the doubt in his eyes and explained: "A friend who plays together."
It didn't take long for Zhou Jingze to discover the purpose of Peng Zi's setup.
The group of people in the box are trading, sucking immortal powder. The red and purple lights staggered down, and they leaned their heads on the sofa one by one, their eyes turned white, their lips were slightly parted, and they all had expressions of dying.
It seems to be relieved.
Peng Zi leaned over, threw a packet to him, and asked, "Would you like to try it, this is goddamn powder, you forget everything after eating it."
When he was at home during the day, Zhu Ling packed up and threw his mother's cello in the grocery store.
Zhou Jingze had an argument with Zhu Ling, Zhou Zhengguo came out of the study and slapped him:
"Why do you keep the things of the dead!"
Then Zhou Jingze skipped class and hid with Peng Zi.
To be honest, Zhou Jingze was shaken in his heart. At that time, his heart was rotten and desperate, and he really wanted to see his mother.
It's done.
When Peng Zi gave him something, Zhou Jingze didn't refuse, holding it in his hand, he felt hot.
The light was dim, and he was sitting in the corner of the sofa, sweating on his forehead.
Surrounded by obscene and unrestrained shouts, Zhou Jingze looked at their expressions, as if they had really arrived in the Land of Ultimate Bliss.
Zhou Jingze put it on the table, picked it out with his fingertips, and was about to try it.
The waiter at the bar opened the door and came in to deliver the drinks. That man was Yesenin.
When she was brought to Zhou Jingze, she didn't know whether it was intentional or not, she tilted her hand, the wine was spilled, the powder melted into the wine, and it was useless.
The wine glass slammed into the ground with a "bang", and fell to pieces, which also suddenly woke up Zhou Jingze.
Zhou Jingze woke up like a dream, and at the same time broke out in a cold sweat.
Yesenin also took out a napkin and reached out to wipe the wine on the table, but Peng Zi kicked him against the wall.
Peng Zi walked over and was about to slap her twice, Zhou Jingze got up to stop him, and threw a stack of red bills from his wallet: "I'll pay the money, forget it."
"Fuck#Your motherfucker, son of a bitch." Peng Zi gave her a fierce look before letting go of her.
After walking out of the bar, a gust of cold wind came out, Zhou Jingze was wondering what the hell he was doing
Just a little bit, he couldn't turn his head back.
After the catastrophe.
Zhou Jingze really understood at this moment that Peng Zi didn't treat him as a friend from the beginning, but just getting to know a rich second generation gave him another chance to control him to make money.
That night, Zhou Jingze waited for Yesening to get off work, and he went up to apologize: "I'm sorry."
"And thank you just now." Zhou Jingze said.
Yesenin shook out a menthol lady cigarette from the cigarette case, exhaled, and frowned:
"If I knew I would be kicked, I wouldn't mind my own business."
"Medical expenses." Yesenin stretched out his hand to him.
Zhou Jingze was stunned for a second, then gave her a wad of money.
Before leaving, Yesenin said to him:
"I think you are only one or two years younger than me. There are many people in the world who are suffering more than you. Who will show yourself?"
"Show it to people who don't care about you? That's a waste of emotion, not worth it."
The two bid farewell, and Zhou Jingze came to his senses after what happened that night, and he took the initiative to find his grandfather to admit his mistake.
Grandpa was furious, beat him half to death with a cane, and put him in confinement for another half a month.
Grandpa sighed and said, "Life is your own."
For a long time, Zhou Jingze never even went to a bar.
He is beginning his rebirth.
It's nothing more than breaking everything up and starting again, no matter how hard and tiring you are, you must go on the right path.
A month later, Zhou Jingze went to the bar to find Yesening, but learned that after that night, she was dismissed with a complaint, and she didn't even pay her last month's salary.
Colleagues in the bar also told him in private that Yesenin was beaten up by Peng Zi's men.
Zhou Jingze struggled to find Yesening. At that time, she was serving dishes at the barbecue booth, and the wound on her face had not yet healed.
"I'm sorry, because I—" Zhou Jingze felt that this was a bit hypocritical, so he changed the subject and asked, "Do you have any wish fulfilled, as long as I can do it."
Yesenin was so busy that she said casually, "If you want to make it up to me so much, then send me to study abroad. Anyway, I've had enough of this fucking place."
Unexpectedly, a magnetic voice came from behind, and he agreed immediately: "Success, how is Britain?"
…
"My previous affection for her was that kind of dependence and admiration when I was confused. She is one year older than me," Zhou Jingze said slowly, "After getting in touch, I found that our two personalities are quite similar."
Because of his gratitude to Yesenin, he owed her a favor, so he responded to every request.
"I still thank her until now. After I started working, I met that kind of person because of work. I glanced at them from a distance. How should I say it?"
"There is no last time. After smoking for the first time, this life is over." Zhou Jingze said.
Zhou Jingze lifted off Xu Sui's clothes, his eyelids moved, and he pulled the corners of his lips in a self-deprecating way:
"I'm actually... always worried that you knew about it and found out that I'm not that good."
"You don't like me anymore."
He is not as good as the surface, and he has been dark, fallen, and rotted. He was afraid that Xu Sui, who knew the truth, would be disappointed and loathe him.
Xu Sui cried even harder. Compared to the misunderstanding behind this incident, she hoped that Zhou Jingze would not experience so many pains from his original family at that time, go astray, and hurt himself.
It's a pity that she wasn't by his side at that time.
"Then... have you ever liked anyone after the breakup?" Xu Sui asked him sobbing with tears still in his eyelashes, and hiccupped because he cried so much.
Zhou Jingze was stunned for a moment, then smiled. He looked up at her, nodded her nose, and said in a serious and serious tone:
"Don't you understand? I haven't talked about it for so many years."
"only you."