Even if you count the first half of your life, which can be said to be useless, and all the time of the second half of your life after that - well, please excuse the wording, but for anyone who knows and is familiar with His Excellency the Archmage of Todoro, Such a description is absolutely appropriate - even if all life is included, it can be said that this is the biggest crisis that Dodo Luo has faced in his life!
Absolutely.
It can be said that if the goblin god really made up his mind, he would treat our magician as the first appetizer to wake up after tens of thousands of years of sleep.
Then, it is no exaggeration to say that there is really no one in this world who can stop it!
However, fortunately, when our lovely Lord Dodoro faced this life-and-death crisis, he himself did not feel the slightest pain or panic caused by danger.
The reason is simple: he was already in a coma and completely unconscious.
Therefore, Dodo Luo was lucky not to witness such an encounter: he was almost thrown on the fire as food and roasted...
Therefore, Dodoro did not know how he managed to escape this danger and survive.
Therefore, in the following career - in the career of becoming Lord Char's most loyal son of a bitch, Dodo Luo occasionally wondered about this escape encounter, how did his Master Char successfully stop the goblin at that time The god eats himself as something like a grilled lamb chop.
But... It's a pity that our magician never got an accurate answer about this key link.
Of course, it was our Master Char who came forward to save the poor magician, there is no doubt about that.
But... how is it saved, the answer... It seems that there are several versions.
One of the versions is based on Mr. Xia Leiming’s own account: at that time, when the terrifying goblin spirit treated the poor magician as delicious food and was about to throw it into the fire, our great, brave, Upright, with a compassionate and kind heart, Mr. Xia Ya stood firm and resolutely. Righteously and strongly condemned the evil deed of the goblin god, a deep-souled narrative, thought-provoking, directly pointed to the heart, convincing the brutal and ferocious goblin god, and then the goblin god was extremely ashamed, and finally realized...
Well, this version is also the most widely circulated one.
As for the credibility of this version, after hearing about it, the famous general Ruhr also expressed his opinion in a righteous and awe-inspiring manner: "This is a true and credible fact. As for whether you believe it or not, I believe it anyway."
…
The only slight, almost negligible doubt in this version is...
Duoduo clearly remembered that when he woke up from the coma, he had been stripped naked, like a shedding suckling pig, lying naked by the fire, while our friendly and lovely Xia Lei Ming Master, he was standing beside him at the time, and in his hand, he was holding a bottle of ketchup or something.
Oh yes, that's right, that's a bottle of ketchup!
Of course, we must never doubt the character of our respected, lovely, and dignified Mr. Xia Ya, who is consistent with his words and deeds as always! ! We should definitely believe Mr. Char's various explanations about why he was standing beside the naked Dotara with a bottle of seasoning in his hand! !
…
In the end what is the truth, no one can get an accurate answer. Including Dodoro, one of the parties.
However, many years later, at a very meaningful grand banquet, Mr. Xia Leiming, who drank almost a whole barrel of spirits, was intoxicated... Oh yes, that banquet was for A celebration dinner to celebrate the official passing of the senior magician's assessment by Mr.
At that time, Master Xia Ya, who was so drunk that he could barely stand still, pointed at the also drunk Master Dodolo and said this: "Alas, if it wasn't for that red bean cake back then, where would it be today? Archmage... now you've turned into worm poop... if there were worms in that crystal mine."
No one knows what Mr. Xia's words mean when he is drunk.
However, perhaps another important figure may have provided some important clues.
This character is: Lancelot.
Yes, Lancelot. It was Mr. Xia Ya who passed by the restaurant on the way. The restaurant owner killed his own dog to make food for Xia Ya for a silver coin from Xia Ya. Later, he was robbed and killed by the gangsters in the village because of a silver coin. An orphan, he was taken in by Char, and later became Char's adopted son, the child whose official name became "Lancelot? Char", Lancelot.
The clues provided by Lancelot are:
"At that time, all three of them left, leaving me to wait in the abandoned stone quarry. I waited for a day and a night, and then finally came back to them. At that time, the adults rushed through the door like crazy. When he saw me, his face was full of excitement and excitement. He grabbed my collar and yelled at me, 'Where's the red bean cake you made? Do you have any more? Take it out, take it all out! Do more! Don't ask how much you do, how much do you do!!' I was so scared, you know, the grown-up turned into a goblin, I only saw one goblin grabbed me and yelled, and my legs were weak. … Well, that's all I remember.
…
Red bean cake, this is a very important clue.
At the same time, it is worth mentioning that the "Lancelot? Char", that is, the boy adopted by Char Leiming, did not become a powerful person because of such a powerful adoptive father. He did not join the army. , not in politics.
