In the fourth year of Zhenning, at the end of the year, it was a snowy night.
The floating snow on the moat was carried away by the cold water, and flowed out of the city in large clumps. Yang Wan took the bowl of noodles outside, and when she came in, she saw Deng Ying sitting quietly beside the couch with her hands on the couch, soaking her feet.
He lowered his head and said nothing, as if he was afraid of what Yang Wan would say.
Yang Wan smiled, took off her shoes, got on the bed, half-knelt on the bed and used cotton wool to plug the cracks in the window, while calling him, "Deng Ying."
"Um?"
"Is the water for foot bathing cold?"
Deng Ying massaged his ankle, and the swelling had subsided a lot. The human body is like this, if you abuse it, it will be very bad, but if you take good care of it, it will be better. During the time when Yang Wan kept him in bed to recuperate, his injuries did get better. But when Yang Wan was not around, he would forget to cook medicine and soak his feet when it was cold, eat some warm food, and occasionally sleep a little longer to cultivate his spirit.
He never realized that he treated himself like this because of his inner "self-loathing". Over time, he gradually tended to self-destruction. Only when he sat next to Yang Wan, he was willing to muster up his energy and try to repair his broken body.
"Is it cold?"
Yang Wan looked back and asked again, "Why aren't you talking?"
“It’s not cold.”
Yang Wan moved her knees to sit next to Deng Ying, lowered her head into the basin, and said softly: "It seems that all the training I have done in the past half month has been wasted."
Deng Ying's neck stiffened and she didn't dare to look back.
"Wanwan, I know I was wrong."
Yang Wan laughed and said, "I know I'm wrong, but I won't change."
"I will change."
"How do I change it?"
She smiled as she spoke, her eyes were gentle, and her voice became softer, "Go to the Imperial Prison to reform."
"Wan Wan..."
"never mind."
Yang Wan interrupted him, "Wipe your feet dry and come up."
Deng Ying dried her feet and tucked her legs into the quilt.
The bedding contained Yang Wan's warmth. She had already placed a pillow at the head of the bed, and was kneeling on the desk, with the notebook that she often read spread out.
"Deng Ying."
"ah?"
"Come sit inside."
"Oh... OK."
As he spoke, he lifted the quilt and half-knelt to move to the inner side of the bed.
Xi Yin moved the bedside lamp closer to illuminate the notes on his lap.
She turned to the first few pages and pointed them to Deng Ying, "Hey, these are the children's paintings I drew."
Deng Ying lowered her head and looked away. The person on the paper was wearing a turban and the body proportions were extremely disproportionate.
"Is it a painting of me?"
"right."
Yang Wan couldn't help but laugh, "It's you, but I'm too embarrassed to admit it."
After she finished speaking, she poked the face in the painting with her hand.
"Deng Ying."
"Um."
“You are good at drawing.”
Deng Ying shook her head. "I knew a little bit before, but now I can only draw blueprints."
"Are you good at drawing?"
Deng Ying smiled and did not answer.
Yang Wan raised her head and said, "You never talk about the things you are good at. I asked you before, who is better at studying, you or my brother, and you were the same."
Deng Ying clenched her hands together. The sleeves of her shirt were not long, and the pair of wrists exposed outside the sleeves had faint traces of old shackles.
"Wanwan, I can't leave anything behind, but I think that as long as I don't say anything, people in the future won't think that I'm arrogant and rude."
was his only hope for a good reputation after his death.
Yang Wan lowered her head and turned a new page.
"Deng Ying, I'll draw another one for you. If I follow yours, I think it will be better."
Deng Ying straightened her back unconsciously, "Is it okay if I dress like this?"
Yang Wan looked up and saw him. He was wearing a blue-gray robe. The undershirt underneath was new and slightly yellowed from being starched.
"Yes, it's clean."
Yang Wan said this and got off the bed barefoot, walked to Deng Ying's desk, took back the pen and ink, and placed them on the bedside.
He sat back in the quilt, still bent on his knees, holding the pen and said, "You're almost as stiff as a piece of wood. It's okay, relax."
Deng Ying slowly relaxed her shoulders.
The lines drawn by Yang Wan are still a bit childish, but she draws very seriously.
The painting was not colored, so the people in the painting were dressed in snow-white clothes.
"Has Zixi ever taught you to draw?"
"who."
"Zi Xi."
"Um… "
Yang Wan didn't look up and blurted out, "He can't draw."
"He can, but painting is just a pastime. He gave it up many years ago. I occasionally draw detailed buildings to learn construction. But your painting style doesn't seem like it was taught by Zixi."
Yang Wan was drawing the "vital point" and responded vaguely but did not answer.
"Wan Wan."
"you say."
"Who is your teacher..."
"Are you talking about my paintings?"
Of course, this was not what Deng Ying wanted to ask, but if he had to ask it clearly, he didn't know where to start.
Even if she answered the question "Who is your teacher?", it couldn't explain the difference between her and the others. So, he could only follow Yang Wan's lead and say "hmm".
“I learned it myself.”
After she finished speaking, she stood up her notebook and said, "It looks like this, right?"
"picture."
“As long as it resembles it.”
She stood up, packed up her writing materials, blew out the lamp and lay down.
"Deng Ying, lie down."
"good."