But after he became an adult, he returned to his old business, ran a very famous restaurant in the imperial capital, and became a well-known chef. What he is best at is the delicious red bean cake. It is said that the red bean cake he made, with delicious tomato sauce, has become the most famous dessert in the imperial capital. He had a rich and colorful life, became the most famous chef in the empire, the richest businessman in the empire, created many wonderful dishes, and married three wives like flowers and jade at the same time - of course, that is another story, We don't need to know too much here.
…
But to clear the fog, let's use the method of guessing to restore everything that actually happened at that time.
…
The Goblin God has stretched out his green claws and hugged one of Dodoro's thighs - a posture like a gluttonous child hugging a fat pig's trotter.
At this time, Xiaya was already horrified. He didn't have time to think too much, so he could only scream and pounce on Dodo Luo's body, hugging Dodo Luo tightly with both hands.
"???"
The God of Goblin let go of his hand and looked at Xia suspiciously.
Char's throat was dry, and facing the pair of green eyes looking at him, he really didn't know what to say—the goblin language he knew was too poor, and the current goblin language and the ancient goblin language were only the same. I'm afraid there is a big difference.
Soon, Xia Ya saw something wrong in the other's eyes: those eyes had begun to become restless and impatient. In the same way, the God of Goblin kept swallowing saliva, which also let Xia know that if he didn't come up with a solution as soon as possible, I'm afraid...
At this moment, Xiaya hugged Dodolo's hand and suddenly touched something!
It was a small cloth bag that Dodoro hid in his arms, a piece of clean white cloth wrapped in layers, just in Dodoro's arms, it felt soft to the touch.
He immediately remembered that this was the dry food that Lancelot made last night, and he took it with him to prepare for the underground expedition.
“Red Bean Cake!!!”
Xia Ya's eyes lit up, he quickly took it out and opened it, and then handed it to the God of Goblin, who was already drooling in front of him.
He tried his best to communicate with each other.
Pointing to Dodo Luo on the ground: "Soso, dead base dead base!" (This food, not good, bad.)
Raising the red bean cake in his hand: "Soso, Oke Oke!!" (This is delicious!)
…
This event leads to three conclusions:
First, it is clear that human flesh is really not delicious.
Second, Lancelot's cooking skills are indeed very good.
As for the third conclusion, it's a bit of a fucking irony.
The God of Goblins, the wisest goblin clan in ancient times, used the strength and wisdom of the entire clan, and spent hundreds of years of hard work to create such a powerful creature. One should be the strongest standing at the top of all food chains. .
It... it actually likes to be vegetarian!
…
Looking at the few pieces of red bean cake, it just entered the green mouth in an instant, and then almost omit the process of chewing and was swallowed into the stomach.
The pair of green eyes lit up obviously, and then looked at Xi Ya eagerly.
Xiaya understood that he had made the right bet.
This damn little green bastard (excuse the wording, but from a certain point of view, this creature that is said to be a combination of many races is indeed an out-and-out bastard), actually likes vegetarianism!
"Ooke Oke!!" The goblin spirit jumped towards Char with joy, but it was obviously not satisfied, and shouted while holding Orke Oke, who was still holding Char.
Xia wiped his cold sweat and pointed to the exit of the cave above his head: "Soso... Soso..."
The meaning is simple: food, outside.
The God of Goblin immediately calmed down, let go of Xia Ya, his hands drooped, how honest he looked, but the look in his eyes looking at Xia Ya was really innocent and a little creepy.
Xia Ya almost forcibly endured the horror and shock in his heart, carried Dodolo on his shoulders, and then took this goblin spirit, ready to leave.
However, Xi Ya did not forget his "good friend" Ada.
The golden dragon, which had been crippled, was also carried by Xia Ya.
In this way, such a strange combination left this underground crystal mine.
When he walked out of the cracks in the ground, fresh air came on his face, the sun was so bright, Xiaya took a deep breath, and there were cheers and cheers behind him.
"Ooke Oak! Oak Oak!!"
The green figure, jumping and jumping behind him, raised his arms in front of the sun in the sky, and let out a shout of unknown meaning.
As you can see, the guy is happy.
Then, the guy started yelling at Char again.
"Soso!!"
…
He rushed back to the stone yard like a dash. Little Lancelot, who was waiting here, was directly caught by Xi Ya from his sleep, and then Xi Ya shouted like a starving ghost: "Red bean cake! You Where are the red bean cakes you made!! Take them all out! If you don’t have enough, make more, as much as you have!”
Lancelot screamed, looking at the goblin in front of him who spoke the voice of Mr. Char.
"It's me! Xia!!" Xia gritted her teeth: "I don't have time to explain, just do as I say!"
What left little Lancelo at a loss was the last sentence of this Master Xia: "It is up to you to maintain world peace!!!"
Fortunately, little Lancelot is a hard-working child, he has already prepared food, and it is enough for three people.
Looking at the goblin spirit, he grabbed all the red bean cakes and threw them into his mouth one by one. Xia Ya let out a long breath.
Then he started nervously looking for food.
It's not easy to satisfy the appetite of this little green bastard.
Xia Ya is an excellent hunter, he ran out immediately, but in a short time, he caught two blue sheep - with the ability of a strong man, this kind of thing is too easy.
When he peeled and washed the blue sheep, and roasted it on the fire, the aroma of the roast meat and the smell of suet wafted out together. What surprised Xi was that the little green bastard even looked at it. Didn't even look here!
Oh, at first, it may have glanced at it curiously, and then at the aroma of the roasted meat, it just shrugged its nose, and there was an unhappy expression on its face.
When Xi Ya tentatively handed over a piece of roasted mutton, the little green bastard took it and sniffed it, and threw it aside: "Death!" (Not good.)
Xia sighed.
Well, it looks like we need flour, lots of flour. And red beans, lots of red beans.
Within half a day, a strange green goblin appeared in a small town within a few hundred miles of the town. This goblin swept away all the flour and red beans in the town, and then dropped a few pieces of gold.
※※※
"When will this guy be full?"
Looking at the little green bastard sitting in a pile of red bean cakes, Xi Ya was full of vigilance.
What reassured Xiaya a little is that when this guy was enjoying the food, he didn't forget to send a piece to his hand, and his eyes were full of joy: "Soso! Soso!"
Xia's heart has been worried about one thing: he has mastered a few simple words in Goblin language. If this genuine goblin god had a long talk with him, then he, the fake, would be swayed right away.
But strangely, this little green bastard didn't do that at all. The way it speaks is really like the descendants of those ancient goblins living on the wildfire plains. When it speaks, it also bursts out word by word, without any coherent sentence.
It's like... like a child learning to talk...
Um? ? !
Learn to speak! ! !
The thought that Xia Ya suddenly flashed across was immediately caught by him!
This is an amazing guess!
little kid... little kid...
child! ! ! !
Yes! ! That's it!
child! ! !
Xia Ya twisted hard on his thigh, and the pain made him calm down immediately.
He stood up, walked a few steps back and forth beside the little green thing, carefully watched the other's movements, his eyes... Then he became more and more certain that this could be said to be an absurd guess.
child! That's right! !
※※※
How the goblin god was created. This question is not difficult to answer.
The ancient goblins gathered the wisdom and elites of the whole family, collected specimens of many races for hundreds of years, gathered the strengths of many races, and finally created such a so-called perfect creature, which is what they think of as "God" , a powerful creature with few weaknesses.
But... in fact
Even the most powerful and perfect creatures have one thing in common.
Power can be inherited, talent can be given... But no matter how powerful a person or creature is, when they are born into this world, it is absolutely impossible to have the same thing right away.
Mind!
It's the mind, not the intelligence, not the IQ.
Maybe some people are born very smart, whether it is reaction, observation, analysis ability, learning ability are outstanding. But alone, the mind cannot be acquired at the moment of birth.
No matter how smart and wise people are, when they are just born, they need someone to teach him how to eat, how to speak... teach him everything.
Maybe all the talents of this goblin god are extremely powerful and perfect, but at least, when he was born, his mind was still a blank sheet of paper!
So, this goblin god, is it a blank sheet of paper
Think back to that goblin diary. The general of the goblin creation area, at the last moment when the whole clan was about to be destroyed, released and awakened the "goblin god" that had just been created.
Yes, last minute!
After releasing this goblin spirit, the last remaining goblins were quickly destroyed. They have no time to give this newborn life the education it deserves.
And this newborn goblin god, no one has come to teach it anything! It's a blank sheet of paper!
What can be inferred is that many races at that time, even the smart elves, seemed to have ignored such a simple truth!
They just saw a powerful goblin spirit being released, but they didn't realize that this terrible thing was actually a blank sheet of paper.
They just took up arms in a panic and hurriedly assumed a hostile attitude. Can't wait to kill this newborn thing.
result…
Although the God of Goblin is only a newborn, it has powerful instincts and talents after all, but the many races that tried to kill it hastily triggered its instinctive counterattack and hostility.
A nascent and powerful being, if you treat it as a friend, it sees you as a friend. If you treat it as an enemy, it will treat you as an enemy too.
so…
No wonder when it was underground, when it just woke up, it immediately took a hostile attitude towards the sacred dragon and severely injured the sacred dragon. And for Dotara, he directly regarded this human being as an enemy or even food. However, he showed friendliness to Char, who had become a goblin.