Deng Ying loosened her legs and lay down in the quilt. Yang Wan suddenly turned over and gently hugged Deng Ying's waist.
"When are you going to confess your guilt?"
Deng Ying was stunned for a moment, "When I see the teacher... I'll go."
"Then I won't be able to see you for a long time."
Deng Ying felt a lump in her throat.
Yang Wan continued:
"I've been telling you that when I'm not around, you have to take good care of yourself, eat, sleep, and be careful. But as long as you're alone, you do whatever you want. Do you know how sad I am when I see you hurting and destroying yourself?"
"I will never do that again."
"Um."
Yang Wan bent her knees in response and huddled herself next to Deng Ying.
"Go ahead."
She said something vaguely.
Deng Ying lowered her head and looked at him, "Where are you going?"
Yang Wan didn't say anything, but her breath fell on Deng Ying's shoulder in waves.
Deng Ying pulled herself out from under the quilt and pulled all the quilts inside to cover her.
He hoped that Yang Wan could sleep warmer in his private room, but he still didn't dare to hug Yang Wan's body. Even though she had fallen asleep beside him, even though her body was quietly resting on his waist, he still didn't dare to even think about touching her once without her permission.
However, when Yang Wan leaned on him, he no longer hated his body so much, and even hoped that his broken body could survive a little longer.
In fact, Deng Ying had already made the decision to forge the will. He didn't care what Yang Lun and the cabinet thought. The only thing he was afraid of was that Yang Wan would cry.
But she didn't cry. She still took care of his diet and daily life.
Those thoughts gave Deng Ying an illusion that he and Yang Wan still had a long time to live together, that he could still grow old, and that he could live with her in the house outside, cooking noodles and repairing the roof.
He must die one day, but he wants to live, just because of the person next to him, she is so good.
**
The snow continued to fall all night long and finally fell all over in the early morning of the next day.
When Yang Wan woke up, Deng Ying had already gotten up. He cooked a bowl of rice porridge for Yang Wan, and there was a bowl of egg custard next to the bowl of porridge.
The floor had been swept and sprinkled with a layer of water to suppress dust. It was still wet when you stepped on it barefoot.
Yang Wan got out of bed, put on her shoes, and sat at the table to eat. The portrait of Deng Ying she had drawn yesterday was still on the table. Deng Ying's nose and eyes were not straight in the painting, but Yang Wan thought that she looked more and more like her.
She finished her porridge, closed her notebook and put it in her arms.
He stood up, picked up the dishes and went to the moat to wash them.
The stove that Li Yu often used to cook was still placed by the moat, but the kettle on it was gone.
When Yang Wan was passing by the stove with her bowl and chopsticks, she saw a person squatting next to the stove. When she got closer, it turned out to be Chen Hua.
He squatted on the ground and placed plates: two plates of cakes and one plate of dried fruits.
Hearing Yang Wan's footsteps, he was about to leave.
"Chen Zhangyin is me."
"Miss Wan..."
"Um."
Yang Wan put down her bowl and chopsticks and walked to the stove. "Come to see Li Yu?"
Chen Hua wiped his sweat, "Yes, Li Bingbi is dead, Yun Qing is gone, and I am the only one who can come to see him. His Majesty has not yet been buried, and burning paper money privately is a capital crime. I can only put out some things. Fortunately, I have some osmanthus cakes and sugar-coated puff pastry, which are Li Yu's favorites."
After he finished speaking, he clasped his hands together and said, "Li Yu, you have always called me brother-in-law, but I have never done anything to you. I can't even bury you, and I have to tire you out, Lord Deng. Brother-in-law is really useless..."
"Zhangyin Chen, don't say that."
Chen Hua shook his head, squatted down again, and choked up, "In the past, when he wanted one or two cakes, I cared about my own face and didn't ask for them. Now think about it, I am not a human being. Li Yu, today brother-in-law asked for two large plates for you, you can eat them slowly, and next month... brother-in-law will bring you more when he comes to see you. What do you want to eat? If you are free tomorrow, tell brother-in-law in a dream."
After saying this, he bowed deeply and said with tears in his eyes: "Go well, go well."
Yang Wan looked at the cakes and fruits on the ground and said, "Don't go, stop on the road to the underworld and look back. As long as you are not dead, we will not compromise."
Chen Hua's eyes were wet with tears. He looked up at Yang Wan and said, "I knew it... I knew that Li Yu died unjustly."
As he said this, he knelt down towards Yang Wan.
Yang Wan hurriedly bent down to help him up, "What are you doing with the palm print? Get up."
Chen Hua said: "Li Yu and Li Bingbi died in one day. Yun Qing will definitely be implicated. I can't save her. The Shangyi Bureau has its own rules. Jiang Shangyi will not save her. Only you and Governor Deng will help her..."
He wiped his face and said, "I know that if others hear it, it will be bad for you and the governor, so I have been holding back and dare not ask the governor and you. I said it today not because I want you to tell me where Yun Qing is, I just want to... thank you and the governor for your kindness. You don't have to tell me anything, just let me remember your kindness."
Yang Wan simply squatted down and said calmly: "The seal is not a favor. They should not have died. I am not a god, but I know that karma is on the way. I will not forgive those who Li Yu does not forgive. You can't be afraid. We live not only to remember individual favors, but also to speak for "justice". Even if it is not the right time now, one day, it will snow again and we can speak again."