It may indeed be very powerful. Hundreds of thousands of coalition forces of many ancient races, plus countless top powerhouses, cannot kill it. It may easily defeat a hundred strong men, but its mind, in fact... I am afraid it is really not much higher than a three-year-old child.
As for the goblin language it speaks...
Maybe it was when the ancient goblins who created it said it, and after hearing it for a little while, they remembered and learned a few words.
As for it knowing that it needs to make a fire to bake Dodo... I am afraid it is also the impression that it has seen when the troops of other races live and cook when facing the siege of the coalition forces of many races.
The possibilities are endless.
So, Xiaya decided to gamble once.
It is also a must bet.
Because, he knows very well that the transfiguration magic that Dodoro casted last has the effect of time. Once the time is up and the magic subsides, he will change back to the appearance of a human being. At that time...
With an uneasy mood, Xiaya walked to the God of Goblin and sat down.
The green little thing immediately handed over a piece of red bean cake enthusiastically, and then looked at Xi Ya eagerly.
Xia sighed in her heart.
Then he stretched out his finger and drew a few patterns on the ground, although crude, but very simple and clear.
He drew two little people who looked both goblin and human. The two little people hugged together, held hands, and sat side by side.
Then, Xia Ya pointed to these patterns, and said in a human language slowly, "Friend."
"..." The little green thing was immediately confused. It looked at Xiaya, and then at the little people among the patterns on the ground. Finally, its eyes fell on the patterns of the two little people sitting side by side.
A smile appeared on its face.
"friend."
Seeing the word coming out of this small green hole character, Xiaya breathed a sigh of relief and read it again: "Friend."
After a pause, he added: "Friend! Oak Oak!"
The goblin god is smiling, and his smile is kind. Pointing to the two little people sitting side by side on the ground, he pointed to himself and Xiaya who was sitting beside him: "Friend! Oke Oke!!"
Perhaps, it still doesn't understand the true meaning of the word "friend", but it embraces Xi Ya warmly, with that warm and cordial voice and eyes, even Xi Ya suddenly felt an inexplicable feeling in his heart.
Life has always been like this.
Is not it
…
Countless small patterns have been drawn on the ground of the historical materials field.
In some patterns, there are several villains fighting each other, holding knives and swords in their hands, killing each other. Xia pointed to these patterns: "The enemy, the dead base, the dead base!"
Obviously, such a pattern caused some very bad memories of this little green thing, and it immediately showed an expression of hatred and disgust, gnashing its teeth: "Enemy, enemy! Dead base, dead base!"
Xia pointed to the red bean cake: "Food! Eat it! Soso! Okok!"
Xia pointed to the red sun in the sky: "The sun! Oke Oke!"
Char picked up the clear liquid everywhere in the water bag: "Water, Okok!"
Xia pointed to...
Chara takes out...
Char…
Finally, when the sun went down, Xiaya, who was sitting beside this little green thing, suddenly had a ray of light on his body. After the halo receded, his green skin began to return to normal, and his original human face appeared little by little...
Witnessing the whole process of Xi Ya's change, this little green thing began to show a vigilant expression, it jumped up immediately, and then there was an undisguised look of hatred and anger in its eyes, and it even reached out to Xi Ya. Come on! Its fingertips burst out with a black light.
But just when its fingertips almost touched Char's chest.
"friend!"
Xiaya said such a word clearly.
In an instant, that finger stopped on his chest.
In the green eyes, the hatred and anger gradually faded away. At first, they were puzzled and dazed, and finally, a little bit of kindness appeared.
Finally, it put down its hand, looked at Xiaya, and blinked.
"friend?"
Xia Ya breathed a sigh of relief, he knew that he seemed to have made the right bet.
…
When Dodolo woke up, he felt a little cold on his body, and when he looked down, he was naked, like a newborn baby.
There is a fire not far from the side, the barbecue rack has been set up, and a row of bottles of seasonings are placed by the side, salt, pepper, sauce...
And then, Mr. Xia, who smiled too kindly, stood in front of him, holding a bottle of ketchup in his hand.
Dodoro immediately stood up with all the hair on his body.
Nightmare! This must be a nightmare! ! !
"Old, sir, beside, why is there a fire stand next to it?"
"Oh, because I'm going to prepare a barbecue."
"Old, lord, why are there these seasonings?"
"Oh, because I'm going to make delicious barbecue."
"Old, sir, why am I naked?"
"Oh, because I used your clothes to make a fire."
"Old, sir, why are you holding ketchup?"
As soon as he finished speaking, Xia Ya's hand was crooked, and a little tomato sauce was sprinkled on Dodoro's body. The poor magician cried out "Ow", rolled his eyes, and fainted again with fright.
"Strange... I kindly gave him the red bean cake, why did I faint again? But to say it, the red bean cake with tomato sauce tastes really good... "